Don't understand... Life...

[whiterose15]

For the past yr or so, I've been feeling so alone and like everything is going

against me. The worst part is that I try so hard to make it work my way, but the universe most of the time finds a way to take me down.

 

I'm a hard working professional who's struggled most of my life. Still in the whole. Every time I think I'm going up, improving, or feeling good --- it breaks.

 

Within the past 3 yrs I know what is to be betrayed by some family members influenced mostly by my rich aunt, who took from my mother a house my grandfather (still alive) gave her so she can sale it, then when I was getting support from my grandfather and other members, she some how found out about what my spouse did and turn everything around --- she's done a great job in making herself look like the victim within other things she through time; plus she's done even a better job in convincing my mom it's ok; and an infidelity from my spouse. I'm beginning to think that good people can't be happy. I'm the only one who's never given in to her.

What's wrong is wrong!!! Money doesn't buy me... She said bad things to me and I took it, just told her that she had no right to insult me and manipulate everyone. That was it the boiling point... from that moment in my eyes I decided she was history. Still can't forgive her, don't want to. Funny thing is that things seem to be going well for her, but not for me nor

my parents. We are good people trying to survive in hard times. My parents never really stood up for themselves and not too well for their children either. I'm not like that, I stand up for I believe and defend for

what is right. I can't be bought and power, but I first try to keep the peace and tend to tolerate a lot before acting. Is this a mistake?

 

Between family, personal problem I go in and out of depression, gone for professional help, but no money to keep in treatment. To top the icing in the cake I'm beginning to difficulties at work too due mostly due to economical and depression problems. This was the one thing (most of the

time) I did good --- at work. Though my profession doesn't pay much where I live.

 

Almost 2 yrs ago my spouse and I got back together, but each time we

recover some event goes against us. My whole body is tight and tense. My happiness comes mostly is when I see my nephew and niece.

 

Friends, sorry this took such a long explanation; this was very short version, concentrating on the resent. I've seen how helpful this sight has been for others and myself in simpler issues... I really need good energy 'cause I'm really drowning here at times.

 

Though I consider myself to be strong... I'm giving up. I thank God for many things and pray a lot, but my faith is fading and for the first time I'm feeling lots of resentment, hurt, and just plain anger in my heart. Trying really hard against this, but it's there like poison. I use to be positive, always helping others spiritually and psychologically. Now I don't have much to give... Help! Thanks...

[Eve]

For the past yr or so, I've been feeling so alone and like everything is going

against me. The worst part is that I try so hard to make it work my way, but the universe most of the time finds a way to take me down.

 

I'm a hard working professional who's struggled most of my life. Still in the whole. Every time I think I'm going up, improving, or feeling good --- it breaks.

 

Within the past 3 yrs I know what is to be betrayed by some family members influenced mostly by my rich aunt, who took from my mother a house my grandfather (still alive) gave her so she can sale it, then when I was getting support from my grandfather and other members, she some how found out about what my spouse did and turn everything around --- she's done a great job in making herself look like the victim within other things she through time; plus she's done even a better job in convincing my mom it's ok; and an infidelity from my spouse. I'm beginning to think that good people can't be happy. I'm the only one who's never given in to her.

What's wrong is wrong!!! Money doesn't buy me... She said bad things to me and I took it, just told her that she had no right to insult me and manipulate everyone. That was it the boiling point... from that moment in my eyes I decided she was history. Still can't forgive her, don't want to. Funny thing is that things seem to be going well for her, but not for me nor

my parents. We are good people trying to survive in hard times. My parents never really stood up for themselves and not too well for their children either. I'm not like that, I stand up for I believe and defend for

what is right. I can't be bought and power, but I first try to keep the peace and tend to tolerate a lot before acting. Is this a mistake?

 

Between family, personal problem I go in and out of depression, gone for professional help, but no money to keep in treatment. To top the icing in the cake I'm beginning to difficulties at work too due mostly due to economical and depression problems. This was the one thing (most of the

time) I did good --- at work. Though my profession doesn't pay much where I live.

 

Almost 2 yrs ago my spouse and I got back together, but each time we

recover some event goes against us. My whole body is tight and tense. My happiness comes mostly is when I see my nephew and niece.

 

Friends, sorry this took such a long explanation; this was very short version, concentrating on the resent. I've seen how helpful this sight has been for others and myself in simpler issues... I really need good energy 'cause I'm really drowning here at times.

 

Though I consider myself to be strong... I'm giving up. I thank God for many things and pray a lot, but my faith is fading and for the first time I'm feeling lots of resentment, hurt, and just plain anger in my heart. Trying really hard against this, but it's there like poison. I use to be positive, always helping others spiritually and psychologically. Now I don't have much to give... Help! Thanks...

 

You sound depressed. Dependant on your world view I would get counseling from your Church/agency which offers free counselling and see your GP as well. It is ok for your faith to be challenged. I used to have major, dramatic bust ups with God pre age 25 all related to family issues. On top of that I felt burdened by others who really could have done with a good punch in the face, never mind giving them love! Of course, the way of faith is annoyingly the right way to go about things in the truest sense.

 

What struck me within your post was a slow build up of issues. It's like when you feel hemmed in, that is when the depressive symptoms kick in. Facing your Aunt seems to have troubled you somewhat too and you speak about speaking up for yourselves not being a strong family trait... so that adds up.

 

There was a bit of a blank as well with regard to your Aunt finding out something about your spouse? What was that about? Your Aunt (from an objective stand point) sounds like a no nonsense sort of woman and it maybe the case that you pulling away could have been premature of you. Sometimes with people like that they see lack of come back as a weakness in the person and they are unfortunately often right. Much of the time people as such do not have great people skills and so will not relate things well. They will instead secure what needs to be secured, thinking that the person is too immature to deal with things upfront.

 

This may not be the case with you but I would caution anyone against holding unforgiveness against anyone as it can affect ones health.

 

All in all, I would try not to over think for a while. It could be that which is the main issue. Thinking without any real action can be very draining.

 

Find things which interest you to pursue outside of work, this could help you to either find a new direction or even appreciate your job more. All in all I believe in facing things head on and it may be the case that you need to work on your ability to communicate when things get difficult and then you won't find yourself spirralling into self doubt when hard days come.

 

Try and focus on the positives in your life because this is where life is.

 

Hope you get to feeling better soon. This will happen once you open a few more doors. Hopefully in doing this you will get the energy boost you so need at the moment.

 

Small steps. Appreciate the small things and things will improve. After all, some time seems to have elapsd between the above events and it seems that you need to let the past go - but look honestly at what you could do to stop similar problems occurring again in the future.

 

Work on the being lonely aspect. Isolation is a killer, confidence wise.

 

Take care,

Eve x

Edited November 6, 2011 by Eve

[OneFootOut]

Well said Eve,

 

OP, there comes a time in all of our lives that we need to literally stop. Stand still. And evaluate what we want and don't want. Then we need to redefine ourselves, and live for OUR OWN happiness and well being - not trying to satisy everyone else, or be what they think we should be.

 

You don't get to choose the family you have, so there is no universal law that you must get along with all of them, or even like the people they are. It sounds like your family is way too involved in your business. Pushing and pulling and trying to control how you live.

 

Maybe you need to break away from them and put some time and distance in there. Limit their involvement. Limit what you will accept from them, and what is off limits (negativity and uncolicited opinions). If you have to, cut down contact and go as far as making a schedule when you will visit or be in contact with them. You need to get your breath and get some fresh air so to speak.

[whiterose15]

You sound depressed. Dependant on your world view I would get counseling from your Church/agency which offers free counselling and see your GP as well. It is ok for your faith to be challenged. I used to have major, dramatic bust ups with God pre age 25 all related to family issues. On top of that I felt burdened by others who really could have done with a good punch in the face, never mind giving them love! Of course, the way of faith is annoyingly the right way to go about things in the truest sense.

 

What struck me within your post was a slow build up of issues. It's like when you feel hemmed in, that is when the depressive symptoms kick in. Facing your Aunt seems to have troubled you somewhat too and you speak about speaking up for yourselves not being a strong family trait... so that adds up.

 

There was a bit of a blank as well with regard to your Aunt finding out something about your spouse? What was that about? Your Aunt (from an objective stand point) sounds like a no nonsense sort of woman and it maybe the case that you pulling away could have been premature of you. Sometimes with people like that they see lack of come back as a weakness in the person and they are unfortunately often right. Much of the time people as such do not have great people skills and so will not relate things well. They will instead secure what needs to be secured, thinking that the person is too immature to deal with things upfront.

 

This may not be the case with you but I would caution anyone against holding unforgiveness against anyone as it can affect ones health.

 

All in all, I would try not to over think for a while. It could be that which is the main issue. Thinking without any real action can be very draining.

 

Find things which interest you to pursue outside of work, this could help you to either find a new direction or even appreciate your job more. All in all I believe in facing things head on and it may be the case that you need to work on your ability to communicate when things get difficult and then you won't find yourself spirralling into self doubt when hard days come.

 

Try and focus on the positives in your life because this is where life is.

 

Hope you get to feeling better soon. This will happen once you open a few more doors. Hopefully in doing this you will get the energy boost you so need at the moment.

 

Small steps. Appreciate the small things and things will improve. After all, some time seems to have elapsd between the above events and it seems that you need to let the past go - but look honestly at what you could do to stop similar problems occurring again in the future.

 

Work on the being lonely aspect. Isolation is a killer, confidence wise.

 

Take care,

Eve x

 

 

THANK-YOU , Eve --- THESE WERE VERY HELPFUL WORDS. I'M IN PROCESS. THE PEOPLE IN THIS SIGHT HAVE HELPED ME ALOT. BEST WISHES.

[whiterose15]

well said eve,

 

op, there comes a time in all of our lives that we need to literally stop. Stand still. And evaluate what we want and don't want. Then we need to redefine ourselves, and live for our own happiness and well being - not trying to satisy everyone else, or be what they think we should be.

 

You don't get to choose the family you have, so there is no universal law that you must get along with all of them, or even like the people they are. It sounds like your family is way too involved in your business. Pushing and pulling and trying to control how you live.

 

Maybe you need to break away from them and put some time and distance in there. Limit their involvement. Limit what you will accept from them, and what is off limits (negativity and uncolicited opinions). If you have to, cut down contact and go as far as making a schedule when you will visit or be in contact with them. You need to get your breath and get some fresh air so to speak.

 

 

this is true; this is what i ended up doing these past few months. I'm just involved with my brother and his family (my niece and nephew. I've limited many things. It's a big change.

I can breath now more, but i do miss some people who have pulled away (one of my cousins), but that's the way it is.

 

I'll work in forgiving my aunt for me. It will take time.

Thank-you so much... Feel better already since this the only place i can speak out. Have few friends, but not to speak about deep personal stuff.

Thank-you once again...

[Eve]

THANK-YOU , Eve --- THESE WERE VERY HELPFUL WORDS. I'M IN PROCESS. THE PEOPLE IN THIS SIGHT HAVE HELPED ME ALOT. BEST WISHES.

 

 

Ok cool .. but Whiterose please do not try to just absorb the words or energy. Add to it. Get a journal and write down how you feel. Write down your prayers too. Man, when I look back at my journals I get tingles..

 

I did this at a low point 15 years ago and my life is so amazing now.. even though I do still have problems every now and then, lol, like everyone.

 

See the challenges ahead as a puzzle and be bold and take chances. Be open and make those connections that you desire. Life is to be lived!

 

Really hope it all works out. Make sure you find those who are meant to help you in real life and take the help offered with an open heart, so that you are strong enough to help those who need you right back. That's the deal.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[whiterose15]

 

Ok cool .. but Whiterose please do not try to just absorb the words or energy. Add to it. Get a journal and write down how you feel. Write down your prayers too. Man, when I look back at my journals I get tingles..

 

I did this at a low point 15 years ago and my life is so amazing now.. even though I do still have problems every now and then, lol, like everyone.

 

See the challenges ahead as a puzzle and be bold and take chances. Be open and make those connections that you desire. Life is to be lived!

 

Really hope it all works out. Make sure you find those who are meant to help you in real life and take the help offered with an open heart, so that you are strong enough to help those who need you right back. That's the deal.

 

Take care,

Eve x

 

 

Hi, I got to admit Eve, you are very deep (really good way).

I do keep a journal of prayers, though I admit that lately I haven't been

writing much, felt so bad I couldn't do even that.

Now, ever since I first wrote this post things started to get better.

I do have to go back to writing; it did help when I did it alot.

 

I am doing. Thank-you. Wishing you the very best!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING (early)

[Eve]

Hi, I got to admit Eve, you are very deep (really good way).

I do keep a journal of prayers, though I admit that lately I haven't been

writing much, felt so bad I couldn't do even that.

Now, ever since I first wrote this post things started to get better.

I do have to go back to writing; it did help when I did it alot.

 

I am doing. Thank-you. Wishing you the very best!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING (early)

 

 

Lol, I am just a mum really.

 

Not been wished a Happy Thanksgiving before. Cheers.

 

Spend time reading through past prayers too.

 

Glad there has been some lifting of mood for you. But shout if it comes back and keep shouting and trying new things until you feel ok.

 

It is a difficult business to have a heart which functions but it is worthwhile to keep going.

 

God's got your back.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[ErgoStep]

I use to be positive, always helping others spiritually and psychologically. Now I don't have much to give... Help! Thanks...

 

You may find that your medical problems change your life perspective.

 

The basics of life are employment, shelter, and your spouse. Focus on these things. As long as you have these things, you have the basics for life.

[HenryII]

whiterose.

I am feeling your pain. Life's conflicks are so difficult to live with. I don't know why people in our families seem to hurt us the most.

I like you just want to love and be loved back and have no conflicks. That is too much to ask .

I have friends on FB that have truly loving freinds and famillies and wish that I was in their place.

Hope you have a great week and good luck and God bless.