sj3000 Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 I broke up with my ex just about four months ago. It was my first ever love so it was very, very painful for me. A couple of months ago someone else came into my life. It was nowhere near as intense, and I knew there wasn't a future, but it was a helpful "relationship" and it gave me hope, making me realise that I could possibly have feelings for someone again one day. Most importantly, I thought, it was a distraction of sorts. Now I'm back to being on my own and find myself thinking of my first ex more and more, on an hourly basis almost. It frustrates me because it's been a few months now and I feel I should surely should have moved on by now. But going back to the "distraction" part - I wonder if I had just put off stuff that I still needed to go through - and that's why all these thoughts/feelings are coming to surface again. I'm conflicted because part of me thinks I should be more disciplined, and when thoughts of him enter my head I should push them away, because they serve no purpose as they are usually memories I have been through before. I feel I have mourned enough, and I am now merely dwelling and wallowing in my sadness. Then part of me wonders if pushing them aside is ultimately harmful, and perhaps I need to let these thoughts come and go as they please.. Where does one draw the line?
calreese Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 I think it's true that the new relationship served as a "distraction" and made you realize you could form feelings for someone else. Could it be that, although you felt attracted to someone else and tried to envision a future with another person, it didn't seem as real as before and now you're wondering if what you had with your ex was really as good as it's going to get? Because i think the fact that you were able to move on fairly easily within 4 months proves that you are a pretty emotionally stable person and will not have too much trouble forming connections with another person who is more suitable for you. I think you're correct about not going through the entire grieving process, as well. Even though you enjoyed this new person's company and got along, you were essentially plugging the hole left by your ex as opposed to letting it heal. Which is not bad, but I think now you have to realize that you still have some emotions to sort through before you can seriously date again. Just my two cents.
ZachNormand Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 In my opinion, you're thinking about your ex again, because the last relationship has now ended, and because there is no one else in your mind right now, so the thoughts of your ex is sorta filling the void. It,s probably just a phase, just keep yourself happy and everything will be alright. Go out with friends, meet people, chat with people... Feel free to get in touch if you feel like talking to someone. Take care
wilsonx Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 Elaborate on your story, something doesnt feel right.
ffw Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 Sounds like you jump into another relationship with feelings for your ex. Its called rebound for a reason. When it doesn't work out, it hurts more.
norajane Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 You do need to allow yourself to feel. Glossing over it and not allowing yourself to feel is how people end up with emotional damage. Feel, process, and then let it go.
placeholder Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 Elaborate on your story, something doesnt feel right. This. What were the terms of your break up? I feel, depending on how tough of a break up it was can determine what you should push aside or what you need to come to accept.
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