tx_ex Posted May 21, 2004 Posted May 21, 2004 Shorter Version: We've been together for three years. We broke up twice because she wants to be sure I'm the one. Which sounds cliche, but has a deeper reason. Her parents got divorced because her dad cheated on her mom. We broke up a week after our 3-year anniversary, on the weekend of a friend's wedding. She thinks marriage is one of the next steps in life and doesn't want to make the same mistake her dad did. She wants to figure it out together, but can't figure anything out. And I dont know if just being apart will be enough...it obviously didn't work the last times--we just wanted to be with each other. She has never dated, kissed, or been with anyone other than me. I was her first everything. So dating someone else to make sure seems like the only solution. Longer Version: We had been together for 3 years now -- as of last weekend actually -- it's been a long-distance relationship since 3 months into it (Junior Yr), living 4 hours away from each other for the first 2 years. We both moved for college (both wanting to go to the same college) but still 2 hours away. I was the first person she dated, kissed, made love to, etc. We broke up towards the beginning of this year, because she wanted to make sure I'm the one [i know how cliche it is]. I went down to see her a week later and we couldn't stand being apart from each other, so we got back together. About a month later, the feelings resurfaced again... more like she never gave herself the chance to sort through them. We ended up breaking up again -- but I never felt like we never really talked about all the things behind it. And a month later she came to visit me and we got back together. Things were a little different this time: she didn't date anyone else, but she got the chance to miss me. I think most of all, she's worried about losing me forever. While we were broken up, she kept telling me how sorry she was for 'being so messed up in the head.' She's not messed up in the head, just really afraid to make the same mistakes her dad did. Her parents got divorced after her dad cheated on her mom, so she wants to be sure about things so she doesn't do the same thing. It was awesome again. We both looked forward to seeing each other and loved just being around each other. The end of her first year of college came around and she started getting really stressed out. We didn't see each other for nearly a month and a half. When we did see her, it was for our 3-year anniversary. The first night we talked a lot about everything. The good and the bad, how we felt now and what we saw for our future. The next weekend came and I went up there to go to a friend's wedding with her. The nights before the wedding she was very distant--didn't want to hug or kiss or even touch/cuddle when we went to sleep. I talked to her about it and we broke up. It's similar to the things from before -- I think the wedding and three year anniversary could have pushed part of it though. She told me that she just didn't want to hurt me (like her dad did) in the future. She wants to be sure of things, because she thinks the next step in life is marriage. I try not to think about the future, but that's hard for her--as her parents divorce was tough on her. We consoled each other with hugs, kisses, and I love You's. The next day all we wanted to do was be together. We talked about things and she was searching for another solution, but doesn't know of any other way. I told her that I wasn't going to wait while she dated other people and that I would need time where I didn't talk to her. I explained to her that when we talk with each other it would rekindle our emotions for each other and just make it harder to figure out what she was looking for. She didn't want the weekend to end -- she's so scared that I wont be there when it's over, which is a harsh (possible) reality of it for both of us It's tough not calling her... and even harder trying to keep her off my mind. I especially have trouble getting things off my mind when I'm getting ready to go to sleep. I've made some new friends and set goals to meet new people or get someones number on different days. We'll see how it goes.
NatoPMT Posted May 21, 2004 Posted May 21, 2004 this sounds similar to my situation last autumn. and by the time hed made his mind up, id made mine up that i didnt want to be with him. leave her be, concentrate on getting over this, and maybe in the future she'll realise you are what she wants, but she needs time on her own if she thinks that she'll follow others mistakes, she needs to realise shes the only one in control of her life. when we talk with each other it would rekindle our emotions for each other and just make it harder to figure out what she was looking for. you are absolutely right. and you cant wait for something that might or might not happen. assume its not going to happen and take your own advice of not talking to her. she sounds genuinely confused, i hope you both get this worked out for the best. in the meantime, she will be on your mind as you say, but theres nothing that can help that, bar time and talking with good friends.
Mjfru Posted May 21, 2004 Posted May 21, 2004 Yeah I kinda can tell what you must feel like. My gf and I just split up only a few days ago. We were also almost going out for 3 years. The reason for split up is different than yours, but I feel that we both probably feel the same right now, "am I gonna get her back". Well that is how I feel at least. Anyway, what I am really trying to do is a variety of different things. If you read my post you will see. But I can't decide exactly what. If I was to mesh all of the ideas into one I would say that she just needs time to figure out if you are right for her, just like my ex-gf needs time to see if I'm right for her. I'm going to try to do what BigBelm said and I think it will help you out too. If you don't talk to her and give her space and time she may realize that you and her had a wonderful past together so it is possible for you both to have a good future. That is what I am hoping my ex does too. Good luck
Author tx_ex Posted May 22, 2004 Author Posted May 22, 2004 Thanks for the reply's. I feel like I know what to do, but I'm not letting myself. It hasn't been that long--so hopefully time will help. I'm trying to get out, meet new people, and have fun with my friends. I don't think I'll be ready to start a new relationship for a while -- I need a little time for myself. It's harder to change the focus of your life than I thought it would be. I find myself thinking about her all the time -- it drives me mad sometimes. I feel like calling her sometimes, but I hold out. Keep in mind, we have broken up over this twice. I think it drives us both crazy not to be with each other, but she doesn't know what else to do. The reason I dont contact her is: the last two times we saw each other while she was trying to figure this out, we ended up getting back together. I really just want her to be able to do whatever it is she needs to do.
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