dave22 Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 Okay, so my last post was kind of long and rambling. I'll try to keep this more simple. I had a big fight with my girlfriend this past weekend. I admit it was my fault. But I found out somethings I didn't realize before. I found out she liked me more than I knew and I also figured out what I had been doing wrong to cause all of the problems we had been having recently (I had just not been giving her enough space - I don't understand why I hadn't realized this before). Anyways, it is clear that we are both frustrated, need a break, and that there is a good chance it is over for good (we have had at least a couple of big arguments before and one breakup). The thing is, I think she is really great. We have a really great time together, her personality compliments me well, I find her very attractive, and I could see real long term potential with her. I also see what I had been doing wrong and think I could fix it. While we haven't talked, I see hints that she does feel badly about what happened but she wouldn't talk to me when I tried. And I feel exhausted and need a break from all of this myself and sometimes think it would be easier and smarter to give up at this point. I just wish I knew what to do.
Author dave22 Posted November 4, 2011 Author Posted November 4, 2011 (edited) She made it all your fault...wow..and you bid on it like a fool you are... Yes, I think I went to far to say it was all my fault. It's just that I could have read the situation better. I guess what frustrates me is how we can get along so well, how we both want it to happen, and yet when things seem to be going well, these arguments seem to derail the whole thing. Edited November 4, 2011 by dave22
InJest Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 You haven't posted details of your relationship, but if being clingy really was the problem, then ignoring her now is the solution. Stop initiating contact, and when she contacts you, just tell her that she was right and you're willing to try again. Also tell her that if she does not want to try again, that you don't want to have any contact with her, and she shouldn't call or text you for any reason(this will show that you're really willing to give space).
Author dave22 Posted November 4, 2011 Author Posted November 4, 2011 You haven't posted details of your relationship, but if being clingy really was the problem, then ignoring her now is the solution. Stop initiating contact, and when she contacts you, just tell her that she was right and you're willing to try again. Also tell her that if she does not want to try again, that you don't want to have any contact with her, and she shouldn't call or text you for any reason(this will show that you're really willing to give space). You are absolutely right. I was being clingy and I acknowledged that to her and now it is up to her to decide if we are to continue. So I won't contact her until she contacts me.
make me believe Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 Wait. How long have you been dating this girl? It doesn't sound like you've been together for very long since you're saying things like "I found out she liked me more than I knew." And you've ALREADY had a few big arguments and are now on your SECOND break-up?! Annnnd you clearly have HUGE communication issues if you had to "find out" in some mysterious way that she felt you were being clingy -- why didn't she just tell you that herself instead of letting it fester and cause problems? This just sounds like one big dramafest. Relationships are not supposed to be this fraught with anxiety and arguing and bullsh*t. Obviously you two don't have what it takes to make it as a long term couple if every fight has you breaking up and you can't communicate openly & honestly with each other.
dasein Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 In those situations you just have to withdraw entirely and try again down the road. In the meantime try to meet some other women. She doesn't like you as much as you think or she wouldn't be dumping you. It's a common mistake to think "if it weren't for X, it would be fine" where x might be your clinginess. That's usually not the case, there is usually more, but a way we delude ourselves towards false hope. I have made that mistake and most people have.
Author dave22 Posted November 7, 2011 Author Posted November 7, 2011 She doesn't like you as much as you think or she wouldn't be dumping you. Technically, I guess I was the one who broke up with her, but it had become obvious it would have happened one way or another, and she made it clear there would be no going back on my decision. It's a common mistake to think "if it weren't for X, it would be fine" where x might be your clinginess. That's usually not the case, there is usually more, but a way we delude ourselves towards false hope. Yes, I know there was a lot more going on, which is discouraging because when things went well, they were really good, but then every so often something would happen to derail everything. In those situations you just have to withdraw entirely and try again down the road. I really hope I do get a chance to try again down the road, because I don't see this as something that will be solved over night.
Author dave22 Posted November 7, 2011 Author Posted November 7, 2011 (edited) Annnnd you clearly have HUGE communication issues if you had to "find out" in some mysterious way that she felt you were being clingy -- why didn't she just tell you that herself instead of letting it fester and cause problems? The more I have thought about this, the more I realize this has been a huge problem. She just doesn't show any interest in finding out what went wrong any time we have had a problem. I think much of our problems wouldn't be that difficult to solve, but she just never tells me what is wrong and I don't know if she has even thought about what might be wrong a lot of the time. Edited November 7, 2011 by dave22
Recommended Posts