muse Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 Hi, im going to tell you my story, because I cant shared with anyone else, without being criticized, I aware that what I did isn’t right, and I never expected to bein this situation Guy X and I met in college more than 10 years ago, w are both from Arizona, at that time I had a relationship, which by the way was so intense and didnt finish right, so when he pursue me I was so scared to start a relationship with him, because I felt that he was so possessive and passionate so ran away, because I was just getting out of my last relationship.. The point is that I married and move to the big city for work and last year he move here too.. and last years I found guy X with his family in a restaurant, ha had just move here too.. I have to say that my marriage wasn’t working, and when I saw him, a lot of things wake up in me.. after that I wrote him a email saying that I was glad to see him, and invite them to a party we had.. but after that I couldn’t stop thinking of him….. and 2 weeks lather in October 2010 he invited me for drinks, but I I didnt go, because I couldn’t, and in December he was here alone and called.. we went for dinner and had an awesome time as friends, the point is that the day after I saw him again and we started an affair.. At the beginning I think he felt more guilty that I did, and told me “that neither us were the kind of persons who did this kind of stuff”.. and at some point I really fell in love with him, and start feeling really bad about my husband so I decided to end everything.. but that day he dindt wanted t end things and told me before that he wanted t be with me always, we never said anything romantic.. so seeing how sad he was I couldn’t let go.. and we continue.. The point his that in the end of September after one day we saw each other I send him a text telling him that I couldn’t wait to see him again.. which he dindt erase I guess what happened… he called me to tell me that his wife found it.. and that we couldn’t keep contact by text or cel, and that he would find a way..because she suspect of me.. even that he made a story about me sending a wrong message to him… But my problem is that afterwards he has only called me from his office two times and both times because with some lame excuse I have send him an email, the last time we talk I ask him if we were going to see each other and he told me that in the short term it was really difficult..and that he would look for me.. Im really desperate and having another problems right know.. and cant stop thinking of him I need him.. Im aware that he could have decided to stop everything in order to not loose his family, and if that is the case I have to respect his decision. But is not right to just leave with the expatiation that we would continue, there’s nothing worse than doubt and silence.. I really love him, and I know that Im in no position to demand anything from him.. but I just want to know if I have to keep waiting from him or try to forget him… the one thing I have always told him is that I wanted t know if he decided to nd everything and not leave waiting:( Anyone been in this situation.. any advice is helpfull
Lemon Drop Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 You are from the US? Your writing sounds like you are european. You should probably just try to move on.. his wife is on high alert now so it will never be the same as it was. She was on high alert when she found your initial text and now it will be higher. You have a husband, so it would be better for you to work with him to see why you are missing something from that relationship. It doesn't look good for the one with your MM. Start trying to move forward and be strong.
norajane Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 He got caught with his pants down, so now he is on his best behavior at home so his wife doesn't find out everything about the affair and leave him. He is trying to save his marriage. A lot of cheating men will wait until they think the heat has died down at home and his wife is less vigilant and then start up the affair again. But, she probably will keep monitoring what he's up to, so he'd likely get caught again, and THEN the sh*t will really hit the fan. It is best to move on. Work on your own marriage or end it; either way, this guy is lost to you. He's working really, really hard to keep his wife from knowing the full scope of your affair, so he's clearly showing you that, when push comes to shove, he really wants his wife and his marriage. He doesn't want to leave her. If he did, he would have told her the truth when she caught him instead of covering up his affair with you.
Author muse Posted November 7, 2011 Author Posted November 7, 2011 Thanks for our replies. it’s clear that if he really wanted to contact me he already will have done it. What’s more difficult for me it’s to think that he could do it at some time I the future and that I will be waiting for him, as nothing has happened. I hope Im wrong, and that I could work all my problems before that, so i can havesome piece of mind.
whichwayisup Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 (edited) Even if he contacts you, what then? This guy has no plans on leaving his wife or divorcing her. If he was, don't you think he would have come clean after his wife found the text? Told her that he met someone, is in love and wants to pursue things with you? Instead he lied, he minimized and made you his 'secret'. If you want an affair and to be the OW then continue on, need and want/love a man who isn't yours, a man who will only be with you on his terms not yours. You deserve better and more but you won't ever get that from him. Im really desperate and having another problems right know.. and cant stop thinking of him I need him.. What is it that you 'need' from him? Why are you desparate? The guy is married, has a life built with someone else and he's selfish, he shouldn't be offering himself up as available.. Be strong and do your best to get over him, if you don't, you'll be in pain for a very long time. Edit to add, I see you're married too.. Focus on your own life, decide if your marriage is worth fixing or not. Reguardless of the MM. Not sure what it is you want? Edited November 7, 2011 by whichwayisup
robf1971 Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 Or perhaps he's just realised that he no longer wants to cheat. I think this is a blessing in disguise to the OP as the relationship is clearly going nowhere.
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