Moving to NYC in December...need dating and getting used to new city insight

[futuregopher]

The title says it all. I am graduating college in December and working in NYC while living back home with my family in NJ. I only keep in touch with a few people from high school. I go to state college in Illinois so it's 100% my fault for not really keeping in touch. 95% of the students here are in state and they all want to work in Chicago so there's a good chance I won't ever see them again on a daily basis which is a very sad thought for me.

 

It's been three months since my gf of 2 years broke up with me. There was no wrongdoing on either end. She just wanted to really focus on her career and felt like I was immature because I didn't know what she was going through b/c I was still in school. She's one year older than me. I thought it was a great relationship. We had our trivial arguments but everything was smooth. I still want a second chance with her but I know I'm not going to get it so I've been trying hard to move on. I've been NC for 1 month after breaking NC to ask for a couple of things back. I was 3 weeks NC before asking for my stuff. I've been meeting some new people through club meetings but haven't been on any "dates".

 

I'm just scared I won't find meet anyone that is as good as her. Her personality was great and she was really pretty. I'm a 6.5/10 looks wise and she was probably a 7.75/10. I've read some pretty bad things about NYC dating and NYC women in general. My close guy friend talks about it too back home so it's not just nonsense on an internet board.

 

I'll be working 60 hour weeks for a big 4 accounting firm so I'll actually have a steady paycheck. I love football and working out. I also love volunteering. I don't mind going out to bars/clubs once in a while but I feel like that's not the best place to meet girls. I'm not really the casual sex type of guy and I definitely prefer long term relationships and would prefer to find a girl that is the same. I am going to volunteer on my free time if I have any.

 

Do you guys have any advice for establishing yourself in a new city? Even though I have my family it feels like I'm moving to a new city and have to make a new social circle/new friends. I'm definitely going to say "yes" to any work related social function. What have you guys done to smooth the moving to a big city transition?

 

Is the dating in NYC really that bad? Are the women as pretentious and materialistic as people say? What kind of rude awakening am I in for?

 

Thank you LS family!!

[AHardDaysNight]

I have never lived in NYC, but from what I understand, it is a very shallow and self centered crowd.

[Wolf18]

Yes it is that bad. Your shiny , fancy accounting job might get you but take whatever expectations you have of women and lower them about 3-4 notches.

 

Vapid, rude, materialistic, transient, these are just some words to describe women (and many men) in NYC.

[Sanman]

Date a girl in NJ if you are living there. It is mainly the Manhattan/Brooklyn girls that have the attitudes. If you are moving back home, I am sure you can reconnect with some old friends and such. Plenty of college grads will be bouncing back home.

[Feelin Frisky]

I have never lived in NYC, but from what I understand, it is a very shallow and self centered crowd.

 

I'm from there. It the most varied place in the universe. It's hard to give any advice because so much depends on you you come to the city. If you've been recruited to a prestigious firm from a top school, you'll get the keys to the city. If you're just a schlep trying to fit in somewhere it can be tough because there is such a melting pot and it's not easy to find people from your original demographic. My advice is to make every opportunity count. If you meet people like yourself, speak up about being new and throw yourself right in to connecting. There are locals--like myself--and there are lots of cliques of young people that seem to somehow all know where to go and when at the same time. I was never tapped in. I wouldn't say people are necessarily "shallow"--it's more that there is a lot of ambition and high expectation and you'll have to put yourself out there again and again to find a conduit into the "scene".

[rocketboy9]

I am in central about 30 miles outside the city and am older than you. I worked there on/off my entire career.

 

Though NYC is full of good looking women BUT there are a lot of downsides to it. The women in general are incredibly blase and have seen/heard it all from guys. Unless she popped in there from the south/midwest/west coast they will be jaded like you will not believe. Many but not all are looking for the BBD (bigger better deal). If you are a good looking guy and have the rap you can date tons of women because there are that many around.

 

You know that show Sex & the City about these vapid, selfish, self centered women. Thats as real as it gets. NYC as a place revolves around $ and more $. Wall Street dominates the culture of the place. The men are no prizes in this town either. They have the same characteristics as the women.

 

If you are into going out to restaurants, clubs and what not there are more than you will ever imagine. Though I can say Chicago is pretty much the same deal but I think Chicago people are nicer than NYC people.

 

Most people dont live in NYC because of the cost. A one bedroom dump in Manhattan can be 2K per month without even trying.

 

My advice is to reconnect with your friends in NJ. Most NJ girls are nothing like what they portray on that show the Shore. You will find in general they are calmer and more down to earth than women in the city.

 

I used to try dating women in the city while living in NJ. It was an ordeal between getting in and the freaking cost. As my friend says the second you step into Manhattan the meter starts running. Thats not a joke. You can easily spend 10-20 for a glass of wine here.

 

Good luck, you are going to need it!

[monkey00]

I've been living in the city for most of my life and I can concur and relate to the other replies here. While there are tons of beautiful women here from all walks of life, the problem is they know they are beautiful and won't give in easily or give in at all.

 

I assume since you just got out of college you are in your early 20's. From dating experience I find that women here in their early-mid 20's are either A) taken B) college student/grad student, preferring to be single and not be in a relationship or C) Shallow

 

Women in their late 20's either A) have baggage (and not looking for LTR) or B) taken

 

For the above I'm talking about attractive or above average women. What's left that's suitable for a LTR are usually average or unattractive women.

 

The ridiculous fact is that almost every girl you will come across isn't even from NYC, they just became that way after arriving here and getting their ego inflated.

 

I've tried many different methods for meeting and dating women and what I find best for looking for a LTR is stick with online dating (which can become a struggle too), you will have to filter out a lot of scraps. Maybe that's my bitter solution (yes I meant bitter), but hey I met my current gf from online.

 

Some days I just really get sick of the city and do want to move out of here at some point. The cost of living here is just too damn high.

Edited November 4, 2011 by monkey00

[vsmini]

RealMAN has no idea what he's talking about and he's in no position to give the title of "FACT" to anything so subjective. Dope.

 

I agree with what other people have said about NYC women being jaded and hearing everything from every guy. Since it's so diverse here, both genders have most likely experienced a lot in the dating world. It can be tough but it's the same in every city.

 

Stick to your boundaries - know what you want in a woman and don't play games. This is the best way to getting a girl you want. It's easy to weed out the psychos, the money-grubbers and the nasty girls if you have your own head on straight.

 

Go out with co-workers, talk to women, join a dating site...just get out there and in the city. You will meet plenty of people.

[pandagirl]

Everything being said here can go double for the men in NYC.

 

It's a really big city with every kind of person you can imagine. It's wonderful, dynamic and challenging.

 

I say don't even put dating as a priority in your life when you move here. Get settled in, explore the city, figure out where you fit in, and MOST IMPORTANTLY make friends!

 

Also: have you considered living in Brooklyn? The crowds there are more laidback and generally chill.

[jobaba]

A lot of what was mentioned about NYC girls being jaded and heard it all rings true (even in NJ and Long Island suburbs its true too).

 

However, it's a case by case basis. It's gonna be different for every guy going into the fray.

 

Let's say you're really a 7 (rounded up ) looks wise. You might struggle for a while if you're game is average or weak, maybe get lucky every now and then and go through some real long streaks. But eventually, you'll meet somebody who genuinely likes you and vice versa. If you're less attractive, it'll be that much harder.

 

I mean there are the sex and the city type girls. After all, people have come to NYC from Illinois and everywhere else to make $.

 

But the beauty of NYC is you can find your niche and get in where you can.

 

-Upper East Side Frat boy scene

-Williamsburg Hipster scene

-Midtown Asian scene

-Meat Packing District Club scene

 

It will take you a few years, but you'll eventually settle into a niche of people and scene you associate with. EVERYBODY in NYC does to some extent. Once you find that niche, then you start fishing that pond HARD.

[Metis]

I have never lived in NYC, but from what I understand, it is a very shallow and self centered crowd.

 

I live in NYC and this is flat-out wrong. Rather, NYC has something for everyone. If you are a shallow and self-centered person, you will have no problem finding a crowd of similar people to hang out with. If you are an intellectual, NYC has lots of hangouts for people who share those kinds of interests, such as museums, universities, lectures and foreign-language meet-ups. If you are more of an artsy type, there are numerous art venues to meet like-minded people.

 

Certain individuals who view social life as limited to clubbing, and then complain that clubbing consists exclusively of shallow, egotistical and money-grubbing people are quite ridiculous in my eyes, however. People who are shallow and self-centered do not deserve anyone better than themselves.

[Metis]

Here is what I don't understand: average-looking men complaining about there being no one to date due to beautiful women being too demanding. Here is a thought: If you are an average-looking man, why don't you look for an average-looking woman? Or better yet -- since you think beautiful women should date below their level of attractiveness -- why don't you date an unattractive woman? If the thought of dating an ugly woman leaves you cold, that should give you an answer as to why beautiful women's standards are so "high". What's good for the goose is good for the gander; don't expect the opposite sex to have expectations any lower than yours.

[rocketboy9]

If you do a search out on the net you will see lots of articles about how the women in the city outnumber the men. That may be true in sheer statistical numbers but in reality its not true.

 

Average to truly beautiful women have their pick of the litter just like they do everywhere else. The thing about NYC is that there is just MORE of everything. If a women is decent looking she will get hit on every single day and potentially multiple times. You have to have a serious rap in many cases to pick up women in the city as they have heard it all and want it ALL.

 

But just like everywhere else in the city you will hear the women complaining that they cant find a nice guy. Just like everywhere else they have a shopping list of things they want but in NYC its ratcheted up quite a few levels. For many their wet dream is bagging a Wall Street trader/banker.

 

Many, many women are into the coin in the city because without you cant do much of anything.

 

Does that mean a woman wont go out with you because you are just starting out? Not at all but just realize what you are competing with - Wall Street guys that got tons of money to throw away.

 

As I said the city revolves around Wall Street. Whole sections of decrepit areas have been totally gentrified to the point of being unrecognizable.

 

A former girlfriend had an apartment on the upper west side and it was no big thing and the rent was like 3000/month. She eventually moved to Spanish Harlem as its being gentrified as well and her rent was "only" 2400. In either case thats about 1K above what my mortgage was on my 2500 sq foot townhouse in NJ.

 

As someone mentioned whatever you are into is here but at what cost. Dating here can be prohibitively expensive depending what you want to do.

 

Sure museums and the like are free but food and liquor can be obscene. For example you can easily drop $10 for lunch here just for 2 slices and a coke. Does this mean there is not cheap eats in the city, of course not but you have to ferret them out.

 

What it comes down to are you a NY kind of guy or not. Nobody can tell you that. Its not my scene but hey whatever floats your boat.

 

PS. NYC is so wonderful that the first chance they get NY'ers move to NJ or CT. And now the NJ'ians are moving to NC .

[Wolf18]

Here is what I don't understand: average-looking men complaining about there being no one to date due to beautiful women being too demanding. Here is a thought: If you are an average-looking man, why don't you look for an average-looking woman? Or better yet -- since you think beautiful women should date below their level of attractiveness -- why don't you date an unattractive woman? If the thought of dating an ugly woman leaves you cold, that should give you an answer as to why beautiful women's standards are so "high". What's good for the goose is good for the gander; don't expect the opposite sex to have expectations any lower than yours.

 

IMO average looking women are a tougher nut to crack then even the hot girls. Most guys have the same logic "well if she's average looking, it should be that much easier to get her to warm up", truth is, every guy has this mentality, including some very attractive ones, causing the average looking women to think they are the hottest thing ever.

 

Looking through the facebooks of all the average looking girls I know, 3 of 4 of them have some kind of professional/modeling type of shoots on their profile

 

It's not that NYC women are typically that much more beautiful than in any other city. It's that NYC men are more desperate, and make these women feel more beautiful than they actually are.

 

This slightly above average looking girl I know just moved to NYC from Wisconsin, and even she is blown away by the amount of attention and type of man who is worshipping the ground she walks on every time she goes out.

Edited November 4, 2011 by Wolf18

[Metis]

Wolf: All this despite women outnumbering men, I see.

[Anela]

Here is what I don't understand: average-looking men complaining about there being no one to date due to beautiful women being too demanding. Here is a thought: If you are an average-looking man, why don't you look for an average-looking woman? Or better yet -- since you think beautiful women should date below their level of attractiveness -- why don't you date an unattractive woman? If the thought of dating an ugly woman leaves you cold, that should give you an answer as to why beautiful women's standards are so "high". What's good for the goose is good for the gander; don't expect the opposite sex to have expectations any lower than yours.

 

This is what I was asking early last year, when I first found this place. I remember someone else asking the same thing.

[Woggle]

I agree with those who say date NJ women. Even the guidette types deep down tend to have hearts of gold. I grew up in NYC and I will never go back. Everything that used to make it great is dead and replaced by what the people in this thread have already said.

[Anela]

Also: why shouldn't these women feel beautiful - like the hottest thing ever? Why don't they deserve that?

 

This is what gets me. You guys feel like the hottest things ever, when you have the trophies on your arm and in your bed. Why are other women seen as less deserving, because they weren't born looking perfect in your eyes?

[Wolf18]

Wolf: All this despite women outnumbering men, I see.

 

 

Do women in their 20's outnumber men in their 20's?

 

Women start outnumbering men in their 60's and up, because the men start dying off. Technically it's true that women outnumber men, but it's completely out of context for a young man who has a picky preference for women that don't wear Depends.

[Woggle]

Also: why shouldn't these women feel beautiful - like the hottest thing ever? Why don't they deserve that?

 

This is what gets me. You guys feel like the hottest things ever, when you have the trophies on your arm and in your bed. Why are other women seen as less deserving, because they weren't born looking perfect in your eyes?

 

There is nothing wrong with feeling good about yourself but they think about 90% of the population is beneath them. To be honest many of the men do as well.

[Wolf18]

Also: why shouldn't these women feel beautiful - like the hottest thing ever? Why don't they deserve that?

 

This is what gets me. You guys feel like the hottest things ever, when you have the trophies on your arm and in your bed. Why are other women seen as less deserving, because they weren't born looking perfect in your eyes?

 

Sure , but the problem is in NYC that people like this girl I know who works at a high-end costume shop, had Hugh Jackman calling her "cute". What incentive does a typical woman have in dating me when she has hedgefund managers and Hugh Jackman himself wanting to get in her panties?

[ShannonMI]

Sure , but the problem is in NYC that people like this girl I know who works at a high-end costume shop, had Hugh Jackman calling her "cute". What incentive does a typical woman have in dating me when she has hedgefund managers and Hugh Jackman himself wanting to get in her panties?

Have you seen Hugh's wife? She looks like a sea hag. I'm sure any decent looking girl is "cute" to him in comparison to his wife. She's probably a wonderful wife and mother, but he could do a lot better looks wise.

[Woggle]

Have you seen Hugh's wife? She looks like a sea hag. I'm sure any decent looking girl is "cute" to him in comparison to his wife. She's probably a wonderful wife and mother, but he could do a lot better looks wise.

 

Maybe he is happy with her and loves how she treats him.

[ShannonMI]

Maybe he is happy with her and loves how she treats him.

I'm sure. That's why I said she is probably a wonderful wife and mother.

[Woggle]

Men like him are similiar to really attractive women. They have been there and done that when it comes to dating 10s and realize what really matters in the end.