Sanman Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 Reading some of the recent threads, I find the people most frustrated with dating to be in NYC or Cali. I am just curious how true this notion is. Living in NYC, I certainly get how frustrating dating can be here. Is dating in these places that much more embittering or are you guys hating it elsewhere too? Chime in!
fortyninethousand322 Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 I'm in the D.C. area. But my bitterness is probably not for the same reasons as other people on LS.
jobaba Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 Reading some of the recent threads, I find the people most frustrated with dating to be in NYC or Cali. I am just curious how true this notion is. Living in NYC, I certainly get how frustrating dating can be here. Is dating in these places that much more embittering or are you guys hating it elsewhere too? Chime in! Unfortunately, I've only lived in NYC or Cali. So I have nothing to compare it to. Actually, I have lived in rural areas for work, but only for temporary periods. I'd definitely say women are more laidback and less picky in small cities, and rural areas (just from observation, not experience). But the problem there is, the pond gets fished out quickly. If you're a 33 year old man, there might not be any single women left! Also, if you're a minority, it's problematic.
joystickd Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 WTF!!! I can't believe you people in big cities complain about dating. Hell if I were in those areas I would be dating all the time. I'm in a small town and I should be more bitter about dating than most of you are. There are too many available people in those areas to be complaining.
joystickd Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 Unfortunately, I've only lived in NYC or Cali. So I have nothing to compare it to. Actually, I have lived in rural areas for work, but only for temporary periods. I'd definitely say women are more laidback and less picky in small cities, and rural areas (just from observation, not experience). But the problem there is, the pond gets fished out quickly. If you're a 33 year old man, there might not be any single women left! Also, if you're a minority, it's problematic. In a way they are more picky. In a sense being a minority is not problematic. I'm one and I say I do ok in a small town.
Author Sanman Posted November 4, 2011 Author Posted November 4, 2011 Smaller ponds mean better chances, but fewer options. As for complaining about cities, I am a minority and have been to a number of different places. Small cities were a problem for me as there was little choice. NYC has plenty of choice, but I was chronically single and dating for over a year before I found a half decent relationship. Even then, they were not the greatest relationships. Everyone here seems to be looking for something better, only living here for a few years before they move, or simply is not interested in a relationship. I was part of the problem too, there were plenty of average girls interested in me and great girls (pretty, educated, more on the same level as me) that were always looking to date even further up. It kind of left me in a place where I was unhappy with what I had (or could get) and could not lock down what I wanted (but did date constantly). My current GF lives in a medium sized city and had choices, but not so many that I wasn't a catch. Just curious what other people had found.
itsmewren Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 I live in LA and.. yes! soo frustrating and strangely hard to meet people! or at least "the right" people. hmmph.
grkBoy Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 I live in Chicago. When I was single and bitter I found that living in a big city is meaningless if the attractive women are all holding the bar higher than you can reach. At one point I was looking at LDRs...just because these potential women clicked with me and would have dated me if we lived closer.
eerie_reverie Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 Im in Chicago and I don't feel like I have anything to be bitter about. There is a lot of choice but people are also interested in settling down.
grkBoy Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 Im in Chicago and I don't feel like I have anything to be bitter about. There is a lot of choice but people are also interested in settling down. Agreed. I neglected to mention in the past I was the doormat nice guy who then got bitter about it all. When I found clarity, found myself, found how to fulfill myself in life...everything did get different. I also blame where I'd go looking for potential women.
Anela Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 Small town, mid-west. Grew up a city girl in the London area, amongst others places, and also lived in California. Been here since the mid-90's.
carhill Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 Not bitter. Closest town is around 12K. Live in the middle of where most of the world's almonds, raisins and pistachios come from. The ground has finally stopped shaking
EasyHeart Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 IME, in small towns you have less selection, but it's easier to meet people. In larger cities, there are more people around (many of whom would be suitable dating partners), but it's very hard to meet more than a handful of people.
Anela Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 Everyone drives in and out here, and hardly anyone speaks to each other. The place has been building up slowly (been in this particular town since 1998). In the past, I was worried enough about having any sort of talk about my past, having been agoraphobic, dealt with social anxiety, etc. My British accent and certain other assets can only take me so far, and I was stubborn and didn't want to rely on those anyhow. Now I'm more of a mess due to certain things that have happened over the past couple of years, I'm still isolated, and I'm 36 - meaning age is the new problem, as well as not having so much experience when it comes to relationships. At this point, I wish I'd just relied on my accent, and dated more when I was younger - those of you out there who have social anxiety: it can get easier, but you'll feel better in the long run, if you bite the bullet sooner (what a horrible phrase, but you know what I mean).
carhill Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 It's been a good twenty years since I met a woman in my age group (within ten years either way) who was unmarried and living in my area (which I define as a ten mile radius). Of course, ten of those twenty years I was married. All of my LTR's were technically LDR's since distance was involved. My M only became a non-LDR when my exW moved sixty miles after we married. Closest distance was about 25 miles; furthest around 6500 miles. IME, small town dating, if you're not native (I'm not) is pretty incestuous. The old 'family are friends and friends are family' kind of thing. Outsiders are treated with skepticism. I found this to be true even when working with volunteer organizations and the chamber of commerce. After a number of years I finally gave it up. Perhaps things have changed, IDK. I do meet a lot of women locally, no doubt. They're all married.
radiodarcy Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 If you're a 33 year old man, there might not be any single women left! Also, if you're a minority, it's problematic. for me it's the reverse. i live in the washington, d.c. area and the ratio of women to men is extremely high. most of the guys i come across are either married or in a relationship. the ones i've come across via online dating usually don't want to commit. there's really no incentive for them to do so - - with the surplus of women, they have more options to entertain and they can continue to search for the "next best thing" ahh yes -- i can say i'd say i'm bitter about dating i know it's not an attractive way to be. so i'm taking yet another break...
sunshine103 Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 I'm in Miami and men are plentiful here. The only thing is I like men who are very successful and who I can build with since I am also successful. They are here, but many are egotistical and controlling. But I did find me a humble one that is so different from the horrible person i was with before!!
ShannonMI Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 Reading some of the recent threads, I find the people most frustrated with dating to be in NYC or Cali. I am just curious how true this notion is. Living in NYC, I certainly get how frustrating dating can be here. Is dating in these places that much more embittering or are you guys hating it elsewhere too? Chime in! I wouldn't say I'm bitter, but I am frustrated. I live in a small college town in NY and it's slim pickings. The last guy I was with was from California. He wasn't even from here. He has since moved back to CA. We have young college kids and rednecks where I live. Neither are my cup of tea. All the ones I find attractive are with someone already. There is actually one guy that has always liked me, but is getting married tomorrow. He asked me out when I was with someone. I would have dated him in a heartbeat. The timing is always off for me. He would be my #1 choice right now, but i can't have him. How sad is that? To say it sucks would be an understatement. To say I'm frustrated would be an understatement too. With the dating scene and sexually.:(
Wolf18 Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 (edited) Yep, I live in NYC, but not in the flashy rich people parts that everyone associates with it because of TV. You can take a walk through some parts of manhattan, and yes, it's true, the girls that you see will all be very attractive. So what? Ever see that movie King Kong that uses the backdrop of the Great Depression and the guy is starving to death right in front of a grocery store packed with food nobody can afford? Me, I don't need some dime piece to make me happy. Give me an ok looking girl that cares about me and isn't constantly looking to trade up. But in NYC that's tough to impossible , considering all the bigshots, male models, musicians, etc that live here. It's a terrible place if you're looking for a girlfriend. Every girl who is your physical, social equivalent? Forget about her, she's dating a guy 100 times better than you. Even the women who are somewhat below you in looks and social status will be dating a guy way above their league. Men are just that damn horny in this lonely, cold city. Small towns are so much better. Marry your high school sweetheart, and it's over with! Dating and romance is such a chore, I just want to get it over with so I can focus on more interesting things. Edited November 4, 2011 by Wolf18
itsmewren Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 those of you out there who have social anxiety: it can get easier, but you'll feel better in the long run, if you bite the bullet sooner (what a horrible phrase, but you know what I mean). what do you mean by this exactly?? and I totally agree with the above poster. such a chore/hassle. I swear every boy I meet online is an actor (or something similar) and not at all the type of person you wanna settle down with (or wants to settle down at all). and it's definitely true that everyone drives everywhere and nobody really talks to each other. outside of my friends and their friends.. I'm not sure how to go about meeting my man!
ShannonMI Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 what do you mean by this exactly?? and I totally agree with the above poster. such a chore/hassle. I swear every boy I meet online is an actor (or something similar) and not at all the type of person you wanna settle down with (or wants to settle down at all). and it's definitely true that everyone drives everywhere and nobody really talks to each other. outside of my friends and their friends.. I'm not sure how to go about meeting my man! Bite the bullet and get your @ss out there. Even though it's beyond uncomfortable, the only way to overcome social anxiety is to go and be around people. It DOES get easier. I can attest personally to this.
jobaba Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 I wouldn't say I'm bitter, but I am frustrated. I live in a small college town in NY and it's slim pickings. The last guy I was with was from California. He wasn't even from here. He has since moved back to CA. We have young college kids and rednecks where I live. Neither are my cup of tea. All the ones I find attractive are with someone already. There is actually one guy that has always liked me, but is getting married tomorrow. He asked me out when I was with someone. I would have dated him in a heartbeat. The timing is always off for me. He would be my #1 choice right now, but i can't have him. How sad is that? To say it sucks would be an understatement. To say I'm frustrated would be an understatement too. With the dating scene and sexually.:( Yep, I live in NYC, but not in the flashy rich people parts that everyone associates with it because of TV. You can take a walk through some parts of manhattan, and yes, it's true, the girls that you see will all be very attractive. So what? Ever see that movie King Kong that uses the backdrop of the Great Depression and the guy is starving to death right in front of a grocery store packed with food nobody can afford? Me, I don't need some dime piece to make me happy. Give me an ok looking girl that cares about me and isn't constantly looking to trade up. But in NYC that's tough to impossible , considering all the bigshots, male models, musicians, etc that live here. It's a terrible place if you're looking for a girlfriend. Every girl who is your physical, social equivalent? Forget about her, she's dating a guy 100 times better than you. Even the women who are somewhat below you in looks and social status will be dating a guy way above their league. Men are just that damn horny in this lonely, cold city. Small towns are so much better. Marry your high school sweetheart, and it's over with! Dating and romance is such a chore, I just want to get it over with so I can focus on more interesting things. I think you guys answered your own questions why you are miserable here. ShannonMI could be dating Wolf18, but she wants better. Wolf18 would totally take ShannonMI and treat her real nice, but she wants better. And just for the record, based on your avatars, I'd say you guys are about EVEN when it comes to looks. There's the game in a nutshell, ladies and gentlemen...
itsmewren Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 Bite the bullet and get your @ss out there. Even though it's beyond uncomfortable, the only way to overcome social anxiety is to go and be around people. It DOES get easier. I can attest personally to this. hahah thanks! logically, I know you're right. but after being with the same boyfriend for four years I find it even more difficult than before and being social and confident in social settings was never my strong suit. online dating seems to be the best/most efficient way to go about dating these days, no?
ShannonMI Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 I think you guys answered your own questions why you are miserable here. ShannonMI could be dating Wolf18, but she wants better. Wolf18 would totally take ShannonMI and treat her real nice, but she wants better. And just for the record, based on your avatars, I'd say you guys are about EVEN when it comes to looks. There's the game in a nutshell, ladies and gentlemen... HUH???? Who said I want better? I think Wolf is nice looking, but very bitter and doesn't have a very good attitude toward women. If that means I want better, then I guess I do:rolleyes:
ShannonMI Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 hahah thanks! logically, I know you're right. but after being with the same boyfriend for four years I find it even more difficult than before and being social and confident in social settings was never my strong suit. online dating seems to be the best/most efficient way to go about dating these days, no? Ugh no. I didn't like online dating. I tried it and didn't get good results. You could try it though. You may like it
Recommended Posts