Waited almost 2 yrs for this

[Stephie]

This isn't a second chance but I didn't know where to put it. Let me start by saying March 2010 my life and my existence was gone just like that. My fiancé walked out on me after a rough 6 months and a 2 yr relationship and I thought I will never get over this. I went through it all, all 100 different feelings and moods you experience. I begged, cried, screamed, made up stories to make him come back and he never did. I spent months on this site looking for second chance stories similar to mine thinking if I found one then there was hope. I wrote thread after thread pleading for someone to tell me he was coming back. Ha all I got was do the NC rule and I thought it didn't apply to me, that if I did NC he would forget about me or my breakup was different and I needed contact with him. I prayed to God every night to make him wanna come back, to show me he still cared, or to apologize. I spent almost a year thinking about what I would say if he ever did decide he wanted me back or wanted to apologize. He never did, I went through guy after guy doing to them what he did to me. Every guy was compared to him, and although I tried to convince my family and friends I was over him I wasn't. Yes I got on with my life I fell into my dreams and goals but there always been something missing! 2 weeks ago I was offered my dream job, I found the strength to get healthy work out and eat right. 2 nights ago I get a text guess who? I haven't talked to him since December 2010 and when his name appeared my heart sank. It was a question about a phone I use to have followed by a how are you which turned into a sincere apology and a "sounds like your better off now" like I said I had planned everything I wanted to say to him and waited almost 2 yrs for this and all I could say was I forgave you a long time ago and how sorry I was for putting our relationship through hell. It was a 1 hr catch up text session which left me surprisingly ok. Maybe it was the closure I needed, maybe its the satisfactory he was thinking of me, who knows. I know it means nothing but just wanted to share this. Even though you may never end up with the person somewhere somehow you will get through it and be ok.

[Rorschach64]

Thanks for posting Stephie, I really appreciate it since I am practically in the same situation as you, though my ex-fiancee got the GIGs. This will probably be my fate as well but I am glad things worked out in the end where you are good in your life.

 

If anything changes let us know, I know I'd be very interested in hearing more in your development and moving on then falling in love again, unconditionally.

[BCCA]

It really is true that usually when you hear from an ex, its the EXACT moment when you turned the corner and could care less. As soon as you stop hoping for a call, and completely forget about them, your phone rings. Its like they can tell when youre over the relationship you had, and can honestly just talk like a friend would.

 

though my ex-fiancee got the GIGs

 

So youre reffering to the Grass is Greener Syndrom, correct? Im not in your shoes, so I have no idea what happened, Im just curious how you came to that conclusion that she had the GIGs. It seemed with my relationships, whatever I thought I knew or was told was only half true or part of a larger issue. My ex's never told me anything, I was just left to get over it without any answers.

 

I know I'd be very interested in hearing more in your development and moving on then falling in love again, unconditionally.

 

I struggled with this for a LONG while. The thing is, when you met your ex, you werent still pinning for someone else, and you were open to a new relationship. Thats where you need to get to again. All it takes is time, which I know seems to go at a snails pace right now, but eventually it will fly by and you'll think to yourself one day, "wow I dont give a s*** what X is doing and I havent thought about her in months!".

 

Time really heals all wounds, all you have to do is let it. Good luck, you seem like a good guy.

[coachoriobo]

With me the story is different. I met this girl 3 years ago. Everything was great, and after 8 months of a relationship we broke up. She gave me reasons I couldn't comprehend at the time, and that I still struggle to understand this day. Like you, I tried everything to try have her back. To my surprise, 2 months after our break up she waas with someone else. I didn't talk to her in months. Then a night when I had way too many drinks with friends I texted her. To my surprise she replied right away. We started talking again all of the sudden, remembering all the good times we had, all the jokes, and everything else.

 

However, she was still in the other relationship. No longer after she connected with me again, she asked me if I still had feelings for her. I was honest and told her she was still deeply ingrained in my heart, and that I missed all the times that together we had. Shortly after a deep conversation were she apologized, explained how much I have meant (and still did) to her, she broke up the relationship she had.

 

It was december 2010 and we were talking again, nourishing feelings we both thought dead, but that deep inside had always remained. We were back in January 2011. Everything was great. Then may came along, and the same problem from the 1st break-up surfaced. She wasn't sure what she wanted, and she needed time. This was hard for me because it was the 2nd that the girl that meant the world to me broke my hear again into a million pieces. She apologized. She cried. She said she didn't know what she was doing. Me, shocked by reality, withdrew to my little world, asked myself what bad karma I had that the light of my eyes was gone again.

 

Then my birthday came. She called. We talked. We kept talking, and to this day we do everyday. We talk until we both fall asleep. She is the 1st person I text every morning. She asks how is my day going. She still is sweet and caring. Nedless to say, these past 3 years have been like a roller coaster. I still love her. My heart tells me that I will never be able to remove her, to erase all those memories. I try to rationalize why is she still talking to me? why do I turn girls away, if I am not committed to her? why is she still single? and why if she isn't ready, or confused, still talks to me. Sometimes I think she is just interested in my friendship, but then she tells me how I mean so much to her. How I am the only one that has never left her side. How she worries when I don't talk to her for a couple of days. I am the same mess. Even though she is single, and she tells me she isn't interested on any guys, I still worry somebody might prey her away...She clearly knows I still have feelings for her, yet she doesnt reject them or turns them away. She embraces them and nurtures them with sweetness. I am too afraid to ask her what is going on, if there is a chance of a me and her after all.

 

So my question is, what to do with your ex, the person that by far has meant the most to you, if she/he still has a deep emotional tie with you?

 

Are you supposed to be patient and wait? let destiny take its course and bring you together again? or is this deep affection we feel, and refuse to let go, dooming me, dooming her?

 

I ask myself this everyday: should I wait for her? be there patiently and give her time? or is this just another tale with no happy ending?

[BCCA]

So my question is, what to do with your ex, the person that by far has meant the most to you, if she/he still has a deep emotional tie with you?

A better question is what CAN you do?

 

And I dont mean to be the bearer of bad news, but if she still had a deep emotional tie with you, she wouldnt have broke up with you. She's using you for an ego boost. If she meets someone else, she'll just dissapear, dont wait for that to happen, you deserve better.

 

Are you supposed to be patient and wait? let destiny take its course and bring you together again? or is this deep affection we feel, and refuse to let go, dooming me, dooming her?

 

If you love someone, set them free. If she comes back someday, than great, but if not than it was never meant to be. And you need to stop speaking for her, youre saying that she feels this deep attraction and emotional tie, but then shes breaking up with you...so that doesnt make much sense, does it? Again, not trying to be rude, but think about this logically. No woman would break up with a guy TWICE if she saw value in the relationship. She's only playing along with you now because shes single, dont wait for her to meet another guy.

 

Im sure it hurts, and Im sure you love her, and there is nothing wrong with that. But at the same time, put yourself first. You are not getting back what you are putting in, youre just being strung along. If she doesnt want to be with you, than dont bother with her at all. I know we all think that the people we love feel the same way we do, but if that was true you would still be together.

 

or is this just another tale with no happy ending?

 

^This^

 

This situation is wasting your time and prolonging your agony. Why do that to yourself?

[Rorschach64]

BCCA,

 

Just to let you know I am not offended or taking anything you are saying as hostile or bad

 

Anyway, as far as I knowing she had GIGs, I ran my story past wilsonx and homebrew, they concluded that it was GIGs. I'll give you some break up highlights, unless you wish to hear the whole story I'll PM it.

 

*LDR, Her 22, asked her to marry me around the 1.5 year mark of our relationship.

 

*Months before the break up she started hanging out with this friend she never identified and always said they were going to dinner.

 

*Before I went to go see her in Singapore, she was fighting with her mother about going out a lot and she told me point blank "I want to go out drink, party, and have sex." I know that should have been a huge red flag, stupid me.

 

*Saw her in Singapore, everything was fine after AT and she was fine the first day, had sex and all. After that she was cold, eventually told me she wanted to go on break and considered single open to date, because she lost attraction for me because we became too comfortable and I lost myself in the relationship, which I beg to differ. Her solution was to respark the relationship by hitting a magical restart button, she didn't try at all and she was more pre-occupied with her phone which I asked who she was texting she became super defensive. Left singapore miserable but I lent her my laptop since her's died.

 

*The break up: She got on to my fb chat and took an innocent conversation in to me cheating and gas lighted me to hell, I actually thought I cheated. Her friends kept telling me dont give up she is just confused, went NC, her friend told me to get back in contact with her, broke NC, she basically said she moved on and forgot about me in 4 days, her friend said she suspects that there is someone else and found out that was true. Confronted her > She curses me out and denies that she is seeing someone even though she told her friend point blank > Get her to hear my story and cleared my name of cheating but she said there is too much hurt to keep going.

 

During the break up I heard three different excuses: You cheated and I don't give cheaters another chance > I can't be in a relationship now > Too much hurt to keep going since the situation is similar to other relationships she had but different. The whole break up process she contradicted herself and when proven her points were moot she took her statements back as she didn't mean it like that or I should just forget what she said.

 

There you go....sorry about the length. Let me know whatcha think and sorry for jacking the thread.

[BCCA]

Rorschach64,

 

Dude - this girl is a trainwreck. Breath in a HUGE sigh of relief that you dodged that bullet, and run the other way. Shes making up excuses left and right, and then projecting her cheating ways on you. All shes doing is trying to make you out to be the bad guy in all of this.

 

I mean, if you want me to PM you I can go into more detail about everything wrong with her behavior, but I would seriously consider yourself damn lucky it didnt go any farther. She has no idea what shes doing, and certainly doesnt care who gets hurt while she figures it out. I wouldnt even call it GIGs, Id call it straight up lying and cheating. The fact that she told you she wants to party and have sex, knowing you werent there for said partying, should be a red flag right there.

 

And thanks for not misunderstanding my comments. Im not here to be rude or hurt anyone, quite the opposite actually. But at the same time, me telling people some BS that their ex is going to come back any second, and theyll live happily ever after isnt doing them any favors. When I got here, all I wanted to find is stories of people getting back together, and then try and relate my situation to theirs. After a while, you start to see that reconciliation isnt really the popular theme, in fact, it happens very seldom and generally under the same circumstances.

[Rorschach64]

Oh man I know she is, I know she has father issues because her dad bailed out on her family and cheated and was a drunk when she was 10 and during the inital break up she compared me to her father. I think I covered most of it...there are some minor details here and there. Like there was one day while I was in Singapore with her she acted fine and she sat on my lap. It is like she was bi polar.

 

Yeah I'll PM you with a link to what initally wrote here on the boards and I wanna hear more about what you think just out of curiosty, after posting in the coping forum today about almost breaking NC myself to give things a 3rd or 4th try at conviencing her to restart the relationship, people kind of gave me an epiphany, that NC is for me, obviously, and I wanted to show her how I have grown and learned and became a better person....but it would be for not because she probably did no growing of her own, if she did then she would have broken the silence.

[marqueemoon4]

daddy issues are a HUGE red flag... I found that out the hard way with my exW.

[Rorschach64]

My stupid butt didn't think much of it considering she only mentioned it a few times...then again she is person that bottles stuff up. Oh well lesson learned hard way

[marqueemoon4]

My stupid butt didn't think much of it considering she only mentioned it a few times...then again she is person that bottles stuff up. Oh well lesson learned hard way

 

 

It's not your fault, how could you have known? I dunno man, you seem like a good guy.. I'm sure you can meet someone better than your ex. I'd be over mine if we didnt have a son.

[PositiveNegative]

Oh god. Daddy issues... both of my exes had daddy issues and I heard the same line at the end of both relationships. "I'm starting to see similarities between you and my dad!".

 

Bull****. I am nothing like their fathers, they were just looking for excuses to feel detachment from me.

[Rorschach64]

Yeah I don't blame myself but I still should have not ignored all the red flags in the relationship but I was so in love and trusted my ex-fiancee. That was one thing I didn't suffer from my break up, lack of self worth, I made sure I expressed my worth at the end of the relationship and wasn't willing to settle for friends.

 

Ha, yeah....big ol red flag there when she compared me to her father during the accusations of cheating on her. It left me speechless....and confused.

[Stephie]

Dang it sounds like you are so much better off, not all girls are crazy but your ex is at the top! So I'm gonna make another post about what has been going on since we first talked because it hasn't stopped and I need advise!