SadColorado Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 I have been with my wife 3 years and 3 months and we have been married for 1 year and 1 month. In February of 2011 she moved to Chicago to live with her mom and grandpa as they had promised her a sweet government job (her grandfather is a guy that knows people and supposedly can make stuff happen). I was to stay behind in Colorado to look after our pets, we have a cat and a dog that her grandpa didn't want in his house. So the plan was that she would only be gone maybe a month or two, get set up and then I would come out. That was over 8 months ago...her grandpa still hasn't made good on the promise to get her a job. So, we were chugging along with our long distance relationship and everything was all hearts love and terrific. We used Ventrillo everyday to talk to each other, wrote letters, and even played an online game together to close the distance. We didn't, however, visit each other in this time. We both agreed that a visit would be awesome, but having to say "goodbye" again would just be awful, so we wanted to just wait it out because we were sure that soon she would get the job and I would be able to move out there with her. We missed each other terribly and couldn't wait for her promised job to come up so we could reunite. About 3 weeks ago we got into an argument. After fighting for hours she told me she didn't know how she felt anymore, she said she couldn't say she loved me only that she had loved me. She told me to leave her alone and that she needed time to think about things. I tried my best to give her space...but I wasn't good at it. I made all the common mistakes. I called her, texted her, tried to make contact with her on our online game, I sent an email to her mother, I tried to talk to one of her new work friends, I told her that I was going to come out there immediately, and I basically panicked. The day before yesterday she called me and told me that we needed to have a serious talk. She told me that she has been holding stuff back and our argument was the "straw that broke the camel's back". She told me that she thought about things and she believes that she is a completely different person now. She says that the change in "who she is" was so profound that she just isn't who she used to be. She told me that she doesn't love me. When we first had the fight I wanted to rush out to see her right away but she told me no. A couple of days later I was panicking again because I caught wind that her mother was urging her to talk to a lawyer and I called her and told her that I would be coming out to see her immediately. She told me NO again...that I wouldn't like what I would find and she didn't see how it would fix anything. Finally, the other night when she called to have the serous talk, I again expressed my desire to come out to see her and talk to her about our problems. Once again she told me absolutely not to do that. She said that if I were to come out she would avoid me if she could and that her family would not allow me to see her. She went on to say that if I were to catch her and try to talk to her she would be mean and it would be awful, that coming to see her would only serve to hurt me more. She has unfriended and blocked me from Facebook, (changed her relationship status from married to single as well) she has unfriended me from the online game we used to play together, she is trying her best to sever whatever contact we had. I have never reached out to the interwebs for help like this but I am at a total loss. My world is crumbling around me. How do I get our relationship back on track?
creighton0123 Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 For a three year relationship, her reaction and treatment towards you is both shocking and slightly dehumanizing/insulting. She is being very immature and extremely selfish right now. I'm not sure what you can do since she seems completely unreasonable, irrational, and childish in the way she is ending your relationship. It may suck, but it's true. What she is doing is nothing more than a childish tantrum one has when he or she has no idea how to behave or communicate like an adult. I know you love and care about her, but is this the kind of person you want to be with? One that will cut you off with absolutely no logical explanation? As for talking to a lawyer, you should talk to one as well. Since she has a job and you have no children, it would seem that a quick separation with a simple division in assets would be the adult and logical thing to do. Her reaction, however, makes it seem as though her and her mother are going to attempt to destroy you both emotionally and financially for no other reason other than the fact that they can. Unfortunately, unless you both can somehow have a face-to-face, mature, adult discussion about what's going on, you can do absolutely nothing. If I were you, I wouldn't be panicked. I would be infuriated and feeling extremely disrespected. No one deserves to be treated like you have, especially by someone whom you love and who once claimed to love you.
Author SadColorado Posted November 4, 2011 Author Posted November 4, 2011 Thanks for the reply brother. Believe me I AM infuriated and feeling disrespected. I don't think some face time with my wife is too much to ask at all...even if she decides she's going to stick to her guns afterwards. I told her the last time we spoke that I trusted her and respected her decision to not want to see me...I've decided I'm going to break that promise.
TokyoG33kyGal Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 there's something fishy about her strong disapprovement of you coming to see her.
creighton0123 Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 there's something fishy about her strong disapprovement of you coming to see her. I agree. It sounds like she become emotionally/sexually involved with someone else - someone that her mother seems to like very much. If she's attempting to take you to the cleaners if you two separate, public knowledge of a potential affair on her part wouldn't work in her favor. That is just one possibility, though. All of the excuses she gave you before she cut you out of her life are pure bull****. Anytime someone says "I'm a new person now" (or something along those lines), I scream bull****. She might have been very nice, but reads like a bitch.
wildgeese Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 (edited) I agree. It sounds like she become emotionally/sexually involved with someone else - someone that her mother seems to like very much. If she's attempting to take you to the cleaners if you two separate, public knowledge of a potential affair on her part wouldn't work in her favor. That is just one possibility, though. All of the excuses she gave you before she cut you out of her life are pure bull****. Anytime someone says "I'm a new person now" (or something along those lines), I scream bull****. She might have been very nice, but reads like a bitch. I have to agree. What she is doing is so incredibly disrespectful. My mind is seriously boggled at people who behave like this. The whole speech about being a new person is such a cop-out. I'm very sorry that you are dealing with this and I hope you at least get an explanation soon. Edited November 5, 2011 by wildgeese
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