confused kitty Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 (edited) 3 days... Il say it again 3DAYS is all it took!!!!! After my bf breaking up with me 11days ago due to alot of personal stuff going on and him being confused and needing space to try sort his life out... Well long story short we talked on and off for a week or so and then I started NC saying id give him the space he said he needid... So 3days later and he just text me this evening asking could he call me - I left it afew hours to reply ( not wanting him to know ive been watching my phone all this time) so I text back saying "yea I guess". Straight away he calls me ( even I was suprised, seen as he had text me over 2hours ago) I wasnt cold or bitchy twords him but I didnt let on I was super excited to hear from him (even tho I was ) So he says: I know I said I needid space to clear my mind but I dont need anymore time - after 1 day NC with you, I realised how miserable my life would be if every day was like that, and I really cant see my life without you in it.... At this point Im still seriously down playing it all, telling him I was only following his wishes by giving him space and actually its been quite nice to have some time to myself to think and just worry about me for a change.... I didnt want to get into anything too heavy, I tryed asking how hes been and he replyed by saying "stop with the small talk theres plenty of time for that but right now we've more important things to talk about", (Im now a little worried) He went on to say, hes no longer confused - he defenitly wants me back!!! I tell him Im really happy hes come to a decision, but that its not that simply (now hes worried, asked if ive already moved on) I say no, but that I have to build trust back up, you hurt me and pushed me away once how do I know you wont do it again??? He lists off aload of reasons but says he understands... I said we should start off again as friends, you still have alot going on right now, and I dont want to get messed around again. To which he asks could he court me again like he did at the start - he wants to impress me and swoo me again ( lol god I friggin Love this guy ) Hes out of town all weekend.... But were going on our (second) 1st date Sunday evening After we hung up and said good night, he texts straight away saying "I won you once and I promise Il win you back again, only this time I'll be clever enough to hold onto you. Good night my angel sweet dreams, my heart is yours always xoxoxox" I feel like a little child on christmas morning!!!!! I hope this gives people some hope, and anybody still worried about NC- DO IT!!!! I was unsure at first, worried it would only push him further away etc but In my case it certainly seems to have worked - hang in there, trust me I know how tough it is... Edited November 4, 2011 by confused kitty
Rorschach64 Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 Congratulations, it was your case that very minor NC worked but he was on the rocks and at least expressed as such. For most of us it might take longer than three days, I was told not to expect any results at all for two to three years down the pipeline, but still it can never happen for some. Being a negative nelly is something people need to have to sober up from false hope, I know I am one, heh. Good luck Kitty and I am very happy for you
Bobby289 Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 Thats awesome good job! 3 days? wow I hope I get something like that in the next few weeks lol.
Rorschach64 Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 I wish it to happen for you too Bobby but don't expect it to. Hoping NC will bring back your ex will make a harrowing experience out of your healing process if she doesn't come back. Yeah I know I am dampening good spirits but tough love is still love
Author confused kitty Posted November 4, 2011 Author Posted November 4, 2011 I know its probably quite rare to get a reaction so quickly but I guess Im just one of the lucky ones - mind you I didnt think that this time last week! And Im not trying to give people false hope, but I did want to let people know that it can happen...
Bobby289 Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 Yeah I don't plan on it for my own sake, but we *all* hold on to a little piece...
AlexisMacabre Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 im so happy for you, i was in a relationship with my guy for almost 4 years now, we had our ups and downs and separations and once again here i am and on top of that we have a son together and ya know its kinda different but its been almost a month since we split and its going on almost 2 weeks no contact and he hasnt even cared about me, hes even gone to say that hes ecstatic that were not together anymore to a friend and of course im very hurt by it but ive been keeping strong for myself and for our son. i guess this is really the end with us. please keep me and who ever else updated i would really like to know how things keep going for you guys but remember make him work for it! xoxo take care!
Author confused kitty Posted November 4, 2011 Author Posted November 4, 2011 Thank you, AlexisMacabre, Im so orry to hear about your situation, but your right you need to stay strong for your own sake aswell as your son *hug I will indeed keep you all posted, everyone on here has been such a great help to me, not only offering great advice but also just listening/reading my hysterical rants and ALOT of venting.... Were taking things very slowly (i insisted) but oh boy will he work for it lol
Rorschach64 Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 Oh and Kitty one last thing, no I am not going to poop on this celebration again , come back here with updates and if you are unsure in the least bit do come back and seek advice, you aren't alone
Author confused kitty Posted November 4, 2011 Author Posted November 4, 2011 lol its ok Rorschach64 - you could poop on here all you like but right now I wouldnt be bothered in the slightest Il most defenitly be popping by here from time to time, as I said this forum has been amazing for me, and Id like to be able to give a little back if I can
Rorschach64 Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 Ha, I can't imagine anything ruining your mood. That's why I am kind of still around because a lot of people helped me and I am trying to help those that need help too. In turn I think I learn stuff about myself and learn what I should do in the future in all regards in relationships or if my ex comes back.
HappyFlower Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 So happy for you Kitty! Let us know how you guys get one! xx
BCCA Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 Guys are far more likely to reconsider their decision than women are, for the simple fact that women have a strong network of friends, and they talk to them all the time and ask for advice, etc. Men dont have the luxury of having someone to bounce ideas and feelings off of, as most guys dont want to hear another man's relationship woes, and most guys dont want to come off as weak or feminine by asking. I think you handled everything quite well, actually. Cutting contact made him feel the effects of you being out of his life NOW, not slowly so that he could adjust over time. Also, the concerns you raised when he wanted you back were perfect, and make sense. You dont want to be jerked around, everyone knows how that feels. My only advice is to take things slow,and make sure his actions match his words. So far, everything looks great, but like I said - just be sure that you keep your emotions in check so you can see whats really going on. To the guy who said that ex's will come back 2-3 years after NC...nothing could be further from the truth. Usually, if you dont hear from an ex for 6 months, theyve gone on and figured out life without you. For anything to happen between you again, as NoFoolin said, youd pretty much need a 100 yard hail mary with 0:01 on the clock. If, by some weird chance, you did hear from someone after such a long time - I would be willing to bet everything I own that they just got out of a relationship, and are just using you for an ego boost before the head back out there. Come on, you cant really expect someone to still want to talk to you and be there for you if you just let them spend 2-3 years wallowing in missery, expecting youre gone and moving on without you.
Author confused kitty Posted November 4, 2011 Author Posted November 4, 2011 Thank you BCCA, Ive promised myself Im not going to rush back in, I need to do this for my sake - Im going back to square one, where he had to chase me and impress me , I told him this was a whole new begening for us.... So I guess we'l just have to wait and see how it goes!
Rorschach64 Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 sorry if this is jacking your thread. BCCA, I understand where you are coming from but anything can happen and my break up was from GIGs. Yeah still you are right my ex may never come back or she might. I need to move on and lose the hope. I do agree most likely they come back for an ego boost or seeking some release from their guilt.
BCCA Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 BCCA, I understand where you are coming from but anything can happen and my break up was from GIGs. Im not sure what GIGs means, but the important thing is this: When someone loves you, and sees value in a relationship with you, they're willing to talk and try to work it out. When someone bails, theyve usually decided the relationship was not worth any additional effort, and they would be better off starting new with someone else. I need to move on and lose the hope. I do agree most likely they come back for an ego boost or seeking some release from their guilt. This is why NC is so important. If youre there for someone who dumped you, and they know that all they need to do is give you a call and you come running, then all you do is become a fallback option. Youre not showing that you even love yourself, which if you dont - no one will. Once you show someone that youre willing to go on without them, and that youre not going to be strung along, they have a choice to make: are they in or out? If theyre out, they can at least feel the sting of losing you. When you keep yourself in limbo, youre not moving on. Always expect theyre not coming back, and that you need to move on. That way, if they do, you'll have a clear head and really make a good decision about whats good for you.
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