theratandthecat Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 We broke up a month and a half ago, saying "I don't want to be your girlfriend" after two months of hooking up/ LDR. I met her three weeks ago (she lives out of states) on a trip and she made me feel really horrible, but at the end we promised to stay friends. After that, I deleted her facebook because I don't want to stay friends. She removed my other facebook too. Last week, I finally txted and called her and she picked up & answered very timely. On Saturday night, I said I missed the memories that we spent with a program during the summer, and she agreed to talk with me at about 3:15 AM, and it lasted half an hour. After that, I added her facebook back, try not to communicate anything with her. She did accept. I want to re initiate talks once more this Saturday when we have a group skype with the people from that summer. But, why hasn't she initiated any contact? During the relationship, she hardly initiated touching but did initiate some chat/ txt. This type of mixed message is driving me crazy. I know I should've applied NC longer, but I really want her back and it's been terrible inside. What should I do?
BCCA Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 Be warned, youre not going to like this, but its what you need to hear. "I don't want to be your girlfriend" Ouch. The only good thing is that she was direct, but she didnt say anything like 'we cant be together because of the distance' or anything that was a fixable problem; she didnt want to be with you - period. but at the end we promised to stay friends After that, I deleted her facebook because I don't want to stay friends Why did you promise you would stay friends if you didnt want to stay friends? Let me tell you something, friends is NEVER the angle you want to take when wanting a romantic relationship with a woman. She wanted you to promise to stay friends ONLY because it makes her feel less guilty, and really, she doesnt really lose anything that way. She still gets whatever she wants from you, while being 'friends', and you continue to get nothing you want, because youre only being used. Trust me, WAY too many guys get burned trying to go the 'friends' route. NEVER EVER EVER agree to be friends with someone who dumped you, its totally pointless and unproductive. In the future, if a girl says she doesnt want to be with you romantically, but wants to remain 'friends', tell her that there is nothing in being her friend for you, and its not at all fair for her to expect you to pretend that youre ok with just being her friend. As you said yourself, you didnt want that. Your mistake was going along with it at all. Always love yourself first, because no one else is going to look out for your feelings if you wont even do it. I know I should've applied NC longer, but I really want her back and it's been terrible inside. What should I do? Youve completely missed the entire point of NC. It has NOTHING to do with getting her back, its sole purpose is to get you over her and on with your life. Its so you can heal and move on with life. I dont care if you did NC for 10 years (which -btw, it sounds like you didnt do it at all), if youre doing it while waiting for her to come back, youre wasting your time. If she wants to change her mind, she'll let you know, but truth be told - she probably doesnt, and thats unlikely to change. What should you do? Move on. This one is over, done, fin. You were only LDR'ing it for a couple months, anyway, and while Im sure you were really into her, if you just chalk this one up and focus yourself on moving on, you should be feeling better soon enough. Your problem is that you were only trying to figure out a way to get her back, but you have to understand that that isnt your choice, and nothing you do or say will change her mind. She has to be the one who decides that she wants you back, and if she tells you she doesnt want to be your GF after TWO months, than she was never really into you. Im sorry bro, I really am, but you should consider this over and find someone else.
PositiveNegative Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 You are lucky this only lasted two months. She really wasn't that into you. I know you want her back, and this may sound harsh, but it doesn't sound like she was really "yours" to begin with. Don't be friends, don't reach out. Move on, you'll realize later on that you dodged a bullet.
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