lovelostornot Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 Hi, Allow me to introduce myself. Im a 29 year old male engaged to a wonderful 30 year old women. Mainly we have a fantastic relationship. The last few months we have had our troubles and wobbles but have tried to stay strong. Things haven't been exactly brilliant the last few weeks though. With her work she was due to go over seas to work for 4-6 weeks. I suggested we split up for this duration. Not a "break" but split up. This time would help us (myself more importantly) put perspective on our relationship before we do step down the aisle. We split up With the view that we would get back together when she comes home. Now here is my problem. I love her and have never or would I ever cheat. But I am dying to quite simply have a fling. I feel as though I need to get it out of my system and realise how silly I would be to let such a good thing slip through my fingers. The problem I'm having is this, I love her and even though we both agreed to split I feel at times as though I would be cheating. And I don't want to do that. I know guys would suggest and do it anyway and she wouldnt need to know, but I don't know if I could deal with the guilt. If she comes home and asks me was I with anybody I would find it very hard to look at her and tell her a lie. What if I feel so guilty I have to come clean and tell her. It would break her heart. The other part of me, is telling me to do it. After all I am single, even if it is only for 6 weeks. Make the most of my freedom, gain a new perspective on our relationship get back together and leave the past behind us and move on. I don't want to be a cheat as I hate them. I know I'm single but I still feel as though I would be cheating. Would I be able to cope with the guilt and telling her lies if she asks. But I also want to have fun while I am single!! Sorry if I have you confused, but I actually have myself confused. This is the constant battle im having with myself. Im looking for peoples (male & females) views, opinions and input please. Thanks for reading and sorry for the confusion.
olivec Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 If you love her why would you cheat man? It be one thing if she said she didn't want you anymore. In this case you should stay true to your girl unless she gives you vibes that she has no intentions of getting back with you.
ChelseaLS Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 If you love her why would you cheat man? It be one thing if she said she didn't want you anymore. In this case you should stay true to your girl unless she gives you vibes that she has no intentions of getting back with you. Yuck . No offense, actually take it offensive if you want... your story makes me feel gross. The fact that you want to have a fling just before you get married make me feel dirty and I don't know you from a hole in the wall. To me, you wanting a fling, makes me think you're not fully commited.
Leegh Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 I would say that you are not ready to be married at this point, (not a criticism). Are you madly in love with her, or do you just love her? It sounds as though you may be deeply attached to her, but not romantically in love with her.
mike588 Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 If you cheat on her and she finds out and dumps you we'll see you here crying because she dumped you. Don't do it.
norajane Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 I love her and have never or would I ever cheatThen don't. If you do, your relationship will not recover. You will lose her. This period of time when she is not with you is not a "cheat for free! without consequences! without regard to your fiance!" card. This cheating idea seems to say that you are not in love with her, do not love her, and are not ready for marriage or even a relationship. THAT is exactly how your fiance will see it as well.
Star Gazer Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 Then don't. If you do, your relationship will not recover. You will lose her. This period of time when she is not with you is not a "cheat for free! without consequences! without regard to your fiance!" card. This cheating idea seems to say that you are not in love with her, do not love her, and are not ready for marriage or even a relationship. THAT is exactly how your fiance will see it as well. Absolutely agree. But I'm not going to say don't cheat... Rather, I'm going to suggest you make the break a final one. She deserves better.
HappyFlower Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 After all I am single, even if it is only for 6 weeks. Make the most of my freedom, gain a new perspective on our relationship get back together and leave the past behind us and move on. Hm. What I get from this is you initiated the breakup, so you could maintain that you were single if she ever found out and you were free to do as you pleased, but then you expect her to leave the past behind you? It sounds like you want to be able to claim you were technically single at the time, but not want to lose her by saying its just for 6 weeks. You say you split up with the intention of getting back together later. Did you also make it clear to her that she is free to sleep with other men, to see if she might want to back out of marrying you? Would you be absolutly ok if she did this and expected you to just forget it? I'm not sure you have the right mentality right now to get married soon, to be honest.
ChelseaLS Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 Hm. What I get from this is you initiated the breakup, so you could maintain that you were single if she ever found out and you were free to do as you pleased, but then you expect her to leave the past behind you? It sounds like you want to be able to claim you were technically single at the time, but not want to lose her by saying its just for 6 weeks. You say you split up with the intention of getting back together later. Did you also make it clear to her that she is free to sleep with other men, to see if she might want to back out of marrying you? Would you be absolutly ok if she did this and expected you to just forget it? I'm not sure you have the right mentality right now to get married soon, to be honest. I 100% agree with HappyFlower.
Star Gazer Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 There are three separate threads on this subject.
1mp Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 Not a "break" but split up. This time would help us (myself more importantly) put perspective on our relationship before we do step down the aisle. Listen to your subconscious - you aren't ready to marry (not this woman, anyway). No shame in that but still...... I love her and have never or would I ever cheat. But I am dying to quite simply have a fling. See above answer. As soon as you mention "but" you negated your affirmation. Likewise "I'm sorry but..." is never an apology. I feel as though I need to get it out of my system If you were ready you wouldn't be thinking this. It's that simple. and realise how silly I would be to let such a good thing slip through my fingers. Silly from a logical perspective, yes. But the heart wants what the heart wants. And yours isn't ready for a lifetime commitment. The other part of me, is telling me to do it. After all I am single, even if it is only for 6 weeks. Make the most of my freedom, gain a new perspective on our relationship get back together and leave the past behind us and move on. Bull****! Every word. If you plan on getting back then you are not single no matter how you want to spin in so you get to cheat guilt free. If you love this girl you will not want to cheat - it's that simple. You're 29, not 19, you don't need perspective. You plan to marry her! You should know what it's all about! Your mind, heart, subconscious, whatever is telling you that you are not ready for a lifetime commitment. Listen to it, act on it, and let her go. If you force yourself into doing the right thing you will either cheat anyway (which brings guilt) or you'll be in an unhappy marriage. I don't want to be a cheat as I hate them. Yes you do and you are looking at ways of cheating guilt free. You may hate cheats but that is what you are going to become whether you justify it to yourself or not. I know I'm single but I still feel as though I would be cheating. You're not single if you plan on getting back and that is why your conscience is telling you you'd be cheating. But I also want to have fun while I am single!! Cake and eat. Cake and eat. You are not ready for marriage and she is not the one for you. Break off for good and let her go for good. Maybe you'll get back together in a year or so but any short term break is BS and you need to have the integrity to see that - not for honour but because your heart, body and soul is screaming at you that you are not yet fit to marry.
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