NYC-BigKat Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 Hi I'm new here but been on POF for a year w/o any luck. It hurts because I write very good detailed messages to women on there and never get any replies for it. I dont understand why its that way. Dont they wanna date? I was out halloween w/ a friend and wanted to talk to some okay looking women but none of them seemed to give out any signals so I didn't bother any of them. Aren't girls supposed to hint off to guys if they want them to approach? What kinds of signs are these? Needless to say my halloween was pretty lame . Didn't do anything but see a movie which was over-crowded making it hard to enjoy. Then when we left the theatre I thought my poor night would be saved by this pretty cute girl that gave me a few looks as she passed us on the sidewalk. So now my friend gives me the okay to take a shot at her and I do. I go over to her and compliment her on her halloween makeup. she's nice and lets me talk to her for a few minutes but then excuses herself by saying that she could tell I'm a good guy but just doesn't know . What does it mean? I'm confused here. I tell my friend about what she says and he laughs crazily. I wanna know why and he says that when a girl tells you you're a good guy its code for loser. Please tell me this isn't true.
dasein Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 It isn't code for "loser" specifically, but is code for "I am not interested."
Shaun-Dro Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 Hi I'm new here but been on POF for a year w/o any luck. It hurts because I write very good detailed messages to women on there and never get any replies for it. I dont understand why its that way. Dont they wanna date? I was out halloween w/ a friend and wanted to talk to some okay looking women but none of them seemed to give out any signals so I didn't bother any of them. Aren't girls supposed to hint off to guys if they want them to approach? What kinds of signs are these? Needless to say my halloween was pretty lame . Didn't do anything but see a movie which was over-crowded making it hard to enjoy. Then when we left the theatre I thought my poor night would be saved by this pretty cute girl that gave me a few looks as she passed us on the sidewalk. So now my friend gives me the okay to take a shot at her and I do. I go over to her and compliment her on her halloween makeup. she's nice and lets me talk to her for a few minutes but then excuses herself by saying that she could tell I'm a good guy but just doesn't know . What does it mean? I'm confused here. I tell my friend about what she says and he laughs crazily. I wanna know why and he says that when a girl tells you you're a good guy its code for loser. Please tell me this isn't true. It's more of the term "Nice Guy" equaling "Loser" but so many people here get those two entwined. I see that you're from NYC. That's funny because so am I and I know for a fact that you'll never score an attractive, young woman with the nice guy approach. You're valueless in most of their eyes and easily disposable. Basically, you'll need to be less considerate of them, cocky, and just not give a **** about what she thinks of you, period.
AHardDaysNight Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 No, good and nice aren't the same thing. If being good was bad, then I'd lose hope for the human race.
Wolf18 Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 It's more of the term "Nice Guy" equaling "Loser" but so many people here get those two entwined. I see that you're from NYC. That's funny because so am I and I know for a fact that you'll never score an attractive, young woman with the nice guy approach. You're valueless in most of their eyes and easily disposable. Basically, you'll need to be less considerate of them, cocky, and just not give a **** about what she thinks of you, period. Yep, I'll third this I'm from NYC too and the women here think they are hot ****. No matter how dumpy or plain, every girl here has her own little pro-modeling pictures, and all the rich men model men of the world come to live in this city. Women are always as picky as their options allow them to be, and NYC gives them ridiculous options.
OnyxSnowfall Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 Yep, I'll third this I'm from NYC too and the women here think they are hot ****. No matter how dumpy or plain, every girl here has her own little pro-modeling pictures, and all the rich men model men of the world come to live in this city. Women are always as picky as their options allow them to be, and NYC gives them ridiculous options. NYC is bad for your sanity and health.
grkBoy Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 I think you're trying to tie all your rejection together into one possible rationale...which isn't the case. We haven't seen your POF profile or emails you send, or even what women you pursue. I was on POF for a period and send 100+ emails without any replies. I don't know if I wasn't handsome enough, wealthy enough, or interesting enough...but it has built up my own feeling that women on dating sites are extremely picky...at least in my neck of the woods. I'll still remember a few female friends who said that dating sites are for losers, and if they were to join one, they would only talk to and date insanely hot guys...meaning if they're going to take the "step down" and join a dating site, then they want to end up with an above average man. MY SUGGESTION is to not put all your eggs on POF. I think POF is more a POG (Piece of Garbage) where too many sign up not seriously and thus you're fighting an uphill battle to get a reply. Try OK Cupid. I've seen many here speak highly of the site. Perhaps also look into a pay site like Match. As for the Halloween incident, I don't know if you were feeling down and insecure that night (based on your words)...but I will say women can see that easily in a guy. When it shows even a little that you're insecure, or feeling down, depressed, nervous, etc...women see it, and are often turned off NOT because they're wanting a 100% secure/confident guy, but because the guy who was slightly insecure made them feel uncomfortable. A "click" moment happens when both sides click...when both sides are comfortable with one another, and a real connection occurs. If one or both sides are down, angry, frustrated, insecure, mistrusting, distant, eager to score, etc...it becomes a massive obstacle to making a connection happen. Does "good guy" mean "loser"? I don't think it does. I think in the case of this girl, she thought you were a good or nice guy, but she wasn't feeling any connection with you. Don't sit there thinking all women look at you that way. Definitely explore if you have red flags or things that turn women off, but don't lump all women into this one possibility. We don't know what was on her mind. Maybe she was seeing someone and can't fathom any other men. Maybe she's getting over someone and not in the mood to date. Maybe she's not sure if you're genuine or looking to trick her into bed. Maybe you're just not what she wants in a guy. Maybe she wants a douchebag that will hurt her in life, thus it's not your fault that you're a "good guy" but hers for wanting abusive men. Who knows? Who cares? Just move on and don't let it destroy you. Try OKC and maybe Match. Change yourself up if you're feeling unattractive. Ask for suggestions on this board and be willing to listen and try the advice given.
jobaba Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 Hi I'm new here but been on POF for a year w/o any luck. It hurts because I write very good detailed messages to women on there and never get any replies for it. I dont understand why its that way. Dont they wanna date? I was out halloween w/ a friend and wanted to talk to some okay looking women but none of them seemed to give out any signals so I didn't bother any of them. Aren't girls supposed to hint off to guys if they want them to approach? What kinds of signs are these? Needless to say my halloween was pretty lame . Didn't do anything but see a movie which was over-crowded making it hard to enjoy. Then when we left the theatre I thought my poor night would be saved by this pretty cute girl that gave me a few looks as she passed us on the sidewalk. So now my friend gives me the okay to take a shot at her and I do. I go over to her and compliment her on her halloween makeup. she's nice and lets me talk to her for a few minutes but then excuses herself by saying that she could tell I'm a good guy but just doesn't know . What does it mean? I'm confused here. I tell my friend about what she says and he laughs crazily. I wanna know why and he says that when a girl tells you you're a good guy its code for loser. Please tell me this isn't true. In the context of your story, it doesn't mean anything. Some girl that you approached on the street cold? Even for a real good looking guy, cold approaching strangers on the street has a horrible success ratio. In the context of women you get to know a little better than that, it means simply, "I'm not attracted to you." It's just a generic way of women saying that. It doesn't even really mean she thinks you're a nice guy really.
KathyM Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 Hi I'm new here but been on POF for a year w/o any luck. It hurts because I write very good detailed messages to women on there and never get any replies for it. I dont understand why its that way. Dont they wanna date? I was out halloween w/ a friend and wanted to talk to some okay looking women but none of them seemed to give out any signals so I didn't bother any of them. Aren't girls supposed to hint off to guys if they want them to approach? What kinds of signs are these? Needless to say my halloween was pretty lame . Didn't do anything but see a movie which was over-crowded making it hard to enjoy. Then when we left the theatre I thought my poor night would be saved by this pretty cute girl that gave me a few looks as she passed us on the sidewalk. So now my friend gives me the okay to take a shot at her and I do. I go over to her and compliment her on her halloween makeup. she's nice and lets me talk to her for a few minutes but then excuses herself by saying that she could tell I'm a good guy but just doesn't know . What does it mean? I'm confused here. I tell my friend about what she says and he laughs crazily. I wanna know why and he says that when a girl tells you you're a good guy its code for loser. Please tell me this isn't true. It means she's not interested for whatever reason. She was letting you down gently by throwing in that nice guy comment. She didn't let you down because you were a nice guy. She let you down because she was not interested, and the nice guy comment was just to soften the effect.
joystickd Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 Don't stress something one woman said. The good/nice guy thing can eat at you. I know for me after all I have been though that still strikes strong emotion for me because I let it. In a way its a womans way of rejecting you its a hell of a lot better than what women have told me like f**k off or who in the hell would talk to a f**king lame like you. Yeah black women can be harsh. Trust me after its all said and done its her loss and you have to see it that way and there are too many women out here to be worried about one. You got it easy you are in NYC the real challenge is trying to date in a small town
Shaun-Dro Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 gals have a sixth sense if not a billion more senses than guys have. you can have two guys, one 5-4 overweight can't hold a conversation makes 18k a year and can't hold a job, is lazy but he appeals to a gal's senses and can get sex, r-ships, marriage etc. with the pretty or hot gal with little effort. the other guy 6-2, trim, great body, stable six figure job, ivy league educated, but doesn't appeal to a gal's senses. he's a slam dunk to be single at 50 and will be lucky to get pity sex in those 50 years. its not fair but its how gals are. gals deny deny deny but listen in on shopping trips or a bathroom conversation if you can mange. youll hear the ugly truth. The 5'4 overweight schlub is an exaggeration but I do get your grip as to women just picking men for silly, unexplainable reasons; which is why they break it off just as stupidly, then rinse and repeat. Best advice for you, OP: leave these females alone! I'm not sure how old you are, but if you're still in school or whatever, finish it, get a solid job or career and then travel the world so you can bag the finer women and just keep it like that for your remaining days, because other than some sexual release from them, they're pretty useless afterwards. Remember that!
joystickd Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 when a gal tell you f**k off or who in the hell would talk to a f**king lame like you, its not that bad. gals have said that tpe of s**t to me and a few weeks later we're back together. if she call's you a good/nice guy it's over. i've had my share of both and that's how it goes. Well in my experiences it was that bad. Honestly now I just don't give a s**t and now I have a easier time with women. I just say whatever I feel and I was surprised at what I saw. Sometimes that small talk will talk you right into a rejection
AHardDaysNight Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 thats the sad state of affairs. i'd go so far as to say that even 350lb gals won't touch the nice guy and it isn't just nyc. he shouldn't kid himself that moving to iowa will do a thing. it won't. She didn't say "nice", she said "good." I have often drawn the comparison between these three parallels: Bad Boy/Jerk | Good Guy/Confident Man | Nice Guy/Insecure and Unconfident Basically the Bad Boy, and the Nice Guy are on different and extreme sides of the spectrum. The Bad Boy is so insecure that he has to be mean to be attractive, and the Nice Guy is so insecure that he pretends to be nice to be attractive...which never works. The Good guy is confident, assertive, AND attractive, and he falls right smack dab in the middle. He knows how to be a man, a passionate lover, being nice (without having only that going for him), and is well rounded and a healthy individual. Your friend was wrong. It's not the good guys who are losers, it's the nice guys.
jobaba Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 WAY, WAY, WAY underplaying the importance of looks. I know this guy who looks like Keanu Reeves (who incidentally is in the NETFLIX side bar ... WEIRD!) Half Asian, Half white. Guy is SO shy, and SO nice, and SO quiet. No offense, he's a nice guy, but he's got the personality of a Calculus textbook. Girls throw themselves at him.
AHardDaysNight Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 Yeah sure, if you have looks, girls will throw themselves at you. But if you're average looking, you have to have charm and charisma, and be the middle guy in that chart I drew, to form lasting relationships.
AHardDaysNight Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 There is no other creature on this Earth that is more shallow than a human female... Your nature and your username contradict each other...
joystickd Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 don't give a s**t can work if gals have a bit of that natural attraction to you. if he doesn't have that may as well become a priest The reason I don't give a s**t is because the moment I actually care is when it doesn't work out for me. Some guys actually talk attraction out of a woman. Its kind of like losing a sale because you said too much.
AHardDaysNight Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 What do you know about my nature? A White Knight is someone who defends women, at the thought of getting sex from her. You are being insulting towards women, and therefore your username and your nature are conflicting with each other.
Author NYC-BigKat Posted November 3, 2011 Author Posted November 3, 2011 Don't stress something one woman said. The good/nice guy thing can eat at you. I know for me after all I have been though that still strikes strong emotion for me because I let it. In a way its a womans way of rejecting you its a hell of a lot better than what women have told me like f**k off or who in the hell would talk to a f**king lame like you. Yeah black women can be harsh. Trust me after its all said and done its her loss and you have to see it that way and there are too many women out here to be worried about one. You got it easy you are in NYC the real challenge is trying to date in a small town Thats what some of my friends tell me but not sure if its really true. to me it seems that the friendlier I am its points against me. I'm 23 years old and I've talked to probably about 50-60 women since 16 and only had 1 lover. Thats pretty lame so something's wrong.
Author NYC-BigKat Posted November 3, 2011 Author Posted November 3, 2011 The reason I don't give a s**t is because the moment I actually care is when it doesn't work out for me. Some guys actually talk attraction out of a woman. Its kind of like losing a sale because you said too much. Hi can u please give me some more info about this? I'm really interested as to what u mean. I keep hearing from my friends to stay nice and just be yourself but it isn't working. How does a guy talk attraction out of a girl? I wonder if I ever did that .
Nexus One Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 Women are always as picky as their options allow them to be, and NYC gives them ridiculous options. There are roughly 250000 more single women in NYC than single men according to a 2006 census. So I don't think the options for women are that ridiculous.
joystickd Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 Hi can u please give me some more info about this? I'm really interested as to what u mean. I keep hearing from my friends to stay nice and just be yourself but it isn't working. How does a guy talk attraction out of a girl? I wonder if I ever did that . Be yourself is a crock of s**t. What if I was a person that had a body odor and swampass. That person is being themselves by maintaining that. The better saying to me is be authentic. The key is to be your best but be genuine. My belief and what has worked for me is to keep conversations short. I know I got rejected by women that were initially attracted to me but because I spent hours talking and texting I became more of a friend than a potential partner. So just to prevent from having moments that are quiet I ended up revealing more and more of myself taking away the mystery. As the saying goes the more you talk the more common you appear. You want her to do more talking and become invested more than you. Women love players and bad boys because they know how to get the women more invested in the relationship. No woman wants a man that she knows she can have whenever she wants. Women like the challenge just like men maybe more.
Shaun-Dro Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 There are roughly 250000 more single women in NYC than single men according to a 2006 census. So I don't think the options for women are that ridiculous. And why do you think there's so many freaking single women in this lame, beaten-up city? Obviously because the women don't wanna be bothered. Most of them rather be single and grumble, hit up the nightclubs and let a loser bad boy have his way with them, forget about him the next day and the remaining ones fool around with each other, but still call themselves a straight, heterosexual female. Then you forgot the ones who grow old and lonely, only to cry themselves to sleep at night, yearning for their younger days that will never return so they can do it all over again the right way: meeting their insane standards of Prince Charming.
Metis Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 NYC is bad for your sanity and health. I think NYC's sanity and health would improve if he moved.
Recommended Posts