What do I do now? Loss of sexual interest....

[noitsme]

I have been with my girlfriend for four years now and it seems that she is no longer interested in sex of any sort.

I am 24 and she is 25 and both of us are very fit and attractive.

I own several businesses and make more then plenty of money and money is not an issue ever. I make her a #1 priority while still being a man.

As of recent it seems that I am lucky enough to have any sexual encounter once a month and have not been happy for the last six months.

I have sat her down several times and talked to her about this but she says its not me.... hmm I hate that line. She says it will change but it never does. I have even tried to help her by getting her an outfit and shoes letting her know my full intention of ravishing her but the items are still in the bag. (Not cheap stuff I spent 800$ on shoes and outfits just to make sure she would have something she liked).

I have tried romantic getaways, massages, spa days (for her), concerts etc to try and bond with her even more. The bonding part is working but sex is still sitting on the bench.

She is tired, not feeling good, busy, and I can't count the excuses.

 

Ok well now its getting to the point I have tried for so long while being rejected I just am giving up. My self esteem had dropped but I do not let it show but its eating me up.

I am fit, clean, attractive, non drug user of any sort. I am a man and make sure she is taken care of in every aspect while promoting her to be herself and there for her to advance herself in any way she desires.

I have asked her what she wants and strongly support and desire she advances herself as a woman.

I try to spice it up and make it all about her but for the last few months I cant even go near her vagina with my mouth. Before she was begging for it. We have no kids and I wanted to mary her but as of the last 6 months I am starting to really take a hard look at whats going on.

 

Lastly to stab my ego just a bit more when I confront her about it she feels bad and wants to have sex which I do.

Here is the issue... I dont want to have sex after a discussion as it makes me feel like she is only doing it to make me feel better. At the same time I dont want to make it seem like I dont want her...

 

I can remember when the sex was insane and we could not wait to rip each others clothes off and now when it does happen its like going to the store..

 

Here is where its a bit crazy... through the day she is very loving with kisses, hugs, etc but when it comes to sex its just not there.

Recently I had a thought pop into my head wondering if she only was with me b/c I provide for her hell I spoil her. ( she has at least 40 pairs of name brand shoes, heels, boots). I did not say anything b/c I did not want to hurt her but the thought is here and I am reaching for answers.

100% sure she is not and would not cheat.

Also since she is dependent on me I am not sure if we did break up what she would do.

I love this person very much and dont want to hurt her but at the same time it feels like I am just a roomate.

 

 

--------------- I AM STUCK-----------------------

 

I am looking for advice not a troll answer so if you dont have something constructive (even criticism) to offer please dont bother posting.

Edited November 3, 2011 by noitsme

[Ruby Slippers]

If I were in your position, I would talk to her about it, tell her that I'm at the end of my rope, and let her know that I would end the relationship if the problem isn't resolved.

 

If you just continue to tolerate this sad situation, it's just going to continue as is or get worse.

 

Her lack of interest could be due to any number of factors -- but it's her responsibility to figure out what's going on with herself and take steps to improve it.

[ksmit]

I make her a #1 priority while still being a man. As of recent it seems that I am lucky enough to have any sexual encounter once a month and have not been happy for the last six months.

You're breaking a cardinal rule by making a woman your #1 priority. Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you EVER make a relationship/girl your #1 priority in life. Major turn off. This mentality alone may be the root cause of her losing interest in you. I've never been in a relationship so take this with a grain of salt. If you're having sex that infrequently, she might be hooking up with other guys. Unless there's something wrong with her, women (esp her age) should be seeking sex more than once a month.

 

I have even tried to help her by getting her an outfit and shoes letting her know my full intention of ravishing her but the items are still in the bag. (Not cheap stuff I spent 800$ on shoes and outfits just to make sure she would have something she liked).

I have tried romantic getaways, massages, spa days (for her), concerts etc. She is tired, not feeling good, busy, and I can't count the excuses. Ok well now its getting to the point I have tried for so long while being rejected I just am giving up. My self esteem had dropped but I do not let it show but its eating me up.

NEVER shower a woman with gifts to win her affection. If she is showing avoidant behavior, you are not necessarily being the man she wants. I'm no expert, but her signals show a very low interest level with you. You need to burn it in your head that no woman will have control over your well-being. I know it's not easy, but keep repeating it to yourself. Always remember they could leave at anytime. You want her to be the one working to keep YOU.

 

Here is where its a bit crazy... through the day she is very loving with kisses, hugs, etc but when it comes to sex its just not there. Recently I had a thought pop into my head wondering if she only was with me b/c I provide for her hell I spoil her.

You mentioned the sex was like going to the store. Next time try to spice it up a little? Maybe get a little rough? Maybe things have just become boring between you two. Whatever the case, her attraction for you isn't there and you need to find a way to elevate it.

 

I recommend researching how to be attractive to women. Money and looks mean nothing if you can't spark the magic in her. I reco' David DeAngelo's 'Attraction isn't a Choice' or his 'Double your Dating' ebook. There's lots of material out there on attraction.

 

Wish you the best!

Edited November 3, 2011 by ksmit

[noitsme]

These are great points.

I do not have the time to write everything but I understand you 100%.

She is my #1 priority although SHE HAS NO idea that is the case..

 

You must understand she earns what she does get. I am not the type of guy to buy flowers every week for her.

I also understand what you mean by that.

 

And lastly i have read that book it was part of my psy 101 class

Well not books but cds!

 

I am already all over that!

Cocky/Funny! She has to be the one to believe she has to work for me... I am all over that!

[jobaba]

I have been with my girlfriend for four years now and it seems that she is no longer interested in sex of any sort.

I am 24 and she is 25 and both of us are very fit and attractive.

I own several businesses and make more then plenty of money and money is not an issue ever. I make her a #1 priority while still being a man.

As of recent it seems that I am lucky enough to have any sexual encounter once a month and have not been happy for the last six months.

I have sat her down several times and talked to her about this but she says its not me.... hmm I hate that line. She says it will change but it never does. I have even tried to help her by getting her an outfit and shoes letting her know my full intention of ravishing her but the items are still in the bag. (Not cheap stuff I spent 800$ on shoes and outfits just to make sure she would have something she liked).

I have tried romantic getaways, massages, spa days (for her), concerts etc to try and bond with her even more. The bonding part is working but sex is still sitting on the bench.

She is tired, not feeling good, busy, and I can't count the excuses.

 

Ok well now its getting to the point I have tried for so long while being rejected I just am giving up. My self esteem had dropped but I do not let it show but its eating me up.

I am fit, clean, attractive, non drug user of any sort. I am a man and make sure she is taken care of in every aspect while promoting her to be herself and there for her to advance herself in any way she desires.

I have asked her what she wants and strongly support and desire she advances herself as a woman.

I try to spice it up and make it all about her but for the last few months I cant even go near her vagina with my mouth. Before she was begging for it. We have no kids and I wanted to mary her but as of the last 6 months I am starting to really take a hard look at whats going on.

 

Lastly to stab my ego just a bit more when I confront her about it she feels bad and wants to have sex which I do.

Here is the issue... I dont want to have sex after a discussion as it makes me feel like she is only doing it to make me feel better. At the same time I dont want to make it seem like I dont want her...

 

I can remember when the sex was insane and we could not wait to rip each others clothes off and now when it does happen its like going to the store..

 

Here is where its a bit crazy... through the day she is very loving with kisses, hugs, etc but when it comes to sex its just not there.

Recently I had a thought pop into my head wondering if she only was with me b/c I provide for her hell I spoil her. ( she has at least 40 pairs of name brand shoes, heels, boots). I did not say anything b/c I did not want to hurt her but the thought is here and I am reaching for answers.

100% sure she is not and would not cheat.

Also since she is dependent on me I am not sure if we did break up what she would do.

I love this person very much and dont want to hurt her but at the same time it feels like I am just a roomate.

 

 

--------------- I AM STUCK-----------------------

 

I am looking for advice not a troll answer so if you dont have something constructive (even criticism) to offer please dont bother posting.

 

I haven't had this happen to myself per se, but I have seen it happen to buddies, and generally, it is not good.

 

What it COULD mean, is that she is losing attraction to you for whatever reason. When that happens, she will feel like having sex with you is like having sex with her brother.

 

That is not good, because she is going to find someone she is attracted to and, you know what comes next...

 

I would definitely confront her about it.

[ksmit]

Good!

 

If she really is your #1 priority though, you should try to change that because it will reflect in your behaviors in ways you do NOT want. Perhaps it's time to discuss your relationship with each other.

 

Edit -- Come on Jobaba... Was it really necessary to quote the whole post? :/

[D87]

Maybe she's getting it from someone else. Its very strange for a girl who used to have lots of sex with you to suddenly not want it anymore.

[AHardDaysNight]

Is she taking antidepressants, or on any kind of medication? Some can completely kill your libido!

 

If not, perhaps maybe a relationship counselor is the best solution?

[ksmit]

Maybe she's getting it from someone else. Its very strange for a girl who used to have lots of sex with you to suddenly not want it anymore.

I fear she's using him for her material/general support needs and getting her sexual needs elsewhere. But yeah, who knows. I don't try to figure women out anymore.

[futuregopher]

Maybe she's getting it from someone else. Its very strange for a girl who used to have lots of sex with you to suddenly not want it anymore.

 

This can't be true; stop messing with the OP's mind. Listen to what other people have said here - make yourself the #1 priority and stop spoiling her.

[ksmit]

Here's a question for OP... Do you always give her everything she wants?