Rooke Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 So even Shakespeare couldn't make this up! Rather than being allowed to get on with my life and move on, he contacted me on a regular basis and despite asking him to desist, he continued, so I printed off his emails and sent them to his wife, and NOW he has gone to the Police and said that I was harassing him!! They were fine about it, and totally understanding but they said it's better if I don't contact him, so I said I haven't!! I've asked him to leave me alone, and did I want to make a complaint against him and I said no, just leave it, because I think he will FINALLY leave me alone now he know's I'm serious. I have plans to move soon, but I suppose the question is, is he ever really going to leave me alone or is he going to continue to pop up in my life repeatedly?
betterdeal Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 Well, he's using indirect contact (email) rather than face to face, so it sounds more like he's just brain farting. Change your email address and phone number.
stillafool Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 You can make it so that he can't contact you. Change your phone numbers and you are going to move to a new place. I think if you eliminate all your contact info he will have to way to contact you. Seems pretty easy to me.
Owl Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 I'd suggest that you turn this around if he contacts you again. YOU contact the police...give them the case # of this event, and inform them that he's contacting you against your will and expressed desire. If he persists...see if you have enough grounds for an RO or TRO, based off of HIS unfounded allegations against you.
Author Rooke Posted November 3, 2011 Author Posted November 3, 2011 I'd suggest that you turn this around if he contacts you again. YOU contact the police...give them the case # of this event, and inform them that he's contacting you against your will and expressed desire. If he persists...see if you have enough grounds for an RO or TRO, based off of HIS unfounded allegations against you. Thanks Owl, they already asked me if I wanted to do that and I said no because I really don't think he will be in touch again, I think it's gone way too far this time.
betterdeal Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 For your peace of mind and for an incredible sense of achievement, take active steps to make sure he cannot contact you so easily again. Changing your contact numbers / addresses will do that.
Spark1111 Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 Thanks Owl, they already asked me if I wanted to do that and I said no because I really don't think he will be in touch again, I think it's gone way too far this time. Re-think that, please. Tell them you have changed your mind and would like to do that now. If his home life is now a veritable tornado with the arrival of your emails, and he is gaslighting his wife about this crazy, stalker woman, I think you should, at least, have on file a counterclaim. Protect yourself from potential lunacy in their fallout.
Owl Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 Re-think that, please. Tell them you have changed your mind and would like to do that now. If his home life is now a veritable tornado with the arrival of your emails, and he is gaslighting his wife about this crazy, stalker woman, I think you should, at least, have on file a counterclaim. Protect yourself from potential lunacy in their fallout. AGREED!!!! He's stopped...for now. Until things calm down, and he gets bored...and then he'll reach out to you again. I can pretty much garauntee it.
VivienViolet Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 May I please ask a question? Why are you reading the emails? Can't you block them or send them automatically to the bin? I don't know about your situation, but my take is that you are complicit in keeping the drama rolling. He emails you to evoke a response, and you give it to him. He responds in kind to keep the drama going, like a kind of sick tennis match. It could all be solved if you didn't read the emails in the first place, so there would be nothing to react to. Let the ball die on your side of the court. That's just my 2 cents. Good luck whatever you decide.
Author Rooke Posted November 3, 2011 Author Posted November 3, 2011 AGREED!!!! He's stopped...for now. Until things calm down, and he gets bored...and then he'll reach out to you again. I can pretty much garauntee it. REALLY? Even after going to the Police and her seeing his emails, he'd really still get in touch after all that?? If that is the case, then I shall re consider that but I don't think it will be too much of a tornado, this is the fourth time she's been presented with his selfish and arrogant ways and she won't leave him, she'll give him a hard time for a while then it'll all be forgotten.
betterdeal Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 I agree. The police will probably give him a verbal warning, which will most likely be enough to stop him contacting you again, or be very useful for you if he isn't deterred by the first warning.
betterdeal Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 REALLY? Even after going to the Police and her seeing his emails, he'd really still get in touch after all that?? If that is the case, then I shall re consider that but I don't think it will be too much of a tornado, this is the fourth time she's been presented with his selfish and arrogant ways and she won't leave him, she'll give him a hard time for a while then it'll all be forgotten. He probably went to the police to prove to her what a crazy stalker you are and it's all lies etcetera. If you lie with dogs, you're going to get fleas. As he is used to at least one woman relenting and taking him back, why would he not think the same crap will work with you? You've sent the signal that it's okay for him to call the police on you - you won't counter-claim. Change your contact details and make a complaint. Seriously, this is a waste of your time. The sooner you put an end to it, the better.
VivienViolet Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 REALLY? Even after going to the Police and her seeing his emails, he'd really still get in touch after all that?? If that is the case, then I shall re consider that but I don't think it will be too much of a tornado, this is the fourth time she's been presented with his selfish and arrogant ways and she won't leave him, she'll give him a hard time for a while then it'll all be forgotten.Why are you keeping tabs on them? You have to have made some inquiries if you know this about them.
Author Rooke Posted November 3, 2011 Author Posted November 3, 2011 He probably went to the police to prove to her what a crazy stalker you are and it's all lies etcetera. If you lie with dogs, you're going to get fleas. As he is used to at least one woman relenting and taking him back, why would he not think the same crap will work with you? You've sent the signal that it's okay for him to call the police on you - you won't counter-claim. Change your contact details and make a complaint. Seriously, this is a waste of your time. The sooner you put an end to it, the better. Hmm indeed and I have also been the one relenting in the past...so I guess he thought if he kept at it I would eventually back down. I thought it was better left alone because I didn't think he would be in touch again...but perhaps I will just to cover myself.
VivienViolet Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 Rooke, My apologies if I am speaking out of turn without knowing the details of your situation. I know it is very hard to restrain from defending yourself. When I revealed my affair, my husband contacted the xOM's wife with proof of the affair. She contacted me with all kinds of nasty accusations. It was hard not to defend myself, but I didn't. There was no need because it didn't matter what she thought of me. I am not married to her, I am married to my husband. I let it go, and she went away. Drop the ball and walk away, hon. No matter how much you feel the need to respond, just walk away. Good luck and best wishes.
Owl Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 REALLY? Even after going to the Police and her seeing his emails, he'd really still get in touch after all that?? If that is the case, then I shall re consider that but I don't think it will be too much of a tornado, this is the fourth time she's been presented with his selfish and arrogant ways and she won't leave him, she'll give him a hard time for a while then it'll all be forgotten. Stick around, read some background stories here. It's a hugely recurrent situation. MAYBE you're right, and he won't contact you again. But I wouldn't want to place a bet on that, personally. Even though HE went to the police...he did so to cover his behind and make himself look like the victim to his wife...he's still likely to try again in the future. What does it hurt for you to do this, versus what is it likely to help prevent in the future? IF he claims you're still "stalking him" at some point later, and you don't have a counter filed...you'll automatically be assumed guilty by the police when they come visit. If you've got a counter filed...it clearly spells HIM out as the one playing the games instead. It's up to you. It just doesn't make sense to me to take that risk on the hope that he won't do this again.
18Years2Late Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 Rooke... I am kind of confused about something and maybe you can help clear it up. what exactly did this guy take to the police as proof that you were stalking him? from the sounds of it all there really was as "evidence" was a bunch of letters that he sent to you that you sent back to his wife. Is that what he took to the police as "evidence"?( that must have made him look like a dolt.) Exactly!! Assuming that you have never contacted him first, any idiot (W and /or police) can see from the "trail" of emails that HE was the instigator of the contact. I hope you never have any real crimes to solve in your town. Maybe the W should also open her eyes a little wider. The underside of the rug is getting full. I say press counter charges. If nothing else just to make him have to work that broom harder for being guilty of stupidity.
Author Rooke Posted November 3, 2011 Author Posted November 3, 2011 I can indeed clear that up for you... I wrote her a letter saying look this is what he's still doing despite you finding out three times previously and his cheating deceitful lying selfish arrogant ways are obviously good enough for you but not for me so ask him to leave me alone because I wouldn't pee on him if he was on fire, he had me on rock bottom and will never get the chance to do that again. So perhaps it was a gesture to her because he told the Police he was "rebuilding his relationship with his wife" Good - I really hope he does! They were really understanding about it though.
worthmore Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 I would definitely contact the police and file a complaint against him - if you really want him to stop. I had to contact the police department today regarding my xMM because he also will not stop contacting me. And I have blocked his number, his emails go straight to trash, blocked him on chat, facebook, etc. He borrows phones, makes new email accounts, emails me at work, etc. He is relentless although I have made no response or attempt at communication in over a month. Good luck to you - I hope this ends for you.
whichwayisup Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 So even Shakespeare couldn't make this up! Rather than being allowed to get on with my life and move on, he contacted me on a regular basis and despite asking him to desist, he continued, so I printed off his emails and sent them to his wife, and NOW he has gone to the Police and said that I was harassing him!! They were fine about it, and totally understanding but they said it's better if I don't contact him, so I said I haven't!! I've asked him to leave me alone, and did I want to make a complaint against him and I said no, just leave it, because I think he will FINALLY leave me alone now he know's I'm serious.I have plans to move soon, but I suppose the question is, is he ever really going to leave me alone or is he going to continue to pop up in my life repeatedly? No, you SHOULD HAVE filed a complaint against him since he has been harrassing you when you've asked him to leave you alone. He isn't going to leave you alone UNTIL you file an RO against him. Change your email address Rooke. It's time.
whichwayisup Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 I can indeed clear that up for you... I wrote her a letter saying look this is what he's still doing despite you finding out three times previously and his cheating deceitful lying selfish arrogant ways are obviously good enough for you but not for me so ask him to leave me alone because I wouldn't pee on him if he was on fire, he had me on rock bottom and will never get the chance to do that again. So perhaps it was a gesture to her because he told the Police he was "rebuilding his relationship with his wife" Good - I really hope he does!They were really understanding about it though. Okay, so if he contacts you, DO NOT respond and print out the email and go the cop station, file an RO. If he truly is rebuilding, then there's absolutely no reason for him to be emailing you.
Emme Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 I see you are still involved in drama. That’s what happens when you keep picking at a scab. I have said before you are still invested in this man. The only way to have him out of your life is to keep him out. Even if he contacts you it’s up to you to be stronger and wiser, do not respond. He contacts you – Do not respond He bothers you – Do not respond He makes your life a living hell - Do not respond He tries to harm you physically - Respond with officers Move on.
findingnemo Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 I think it's unanimous. You've done everything to end this including exposure. I hope you're moving because you need to for other reasons. No need to change your life because of him. Just go back to the Police and tell them that after much thought you'd like it noted in the file, that he harassed you. Assure them that the next time it happens, you'll be getting RO. Keep the file number and if he breaches NC in any way whatsoever, get the RO. Basically, you have to document your side of the story. Oh yes, do NOT respond in any way to his attempts at communication. Your only response from now on should involve a police report.
Brokenlady Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 Rooke, I'm going to politely disagree. I think that you should not increase the drama by getting the police involved. I have some difficulty understanding why you didn't just change your contact information and delete the emails unread. I understand even less why you took the opportunity to take a shot at his wife (telling her that he is a dirtbag but good enough for her but not you). What did she do to you to deserve that? It's also clear from some posts you've made in this thread that you were still holding out some hope that he would get thrown out by his wife based in your actions. It doesn't make sense when you profess to see him as "not worth peeing in if he were on fire". Please understand that I'm not trying to be bitchy, Im just not sure you are being honest with yourself about your motives and so that's obviously going to negatively affect your judgement about what to do next. It's very clear that this man deeply hurt you, and I'm very sorry for your pain. I know how hard it can be to not respond to someon who has hurt you and the temptation to hurt them back. But you can rise above all this. Please do yourself a favor and really and truly cut off this mans ability to contact you and get away from this situation.
scatterd Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 Good Job!I hope he leaves you alone.Now you can move on and find the type of relationship you deserve.push the delete button on him and party.
Recommended Posts