wild_urge Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 In 3 days, it's going to be 2 years since we became LD. In the beginning of this year, I thought that I just can't do it anymore, I felt like I have no more strength in me to continue, but somehow time passed, then we were together this summer and I told him that he has to do something or else I couldn't do it anymore. He told me to give him a few more months and I did. But time is passing and he still doesn't know what he's going to do. He's probably visiting at the end of December, in the summer he told me that he might stay while waiting for his papers and just work under the table, but today again when I asked what we are doing and why aren't we ever talking about it, he said that there's nothing to talk about, because he hasn't decided yet. He can think of many reason why it would be a bad idea for him to stay, I on the other hand can think of many reason why we can make it if he stays, one way or another, if we put some hard work into it. I have been sad all the time, for the past two years. I no longer have interest in school or anything as a matter of fact. I am always mad at him, yeah, how can I not be, I stress every single day. . . I need him to make a decision. He has relatives here, he has friends, he has lived here, he's been looking for a job there for 4 months now and hasn't found anything and even if he does the pay will be ridiculous. And he keeps telling me that he wants to come here when I ask him and yet in two years I have not seen him do a thing, we are always waiting for something, manly for his papers, but 2 years so far and we haven't gotten any answer at all, they refuse to give us any information about his file. . . I just feel like if he wanted to be with me, here, as much as he says he does, then he would do pretty much anything. Instead, he listens to what his mother says to him and not to what I am saying. I can find the money for a plane ticket, he just got a tourist visa, we can finally get married ( because he decided that we should wait, when we had the chance to do it in the summer ) so he'll get the papers in a few months ( a year), we can stay at my parents house for a few months until he finds any job, I'll continue to work and study and things will be fine, we'll be together and will be building a life together finally! He keeps telling me he loves me. . . but words mean nothing, I want to see him take actions! Am I not right? I told myself in the summer that I can no longer wait, I am 21 and instead of studying as I should or enjoying life I worry all the time and I am extremely unhappy. The only reason I haven't stopped this torture yet, is because I love him so much, more than being unhappy every single day. So after he asked for more time, I told myself that I will wait until the winter and see what he does . . . and I will wait two more months, but I don't think that I can be crying at the airport once more.
cerridwen Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 (edited) Hi Wild, I'm glad you set an end date, if that brings comfort that the pain won't last forever. Has he verbalized why he's not gone forward with the plan you've created. It sounds like it's been given much thought, so what are his specific reservations? Also, I'm a bit confused. You write that he's been looking for a job near you for 4 months. Then, you write you've not "seen him do a thing". Does it feel like too little, too late? Edited November 3, 2011 by cerridwen
Author wild_urge Posted November 3, 2011 Author Posted November 3, 2011 OMG, I started writing and everything got erased! Anyway, in short, he's looking for a job there, thinking that he might save money to come here, which is stupid. I know my home country and there's no prospect there. Here, in Canada, even if we struggle for a year, it will only get better after. His reasons are the following: He expects to get his immigration papers soon, but there is no guarantee, he has to leave his mother there alone and he says he has no money (but I already explained that I can solve that problem). To me it seems like it takes a will and some guts to do it, that's all.
cerridwen Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 I see. There's usually a leap of faith that goes into such situations, yes. He may feel the leap is still too big, despite sincerely loving you. Not having employment or money saved, plus the parental pressure and guilt he must feel about leaving, it sounds like he's wrestling with a lot. Two years is a long time. If progress toward moving closer has stalled, and it's now unbearable, take care of yourself. Do what you must for a good quality of life. But I invite you to be compassionate to him as well, as he sounds like a man torn between love for you, duty to his family, and his own desire to be financially autonomous. It's not that he doesn't care. I hope it works out. Sincerely.
TokyoG33kyGal Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 I am 21 and instead of studying as I should or enjoying life I worry all the time and I am extremely unhappy. yes you should enjoy your life, but if he is also 21, he might have the same concerns. i agree with cerridwen, he might feel that the leap is too big, for now that's why he cannot decide. i actually have been into a similar situation in the past, but my ex-bf was old enough to make his own decisions. i left him for a different reason though. but part of it was he can't make a gamble. everything has to be perfectly ready for him before he can decide what to do. i wish i have answers but you might not want to hear what i am so say :/
Author wild_urge Posted November 3, 2011 Author Posted November 3, 2011 The thing is that he is 26 . . . so he isn't as young . . . I understand that it is a huge step, but things will not be perfect as TokyoG33kyGal said it. . .
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