LilThalie Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 I posted this in my other thread but I felt like it deserved it's own, so here we go: I have some trouble getting intimate with a guy. Now I have this wonderful guy by my side and I'd really like to go with the flow. One thing that is holding me back is that whenever I think about sleeping with him, there's some picture coming to my mind. My parents tried to explain me the facts of life in a simple way. They were taking a shower and told me to come in and showed me my fathers erect penis and made me touch it. I was scared, maybe that's ridiculous but I was so scared. The picture is so vivid in my head and I want to throw up thinking about it. Don't get me wrong my parents are great people otherwise and I'm sure they had no idea what they did to me with that. I was very close to telling him this story but something held me back. I don't want him to think badly about my parents and there's a good chance that he would if I told him. I'm so grateful for everything my parents did for me but this one just screwed something up in my head, maybe that's not even their fault. The picture he has of my parents shouldn't be the one that pops up in my mind when I try to start out a sexual relationship with a guy. I don't even know why he's so patient with me. We've been seeing each other for over a month and still haven't slept with each other. I think I've been getting much more sexual satisfaction out of this relationship so far, because I just can't bring myself to touch him. I don't understand why he puts up with it. I would want to be so much more for him but I feel like there's a wall I can't break through. Sometimes I just wish there was a real reason why I feel that way, something that would be recognised as a legimation reason to act the way I do, something I could tell people and they wouldn't look at me and ask where the problem is. So, yeah, what I'm asking is basically, should I tell him? Should I just let him go because I have to many issues to work on?
norajane Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 (edited) I suppose the best thing to do is be honest...that's usually the best thing. But I can understand how you don't want this incident to be the first (or only) thing he thinks of when he meets your parents. I used to work with this great guy who grew up with hippy-dippy parents on a commune-type thing in the western US desert, and he told me that people often ran around nude and let it all hang out. The parents felt it was a natural thing and that there is nothing wrong with children seeing nude human bodies. He wasn't traumatized by any of this, but I remember having to suppress a fit of giggles when I met his parents at a Christmas party event, and maybe could have lived without knowing about his nudist parents... Your situation is different since you were scared and it has affected you. Your bf will wonder why you can't touch his penis, why you are afraid of it. You shouldn't lie about why that is, so just tell him what happened and ask for his help. I suspect you've never mentioned this to anyone else, either? Maybe telling him will help you in some way to get this off your mind? Bottling it up is probably not helping. Tell him, and then take baby steps to overcome your fear. Maybe you don't have to touch it right away...maybe you could just have him show it to you when he isn't hard, and you can see that it's not so scary. (really, it isn't!!). Maybe you could put your hand on his crotch while he is still wearing pants or shorts, so you can feel him without actually touching his skin. (it is just skin!! the softest, most delicate skin on his body!) Basically, work your way up to it. You won't be able to do that without telling him. Finally, if that doesn't work, or if you can't even bring yourself to do that, or if it triggers bad emotions, get yourself to a therapist. This will affect any relationship you have your entire life, so best to deal with it before it ruins your life. Edited November 3, 2011 by norajane
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 My parents tried to explain me the facts of life in a simple way. They were taking a shower and told me to come in and showed me my fathers erect penis and made me touch it. I was scared, maybe that's ridiculous but I was so scared. The picture is so vivid in my head and I want to throw up thinking about it. Don't get me wrong my parents are great people otherwise and I'm sure they had no idea what they did to me with that. Don't feel bad. I know a girl who's hippy nudist parents did something similar with nearly the same results. Personally, I would not share that with anyone before the 2 year mark.
Cypress25 Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 You've only been dating him for a little over a month, that's not very long. I would never sleep with a guy that fast, and I've never had anything traumatic happen to me. Believe it or not, some guys are patient and they respect a girl's need to wait a bit before having sex. There's no rush. As for the other stuff, that's kind of horrible, what your parents did. Usually that's the start of sexual abuse, but you say they never did anything else wrong, so maybe they were just misguided and seriously thought they were teaching you a science lesson. Either way, I don't blame you for being creeped out.
dasein Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 OK, well there's the LS visual of the day. Seriously, No, don't tell him that. Agree with UF on the two year thing if even then. Provided you are of legal age, just try to relax more and more when you are with your BF and keep up the making out, show your BF what feels good. He will learn how to get you excited and things should take their course in time. If you are underage, wait for a few years to start worrying about stuff like this and don't have sex until you are well beyond legal age.
FitChick Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 Just say when you were little you went to your friend's house and this was her father. That family moved away shortly afterwards. He will understand your fear. Be sure to tell him that you never told your parents and never would, so he doesn't mention it if he ever meets them. Otherwise he will think you aren't sexually attracted to him. Your story reminded me of walking into the bathroom while the shower was running because I had to pee. I thought my dad would be in the shower but he was standing in front of the sink brushing his teeth and had an erection at my eye level. I wasn't quite sure what I was seeing but never really thought about it again.
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