jmcg65 Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 so, looking for advice. My wife admitted 6 months ago to being attracted to a man. When I questioned her over the next few days she said it was just an attraction. Then I found a text form him & he said he was in love with her. When I asked her if she was in love with him she said no. Now I found a private journal & the first line in it she says she loves him. I stopped reading. Should I read the journal?
Bryanp Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 Yes you must absolutely read the journal. Knowledge is power. The more information you have the better your ability will be to judge your wife on her lies. Clearly she has been lying to you. Read the journal and find the truth instead of guessing about it. Good luck.
grilled cheese Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 read it,, its better to know for sure whats going on inside her mind than she lying to you to your face... just don't show her that u read it,, ask her again and ask her to be honest with you,,
michelangelo Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 Take that journal and xerox every single page and read it. Do not feel guilty for finding out your wife's lies to you and her true behavior. Do not reveal that you copied the thing and be prepared for her to be furious you invaded her privacy. And further, try to convince you it was just fantasy put to pen and paper. She's cheating
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 so, looking for advice. My wife admitted 6 months ago to being attracted to a man. When I questioned her over the next few days she said it was just an attraction. Then I found a text form him & he said he was in love with her. When I asked her if she was in love with him she said no. Now I found a private journal & the first line in it she says she loves him. I stopped reading. Should I read the journal? Your marriage is over... don't read the journal. It's going to hurt like hell not just now, but years from now too. If you want to try and save your marriage... read it, otherwise save yourself the heartache and tell her it's time to divorce.
norajane Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 so, looking for advice. My wife admitted 6 months ago to being attracted to a man. When I questioned her over the next few days she said it was just an attraction. Then I found a text form him & he said he was in love with her. When I asked her if she was in love with him she said no. Now I found a private journal & the first line in it she says she loves him. I stopped reading. Should I read the journal? What have you been doing for the last 6 months? You had one or two short conversations and that's it? Did you talk about the state of your marriage and what's going on between you two? Did you have the painful conversations where you open up to each other and tell each other your thoughts about your marriage and each other? Did you talk about WHY your wife wanted you to know she was attracted to another man 6 months ago? Do you think the "I love him" might have been YOU she's referring to in her journal? Is that possible? Take the journal to her, tell her you didn't read it but you really wanted to. Because you don't know what she's thinking. And you'd like to know. Do you want to know what she's thinking? Or do you just want to know if she's cheating?
Kidd Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 You should absolutely read the journal. I wrestled tremendously with the moral dilemma of putting a GPS in my wife's car. Guess what. Found her at a hotel at 10pm. Then I found she'd been in a 13-month affair. One of the hardest things in the aftermath of this is the deep need to "know" the truth. You have a unique chance to know and she clearly doesn't deserve the privacy (unless hiding her love for another man was a part of your vows). Do it before you lose the chance. And yes, photocopy it. And no, don't disclose how you know. It will be tempting in the face of her lies. Good luck to you. A lot of people on here have been in your shoes. Lean on them but make your own choices. Be prepared for a roller coaster.
nofool4u Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 so, looking for advice. My wife admitted 6 months ago to being attracted to a man. When I questioned her over the next few days she said it was just an attraction. Then I found a text form him & he said he was in love with her. When I asked her if she was in love with him she said no. Now I found a private journal & the first line in it she says she loves him. I stopped reading. Should I read the journal? I say you sit her down, drop the journal in her lap and say, "got anything to say before I ask you to leave?"
nofool4u Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 Oh come on........seriously, does anyone really believe that someone would read one line of a journal that says your wife loves another man and then stop reading it???? No way! I thought the same thing, but then thought, he might have stopped because he was too scared of devastated and didn't want to see any more.
Owl Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 I thought the same thing, but then thought, he might have stopped because he was too scared of devastated and didn't want to see any more. True. It took me two weeks to manage to get through reading a couple of days of chat logs that I'd managed to capture between my wife and OM. When I first read it...on d-day...I managed to get through maybe the first 10 lines. I got to the "I love you" s and the "I want us" parts, and had enough to go ahead and confront her at that point. There was a ton of material that I'd not yet read...but I could only take it in chunks before it just became too much for me to read. BUT...my first reaction once I got through those first 10 lines was to confront her and let her know I had undeniable "proof" that there was more going on than just "friendship". I didn't wait to confront or take action to do something about the situation.
Author jmcg65 Posted November 4, 2011 Author Posted November 4, 2011 thanks for all the advice- confirming what my gut told me to do. Yeah, I did stop reading it after a couple sentences. Probably because I do want to avoid the devastation. Sounds like it is inevitable though. In answer to an earlier post, yes we have had conversations about wanting to 'fix' things, wanting to make the marriage work, but at this point I don't know- seem spretty far gone. The past 6 months have been a time when we have 'worked' on things, but she is still pining for this guy. I am sure she will be furious when I confront her, but too bad at this point.
Author jmcg65 Posted November 4, 2011 Author Posted November 4, 2011 What have you been doing for the last 6 months? You had one or two short conversations and that's it? Did you talk about the state of your marriage and what's going on between you two? Did you have the painful conversations where you open up to each other and tell each other your thoughts about your marriage and each other? Did you talk about WHY your wife wanted you to know she was attracted to another man 6 months ago? Do you think the "I love him" might have been YOU she's referring to in her journal? Is that possible? Take the journal to her, tell her you didn't read it but you really wanted to. Because you don't know what she's thinking. And you'd like to know. Do you want to know what she's thinking? Or do you just want to know if she's cheating? The I love him was definitely not me & I do want to know what she is thinking, not just if she is cheating. Maybe being naive but I stll hold out hope I can slavage this situation.
RobD70 Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 I am sure she will be furious when I confront her, but too bad at this point.Isn't that something? They screw you over and then get mad when you bust them on it. If this happens you should get angry at her trying to turn it on you. Don't let her try to blame you. The I love him was definitely not me & I do want to know what she is thinking, not just if she is cheating. Maybe being naive but I stll hold out hope I can slavage this situation. The best way is to not to try. If you tell her you are willing to work on the M she will think she has you wrapped around her finger and will make you do all the work while she does nothing. She screwed up, its her job to fix it. It should be this: You try to end the M and she tries to stop you. That's really the only way this is going to work. If she is not 100% committed then all you are doing is dragging things out. You can't "nice" them back and they won't just fall back in love again by simply being around them and pretending to work on things. I did this and I've read dozens of stories like that and they all end the same way. If she isn't afraid to lose you then she isn't going to do anything.
robf1971 Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 Sorry you are going through this but I concur with all the other advice given here. I wouldn't even bother confronting her, she will just lie. Pack her stuff in boxes, put em in the driveway, stick pages from her journal on each box, file for divorce!!!
Gman95670 Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 Sorry you are going through this but I concur with all the other advice given here. I wouldn't even bother confronting her, she will just lie. Pack her stuff in boxes, put em in the driveway, stick pages from her journal on each box, file for divorce!!! This is great advice!!!
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