Mark1 Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 So I went on a date with the 40 year old woman, and it was great. Like we had known each other forever. I can't tell if I'm in the friendzone are not, here are pros and cons I found: Pros -She made sexual jokes -Touched me arm a few times -Didn't say the word friend Cons -No comment abt my appearance -Didn't say the word date -Got a hug We were supposed to meet again today, but she texted me saying she can't, and suggested tomorrow instead. How do I make sure I'm not friendzoned? Escalate the touch?
Author Mark1 Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 What did you do on the date? Coffee. Tomorrow is lunch.
Author Mark1 Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 You described what she did. What did you do? -Laughed at her sexual jokes -Made one my own -Held her hand saying bye to her -Told her she was prettier in person (we met online, I made a joke about it) -Touched her hand when she made a joke There was no talk about like, "what do you look for in relationships" or anything like that. Although, she texted me right as I got home saying she really enjoyed meeting me.
Quiet Storm Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 When she gave you a hug, you should have went for a kiss. A passionate kiss would've kept you out of the friend zone.
carhill Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 Enjoy lunch tomorrow. Follow Quiet Storm's advice.
grkBoy Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 We were supposed to meet again today, but she texted me saying she can't, and suggested tomorrow instead. How do I make sure I'm not friendzoned? Escalate the touch? I think you're worrying too early. You went on ONE date, and it was coffee. She's also 40, so I'm assuming she's hopefully running her life more on logic over emotion. If she didn't want to see you again, then she wouldn't have offered tomorrow. If she suddenly cancels on tomorrow, then I'd assume she's not interested. Just go have lunch, get to know her, and let things happen. Make the third date something more typical, like a nice dinner and maybe a show. Go from there...stop worrying so much about the FZ and just be relaxed, show interest, and stop worrying so much if she likes you or not. If she's 40 and you're somewhere around that, then I'd like to believe the FZ and all this other crap is done and gone. That most adults that age will come clean and be honest over playing games. Maybe I'm naive.
Cypress25 Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 Sounds like you had a perfectly normal first date. What did you expect? Did you think she would immediately declare her love for you, throw herself at you, gush about how hot you are? I must admit, your cons are a little weird. Cons -No comment abt my appearance -Didn't say the word date -Got a hug 1) Why would she comment on your appearance? I've never made any comments about my date's looks. 2) She knows it's a date. She doesn't have to tell you. 3) What's wrong with a hug? She just met you. Many women don't feel comfortable kissing on the first date. I always hug the guy at the end of the first date. I think you just expected too much too soon. You're not in the friend zone. If she wasn't attracted to you, you'd be in the friend zone. She wants to see you again, I think you're fine.
carhill Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 For informational purposes, the friend and brother zones are still quite alive and well within one segment of the female population in my age group. I've experienced the behaviors since separating about 2.5 years ago on more than one occasion. A healthy 40 yo woman ostensibly knows what she wants and has had plenty of sex with plenty of men by the time she's 40, presuming she hasn't been married/LTR to one person the entire time. As chronicled in these forums, women generally know immediately if a man is a potential sexual partner, so it's only a matter of time and him not screwing it up or another man swooping in and diverting her interest. Generally, intimacy should progress, even if only moderately perceptively. How the lady responds to your attempt to kiss her will tell you a lot about her perspective. Even if deflected, watch how she reacts. I presume you've experienced it before and have context. See how it goes.
cerridwen Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 Was the dating site you met her cougar-oriented (as was suggested in the past)? If not, and she listed her interest as "Friends" alone, I'd take her at her word. But still go for the kiss.
Imageiko Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 I see no reason that you're in the friend zone right now, it seems like it's going ok. How do I make sure I'm not friendzoned? Escalate the touch? Yes take your time. Your goal should be her to feel comfortable with you not creeped out by you being all over her all of a sudden.
oaks Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 Is this just pre-emptive concern (or paranoia) that you're in, or might be heading towards, the friend-zone or is there some specific thing that makes you think you might be in the friend-zone? It sounds like the former, in which case the solution is to stop worrying about it and keep dating. She'll like you or she won't. By all means 'escalate' towards a kiss if you're getting encouraging body language etc.
jobaba Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 Good stuff! Why do you call her the 40 year old woman? How old are you?
carhill Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 I hope you kissed her back! Good luck with your dates.
cerridwen Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 She kissed me!! NATURALLY!!! You're adorable!! Have a third date set up?
Author Mark1 Posted November 3, 2011 Author Posted November 3, 2011 Yes, 3rd date on Monday. How do I make it known I don't want anything serious/long term? I don't want to lead her on.
Cypress25 Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 How do I make it known I don't want anything serious/long term? I don't want to lead her on. For God's sake. First you were worried that she didn't want enough, and now you're worried that she wants too much. If you just want casual sex, you need to tell her that next time you see her. Otherwise you will be leading her on, and at her age, she probably won't want to waste her time with a guy who's still sowing his wild oats.
SingleinSouth Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 Yes, 3rd date on Monday. How do I make it known I don't want anything serious/long term? I don't want to lead her on. Oh for God's sake! This thread is not cute anymore.
Author Mark1 Posted November 3, 2011 Author Posted November 3, 2011 I'm not kidding. I am very inexperienced. I accidentally led someone on before and broke her heart, I dont want to do it again.
Cypress25 Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 I'm not kidding either. Tell her the truth. That's how you avoid leading someone on.
Author Mark1 Posted November 3, 2011 Author Posted November 3, 2011 I'm not kidding either. Tell her the truth. That's how you avoid leading someone on. And do so in person, correct? And before we are intimate?
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