Emilia Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 I guess I just want to hear that there are some cute skinny girls that don't require a guy to be skinny or muscular. I guess I just want to hear from real girls on here that they have, or would, date a man who is slightly chubby and out of shape, but has an engaging personality. I guess I just want to know that my theory about how looks is 75% of the attraction process, is false, because otherwise I might just give up on dating completely. If I got buff, and a bunch of hot blond models started showing interest in me, how am I supposed to know that they want me for me, and not just for my new body? I guess I just want to have faith in humanity, instead of thinking that all women and men are one dimensional. No you don't, you are just too lazy to go to the gym. Sorry but it's true. It's not just the looks, it's the active lifestyle, body and mind that are attractive.
Author AHardDaysNight Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 I already stated that I have already started an exercise regime. I planned to go to the gym today, but like I stated, I killed my arms yesterday lifting stuff, so I have to wait a few days, otherwise I'll end up in the hospital. I plan to get fit, that isn't the question. The question is, would a girl date me before I got fit, or do I really have to wait years before I can eat that sandwich? It's funny how I get attacked for asking if women are shallow, yet you say that I'm lazy for making the argument that all women are shallow, and therefore proving that you are, indeed, a shallow woman!
grilled cheese Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 no not really,, my ex was a chubby man, with a big belly and all, i loved him that way, i even went nuts when he went to gym to lose some of his weight and build a good body
fortyninethousand322 Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 Except making that sandwich can take years. And if you don't have a proper ability to cook, you can burn the sandwich over and over again and it'll never become anything edible. Why am I comparing myself to food? :sick: Anyway, what I'm driving at is for someone who is 29, a virgin with no sexual experience, limited relationship and dating experience, telling them that they can get a hot girl in 2 years (when they're 31 or 32!) is like telling an old man that it's easy to ride a skateboard, all you gotta do is get on. You should have been riding that skateboard at 13, not 31! Wait, are you saying it could take years to get in shape? Assuming you're actually committed to it you could get into at least reasonable/good shape in under a year.
Author AHardDaysNight Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 Wait, are you saying it could take years to get in shape? Assuming you're actually committed to it you could get into at least reasonable/good shape in under a year. I meant the kind of body that seem to make women like Shannon drool (for reference, check out the "Struggling with Shyness" thread a few pages back. I could potentially get back to my regular weight (pregain) from 5 years ago. I could be skinny again, and non-muscular. That seemed to attract at least some women. The issue is, do I have to date women I'm not attracted to until I get to that stage? After all, that's what some guys have done, who are desperate. I get called childish and shallow for preferring to look at bodies of women who are my ideal preference, yet those same women date muscular jocks and physically attractive guys, and they don't get called childish or shallow (and if they do, suddenly that man is a misogynistic sexist jerk pig of a man!) The double standard is ridiculous. I hate to drive this off topic, but that double standard has made me very bitter sometimes, when I think of it.
ptp Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 It's funny how I get attacked for asking if women are shallow, yet you say that I'm lazy for making the argument that all women are shallow, and therefore proving that you are, indeed, a shallow woman! Here is what is wrong. In my book wanting someone who is attractive and physically fit isn't shallow, however only caring about looks is shallow. It is hypocritical of you to say a girl should like you for your personality ignoring the fact that you are obese while you yourself say you want a girl who is "cute and thin".
Cracker Jack Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 I guess I just want to hear that there are some cute skinny girls that don't require a guy to be skinny or muscular. I guess I just want to hear from real girls on here that they have, or would, date a man who is slightly chubby and out of shape, but has an engaging personality. I guess I just want to know that my theory about how looks is 75% of the attraction process, is false, because otherwise I might just give up on dating completely. If I got buff, and a bunch of hot blond models started showing interest in me, how am I supposed to know that they want me for me, and not just for my new body? I guess I just want to have faith in humanity, instead of thinking that all women and men are one dimensional. Not sure why you're so focused on hearing certain things from women on here. I'm not saying that their feedback is meaningless, but you'd be better off hearing things like this from women you'll actually meet IRL. Anyone can say they'd do a certain thing (IE go for guys who a bit on the heavier side) online, but it doesn't mean it's true. If you're not going to ask women out, it doesn't matter. What I'm trying to say is to stop worrying about what others think so much and do you (you're working on yourself right now, so that's a good start). Good feedback from people online is nice, but it won't change much in your life at the end of the day. Srsly.
tman666 Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 I already stated that I have already started an exercise regime. I planned to go to the gym today, but like I stated, I killed my arms yesterday lifting stuff, so I have to wait a few days, otherwise I'll end up in the hospital. I promise you won't end up in the hospital... Besides, what's wrong with your legs? Also, it's backwards to feel put off that women wouldn't date you in your current condition, but would if you were in better shape. That kind of entitled thinking places the blame on someone else rather than taking personal responsibility. Besides, turn that around for a second: would you want to date some sloppy fat cow of a woman simply for her personality? What happens when you see her naked without the lights off for the first time and your boner wilts like a flower exposed to a sudden blast of radiation? All this "I'm losing faith in humanity" BS is ignoring the fact that you are part of this society, and until we make first contact with a space-faring alien species, your options are to either find ways to make it work for yourself within the constraints of society, or to accept the benefits and consequences of not adhering to the norms and expectations (some of both is good, in my opinion).
Author AHardDaysNight Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 Here is what is wrong. In my book wanting someone who is attractive and physically fit isn't shallow, however only caring about looks is shallow. It is hypocritical of you to say a girl should like you for your personality ignoring the fact that you are obese while you yourself say you want a girl who is "cute and thin". I don't just care about looks. I want the total package. And maybe I am being a hypocrite by asking women to look past my body, and look at the rest of me (inner me), when I have trouble looking past their body if I don't like it. But as someone who has wanted to be with a physically attractive girl since, well...since I've started being interested in girls...being told that you're "too ugly as you are" to get one...and you have to wait years before you can get one...and you're already desperate, because you're getting old and you're sexually frustrated and you're depressed and you're insecure and you basically feel even more socially awkward around women because of this... Can you blame me for being at least a little bit bitter about this? After all, growing up, I was raised with the idea that the inner you was the most attractive thing. And then suddenly, I am not good enough for some women, because I am not a model?
Author AHardDaysNight Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 Okay, so what I've come away from this is: 1. I have to date women I'm not attracted to (heavier women, which I find physically unattractive) until I am skinny, then I can dump them and start dating physically attractive women 2. I have to work on my body before I can consider doing the switch over This makes me feel horrible that I have to do this, but I'm desperate enough. Oh, and I will work on my body. But as far as today, it's a no-go. For some reason, I felt extremely dizzy about an hour ago, like the room was spinning. I ate something and drank a pepsi, and I feel better...but I don't want to risk falling off the treadmill and ending up in the hospital. I feel like a jerk for saying all this, but honestly, that's the reaction I'm getting from this advice. I am not good looking enough as I am to date women that I want to date, so I have to become good looking in a few years, and until then, use women.
fortyninethousand322 Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 I meant the kind of body that seem to make women like Shannon drool (for reference, check out the "Struggling with Shyness" thread a few pages back. I could potentially get back to my regular weight (pregain) from 5 years ago. I could be skinny again, and non-muscular. That seemed to attract at least some women. The issue is, do I have to date women I'm not attracted to until I get to that stage? After all, that's what some guys have done, who are desperate. I get called childish and shallow for preferring to look at bodies of women who are my ideal preference, yet those same women date muscular jocks and physically attractive guys, and they don't get called childish or shallow (and if they do, suddenly that man is a misogynistic sexist jerk pig of a man!) The double standard is ridiculous. I hate to drive this off topic, but that double standard has made me very bitter sometimes, when I think of it. Well here's the deal. In my experience (having been a big guy until around 15-16 years old) big guys put on muscle about as easily as they put on fat. Seriously when I got into shape I started training with a friend of mine who had about a year's worth of a head start. He was training to be shot putter. In about 2.5 months I was right where he was. And you can't really worry about people's preferences. They are what they are. Get in shape for your own sake.
Author AHardDaysNight Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 I was never a big guy. I am skinny everywhere except my belly, which is where all the fat went. When I was skinny all over...think Michael Jackson in his Thriller years. That's about what my BMI was. I tried weight lifting in my teens, but gave up after no success. The thing is, I will probably end up with the same results at 29. I will lose weight, but not gain much muscle.
Emilia Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 I already stated that I have already started an exercise regime. I planned to go to the gym today, but like I stated, I killed my arms yesterday lifting stuff, so I have to wait a few days, otherwise I'll end up in the hospital. I plan to get fit, that isn't the question. The question is, would a girl date me before I got fit, or do I really have to wait years before I can eat that sandwich? It's funny how I get attacked for asking if women are shallow, yet you say that I'm lazy for making the argument that all women are shallow, and therefore proving that you are, indeed, a shallow woman! I don't mind being called shallow because I - unlike you - take responsibility for my shortcomings. You have to toughen up both physically and mentally and regular exercise will go a long way to help you achieve that. You have get fit
OnyxSnowfall Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 I guess I just want to hear that there are some cute skinny girls that don't require a guy to be skinny or muscular. I guess I just want to hear from real girls on here that they have, or would, date a man who is slightly chubby and out of shape, but has an engaging personality. I guess I'm fat and ugly then 'cause, as I've stated (in more than one thread), I don't need a male who is skinny or muscular. The problem I encountered when I did date hefty / over-weight men was that most were oozing out "superficiality" themselves, even the ones with engaging personalities and minds........ their "double-standards" / repulsion for females who weren't thin and beautiful (even though they were weighing me against them, like I should be flattered [which I kind of was, but that's BESIDES the point ]) ultimately just turned me off.
Author AHardDaysNight Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 Okay...what the hell? I'm shallow. There, I admit it. I'm shallow. I want a beautiful and sexy woman. Maybe I will get one as I am, maybe I will get one after I lose weight. I'm not going to date women I'm not attracted to; on second thought, that is mean and unfair to the girl, and unfair to myself, because I never could really love her. I guess I just need to find someone who likes me for me, instead of for my body. Okay, I'll want her for her body, I admit that, so maybe I am a bit of a hypocrite...but I can't just turn off attraction. Men will always be more visual than women. I know there are women out there who date primarily on personality...but that's never going to be the experience with any man!
Author AHardDaysNight Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 Onyx, let me state that my repulsion doesn't go far enough for me to not want to talk to them, be friends with them, or interact with them in any way. But I definitely would never date an overweight woman. Simply because, that isn't my preference, and I'm turned off by fat. I'm turned off by my own body, which is why I feel so insecure. I think I'm the same skinny guy I was 5 years ago, until I look in the mirror and see all that fat. That is why I hate mirrors. I guess the answer to this thread is, yes, women do prefer athletes. Or at least skinny men. And my insecurity over being fat is what's driving me away from getting with a girl that would overlook my "fatness." I, in general, hate my body. So I need to go to the gym and work on it.
somedude81 Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 I was never a big guy. I am skinny everywhere except my belly, which is where all the fat went. When I was skinny all over...think Michael Jackson in his Thriller years. That's about what my BMI was. I tried weight lifting in my teens, but gave up after no success. The thing is, I will probably end up with the same results at 29. I will lose weight, but not gain much muscle. But you're tall, which means that you have the body frame required to build muscle. Also, trying to weight train in your teens is pretty much pointless.
Author AHardDaysNight Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 I will go to the gym and try to build muscle, and also talk to my therapist about this. It's clear that my own hatred of my body is driving my dislike for chubbier women.
tman666 Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 In my opinion, you are not shallow for wanting a beautiful woman. I'm pretty sure that every male and female out there wants to be with someone that they find attractive. The shallowness factor comes into play when someone is ONLY looking for looks/money/etc. in their partner, and really couldn't give a damn about their personality. I mean, you wouldn't want to be with some beautiful girl that you couldn't have meaningful conversation with because she was too much of an airhead to connect with you on a personal level. It wouldn't last. YOU'D probably end up being the one cheating on her. You said it in one of your earlier posts: it takes the whole package. You probably have a great personality and social skills, but your body might be taking you out of the running (statistically) with the type of women you want to date. Sure, there might be some gorgeous, smart, emotionally stable young female that would love to date you out there, but improving your odds by improving your body isn't going to hurt. Unfortunately, getting in shape and staying in shape is a lifelong pursuit where "one size" doesn't fit all. You'll have to be dedicated to finding out what works for you and keeping your nose to the grindstone. There are great resources out there that can help you out, but you'll need to get it into your mind that fitness will be part of your daily life from here on out.
Author AHardDaysNight Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 Thanks tman. I have joined a weight loss club, will be going to my first meeting tomorrow. And also plan to go to the gym tomorrow as well. I have some books on weight training that I bought back in 2007, when I was literally obsessed with this. I dropped the ball then. I don't plan to drop the ball again. FortyNine, I can't answer your PM, because I don't have a weight loss plan at the moment. That's what I'm going to work on.
cerridwen Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 Cerri, I almost want to be angry with you about this post but everything you said makes perfect sense. Who am I supposed to be mad at that I don't have an amazing body and most likely won't ever have one because of my genetics? You'd be surprised what hard work and diet could achieve, SD. I've seen you, and you're workouts away from being The Hottie with the Body. Work it. I know I can't be mad at the women for liking what they do because that just leads to bitterness. And then I have this depression which isn't exactly giving me the motivation to go to the gym 4 days a week.Thanks for not getting mad. I always think it's silly when people give others heat for their preferences. Here is what is wrong. In my book wanting someone who is attractive and physically fit isn't shallow, however only caring about looks is shallow. It is hypocritical of you to say a girl should like you for your personality ignoring the fact that you are obese while you yourself say you want a girl who is "cute and thin". I completely agree with you, ptp. You must be an athlete.
fortyninethousand322 Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 FortyNine, I can't answer your PM, because I don't have a weight loss plan at the moment. That's what I'm going to work on. Alright man. If you do have any questions feel free to ask though. There are plenty of others on LS too that know a lot about physical fitness (tman and Nexus come to mind). And of course there's good ol' youtube/google.
USMCHokie Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 The body isn't everything...it helps but it isn't the sole solution...you seem like a decent guy with good values...don't lose yourself and make sure to stay humble when you get to where you want to be...surprise people with the physique and a bit of humility...
Carlos S Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 Keep up the good work. Remember to make weight training the key component of your routine, because it is an awesome way to lose fat. Some tips, if I may: It's very much adviseable to rest when fatigued. But as soon as your not, head back to the weights room. If part of your body is so, exercise another. Have the right attitude. Do not think, "to have the ideal body, I have to suffer and make sacrifices. No pain, no gain". Think, "you know what I'm feeling in my arms right now? That's the feeling of progress". How heavy are you? If you're, say, 220 pounds, I think you could lose 40 pounds of fat and gain 10 of muscle within a year without too much trouble. Maybe more. You might want to look up "Fit 2 Fat 2 Fit". Never feel self conscious in the gym because your a beginner. I see them all the time. I'm not going to say anything about your attraction to girl who haven't going on in the conventional areas, because as an adult and a male I know enough to know that there's not a goddamn think I can do to affect the way you feel about this. If anything, think about that when you're in the gym. So, keep up the routine, get into the hang of things, and soon you can move onto doing drop sets and HIIT
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