skyle Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 Right, I'm going to message my ex girlfriend who ended it with me. She still wants me to be friends with her, and although it's been two months and we've been friendly. I just can't be friends with her, its more or nothing. I was thinking of saying this... "Hey, look theres something I just have to say. I can't be just friends with you Frankie, I'm sorry. We have never really had any space since we split up and I can't do just friends. It's up to you whether you really want me in your life. That's the decision you have to make but I can't be JUST friends and you know why. You need the space and time to truly work out what you want. You say you can't live without me, but this whole situation wont work as mates. I need you to really think about this and you know where I am. But I cannot be just a friend to you, I don't know how to. Of course your feelings have changed, you've gone to uni, you've made new friends but you need to really think whether I am worth the effort. You have to think whether those hugs we have, and the holding hands when laying next to each other mean anything. Because if you do want me in your life then I do believe we can get through anything step by step and not just run away from things. But this is your choice but I can't just be a friend to you. so you have to really think about how much you want me in your life. You can bbm and call me whenever, and once you've what you really want. I am sorry. Kevin x"
wilsonx Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 "You hesitate to stab me with a word, alas, silence is the sharper sword" Say nothing and go NC
Author skyle Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 Just as I posted this...she sent me a message saying 'Heyy how are you? Had exams so haven't spoken to you properly last few days but they're over now ' What do I say to that?
Author skyle Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 It's difficult because she BBMed me which means she knows when u read it...I just ended the convo before reading it (know a trick to read the convo and it showing up as not read) but I can't ignore her bbm because she knows I always use BBM (Blackberry Messenger)
wilsonx Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 yes you can... read it and do nothing... it doesnt matter anymore do you want to be her friend? she broke up with you. you can't be friends with someone you have feelings for
Author skyle Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 Well I wan't to be more than friends, either together or nothing for now. Yeah she broke up with me so it's her loss.
Rainingonme Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 I was friendly with my gf of four years for three months. Avoided the friend zone with LC (failed NC), ended up in the "I have no feelings for you anymore" zone just. I´d say NC all the way until a) you are over her and dont want her back b) she comes back and really makes an effort. Friendship can be on the menu when you sincerely do not want to be romantically involved with her. If she at that point refuses your friendship then I guess she was not worth your friendship.
Author skyle Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 Yeah I feel quite good about not replying to her. She BBMed me a few hours ago asking how I was and I thought should I just reply saying 'Yeah im good thanks x' or just not reply at all...cos she knows I've read it.
TaraMaiden Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 Do NOTHING. Do NOT reply. The fact she knows you've read it - and you're not replying - reinforces your determination to stay No Contact, better than anything else. More fool her. She will have visual confirmation that you are receiving - but ignoring. And that, my friend, is just fine, because it says more than any thing else you could actually say to her, ever would. "Actions speak louder than words." Delete. Ignore. Move on. You KNOW t makes sense.....
Author skyle Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 Quick update on it. She messaged me again saying; 'If you're going to ignore me then might as well delete me...3 times I spoke to u today and nothing. you updated your status and all sorts but no reply :/' so I responded with 'Not ignoring you, speak to you properly tomorrow?' and she goes 'coulda just replied today :s did you just end chat?' and I said 'No don't worry, I'll chat to you tomorrow' and she said 'Okay night then' and I didn't reply.
TaraMaiden Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 and here opens the door to more ripping your heart out. Why exactly did you succumb....? I'm sorry, with all the good advice, that's just idiotic.
Author skyle Posted November 3, 2011 Author Posted November 3, 2011 I had to tell her that I couldn't be friends with her anymore. It went like this: 'I dont think I can just be friends with you. When we're together and we hold hands and hug, its not fair on me cos im not able to move on. I need space away from everything cos I never got that when we broke up because I thought there was a chance we'd be together. I dont want it to sound like an ultimatum but you need to decide whether we're more than friends or nothing at all because I need to get on with my life' And she responded with: 'Your a dick coz I told you this so many times and I gave you the chance when we first broke up too decide if its nothing or friends and you made it harder for us both by saying you were cool with being friends and then coming back out with we should try again! I kept telling you before that you could just walk away and you said no! Now when I thought I had a friend your saying no. But I guess that's your choice now, soo if its this then delete my bbm and facebook with me and my family so we don't see anything coz as you said you need to get on with your life :l' And then went on to say; 'I didn't mean it, not a dick! But its what you want then okay x (I ignored this message) Gunna reply, if not just delete me then? Coz I don't know what to sayy' Then basically she told me she wanted me as a friend more important than nothing at all...and said she'd message me later on to carry on talking but never did reply so ah well.
TheJiltedGeneration Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 its quite ridiculous seeing her respond like that when her actions tell you otherwise (I.E. the hugging, constant urge to chat) in order to stop her from continually hoisting your efforts on her with little in return, either make it clear where you stand ( no hesitance with "oh speak tomorrow" , but straight assertiveness) then move on ( no follow ups explaining yourself, you don't need to do that) or just completely NC outright. it sounds like she's purposely avoiding the issue with aggressive denial (which is not fair on you AT ALL!!!) and she needs to take your feelings into account, if she "still thinks your a dick" then fine its not your problem, as she's not exactly being gracious herself.. its not about her it's about YOU!! p.s sorry about the coping room chat where I left abruptly my connection sucked, I trust you still got my email addy from it though.. give me a msg if you need to chat =)
Author skyle Posted November 5, 2011 Author Posted November 5, 2011 Yeah well she straight away said she didnt mean that I was a dick. But I don't care any more. Yeah I'll send you the email that I sent her and what she replied with.
TaraMaiden Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 drama, drama, drama..... Why not just completely ignore her? Have you read the link in my signature? Do you not realise being friends with someone you still have an aching heart for is completely, totally, entirely IMPOSSIBLE - ? So what's with the "ok, next time I will tell her...." There shouldn't ever BE a 'next time'! *facepalm!!!*
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