Author flitzanu Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 I've said those things, or variations thereof. I need space to sort my head out. There was no-one else involved. After some time, I realised lots of mistakes I had made (and improvements I could make, with help) and also things about the woman in question that had annoyed me but that I had either not confronted consciously; didn't know how much they annoyed me; or didn't know how to confront with her in any way that wasn't either wining or shouting, and had chosen to bottle it up instead. So yes, sometimes it means exactly what is said. your story has me curious. elaborate? were you involved when you "needed time" or did you end a relationship to "take your time"?
betterdeal Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 I ended it. It took years to solve my issues. I do think that if someone says this to you, taking it at face value doesn't make you weak or vulnerable even. You can of course decide that this means you are free agents once again and take any future approaches by that person the same way you would a stranger (although you know more about the person, emotionally you can have a clean slate if you choose). I also think getting angry for any extended period is damaging for your health and happiness. If you feel overwhelmed by feelings in these scenarios, ask yourself why? What is it about this that is difficult for you? Is it acknowledging, expressing and feeling remorse, loss, sorrow, disappointment? What changed, if anything, between you and inside you, in the immediate build up to the break up? Fundamentally, when someone wants a time out from a relationship with you, it is a break up, a dissolution of the relationship. Take some time away from that person and let the feelings subside, and you might end up developing a new relationship (be that a friendship or something more) with them in the future, especially if you share space in a social group / work place / small town &c. The upside is you're free to read the paper and scratch your nuts on a Sunday, leave the bog seat up, eat what you like, play video games 23 hours a day, chat up other women, hang with your pals, watch films you like, do nothing and anything you like. You know - all the good things in life.
Space Ritual Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 just curious to add quick reference opinions here... when you hear: "it's not you, it's me" "i need to sort out my life" "i need time to clear my head" "i just want to be alone right now" "i just need a break to work out my problems" "my life is so stressed i just have to break up with you" etc... followed with: "i still love you" "i still miss you" "i just don't want a relationship right now" "i want us to keep talking and be friends" etc... what would your seasoned input or advice be? just curious. These terms generally mean 'I want to have sex with someone else that is not you. I want to have sex with other people and not feel guilty about it. I want you to wait for me and you better not have any sex with anyone else while I am doing it because it will make me fee like you never cared. But when I am done having sex with friends of yours, I'll come back to you...." Not in all cases(as people actually need space at times), but generally these are merely ploys geared to make the dumper feel better about their actions...like having sex with your friends...
LetLifeFlow Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 just curious to add quick reference opinions here... when you hear: "it's not you, it's me" "i need to sort out my life" "i need time to clear my head" "i just want to be alone right now" "i just need a break to work out my problems" "my life is so stressed i just have to break up with you" etc... followed with: "i still love you" "i still miss you" "i just don't want a relationship right now" "i want us to keep talking and be friends" etc... what would your seasoned input or advice be? just curious. "I love you, but I'm not in love with you." To OP: When you hear phrases like this, it is best to just give the space. The person has already made the decision. They have also decided not to provide you with a direct answer. Asking questions or any other inquiry is will only provide frustration. Why won't they give you a direct answer? (It doesn't matter.) -feeling guilty -think they are being kind -a new person / love interest
Author flitzanu Posted November 3, 2011 Author Posted November 3, 2011 thanks everyone for playing along also glad to see that these same opinions have finally stuck in my own head a year later. so funny how perceptions can change once you can see the "bigger" picture.
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