Dorian85 Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 hey guys wanted to get some perspective. I broke up with my g/f yesterday. I've come to the realization that she has G.I.G.S..but , I didn't quite fully understand that until now. Unfortunately for me and her, yesterdays breakup was full of nastyness. lots of blaming, lots of "you never made me feel like this" or" you never did that". To top it all of, the break-up was LOADED with several references to past fights/issues. Almost like we had a small fire to begin with, but the 2 of us were just DUMPING buckets of fuel on that small fire. Long story short, the break up was by no means ended in a good way,at least from my estimation. What is the right move here? Do I request a meeting with her to try and explain in a calm and collected way why we BOTH feel the breakup is necessary? anyone else have any bad break up stories that may be able to help? Im definitely leaning towards the side of calling her and meeting up with her just so we can end things on somewhat good terms.
AlisaMarie Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 hey guys wanted to get some perspective. I broke up with my g/f yesterday. I've come to the realization that she has G.I.G.S..but , I didn't quite fully understand that until now. Unfortunately for me and her, yesterdays breakup was full of nastyness. lots of blaming, lots of "you never made me feel like this" or" you never did that". To top it all of, the break-up was LOADED with several references to past fights/issues. Almost like we had a small fire to begin with, but the 2 of us were just DUMPING buckets of fuel on that small fire. Long story short, the break up was by no means ended in a good way,at least from my estimation. What is the right move here? Do I request a meeting with her to try and explain in a calm and collected way why we BOTH feel the breakup is necessary? anyone else have any bad break up stories that may be able to help? Im definitely leaning towards the side of calling her and meeting up with her just so we can end things on somewhat good terms. My ex has this breakup trick... he treats me like crap for 2 weeks then gaslights me into thinking I have been a bitch. (we broke up 6 times) It's quite clever. Then the breakup hits- and I throw down any jab I can get in to hurt him for what he put me through. If it's over- a meet up isn't necessary. Forgiveness will come in time. When things get heated during a breakup it is just the nature of the beast. Feelings are fueled. Now unless you said something that wasn't true or completely malicious... just let it go. I meeting will only prolong the healing process.
fallenenvy Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 Im afraid that if you try to talk to her it won't go well. You will end up screaming at each other agin... about past fights and old problems etc. You broke up.. its over... done. leave it be. Perhaps in the future.. not today or tomorrow but weeks/months from now when things have cooled off.. perhaps then you can talk about it.. but personally.. i don't think now is a good time. trying to rationalize why you broke up yet again will only bring more hurt.. therefore more fighting.. yelling.. etc. "ending on good terms" is usually more of a fantasy than a reality. Sure it can happen.. but generally good terms don't happen right away as their are a lot of painful feelings associated with the ending of a relationship.
AlisaMarie Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 (edited) sorry i put this in the wrong place Edited November 2, 2011 by AlisaMarie
ludovico Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 gotta agree with fallenenvy... just let it be... i know from personal experience... i was dumped for another guy, and she got mad at me because i couldnt stay friends with her! i felt bad and tried for her, couldn't do it, and once i started to cut her out of my life she flipped out... it was VERY messy... i figured maybe i can just reason with her and explain things from my perspective... everyone told me not to... but i figured i have to try for this woman (god knows why i thought that after what she did to me)... trust me - you do not want to be in contact with them at this time - there are too many feelings involved... it's like when u have a zit and u think 'oh i should pop that!' and then it doesnt pop, so you think 'oh maybe i just have to squeeze a bit harder' and then it still wont pop and after like 20 mins of trying you just end up with a big red welt zit on ur face! LMAO ok that's a bit extreme but the point is - LEAVE IT ALONE... maybe in time things will be explained/resolved, but for now, no matter how much you want things to end amicably, they wont - they cant when theres so many feelings involved... in my case, it went from messy to now-i-have-to-file-a-police-report... by contacting her you will just be exacerbating the situation... especially if she has GIGS - you will just look like a weak little wuss in her eyes - it doesn't matter what you say if she has GIGS... the cold reality is - she's done! it will serve no positive purpose to try to explain things to her - maybe down the line your paths will meet and when you have both individually resolved the current breakup you can then begin a friendship, but for right now, let it be... there's a reason why you hear this advice over and over and over again on these forums... people have been through it so they know... if you contact her you will just end up learning the hard way... your choice
Author Dorian85 Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 gotta agree with fallenenvy... just let it be... i know from personal experience... i was dumped for another guy, and she got mad at me because i couldnt stay friends with her! i felt bad and tried for her, couldn't do it, and once i started to cut her out of my life she flipped out... it was VERY messy... i figured maybe i can just reason with her and explain things from my perspective... everyone told me not to... but i figured i have to try for this woman (god knows why i thought that after what she did to me)... trust me - you do not want to be in contact with them at this time - there are too many feelings involved... it's like when u have a zit and u think 'oh i should pop that!' and then it doesnt pop, so you think 'oh maybe i just have to squeeze a bit harder' and then it still wont pop and after like 20 mins of trying you just end up with a big red welt zit on ur face! LMAO ok that's a bit extreme but the point is - LEAVE IT ALONE... maybe in time things will be explained/resolved, but for now, no matter how much you want things to end amicably, they wont - they cant when theres so many feelings involved... in my case, it went from messy to now-i-have-to-file-a-police-report... by contacting her you will just be exacerbating the situation... especially if she has GIGS - you will just look like a weak little wuss in her eyes - it doesn't matter what you say if she has GIGS... the cold reality is - she's done! it will serve no positive purpose to try to explain things to her - maybe down the line your paths will meet and when you have both individually resolved the current breakup you can then begin a friendship, but for right now, let it be... there's a reason why you hear this advice over and over and over again on these forums... people have been through it so they know... if you contact her you will just end up learning the hard way... your choice thanks a lot for the response. They are all much appreciated. I think I will leave it alone. As much as it sucks and is going to be hard. You guys are right, in her mind, it doesn't matter what the reasons are, fact is, its done. anyways, thanks for all the perspective thus far.
b_80_h Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 hey guys wanted to get some perspective. I broke up with my g/f yesterday. I've come to the realization that she has G.I.G.S..but , I didn't quite fully understand that until now. Unfortunately for me and her, yesterdays breakup was full of nastyness. lots of blaming, lots of "you never made me feel like this" or" you never did that". To top it all of, the break-up was LOADED with several references to past fights/issues. Almost like we had a small fire to begin with, but the 2 of us were just DUMPING buckets of fuel on that small fire. Long story short, the break up was by no means ended in a good way,at least from my estimation. What is the right move here? Do I request a meeting with her to try and explain in a calm and collected way why we BOTH feel the breakup is necessary? anyone else have any bad break up stories that may be able to help? Im definitely leaning towards the side of calling her and meeting up with her just so we can end things on somewhat good terms. Was anything unforgivable said? If not, then reaching out wouldn't be so awful, but giving her time would probably be the best strategy. Got any desire to work things out with her?
Author Dorian85 Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 Was anything unforgivable said? If not, then reaching out wouldn't be so awful, but giving her time would probably be the best strategy. Got any desire to work things out with her? Well no, there were no harsh insults being hurled. BUT, there was a lot of blaming one another for past faults and things of that nature. It was just a lot of re hashing of old fights, almost like it was one big culmination of all of our fights rolled into one big back and forth blame fest lol. So no, not insults...just a lot of questions of each others character. Im not sure if I have a desire right now to get back with her. Im on the fence about it. We have a lot...and I mean A LOT of issues to get over. We tended to bring up the same old fights and issues EVERY time we fought. So im pretty sure we both need to get over some things before we can even begin to think about getting back together.
Author Dorian85 Posted November 3, 2011 Author Posted November 3, 2011 Was anything unforgivable said? If not, then reaching out wouldn't be so awful, but giving her time would probably be the best strategy. Got any desire to work things out with her? I also think at this point it may be to far gone. I mean, how can you work it out with someone when she has a desire...not matter how big or small...to experience life as a single person?? I don't think its possible.
b_80_h Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 I also think at this point it may be to far gone. I mean, how can you work it out with someone when she has a desire...not matter how big or small...to experience life as a single person?? I don't think its possible. I was my ex's first serious relationship, and we spent all of our first year of college together. We break up for a legit reason (distance and depression treatment for herself), but later she turns hostile and wants me to stop talking to her. I guess there's nothing you really can do about it, especially if their heart is set on it. However, if you want to reach out, make sure you have accepted your faults in the relationship and know their scope. That way, if she tries to inflate your role in the relationship's demise, you'll know when to walk.
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