April72 Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 Somebody help me with this whold Gamer thing!!! My BF is a gamer of course we had been dating quite sometime before I realized it. And now two years later he would rather spend his saturday night playing his video game then hanging out with me??? We do not live together and only see each other a couple of times a week. Yet he plays his game several times a week. Am I over reacting feeling like he is chosing his stupid game over me??? It's really hurting my feelings and when I talk to him about it.... he says he doesn't understand and that it's his hobby. I'm not a gamer and I don't understand a grown man choosing a video game over his woman. WTF????
dasein Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 You aren't overreacting, gaming addiction is a very serious social problem. Because it doesn't involve typical puritan targets like alcohol or tobacco, the extent of the problem isn't grasped atm in society. You have a right to a significant portion of your BF's attention, and if increasingly he spends more time on the game than with you, it may be time to lay down the law and be prepared to move on. If you can get them away from the game entirely for a couple of weeks, it can break the addiction, so possibly plan a long vacation or trip? Maybe there is something he liked to do like camp, hike, bike, before he got into the games that you like to do also? Good luck with this.
somedude81 Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 I certainly enjoy gaming, but the last thing I would do is play a game when I could be with a woman. Find a guy who can get his priorities straight.
b_80_h Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 (edited) Somebody help me with this whold Gamer thing!!! My BF is a gamer of course we had been dating quite sometime before I realized it. And now two years later he would rather spend his saturday night playing his video game then hanging out with me??? We do not live together and only see each other a couple of times a week. Yet he plays his game several times a week. Am I over reacting feeling like he is chosing his stupid game over me??? It's really hurting my feelings and when I talk to him about it.... he says he doesn't understand and that it's his hobby. I'm not a gamer and I don't understand a grown man choosing a video game over his woman. WTF???? Well, I used to be hooked on World of Warcraft, to the point where I got anxious if I didn't play it at least once every day. During this time, I had a girlfriend who was understandably ticked at the amount of time I poured into it. My question is, how often have you suggested something else to do to counter the games? I'm not questioning your commitment at all, don't worry. My ex was frustrated about me playing WoW so much, and at first she was kind of mad at me about it, but she eventually tried coaxing me out of it by offering other things to do with her. Sex, for example, usually seems to work... lol:p However, in a less crude sense, just offer to do things with him. He'll decline it sometimes, but if he's worth the time, he'll slowly come around. I'd actually suggest getting something that you both like, and share that. If he doesn't want to let go of it, then I guess you have a choice to make... Edit: As a note, I had pared my WoW habits down to very little, then I went through a tough break-up with my recent ex. My playtime ballooned to nearly 7 hours a day for about two weeks afterwards, until I finally said no more. Gaming Addiction is real, and it totally sucks. Edited November 2, 2011 by b_80_h
insaneinthebrain Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 WTF???? Thats the right place to start.... .... Gaming has become an epidemic. .. i know i have been guilty of it in the past. ...
ChessPieceFace Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 Somebody help me with this whold Gamer thing!!! My BF is a gamer of course we had been dating quite sometime before I realized it. And now two years later he would rather spend his saturday night playing his video game then hanging out with me??? Is he obligated to spend every single Saturday night for you, for eternity? How would you feel if it were another activity instead, like a bowling league? Many games are online and involve other people nowadays. We do not live together and only see each other a couple of times a week. Yet he plays his game several times a week. Am I over reacting feeling like he is chosing his stupid game over me??? Since you say "his stupid game" I get the strong feeling that you constantly downplay his interests, and act as if they are unimportant and/or subordinate to yours. Perhaps that (admittedly common, among women) attitude is part of why he, after 2 years, has perhaps grown tired of being around you so much. It's really hurting my feelings and when I talk to him about it.... he says he doesn't understand and that it's his hobby. Again, how would you feel if he was spending a Saturday night on another hobby? I'm not a gamer and I don't understand a grown man choosing a video game over his woman. More condescension. He plays video games so "he isn't really a grown man." Address this lack of understanding on your part, I'm betting that may be the real issue. Of course it's also possible he's just a game addict, but judging from your text here, YOU are at least part of the problem. I certainly enjoy gaming, but the last thing I would do is play a game when I could be with a woman. Find a guy who can get his priorities straight. You must be desperate for sex. So you have this woman (who you know nothing about except her text on here) and after 2 years, you are so sure you would still spend every single Saturday night with her? I'm not so sure.
zengirl Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 I know many gamers. Most of the socially-adept gamers understand that they need to put the computer away and spend time with real people, including their SOs. I mean, my BF is a gamer, and he loves to play video games, but he'd never blow me off for them---that seems weird. At the same time, I'm tolerant and if I'm over and have some studies to do or something, I'm fine with us spending time, me studying and him shooting zombies in some video game. Why not? I like games too, though, so we also play together a bit. But if someone's WHOLE life is massively consumed by gaming or they cannot give it up for even a short time, that's gaming addiction. The other sad thing could be. . . he might just not want to spend that much time with you. Most of my male friends are gamers to some degree, and when they want out of a relationship, they'll often retreat into things, including their games (or work or something else), and just start spending as little time on the girl as possible for awhile while they process whether or not they want to break up (almost always comes out a "Yes") with her.
grkBoy Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 Somebody help me with this whold Gamer thing!!! My BF is a gamer of course we had been dating quite sometime before I realized it. And now two years later he would rather spend his saturday night playing his video game then hanging out with me??? We do not live together and only see each other a couple of times a week. Yet he plays his game several times a week. Am I over reacting feeling like he is chosing his stupid game over me??? It's really hurting my feelings and when I talk to him about it.... he says he doesn't understand and that it's his hobby. I'm not a gamer and I don't understand a grown man choosing a video game over his woman. WTF???? I think as long as he makes time for you, and some of that is weekend time, then you have no room to talk. If he wants to spend EVERY Saturday night playing games, then just tell him you would like to see him on some Saturday nights sometimes and ask him to give up a few of those Saturdays for you. He can always game on other nights. I only game in two aspects....some games on my iPhone, and occasional bouts of a first-person shooter. My fiance doesn't give me flack because I usually play iPhone games on the morning/evening commute to/from work, and the FPS thing is once every two weeks when I need a fix. In the case of your man, he likes his games. The only thing is he needs to make sure he maintains balance. Now if he only sees you on weeknights and spends his weekends gaming, that won't do...but if you're more wanting him to just 100% give up gaming and "grow up" in your eyes...then you should end it. I had an ex who didn't like that I DJed at clubs/raves. I had a normal job, and the DJ thing was a fun hobby, but she honestly wanted me to give it up and make my spare time only about her, a future family, and bringing more money into the future household. I stood my ground and she decided to end it. She's now married to a spineless guy she basically "mothers" in many ways.
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