Dorian85 Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 Just broke up with my gf of 2 years yesterday night. She basically said she hasn't been happy for a few months now. Part of her not being happy is that she doesnt feel like she got all her "partying and stupidness" out of her system when she was younger. And because she is in a relationship, she doesnt want to feel "Guilty" about talking to other guys, or dancing, or partying...basically its a guilty feeling she has. So obviously, without coming right out and saying it, the relationship is the problem...not me. Its seems to me like the relationship, she feels, is getting in the way of her experiencing things that she didnt get a chance to when she was younger. She said that she still loved me deeply, and if I really cared for her I would "fight for us and not let her go"....which of course, confused me even further???? does love win in this situation, or do human urges???
Wolf1969 Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 First of all...how old is she (and you)? And it sounds like she broke up with you, not the other way around. It could be immaturity but, again, I don't know your ages. I would tell her that it sounds like she is confused and probably needs some time to decide what she wants. I would tell her that it is not a case of you not caring or not wanting to fight for her. It is a case of HER needing to decide which is more important...partying or your relationship. My two cents. YMMV.
ChelseaLS Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 Just broke up with my gf of 2 years yesterday night. She basically said she hasn't been happy for a few months now. Part of her not being happy is that she doesnt feel like she got all her "partying and stupidness" out of her system when she was younger. And because she is in a relationship, she doesnt want to feel "Guilty" about talking to other guys, or dancing, or partying...basically its a guilty feeling she has. So obviously, without coming right out and saying it, the relationship is the problem...not me. Its seems to me like the relationship, she feels, is getting in the way of her experiencing things that she didnt get a chance to when she was younger. She said that she still loved me deeply, and if I really cared for her I would "fight for us and not let her go"....which of course, confused me even further???? does love win in this situation, or do human urges??? What? This chick is messed up... I don't get it. You break up because she wants to go play, but you're supposed to fight for her even though she broke up with you? She wants the best of both worlds?
headsashed Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 Bascially what happend after my 2 year relationship,she told me she wasnt happy,since then she has been out with her friends all the time,she told me that she missed the going out part of her life in these past 2 years because she has been with me and i suppose its what she wanted and shes been doing it,she says she loves me etc but that means nothing at all if we aint going to be together,now i dont know what your ex means exactly when she says fight for her,maybe she just wants to keep you hanging while she goes out an enjoys herself? i got the opposite,its over and maybe in the future things might happen etc,7 weeks later and still the same lol.
radiodarcy Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 She said that she still loved me deeply, and if I really cared for her I would "fight for us and not let her go"....which of course, confused me even further???? that's the most self-absorbed thing i've ever heard. if she wants to explore other options fine. she should have left it at that. but to expect you to fight for her while she's out partying it up??? lame. let her go. heal. and start looking for someone who's not going to play these ridiculous mind games. honestly. some people have no idea of the concept of give and take.
b_80_h Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 Just broke up with my gf of 2 years yesterday night. She basically said she hasn't been happy for a few months now. Part of her not being happy is that she doesnt feel like she got all her "partying and stupidness" out of her system when she was younger. And because she is in a relationship, she doesnt want to feel "Guilty" about talking to other guys, or dancing, or partying...basically its a guilty feeling she has. So obviously, without coming right out and saying it, the relationship is the problem...not me. Its seems to me like the relationship, she feels, is getting in the way of her experiencing things that she didnt get a chance to when she was younger. She said that she still loved me deeply, and if I really cared for her I would "fight for us and not let her go"....which of course, confused me even further???? does love win in this situation, or do human urges??? Interestingly enough, I can relate to you a little bit on this. We're probably not the same age, but I had something similar happen to me. Pardon my story for a moment... My ex hit the really deep throes of depression while we were together. She had some valid reasons for it, of course; she had two family members pass away on her during the school year (She missed the funeral of her grandmother because she had to report to college), she was 2000 miles from home at college, and things weren't going great academically. We split up kind of abruptly, after I returned from visiting her on the other side of the country, but it made sense at the time. Glossing over some details, when I tried to reconnect with her later, she rebuffed me and made offhand comments about how she wanted to "actually have a life" this year. Basically, she's spent this school year partying it up, which was something she chose not to do last year. Anyways, back to the issue at hand. There's a chance that this is just a twitch of fear that she was "missing out" on life. The reasons for that could be endless, but it's fair to assume that she's being selfish at the moment, focusing on something that feels guilty about. That's my take on it anyways. From my experience, someone saying they love you doesn't guarantee they're gonna fight for it. They may just be softening the blow for something
Author Dorian85 Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 thanks for your responses and questions guys To me, yeah it does seem like she wants the best of both worlds. She want to go experience other things, but i guess she still wants me there as a safety net incase **** doesnt work out. I've actually just read a few threads on the very popular G.I.G.S and A LOT of what was said in there is almost describing my situation to a T. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t251986/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t251976/ for anyone who has a similar story to mine, I would definitely check these 2 out. After careful reading, I have realized that yes...she does have a severe case of GIGS lol. I guess i was just hoping that it wasnt true, or that I was too good to her for her to even consider anyone else. But in this case, im wrong.
b_80_h Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 thanks for your responses and questions guys To me, yeah it does seem like she wants the best of both worlds. She want to go experience other things, but i guess she still wants me there as a safety net incase **** doesnt work out. I've actually just read a few threads on the very popular G.I.G.S and A LOT of what was said in there is almost describing my situation to a T. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t251986/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t251976/ for anyone who has a similar story to mine, I would definitely check these 2 out. After careful reading, I have realized that yes...she does have a severe case of GIGS lol. I guess i was just hoping that it wasnt true, or that I was too good to her for her to even consider anyone else. But in this case, im wrong. If you trust someone and care about them, you're not gonna break up with them to go off and party. But what do I know? To me, women are a changing rubix cube. Once you solve it, the colors flip again.
Author Dorian85 Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 after reading through some threads on here, Im pretty sure that i made the right decision in letting her go. The only thing that[ I do regret is the WAY it ended. It was very messy :s a lot of back and forth blaming, past situations brought up... all of course part of us trying to one up each other. B/c as far as we were both cooncerned, it was pretty much over...but neither of us wanted to be pegged as the "dumper" ..chicken **** move for sure, on both of our parts. I guess in a few days I will call her to meet up so that we can break up amicably. I think itll be for the best. I dont think that she realizes that she does have GIGS, an honest talk about that would probably shed some light on the whole situation. Im pretty sure we are both 100% sure that this relationship is done for now.
ChelseaLS Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 If you trust someone and care about them, you're not gonna break up with them to go off and party. But what do I know? To me, women are a changing rubix cube. Once you solve it, the colors flip again. Women are? Lol Men too. My ex has a case of the GIGS, but I do know it has a lot to do with what his single friends are feeding him. I have always known that he is going to regret it and when he does and shows up on my door step... it may be to late.
Author Dorian85 Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 Women are? Lol Men too. My ex has a case of the GIGS, but I do know it has a lot to do with what his single friends are feeding him. I have always known that he is going to regret it and when he does and shows up on my door step... it may be to late. I dont thing GIGS is reserved for only women, i have some guys friends who constantly portray signs. with that being said, Im taking my recent break up as a life lesson on what to look for AHEAD of time within a relationship. Call it love blindess, or whatever...but in my heart, and my mind, I wasn't able to see what was happening right in front of me until it was to late. DONT let that happen to you. Find and fix the problem RIGHT AWAY. Even if the fix is something that you think you will NOT like (ie, time apart, break up, etc). Its better to re group and come back 1000 times stronger then to force something that is stronger then the both of you.
ChelseaLS Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 I dont thing GIGS is reserved for only women, i have some guys friends who constantly portray signs. with that being said, Im taking my recent break up as a life lesson on what to look for AHEAD of time within a relationship. Call it love blindess, or whatever...but in my heart, and my mind, I wasn't able to see what was happening right in front of me until it was to late. DONT let that happen to you. Find and fix the problem RIGHT AWAY. Even if the fix is something that you think you will NOT like (ie, time apart, break up, etc). Its better to re group and come back 1000 times stronger then to force something that is stronger then the both of you. Well that is our plan.. the plan. We both agreed to a break, which we both know has to happen if we ever plan to have a successful relationship in the future. Not saying the break means we will get back together but its time to learn and grow and like you said come back 1000 times stronger if thats the way.
flitzanu Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 it's not uncommon, sadly. i'm presuming she's in the 20-24 year old range, and that most of her "being 21" time has been in a relationship, and now her friends are, or have all turned of age (being 21) or...possibly some very close friends of hers have just ended relationships and now are all single? am i close?
b_80_h Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 it's not uncommon, sadly. i'm presuming she's in the 20-24 year old range, and that most of her "being 21" time has been in a relationship, and now her friends are, or have all turned of age (being 21) or...possibly some very close friends of hers have just ended relationships and now are all single? am i close? That sounds pretty accurate. I'm in that range, and my last break-up had elements of that: all the friends are single or newly single, feeling like they didn't have "enough fun." And that would make sense, because if someone felt like they "didn't have enough fun" before they hit 18 or 21 or whatever, they might rebel (pretty immaturely, I might say) from what's comfortable.
M2155 Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 To me, yeah it does seem like she wants the best of both worlds. She want to go experience other things, but i guess she still wants me there as a safety net incase **** doesnt work out. I think you hit it. Especially if you're really young she probably doesn't know life without you. But hey, it's better she do this now than later! She probably wanted you to fight for her because: that's what they do in the movies or to convince herself that she made a mistake in telling you how she felt. I had a guy tell me those same words in college a month or so after breaking up with me and I think it's because he wasn't 100% sure in his decision. He was upset I didn't fight, but had I fought, he probably would have rejected me even more. We got back together several months later- his idea- but whatever we had was gone by then so it didn't work.
wilsonx Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 Just broke up with my gf of 2 years yesterday night. She basically said she hasn't been happy for a few months now. Part of her not being happy is that she doesnt feel like she got all her "partying and stupidness" out of her system when she was younger. And because she is in a relationship, she doesnt want to feel "Guilty" about talking to other guys, or dancing, or partying...basically its a guilty feeling she has. So obviously, without coming right out and saying it, the relationship is the problem...not me. Its seems to me like the relationship, she feels, is getting in the way of her experiencing things that she didnt get a chance to when she was younger. She said that she still loved me deeply, and if I really cared for her I would "fight for us and not let her go"....which of course, confused me even further???? does love win in this situation, or do human urges??? I like how she blames you for not fighting. She's immature Here's the thing, you can be in a relationship with someone and go out and party and have fun and dance with other people and its perfectly ok. She feels guilty about something else and blamed you for not fighting for her when she broke up with you. /facepalm I had this same conversation with my ex but the same conclusion was met. If you love someone, you have to let them for you and them. You have to, it is what it is. There's nothing you can do to change that.
Author Dorian85 Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 it's not uncommon, sadly. i'm presuming she's in the 20-24 year old range, and that most of her "being 21" time has been in a relationship, and now her friends are, or have all turned of age (being 21) or...possibly some very close friends of hers have just ended relationships and now are all single? am i close? Yup, you are very close. Shes 24. Shes been in relationships since she was 17 or 18. So thats 7 years of relationships. Of course most of them were just flings. Before me she said she only really had 1 serious relationship (where she REALLY felt like she loved the guy). But even still, shes been in relationships since 18-24. So i had those same thoughts. She never got a chance to FULLY experience the single life in all of its glory. One of the main advantages about being single is not being accountable to anyone. Not having to feel guilty, sorry or explain your actions to anyone. Its quite the temptation when you are in a relationship. I guess these temptations were to strong for her to not explore.
Author Dorian85 Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 I like how she blames you for not fighting. She's immature Here's the thing, you can be in a relationship with someone and go out and party and have fun and dance with other people and its perfectly ok. She feels guilty about something else and blamed you for not fighting for her when she broke up with you. /facepalm I had this same conversation with my ex but the same conclusion was met. If you love someone, you have to let them for you and them. You have to, it is what it is. There's nothing you can do to change that. I think you are on to something. She basically said to me that "if you really loved me and wanted to be with me then you would fight for us" , as if all of a sudden I professed my undying love for her right then and there, it would change her entire feelings on the situation. Sorry, maybe that works in the movies.... but this is real life. she even admitted that she "doesnt know how to go out and have fun and party without feeling guilty for talking to guys" to which i laughed at on the inside. It is possible to do that. People in relationships do it all the time, but the one difference in this case is that she has regrets that are staying with her. The regrets of not fully experiencing the single life. at the end of the day, that was just an excuse to alleviate her of any responsibility of being in a relationship.
b_80_h Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 I think you are on to something. She basically said to me that "if you really loved me and wanted to be with me then you would fight for us" , as if all of a sudden I professed my undying love for her right then and there, it would change her entire feelings on the situation. Sorry, maybe that works in the movies.... but this is real life. she even admitted that she "doesnt know how to go out and have fun and party without feeling guilty for talking to guys" to which i laughed at on the inside. It is possible to do that. People in relationships do it all the time, but the one difference in this case is that she has regrets that are staying with her. The regrets of not fully experiencing the single life. at the end of the day, that was just an excuse to alleviate her of any responsibility of being in a relationship. Two things I thought after this: A) In my relatively short experience, I have seen that when a woman wants you to fight for her, she'll tell you subtly or she wont tell you at all. If she tells you, she either wants you to make a major concession, or she's been eye-balling the door and she wants to transfer the guilt to you. B) Yeah, it's totally possible to talk to guys/girls while in a relationship, as long as you're aware of boundaries. Doesn't sound like there's any possessiveness factored into this, so I'd say that the blame falls squarely on her if she feels guilty. If she feels that way, why wouldn't she talk to you about it? If she was really worried about crossing the boundaries, why didn't she communicate it? It may sound worse, and that conversation might not be fun, but it alleviates so many burdens...
b_80_h Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 Women are? Lol Men too. I hold firm to my belief that women are complex by nature, and men are so simple it's hard to believe it. lol
ChelseaLS Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 I hold firm to my belief that women are complex by nature, and men are so simple it's hard to believe it. lol Oh I agree. It's the fact that men are so simple that makes it confusing for us complex beings lol. We are wired soooo differently.
flitzanu Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 Yup, you are very close. Shes 24. Shes been in relationships since she was 17 or 18. So thats 7 years of relationships. Of course most of them were just flings. Before me she said she only really had 1 serious relationship (where she REALLY felt like she loved the guy). But even still, shes been in relationships since 18-24. So i had those same thoughts. She never got a chance to FULLY experience the single life in all of its glory. One of the main advantages about being single is not being accountable to anyone. Not having to feel guilty, sorry or explain your actions to anyone. Its quite the temptation when you are in a relationship. I guess these temptations were to strong for her to not explore. then you nailed it dude. she's young and wants to sleep with other people. hard truth and sorry to say, but she wants to go taste life. thing is now, are you going to sit around and wait for her and pine after her, while she's out doing this? or are you going to completely erase her from your life and let her go find the life she believes she is missing?
b_80_h Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 Oh I agree. It's the fact that men are so simple that makes it confusing for us complex beings lol. We are wired soooo differently. There's no such secret to holding on to a partner in my eyes. To me, women are an unsolvable puzzle, and the first one to appear both solvable and challenging will be a keeper for me.
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