chick-lee Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]Here is a little background - My aunt has been dating this guy for 3 or 4years. She is significantly older than he is, slightly more than a decadeolder, which makes him closer in age to me. In fact, he is even a few yearsyounger than my boyfriend. So this guy is actually super nice, real friendly,funny, totally supportive of my aunt, and the whole family just thinks he isgreat. I thought so too, but recently he has started doing subtle little thingsthat honestly just creep me out. [/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]Ok, so two years ago it started with a not so subtle event at a holidayparty, he actually checked out my butt; not just casual, normal "guy beingguy", oops I busted you looking at my backside. No, the total, make eyecontact with the owner of the butt, look at butt, look back up to make eyecontact, make less than "potential uncle" acceptable comment aboutsaid butt. This was done in a kitchen full of family! No one to this day hassaid anything though, so I can only assume no one noticed. There is usuallysome free flowing alcohol at these events so I kind of chalked it up to that,said something along the lines of "thanks, but the aunts, waybetter", then avoided him totally for the rest of the evening, and decidedto move past it. I mean, it's not like I can just avoid my entire family toavoid him. For a while things seemed normal and like that may have just been afluke inappropriate moment. Lately though the aunts boyfriend has been doingsmall subtle things that lead me to believe he is flirting, be it consciouslyor subconsciously, with me and it makes every family event super awkward forme. For example, the man gets over the top excited to say hi to me when Iarrive and all but shoves people out of the way to give me a hug, he makes it apoint to respond to everything I say even if it’s not directed at him, helaughs at all my sarcastic and humorous comments, even the unfunny ones, I havetested it. He somehow finds a way to sit, stand, or whatever next to me. Thebig issue for me though is that he is constantly having to touch me, never inan inappropriate way, just the rubbing of the arm, the touch on the elbow,shoulder, back as he walks by, and brushing my hair off my shoulder. He will goout of his way to do it! Tested that too. Stood on the opposite side of mysister as the three of us had a conversation. At the end of the convo heexcused himself, walk around my sister and an extra chair and rubbed and pattedmy arm as he walked passed and said he was going in the other room. Creeps meout! And when one of us leaves the party, of course, another hug. This one alittle longer and a little more full contact than I leave feeling comfortableabout, and the inevitable "you always smell good". Now, I know thisprobably makes me sound totally uptight. So he laughs at my jokes and touchesmy arm big deal right? I don't know.[/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]I always make it a point to never be alone in a room with him, try tomaintain some distance, and never discuss any topic with him I wouldn't be okaytalking with my grandparents about, but I worry that his constant need to rubmy arm or rush to welcome me will one day draw attention from my aunt and makeher wonder if I am doing something to welcome it. Or, if it is inappropriateflirting, that it will get less and less subtle. [/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]I cannot decide if it is full on creepy subtle flirting behavior or if I amjust blowing it way out of proportion because of one awkward moment a few yearsago? Is this guy really being flirty, or does he feel camaraderie because weare from the same generation so it’s his weird, overly friendly way of tryingto form a friendship? Am I being up tight or understandably worried and if so,what's the best way to address the situation?[/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT]
MizHoney2U Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 It seems like you are giving him way too much energy. I would be bothered if someone else's man were doing that to me and if my man were doing that to someone else. Have you tried sticking close to your boyfriend or to your aunt? It's so subtle that you will have to stop him in mid act (move to prevent him from touching you or rubbing arms, and fixing hair)... rather than verbally addressing it unless he asks why you are moving, which will allow you to respond that it's too close for comfort. People can pick up on energy and you should go out of your way to avoid him as he tries to be near you. He will notice that as well.
Aryanna Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 Congratulations- you have a creepy uncle! Seriously, I've been there and it sucks. You don't want to make waves with the family/friends. I would echo the advice above and give him a lot less attention. Be formal and polite, but not friendly. If he touches you, move away quickly, making it clear that it's unwelcome. Make a point of spending time with other people. If he says anything (though it's unlikely), simply say that you're uncomfortable with "family" behaving that way. All of your "testing" so far has probably just given him encouragement in the sense that you're paying attention to him. He may just be awkward in trying to form a friendship with you, but really, his focus should be on your aunt.
Recommended Posts