Can I get a 3rd chance?

[missingno]

Wrote the biggest story and deleted it all because just seemed all messy. Im really stressed right now and anxiety is kicking in pretty hard. This girl means the world to me and this will just destroy me if I can't fix it.

 

Soo, we have been dating for almost 3 years. We have broken up twice before and she ends up taking me back before 2 months. There has had guy friends that she talks to when we break up but whenever we get back together she drops them. We are best friends. She doesn't have any friends really just people from work but nobody outside of work. She did have 3 good friends from high school but they just show up every once in a while. These girls just jumped back into her life and started to hang out with her a lot. Probably 4 days a week for the past 2 weeks.

 

One night I caught her in a few white lies that she told me because she wanted to hang out with her friends. She ditched me that night to hang out with them thats why she probably lied I'm guessing. I texted when she was hanging with friends, I was upset because she lied to me not for the ditching part. She ignored my texts and calls and eventually yes I started to bug her and she turned off her phone.

 

The next day on Monday the 24th of October we took a break away from each other it was her idea because we were fighting way too much for really dumb things and it was stressing her out especially with college being tough on her. I feel like she lied about those things shes doing good in school. I later got some info that she thought she was annoying me and I was acting cocky. I understand how I was being like that and yes she was annoying me but I thought it was just her being hyper not a big deal. So I tried putting the pieces together and felt like I figured it out. She wanted to kill two birds with one stone. Break up with me and she gets me to miss her and try and change while she got to hang out with her friends. It made sense, especially because she would text me around every two days being friendly. We had to text though sometimes because we split the price of this college book which is 500 bucks. She was being friendly about everything.

 

Then 4 days later after the break we talked on the phone and I asked about us and she said she felt like she needed some space. Also that we were fighting about dumb stuff and I was being a jerk sometimes so she wanted to break up. I understood the break but not the break up so I tried to talk to her about it but she had to hang up. She said we can talk later. We texted that night and she said she was going to a halloween party with her friends and I said well can we talk before you go? I told her I dont want to upset her before she does something fun with her friends all I wanted to talk about was what were going to do about the book we were sharing. I wasnt too worried about the break up I mean I missed her but something was telling me to give her the space and let her enjoy time with her 3 friends. She told me she couldnt talk because she was about to leave and I said real quick please and she said im not trying to be mean but I have to leave soon I'm sorry we can talk tomorrow. I said ok its totally fine its my fault for not asking earlier and i said ill just see you around then. She texted back and said ill see you tomorrow ok? and i said ok thats fine. She replied with a goodnight. I said night and then she sent me a frowny face. I asked what? and she said nothing nevermind.

 

The next day she told me she couldnt stop by because it was her little sisters birthday. I said its fine dont worry about it. That was that for that day. Then the next few days she texted me like we were friends. Like there was no problem. We shared a few laughs. I still felt decent since I thought she just needed her friends right now. 2 days passed and we were still friendly. She came by twice and smiled at me and made small talk. Then today happened. She told me whenever I needed the book to just text her and let her know and told me I could use her $900 laptop too. I went to her place to pick it up and she unlocked her car and went back inside because it was really cold and early. I went into her car and grabbed the book. I was also looking for my headphones that I lost and found a pack of cigarettes. She hates smoking. I have never seen her smoke since ive known her. I left it at that and later that night I texted her asking if I could use the laptop and she said yeah thats fine. She stopped by and dropped it off and I sat in the car with her for a few minutes. I told her I wanted to talk about us and she said she felt like crap because she was with her grandma all day and shes doing really bad. (Her grandma is really old and sick). and she would rather talk about it tomorrow. I tried to talk to her still and I asked her if its a break she needs because I can give her the space and she said I just dont want a boyfriend right now. I dont want any relationship. I felt like crap and then asked if she was sure and she just kept saying she was really tired. Then I said ok thats fine and she told me we could talk about this tomorrow and I said well if youve mind is made up with us being done then what is there to talk about? and she told me that she would just stop by so we can talk about it anyways. I said ok fine. Then I wanted to bring up the cigarettes so I asked if my headphones were in her car somewhere so i pretended to look and she covered the compartment where the cigarettes were and I told her whats in there and she said nothing and i tried to move her arm and she told me to stop. She told me it was something her grandma gave her a few minutes ago and she didnt want me to see it. I told her I saw it earlier and she said thats not what shes hiding. I could tell she was scared of me finding out something I could tell by her voice she was lying about something. I asked about the them and she said they were a friends who left them there when she gaver HER a ride home. So I said ok ill let you go to bed then and I told her if she needs help with or needs to talk about her grandma to let me know. I love her grandma. So I rubbed her head like if she was a kid and said bye and she smiled at me and said bye. She told me she was going straight home and to bed but I forgot to give her the book for class and my phone died so i figured id leave it in her car since i had the spare key and text her that i left it there.. well when I got to her house which isnt too far from mine I saw that her car wasnt there and it broke my heart that she lied. I went home to charge my phone and got on her laptop and while connecting to the wifi i noticed she had a new internet connection, I got on facebook and found an email log in for some guy. I copied the address and found out it was one of her co workers. A manager I believe. The new internet connection was for his house. That broke my heart even more. I don't want to think that shes messing with this guy but it keeps running through my head. I talked to a friend who ive been telling everything and she tells me that just because shes been hanging out with some guy doesnt mean they are doing what i think they are doing. It made me feel better but I still feel like crap. I dont know what to talk to her about tomorrow. How can I win her back. I would do NC but we have a $500 book we both share for at least 5 more weeks. Why does she let me use her laptop and let me keep her spare keys? Need help

[betterdeal]

I don't understand what a $500 book is. Can you explain that, please?

 

In any case, you need to calm down. You will not achieve half of what you want to if you don't. Maybe go to the gym and punch the punch bag loads to burn off some energy, or have a bubble bath and sleep well. Thinking is not going to solve this alone. You need to sleep and eat well.

[missingno]

I don't understand what a $500 book is. Can you explain that, please?

 

In any case, you need to calm down. You will not achieve half of what you want to if you don't. Maybe go to the gym and punch the punch bag loads to burn off some energy, or have a bubble bath and sleep well. Thinking is not going to solve this alone. You need to sleep and eat well.

 

We are both in college and we split the price of a college book we need which is worth $500.

 

Yeah I have calmed down a notch since then. She has stopped texting me friendly and only to see if I have her book and laptop ready for her to pick it up and vice versa. I have been eating healthy food these past few days and going on walks.

 

Also a little update she told me she was going to stop by to talk to me the next day in my story. She only stopped by though to pick up the book and laptop. I asked if she was going to talk to me about things and she said she had to go because she made plans with her and her grandma. I asked for just 10 minutes and she agreed. I apologized for the things I did and told her that she didn't have to decide right now but I wanted another chance with her. I told her how I changed in a wrong way and its not only been affecting her but also my brother who which I live with. I gave her a few compliments and she smiled then I told her how I was done and she had nothing to say. I then told her that I bought something for her grandma since it was her birthday the next day. I went to my car and pulled two bunches of flowers and told her one was for her grandma and one was for her and she smiled and hugged me and I let her leave.

[betterdeal]

Carry on with the treating yourself well. Sometimes the best thing we can do is accept things as they are. In this time apart, consider a little why it went wrong, why you changed, what feelings triggered you to change and what prompted those feelings. It might take some time to do this soul searching, but it will be worth it. Don't be hard on yourself; it will be okay whatever happens.