Dorian85 Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 Ok, so I literally JUST broke it off with my g/f of 2 years. I don't know weather or not I made the right decision or not. Reason why I dont trust her: a year ago, she went away on a school/work related trip. Things were OK between us, not the best....but ok. I find out 2 weeks into her trip she is messing around with another guy. Just kissing at this point, but eventually led to them hooking up. Before the hook up, she DID break up with me (via internet), but literally 2 DAYS after, she hooks up with this guy. Fresh off of our Break-up. We still kept in some contact over the following month, nothing major...just hows it going type of stuff. anyways, 2 months pass and she is back...and guess what? I get a call from her. She explains what she did, and of course Im upset beyond belief. 2 DAYS after we break up, and she already hooks up with the SAME GUY that she initially cheated on me with. I was pretty devastated, but I loved this girl so much that I thought I could get past that. We ended up trying to work things out. We got back together...but things were never the same. we got in a fight today when she asked me if I trust her fully. Of course I say "no, not fully" and she gets upset and says I shouldn't be with her anymore. Long story short, we fight about the situation i just described, and she gets EVEN MORE mad at me for not "getting over" that, and "making her feel horrible" constantly for bringing it up. We just broke up. I don't know how to feel. part of me is ok with the, the other part is sad to see her go. are my trust issues well founded? Has anyone here gotten over and moved on from a trust issues (major or minor) that they have had with their s/o ??? The way I've been feeling these past few months has been very confusing. I love this girl deeply....but that situation is always in the back of my mind, no matter how hard I try to forget it and try and be happy...its literally haunts me. anyways, any feedback would be GREATLY appreciated.
herc3352 Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 Ok, so I literally JUST broke it off with my g/f of 2 years. I don't know weather or not I made the right decision or not. Reason why I dont trust her: a year ago, she went away on a school/work related trip. Things were OK between us, not the best....but ok. I find out 2 weeks into her trip she is messing around with another guy. Just kissing at this point, but eventually led to them hooking up. Before the hook up, she DID break up with me (via internet), but literally 2 DAYS after, she hooks up with this guy. Fresh off of our Break-up. We still kept in some contact over the following month, nothing major...just hows it going type of stuff. anyways, 2 months pass and she is back...and guess what? I get a call from her. She explains what she did, and of course Im upset beyond belief. 2 DAYS after we break up, and she already hooks up with the SAME GUY that she initially cheated on me with. I was pretty devastated, but I loved this girl so much that I thought I could get past that. We ended up trying to work things out. We got back together...but things were never the same. we got in a fight today when she asked me if I trust her fully. Of course I say "no, not fully" and she gets upset and says I shouldn't be with her anymore. Long story short, we fight about the situation i just described, and she gets EVEN MORE mad at me for not "getting over" that, and "making her feel horrible" constantly for bringing it up. We just broke up. I don't know how to feel. part of me is ok with the, the other part is sad to see her go. are my trust issues well founded? Has anyone here gotten over and moved on from a trust issues (major or minor) that they have had with their s/o ??? The way I've been feeling these past few months has been very confusing. I love this girl deeply....but that situation is always in the back of my mind, no matter how hard I try to forget it and try and be happy...its literally haunts me. anyways, any feedback would be GREATLY appreciated. I'll post since I was in basically the same situation a couple years back (from your ex's POV). Me and my ex had a fight one night over something minor and she decided to have a girls night at the club where she drunkenly made out with another guy (still in a relationship mind you). The next day she broke up with me...about a week later I had a female friend over who had offered insight with my relationship since the beginning just to let me vent. Me and my friend ended up having sex one night and then a few min (yes minutes) later my ex shows up on the doorstep begging me to take her back. I stuck to my ground but ended up caving a couple weeks later and got back together with her. She told me she had made out with another guy and I told her I had slept with my friend that night. She was hurt and so I was I, but we both accepted what happened. She never really accepted though and never trusted me again; every fight ended up with me being the bad guy that "cheated" on her. I had accepted what happened and was willing to forgive her and trusted her from then on, but she hadn't been able to forgive me and the fact that I slept with someone else while broken up caused the relationship to end...two more times What I'm getting at is that when relationships end; for some, there has to be a period of when all the negativity from the past relationship has fizzled out. If one cannot fully let go of the past to move forward to a stronger relationship then it's doomed. In your case it seems that she had feelings for this guy before you two broke up and wanted to "ease" her guilt by having the single title. This is nothing more than semantics at work; more than likely she "knew" that she wanted to be with you, but wanted to have her cake and eat it too. When she did decide to come back, she had the line waiting to back her up: We were broken up when I was with him, I was single so you can't get mad. If this is the case it seems that she's not a very emotionally mature person. This is how my though process worked when going through that time of uncertainty: Am I a happier person with my gf knowing what she did to me, but also accepting what happened? You're going to be the only one who knows this answer, but if it does haunt you like you say it does, then it's going to be best to let it go. If you can't fully trust someone, then a healthy relationship cannot exist; anytime she takes a trip somewhere else you're always going to wonder who she's with, where she's at, and IS SHE TELLING THE TRUTH. Just because you decide to keep things going doesn't mean it will be an easy trek either, she needs to understand that she has to work to rebuild trust and that's it's not something that can be found on a street corner. If you decide to stay in the relationship then patience is going to be key for you both...best of luck
toosoft Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 I can relate to all this. As a man I seem to have been able to forgive my wifes 'affair' quite easily. She on the other hand does not forgive me for what I did with another woman while she was with her OM. I think its maybe a female thing, they seem to hold onto emotional baggage longer where as men just get over it and move on?? Am I right at all here?
herc3352 Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 I can relate to all this. As a man I seem to have been able to forgive my wifes 'affair' quite easily. She on the other hand does not forgive me for what I did with another woman while she was with her OM. I think its maybe a female thing, they seem to hold onto emotional baggage longer where as men just get over it and move on?? Am I right at all here? Not sure if it's a gender type deal. My cousin (also male) is going through a breakup that he called off at first but regretted later on. The reason behind the BU was bc he couldn't get over the fact that when they were in the "talking" stage she was still having sex with other guys, that was over a year ago and he just broke up with her this past May. I think it has a lot to do with maturity level honestly; I used to let the minor things in relationships bug me to the point of breaking up, but I like to think I matured a lot and don't worry about little things...life's too short
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