Mydish1 Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 So originally a couple days ago my gf asked if I was available on Thurs to hangout so we could see each other. I said yes and we threw a few ideas back and forth. We didn't settle on any solid date ideas but I thought we agreed that day would be ours 1on1 and figure out an activity Thurs or before. Then a day later she tells me that her and her friends are hanging out on Thurs, basically having a girls night out. They made specific plans and she invited me to come out. So I think she invited me to come out to soften the blow that she's ditching on our loose date plans, and the fact that I said I'm free that day. If it were any other day and circumstance she would not have invited me to hang out with her and her friends. Frankly I'm kind of annoyed at this point. Should I be upset? Is this one of those times I have to put my foot down?
Trovador Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 I've been known to cut out people from my life for stuff like that... what you are seeing now is what you are going to see all your life if you marry that woman...
kiss_andmakeup Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 How long have you been dating? How often do you see each other? You had no solid plans, it seems you were just kicking ideas back and forth...she invited you, so it seems she just took the initiative in planning the evening? If you haven't been dating for very long or only get to see each other once a week I understand wanting the one-on-one time. But if you've been together for a while and see each other frequently it doesn't seem like a big deal. This happens often for my boyfriend and I...we spend every weekend together, but if I get invited to a friend's party/bar night, I'll say, "Hey, ______ invited us to meet them at ______ on Saturday night, want to go?" We've kind of gotten into a natural rhythm of alternating date nights, nights out with his friends, and nights out with mine.
Author Mydish1 Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 (edited) How long have you been dating? How often do you see each other? You had no solid plans, it seems you were just kicking ideas back and forth...she invited you, so it seems she just took the initiative in planning the evening? If you haven't been dating for very long or only get to see each other once a week I understand wanting the one-on-one time. But if you've been together for a while and see each other frequently it doesn't seem like a big deal. This happens often for my boyfriend and I...we spend every weekend together, but if I get invited to a friend's party/bar night, I'll say, "Hey, ______ invited us to meet them at ______ on Saturday night, want to go?" We've kind of gotten into a natural rhythm of alternating date nights, nights out with his friends, and nights out with mine. We've been together for almost 2 years. We see each other about 2-3 times a week. Actually this is the first time she's done this to me in terms of changing plans thats' why I'm kind of annoyed. But then I do also understand the aspect of the fact that we didn't set solid plans either. If she were considerate she would've checked with me first before planning with her friends. And she knows I'm not really a fan of hanging with 'the girls' - so I feel that it was kind of a pity/fake invite. Edited November 2, 2011 by Mydish1
Mrlonelyone Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 (edited) How long have you known her in any capacity? How long have you been her exclusive boyfriend? How solid were the plans? If the answers are: known her for at least a year, been her exclusive BF for at least six months, and the plans were solid; then hell yes be mad. If she was anyone but your GF would you take that crapola? Why allow your SO... the person you, if I may presume, have sex with and take the risk that sex entails do that to you? . Do you want to potentially deal with that for the rest of your life. __________ I hadn't read the last reply of yours. The plans weren't solid as rock. That softens what I say quite a bit. Two years in you should be the best of friends that are possible to have in this world. Think about what I said, accidents do happen. Edited November 2, 2011 by Mrlonelyone
Author Mydish1 Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 This happens often for my boyfriend and I...we spend every weekend together, but if I get invited to a friend's party/bar night, I'll say, "Hey, ______ invited us to meet them at ______ on Saturday night, want to go?" We've kind of gotten into a natural rhythm of alternating date nights, nights out with his friends, and nights out with mine. I understand this scenario, and it's totally reasonable. But it's not equivalent to mine at all. You didn't flake out on your boyfriend, you didn't agree to any plans with your friends and excluding him at the same time. If you agreed to hang out with your friends and not include him then it's a different story. Normally with anyone I put my foot down, with close friends I've been tight with for years I let it slide once in awhile. I reread my text actually and she did not invite me initially and suggested another day to hangout...only when I said we were supposed to hangout that day, she then invited me. She's going to get an earful from me tomorrow
Imageiko Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 We've been together for almost 2 years. We see each other about 2-3 times a week. Actually this is the first time she's done this to me in terms of changing plans thats' why I'm kind of annoyed. But then I do also understand the aspect of the fact that we didn't set solid plans either. I hope you didn't get mad at her or say anything other than "sounds good have a great time!" This is the first time in 2 years she's done this. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt and let her make it up to you another night.
futuregopher Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 You should just go with her!!! Don't get mad! It's good that she invited you. Wouldn't it be cool to walk into somewhere with a bunch of ladies with you?!?! hahaha
grkBoy Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 Should I be upset? Is this one of those times I have to put my foot down? I dunno. I think you two didn't have hard plans set, then she got an offer for a girl's night. Does she do this often to you? Maybe I'm too forgiving, but I'd look at things like this: 1) We make soft plans, and then she cancels on me to do a girl's night....I wouldn't be bothered. 2) We make hard plans, but it's nothing special, and she's suddenly asking to cancel or move our date to another night because her girls wanted to do a girl's night...I wouldn't be bothered. 3) I plan a big night for us, buy tickets to a show, etc., and then she wants to cancel to do a girl's night...I'd be bothered, simply because I put a lot of effort and invested time/money into this. I'd suggest just talking to her, like a rational couple would do. Ask her honestly if she would rather just have it be a "girls night", and if she says yes, then toss out there then going out another night and let her go have her fun. She's your GF. It's not like you have to worry where things stand. Let her have her own life, and make hard plans the next time.
Author Mydish1 Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 Thanks for the responses, they were really helpful. Anyway she called me this morning to clear things up with me. I think the problem is we text too much these days instead of talking over the phone. From all the texting the miscommunication happened, such as the thing with us making plans. She thought one thing and I thought another. On top of that it started with one friend, then it ballooned to a bunch of friends inviting themselves to do things with her and got out of control from there where it became a girl's night out. If something like this happens again I'll know why and how to deal with it. But next time we should make definite plans and agree to it, that way I won't have to run into this situation again.
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