franci03 Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 My ex and I were together for a little over a year and a half. We have now been broken up for a little over a month...we did live together and I still haven't completely packed up and moved out...I did the whole begging and pleading, promising to change and that if he gave us another chance things would be different...I refused to accept our break-up until I pushed my ex to his limits. In my opinion we brokeup because of my being jealous...because I was jealous I had self confidence problems...and because of my jealousy there were trust problems...which led to arguments that never needed to be. I understand now...looking back I know I had no reason to be jealous...but I need him to realize I understand the things that went wrong and what needs changed. Anyways, I finally thought I'd accepted it for what it was and started to cry less...and move on...a little...and then I found out I was pregnant...great...just what we needed! I had taken 5 pregnancy tests, 3 were + and 2were -, so I scheduled an appointment to go see a Dr. Well I was in a lot of pain so I ended up having to go a little sooner than expected...turns out I had a miscarriage. Well my ex's best friends wife has told my ex I have made all of this up...that I was never pregnant...there is no way I could have had 3+ tests and 2- tests...and he beleives her. Which it really hurts that she thinks that...and it is even more painful that he beleives her...so I actually go to the Dr. tomorrow for my follow-up to make sure everything is ok...so when I'm there I am going to get some sort of written documentation showing that I had a miscarriage to give my ex...I hate that he doesn't beleive me. Anyways, I messaged him this a.m. to ask if he would be home when I got off work tomorrow...because I have my appointment and I was hoping we could talk for a bit...and so I could come over and see our kitties...becasue I miss them And of course he hasn't responded! I want him to miss me...I miss him so much...as a lover, as a best friend..everything...I miss our home...I miss our kitties...I want my lover back so bad but I'm afraid I've blown all chances at that...because of everything that's happened I want him to know I've been completely honest with him...about everything...this man is my soulmate and I don't want to move on...I want him back! To top off all of the hell we have been through for the last month...I think he also has major committment problems...I know I need to give him time to miss me...it is just SOOOO hard! I really need to get through tomorrow...and get the proof I need so he knows that I was pregnant...and I did have a miscarriage...because I can't have him thinking badley of me... It kills me that he thinks that. I guess I need advice...opinions...anything...I'm so lost right now
Bobby289 Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 Give it and him some space. I know you want to tell him but it might just make him think you are crazy and saying whatever you can. It is hard to give space but sometimes saying nothing does more than saying everything on your mind...I know lol
Author franci03 Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 He already knows everything...this man means the world to me...plus when I found out I was pregnant with his kid...I told him...it was the right thing to do....he just feels like I'm lying...but I'm not, and that's what I need to prove. Honestly though...I messaged him like 14 hours ago...and no response...all I really want at this moment is for him to care But if he doesn't reply back before I get off work tomorrow...then what...continue on with my day...just accept he didn't want the proof? Proably because he knows he was a dick for not beleiving me and treating me the way he did because of it! Plus, I still need to finish packing my stuff...he won't even respond enough to initiate conversation about that. Like last night...I sent him a simple text that said "hey" and he replied back "hey"...and then I said "i'm not trying to bother you...just can't sleep...and you were the first thing that came to my mind"...no response...so I said "sorry, i shouldn't have texted you"...and then I messaged him this morning about my appointment being tomorrow...and nothing... So, I guess I'm lost...I want to text him so bad...and say, I'll take that as a no...I can't come out...but at the same time...I'm trying to have the will-power to just give him no contact...and see if he says anything to me...I dont know I just want to go to our home...and cuddle with him. I'm in so much pain mentally, physically and emotionally right now a hug from him would make it all go away!
Bobby289 Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 I know where you are coming from how can someone who means the world to you just cut contact and be so distant all of a sudden. You have to take into consideration his side as well, you may not know what it is fully but he may just need space. The more you push him the further he will go away. It is a ****ty situation but you have to find the strength to just push through the pain and you will see this in a different light. Post on here when you want to contact him and avoid any contact with him until you are emotionally stable enough.
Author franci03 Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 So...you think I should go to my appointment tomorrow...and not let him know how it goes...unless he asks? I guess that's the hardest part right now...I know he cares...but I want him to ask me how I'm doing...you know?!? I don't want to go out of my way to keep him informed...and as much as I want to prove to him that I'm telling him the truth by getting something from my Dr...should I just let all of that go too...unless he asks? Also...what about my stuff...he originally told me I could leave as much of it at our house as long as I needed...he's not in any hurry to find anybody new....and it would be there when I was ready for it...I mean I have all my everyday living stuff...clothes, makeup, shoes...and what not...but...if he won't even reply to a question...then why should I attempt to get my stuff packed. I know he won't do anything to any of it...he's not that kind of a guy...Maybe I'll just not contact him at all...and if he says anything to me about packing...just say, last time I tried to get ahold of you, you never responded...I don't know. I don't want to be Sh**y with him...because I do still love him..and want to give him anything he wants/needs right now...because the only thing I want is for him to give us another chance...I want him to realize this was all a mistake...and he misses me
Bobby289 Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 (edited) Yeah go to your appointment but he has made it clear he is not wanting contact right now. I know exactly how you feel, I know my ex still cares about me and she is having a hard time too but I am not contacting her as it is what she need and I am only making it worse with contact. All I want is from her to just reach out to me, give me the time of day, but that can't happen until she gets time. You may have to get some new day to day things in the meantime to hold you over to avoid contact. I feel your pain I really do, you want to be wanted again. Be strong and avoid contact, every day will be a struggle but you will find out new things about yourself everyday as well. Just think about it, you can only better your chances going NC right now... Edited November 2, 2011 by Bobby289
Author franci03 Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 Yes...I want to be wanted by him so bad right now...and for him to express his care and concern without me having to pry it out of him! It sounds eaiser right now talking on here than what I know it will be tomorrow...but after my appointment...I'll do my best to just not contact him. I know that is what he wants...me to just leave him alone...and that's my goal...give him whatever he wants in order for him to realize he wants me back. Just sux! My whole situation...and going through this all alone
Bobby289 Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 Just don't be a doormat to him to walk all over, If he knows you are always there he will milk it. Don't think about it as whatever he wants, it will be good for you too even if you do not see that right now as your emotions are so shot and out of wack. Hardest thing I have had to do in years, I'm only 6 days into NC.
Author franci03 Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 Very hard...you seam to have your head on straight at least I've only now made it 24 hours of NC...I think this is only the 2nd time since we broke up I've gone 24 horus without messaging him I knew it would be hard after I woke up this morning...I heard every song on the radio that made me want to cry and call him...I still want to text him...or message him the words to the songs I relate too...why can't he just miss me and want me back like I miss him and want him back
Bobby289 Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 (edited) why can't he just miss me and want me back like I miss him and want him back You have to let him miss you, you can't make him miss you as you are still there. I was exactly where you are last month, my head is far from straight as I still think about her every minute and break down from time to time. You will want him back as long as you hold on to him, the point of NC is to give him space but mainly for you to become a stronger person and figure out what you really want. You will see it works wonders as hard as it is Edited November 2, 2011 by Bobby289
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