abhi Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 i got married around 2 years ago...now everyone is expecting a child from us and we are just not ready for a child...especially my mum..she is crying and desperately waiting for me to get pregnant..the thing is I lost my brother around 3 years ago in an accident and she has become lonely from then and even more lonely and depressed after I got married...now its just her and my dad..my family has reduced from 4 to 2 people...it is so difficult..i can't sacrifice for my mum but I don't want her to be sad..i am worried she will go into depression..the thing is I just can't give her false hopes of waiting for a couple more years Because as of now me and my husband don't want kids ever(i'll die before i tell her this)..probably we will change mind but I dunno...and I just can't understand how to convince her Because she is very very very sensitive...should I have kids for my mum's sake(once I have I know I will be good mother)..or should I selfishly do whatever I want?
Eddie Edirol Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 Your moms lonliness has nothing to do with you. I mean, whos more selfish, her for trying to fill her void by putting pressure on you, or you for not wanting to bring a lifetime commitment into the world that you dont really want? My mom is the same way as yours. She puts pressure on me and my brothers, but we just tell her to go make some new friends. Dont let your mom convince you that she will wither away with no grandchildren, she'll be fine. She wont be the one raising the child, you will, and thats not what you want. BTW your moms lonliness wont end with a grandchild, she will still be depressed if she wants to. She can only get out of her depression on her own, theres nothing you can do to help her. She has to want to help herself.
Lauriebell82 Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 i got married around 2 years ago...now everyone is expecting a child from us and we are just not ready for a child...especially my mum..she is crying and desperately waiting for me to get pregnant..the thing is I lost my brother around 3 years ago in an accident and she has become lonely from then and even more lonely and depressed after I got married...now its just her and my dad..my family has reduced from 4 to 2 people...it is so difficult..i can't sacrifice for my mum but I don't want her to be sad..i am worried she will go into depression..the thing is I just can't give her false hopes of waiting for a couple more years Because as of now me and my husband don't want kids ever(i'll die before i tell her this)..probably we will change mind but I dunno...and I just can't understand how to convince her Because she is very very very sensitive...should I have kids for my mum's sake(once I have I know I will be good mother)..or should I selfishly do whatever I want? Do not have a child for anyone other then you and your husband. Did your mother get any therapy after your brother past away? It sounds like she is still grieving. You should suggest she go to a psychogist and counselor for some grief therapy. I would suggest a family counseling session in which you could tell your mother that you don't plan to have any children while there is a therapist there to mediate things in case your mom gets very upset.
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