Lucky_One Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 I don't care who OP has sex with, or if she likes it after she lays in a bathtub full of ice water. What bothered me was the absolute venom against a man catching some feelings and dropping by her house with his kids on a national night of dropping by houses with kids. I don't like fury against people whose crimes don't really match the fervency of the punishment. (I am also mindboggled that it was Halloween and she didn't have candy for kids anyway. )
Woggle Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 I don't care who OP has sex with, or if she likes it after she lays in a bathtub full of ice water. What bothered me was the absolute venom against a man catching some feelings and dropping by her house with his kids on a national night of dropping by houses with kids. I don't like fury against people whose crimes don't really match the fervency of the punishment. (I am also mindboggled that it was Halloween and she didn't have candy for kids anyway. ) I don't think he is some horrible guy but if somebody knows the rules of the game and they still play they are not a victim.
dasein Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 (edited) A number of posters have tried to justify this guy's actions based on the fact that it was Halloween---I gave a counter-argument. Which focused on his parenting skills? something we know absolutely nothing about? Or did you not even read my last post which was strictly about the bogus parenting skills assertions? Of course you ignore that. See I'm right about the "girl in the bubble" thing. We live in a world full of people. Some of them don't do exactly as you expected them to, some of them don't do the things they said they would, tough tit, get used to it, every single time that happens it isn't a horrid violation of human rights, or even a reprehensible "power play." You'd think the guy tried to strap her into a slave train to Ghana, posted sex vids of her on the net or tried to get her to have sex with a dog based on the overreactions here. Even OP seems to have cooled down a bit, but the amazing thing to me, as mentioned before, is the tendency of women here and elsewhere (with notable exceptions, some in this thread admittedly) to go all "Crucible" over the most ridiculous things. There are really bad people in the world who do really bad things to other people. When you all go off on a hissy fit about some FWB showing up unannounced with kids trick or treating, it makes us question whether you have any grasp of perspective at all or whether you simply let your emotions lead you to whatever outrageous, over the top conclusion will allow you to FEEL the most, for good or ill. There are plenty of real things in the world to get worked up, dramatic and enraged over, this thread topic simply isn't one. Now I don't agree with calling the OP names or some of the flaming of her here, those things don't help her at all, but hey, it's LS, she knew what she was in for when she posted. She could have saved herself some of that by simply admitting or even asking "Am I overreacting?" or "I'm just ranting and realize I'm being a bit legalistic about the whole thing." The worst part of the thread is that we don't really know anything about the dude other than he fell for a woman after stating he only wanted NSA, yet he is being called a jerk, poor parent, yadda yadda. Well I don't believe I've ever seen 100 threads here full of women complaining that their FWB won't come around and form a real relationship with them! Why is this guy such a terrible villain and all those women who post the exact same thing not? I know why, he has the wrong sex organs. Edited November 3, 2011 by dasein
OnyxSnowfall Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 His actions do not mean he is a bad parent. He didn't "short-change" his children.......... God, how spoiled are people to think that LOL........... worse, if THEY have children, how bad are they spoiling their children? I think that does more harm to them, to be honest. He COULD still be a bad parent, but what has thus far been divulged (assuming it's true) does not mean he is
OnyxSnowfall Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 (edited) I don't care who OP has sex with, or if she likes it after she lays in a bathtub full of ice water. What bothered me was the absolute venom against a man catching some feelings and dropping by her house with his kids on a national night of dropping by houses with kids. I don't like fury against people whose crimes don't really match the fervency of the punishment. (I am also mindboggled that it was Halloween and she didn't have candy for kids anyway. ) Boo-hoo, no additional junk for children (that I am SURE they had more than enough of if they went trick-or-treating at all etc). I don't think the OP was really upset that a child had to use her bathroom --- she still LET the child, she didn't slam the door and wig out. It's something altogether different than that. Maybe if he would have left right away it wouldn't have been as bad ---- but since he apparently lingered........ it was probably more than him just needing a restroom for his child. If you have children at all, you know you have to sometimes be a little creative when their bathroom needs occur --- even if it's getting in the vehicle and driving to a near-by establishment where they can use that restroom etc. Edited November 3, 2011 by OnyxSnowfall
Author soserious1 Posted November 3, 2011 Author Posted November 3, 2011 (edited) I don't care who OP has sex with, or if she likes it after she lays in a bathtub full of ice water. What bothered me was the absolute venom against a man catching some feelings and dropping by her house with his kids on a national night of dropping by houses with kids. I don't like fury against people whose crimes don't really match the fervency of the punishment. (I am also mindboggled that it was Halloween and she didn't have candy for kids anyway. ) Oh my god, now I'm getting it because I didn't have candy at the ready for trick or treators? ROTFLMAO! Did it ever occur to you that I might live in an area where we don't get any kids coming to our doors? and my former sex buddy didn't just drop in, he drove 45 minutes to get here, he wasn't just in the neighborhood and no, I wasn't rude to his kids in the slightest, they left here with plenty of fruit, they had juice, crackers and used the rest room. Edited November 3, 2011 by soserious1
freestyle Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 I stand by my statements. The OP stated her wishes---the guy deliberately disregarded them, and tried to use Halloween as an excuse to make an end run around the boundaries that she very clearly stated to him. The only venom I've seen in this thread has been from people bashing her for wanting a no-strings sexual relationship. That's her choice, her prerogative.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 Oh my god, now I'm getting it because I didn't have candy at the ready for trick or treators? ROTFLMAO! That's what I thought, too. There are plenty of real things in the world to get worked up, dramatic and enraged over, this thread topic simply isn't one. FWB is a fairly new phenomenon -- or at least, it's new to talk about them openly. It's good to have a place to dissect the issues involved in these relationships. If you don't like it, scroll past the threads. As for your "girl in the bubble" argument, I would have found it JUST as inappropriate and unacceptable for a woman to bring her kids trick or treating to a male FWB's house. If the man clearly articulated his boundaries to the woman, he would deserve to have them respected. And I would see big problems with that mother using her children in an attempt to manipulate the guy into liking her more.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 The only venom I've seen in this thread has been from people bashing her for wanting a no-strings sexual relationship. Right? I find it amusing to read the judgmental commentary. I could never do that, they always say. Good for you. But it's irrelevant.
freestyle Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 That's what I thought, too. FWB is a fairly new phenomenon -- or at least, it's new to talk about them openly. It's good to have a place to dissect the issues involved in these relationships. If you don't like it, scroll past the threads. As for your "girl in the bubble" argument, I would have found it JUST as inappropriate and unacceptable for a woman to bring her kids trick or treating to a male FWB's house. If the man clearly articulated his boundaries to the woman, he would deserve to have them respected. And I would see big problems with that mother using her children in an attempt to manipulate the guy into liking her more. exactly. The gender is NOT the issue, IMO---the manipulative behavior is.
dasein Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 I would have found it JUST as inappropriate and unacceptable. I never said it wasn't inappropriate or unacceptable, IT WAS. I would be annoyed myself, and have stated as much. But you and I both know that the incident wasn't introduced as merely inappropriate or unacceptable, nor has it been discussed or sympathized with as such. The dude's behavior has been characterized as outrageous, coldly calculated and reprehensible, and that's my bone of contention. Moreover, the term "FWB" may be a recent euphemism, but the behavior is certainly not. Don't act like it's some brave new world sociological experiment, it's merely femspeak window dressing on a mutually perpetuated one night stand (ewww I'm not like scuzzy suzy, she has ONS, I have FWB!!), and those have been around a long, long time. My point remains though, dozens of women post here that their FWB won't come around and move into a more traditional relationship. New one twice a week at least. Sometimes they are told that's just the way the cookie crumbles, but they are also frequently told that it is somehow the man's fault, some defect in HIM prevents her happiness, commitmentphobia, being a player, even an a-hole sometimes. Now when the roles are reversed in OP's case, well lo and behold, it's the MAN'S fault again. He is a jerk, bad parent, VIOLATED A SACRED TRUST (OP would try to have him whacked in the mafia). O my. A woman's unhappiness is once more 100% the fault of... a man. Imagine that.
FitChick Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 I think the OP did this guy a favor. He has finally realized he wants love and intimacy and not soulless sex so will probably now date a totally different type of woman now that he's gotten the bitter taste of divorce out of his mouth. No harm, no foul.
Pierre Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 I always thought the term FWB was created to give women better self esteem. What will op due when her biological drive for sex goes down? At some point most women need an emotional connection to feel horny.
Author soserious1 Posted November 3, 2011 Author Posted November 3, 2011 I never said it wasn't inappropriate or unacceptable, IT WAS. I would be annoyed myself, and have stated as much. But you and I both know that the incident wasn't introduced as merely inappropriate or unacceptable, nor has it been discussed or sympathized with as such. The dude's behavior has been characterized as outrageous, coldly calculated and reprehensible, and that's my bone of contention. Moreover, the term "FWB" may be a recent euphemism, but the behavior is certainly not. Don't act like it's some brave new world sociological experiment, it's merely femspeak window dressing on a mutually perpetuated one night stand (ewww I'm not like scuzzy suzy, she has ONS, I have FWB!!), and those have been around a long, long time. My point remains though, dozens of women post here that their FWB won't come around and move into a more traditional relationship. New one twice a week at least. Sometimes they are told that's just the way the cookie crumbles, but they are also frequently told that it is somehow the man's fault, some defect in HIM prevents her happiness, commitmentphobia, being a player, even an a-hole sometimes. Now when the roles are reversed in OP's case, well lo and behold, it's the MAN'S fault again. He is a jerk, bad parent, VIOLATED A SACRED TRUST (OP would try to have him whacked in the mafia). O my. A woman's unhappiness is once more 100% the fault of... a man. Imagine that. First off, I've never represented myself as somehow better than "scuzzy suzy" in fact I've made it pretty clear that I take great pride in being a slut & have found the lifestyle far more to my liking than being a faithful wife ever was. Heck being called "Mrs" would be far more offensive to me now than being called "slut" or whatever other derogatory name people might want to dish out. I also never said anything even close to involving the Mafia to have the guy whacked.. I was angry for good reason, I've had and reared children & the thought of dragging them uninvited to a casual sex partner's home is an action I just can't wrap my mind around. Oh and anytime a woman has posted about being upset because a FWB man hasn't committed to her or has flat out rejected her requests for more, I put the responsibility right back where it belongs.. on the woman who got mixed up in an FWB and figured she could change the man's "no" to a "maybe" I've even gone so far as to advise that till you sit down and have the exclusivity talk that you'd be a fool to assume that you are the only person they are seeing or sleeping with. So women do NOT get a free pass from me regarding their behaviors in this area. Casual relationships are not for everyone, if you get into one willingly & decide you can't handle it, fine, be straight about it & exit stage left but don't sit there & heap blame on the FB who was simply giving you what you signed up for... man or woman.
Woggle Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 I must say that though we have disagreed on things she is one of the few women actually sympathetic to men in sexless marriages on here.
USCGAviator Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 Your livid??!!! You gave his kids fruit for Halloween! How do think they feel about you?
Author soserious1 Posted November 3, 2011 Author Posted November 3, 2011 The real title of this thread should be: Welcome to my STD rodeo roulette game. Actually I have a lot more information & power over my sexual health than I ever did while married to a cheating man. I know how many partners I've had, I know that condoms were used from start to finish & that I get tested regularly. I could never have said the same about my ex-husband.
Author soserious1 Posted November 3, 2011 Author Posted November 3, 2011 Your livid??!!! You gave his kids fruit for Halloween! How do think they feel about you? LOL, that thought occurred to me, if I'd have been thinking a bit more clearly I'd have at least given them each a couple of dollars to spend at the store or something.
dasein Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 You are deliberately selecting men as FWBs who must have the mentalities of cuckolds or otherwise be extremely passive since you have made it known to all of them that you are casually having sex with multiple guys all at the same time. Really incisive post, very blunt, but there's a roadmap here for OP if she wants to reduce the chances of these kinds of misunderstandings in the future. Howling laughing at use of the abbreviation "cuck" for cuckold. Did you make that up? Good one if you did. I don't know what you think you are looking for, but you are selecting for men who are so desperate for sex and/or companionship that they will concede to your set of rules (or say they will anyway) which include your openly having sexual relationship with multiple guys at the same time. Agree, if she keeps selecting the way she has, she will get more of this type of unwanted behavior. You actually have "pseudo dates" with these guys--dinner, drinks, probably a back rub--pseudo romance--and only then do you let them have sex with you. It's completely artificial. This is an excellent point for anyone trying to do NSA, you can't have it both ways and expect it to work, either dates and the likelihood of relationships or misunderstandings resulting, or just plain sex and nothing else. Excuse me, you do realize that you are picking up strangers off of adult websites, don't you? Can you possibly be serious about this? "The check is in the mail." Agreed, OP you mentioned going to different but similar places to find them, bad idea. You are going to trawl up more of the same. Have you considered cruising professional type bars in an area remote from where you live? Might get less "cuck" types that way. LOL. Your expectation that when you pick up strangers off the internet they will be completely honest with you concerning their motivations and intent is optimistic yet remarkably naive given the nature of what you are picking them up for. +1 He is not obligated to do anything, neither are you. Casual sex with a stranger is exactly that. You didn't want a real relationship--that is, a relationship where the other person actually cares about you and shows respect for your feelings and your boundaries--and you got exactly what you wanted, so why are you complaining? Well even given where they were found and their stated intent, there is still a presumption that they can negotiate a certain course of conduct, and stick to it, it is a matter of being able to make an agreement and carry it out, not just of respect and care, but point taken. You want no-strings attached type sexual relationships. No strings means exactly that. They owe you nothing, they don't owe you honesty, they don't owe you respect for your feelings, nor your boundaries, all they owe you is sex. Then you are outraged when you got exactly what you said you wanted--sex with NO strings. This is a little legalistic. No strings doesn't mean incapable of forming any agreement whatsoever about the terms under which the sex is to take place. He can't come to her house after rolling in a cow paddy and claim "hey it's NSA, no rules!" nor could he rape her or force her into some unwanted sex act claiming "No rules!" And on a side note there, OP what you are doing with the sites and all is not the safest kind of way to find NSA. I'm sure you realize that, but it's worth repeating. See the problem is you do want their to be strings, only you want the strings to be controlled by you. It is self deception on your part because you are not choosing these relationships on the basis of whether these guys have any character or not. You are simply selecting guys who are willing to have casual sex without really knowing you, and who are willing to share you with multiple other guys. That type of guy invariably is bound to be low class, emotionally damaged, desperate, or some combination, and that combination isn't often associated with a man of honor and integrity. /thread, best point in the thread. Hope OP takes this to heart in her future NSA endeavors. Man that's a great post, truly brilliant, if blunt, sticks to the topic and avoids all the derailing in this thread. Hope you are allowed by the powers that be to stick around.
USCGAviator Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 Don't act like you don't have a chocolate stash! Your already indulging in men I'm not judging though, at least you told them whats up and they agreed to the arrangement.
Author soserious1 Posted November 3, 2011 Author Posted November 3, 2011 So what you are saying is that screwing three promiscuous men you met off the internet gives you more "power" than just one (your ex-husband)? I'm not sure what getting tested regularly really does for you since (for example) the guy who brought his kids over trick or treating, and the others, could be having unprotected sex with multiple other partners at the same time they are seeing you. What? They "promised" they wouldn't do such a thing because "you laid out the groundrules"? Heavens. Casual-sex-strangers-from-the-internet would NEVER lie to a woman just to get....sex. Would they? What I'm saying to you is that if you are married to a cheating spouse and you are having sex without condoms, you are being placed at risk because you are being kept in the dark about your spouse's sexual activity with others.My ex husband cheated on me I practice safer sex from start to finish, I have NEVER assumed or expected a FB to be sexually exclusive & I am straight & to the point with prospective partners about my intentions, partner count & full sexual history. No lies or sugar coating.
Author soserious1 Posted November 3, 2011 Author Posted November 3, 2011 You think so huh. You have a casual sexual relationship with no emotional strings as you put it. You set boundaries so you say as not to get into any sort of conversation that would violate your multiple sex partner rule. A cursory lesson on STDs is that even with condoms you can still get HPV, HSV. Having multiple partners increases your chances. Read the CDC website. I'm fully aware of that risk.. which is more than I can say of my time being married to a man who slept with others & conveniently forgot to let me in on the news.
dasein Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 First off, I've never represented myself as somehow better than "scuzzy suzy" in fact I've made it pretty clear that I take great pride in being a slut & have found the lifestyle far more to my liking than being a faithful wife ever was. Heck being called "Mrs" would be far more offensive to me now than being called "slut" or whatever other derogatory name people might want to dish out. I have no problems with your sexual behavior whatsoever. The scuzzy suzy dig was a generalization of women who have NSA or ONS and try to rationalize that the people they are doing it with are "friends" by using the FWB tag. I'd be happy if the term FWB went away and was replaced by what it is "casual sex with relative strangers" or "EONS" extended one night stands. "Friends with benefits" is self-serving rationalization. Just own the behavior, and that's not directed at you but at women generally who use the term. I also never said anything even close to involving the Mafia to have the guy whacked.. I was angry for good reason, I've had and reared children & the thought of dragging them uninvited to a casual sex partner's home is an action I just can't wrap my mind around. The "whacked" part was a joke, as was the tracy flick youtube i posted earlier. My rants are not nearly as serious as the tone sometime suggests, and I try to insert humor to designate as such, read some of my other posts. That said, enough about the supposed child mistreatment already, they are small children, it may have been offensive to you, but without more information which none of us have, it wasn't damaging at all to them. Please just drop the "bad parenting" theme already, it was braindead when introduced, still is and repeating it over and over is not gonna change that. Children all over the world sleep soundly while adults have sex in the very next room. N...B...D. Keep it about his violating your agreement, fine. I put the responsibility right back where it belongs.. on the woman who got mixed up in an FWB and figured she could change the man's "no" to a "maybe" I said as much. You aren't the only person who replies to those threads though. There is lots of unwarranted "commitmentphobe" "player" and all kinds of other blame laying on men in those threads too.
Author soserious1 Posted November 3, 2011 Author Posted November 3, 2011 Good for you. Now please explain why you would expect any man you met off the internet for casual sex, to have any respect for your feelings or boundaries? Do you think most men (or women) have any respect for self-described "sluts"? Lol, I don't expect anything from the men I meet aside from a hot load, I would expect that they'd at least respect their children enough not to expose them to a casual sex partner.
USCGAviator Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 This thread is win. Ok, So you have 3 FWB right now, although your about to be back down to 2. What is the max limit for your sex puppets?
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