FWB over steps boundaries big time!

[Untouchable_Fire]

Is that supposed to wound me, make me hang my head in shame here or what? I'm not looking for love & if he was looking for love, I'd dare say that an adult friend finder type

site isn't the best place to go.

 

The guy made a mistake and admitted it. Shut up and move on.

 

Stop wasting time venting on this forum and go talk to a shrink. They are more likely to provide some useful responses.

 

wow - this is terribly mean spirited. everyone deserves love! just because some people don't equate sex with love doesn't bring the need for such harsh judgement.

a woman who opens her legs is often NOT offering love. let's really get honest here.

a woman who keeps any expectation away from the act of sex and views it for what it is - instead of what it isn't - is a beautiful thing.

i know many wives who claim to "love" their husbands - but they USE SEX as a way of manipulation and control - by either offering it up or with holding it. i don't see anything "loving" about any of it. i see it as a major bargaining tool... which is NOT loving behavior.

 

People are not walking dildo's or sex dolls. They don't exist just for your sexual gratification. You can't get all pissy with somebody just because they don't feel the way you want them too.

 

As human beings our happiness is primarily dependent upon our relationships. When a person is so emotionally damaged that they try to create these artificial situations they NEED HELP! This isn't a consenting adult situation... the is someone who is emotionally FUBARed.

 

Stop being a Neville Chamberlaine!

[soserious1]

This is why I like you so much, soserious. You are totally on the level, 100% honest, and don't take the ridiculous attacks you receive on this site personally in any way. I admire your strength, self-reliance, and self-awareness.

 

 

Ruby,

 

In deciding how to satisfy my desire for occasional adult company, I've taken to heart posts here where folks have said that they wished that those people who aren't looking for relationships would stick with their own kind & leave the rest

of the dating pool alone. In choosing to find partners on an adult site, I thought I had done just that.

[soserious1]

The guy made a mistake and admitted it. Shut up and move on.

 

Stop wasting time venting on this forum and go talk to a shrink. They are more likely to provide some useful responses.

 

 

 

People are not walking dildo's or sex dolls. They don't exist just for your sexual gratification. You can't get all pissy with somebody just because they don't feel the way you want them too.

 

As human beings our happiness is primarily dependent upon our relationships. When a person is so emotionally damaged that they try to create these artificial situations they NEED HELP! This isn't a consenting adult situation... the is someone who is emotionally FUBARed.

 

Stop being a Neville Chamberlaine!

 

No, you get to decide what you need or want... but only for YOUR relationships, not other people's.

 

I met this guy on an adult sex site, a place where people go specifically to seek "sexual gratification" a place to find "walking dildo's or sex dolls" not a place looking for prospective marriage or LTR,he got exactly what he signed up for.

[waynesworld]

I skimmed through the thread and am surprised at the amount of flak the OP is getting.

 

The issue here isn't her quality as a person because she isn't looking for love, it's that this dude overstepped clear boundaries and tried to use his children to railroad her. I'd be angry too.

 

Hey OP, my advice is just to end it abruptly, but without the creative fireworks. That way, he doesn't have a funny story about the "crazy chick" to tell the guys. He lost out and it's all on him.

[2sunny]

The guy made a mistake and admitted it. Shut up and move on.

 

Stop wasting time venting on this forum and go talk to a shrink. They are more likely to provide some useful responses.

 

 

 

People are not walking dildo's or sex dolls. They don't exist just for your sexual gratification. You can't get all pissy with somebody just because they don't feel the way you want them too.

 

As human beings our happiness is primarily dependent upon our relationships. When a person is so emotionally damaged that they try to create these artificial situations they NEED HELP! This isn't a consenting adult situation... the is someone who is emotionally FUBARed.

 

Stop being a Neville Chamberlaine!

 

why have YOU determined that soserious has an issue when she's here being honest about what she wants - and how she gets that?

 

there's NO issue in her honesty... yet YOU cast judgement... because she doesn't fit into YOU BOX of what a woman should want?

 

the is nothing f*ed up about what she outlines... the f*ed up part is that YOU are judging.

[Untouchable_Fire]

No, you get to decide what you need or want... but only for YOUR relationships, not other people's.

I met this guy on an adult sex site, a place where people go specifically to find "walking dildo's or sex dolls' he got exactly

what he signed up for.

 

Look, the guy doesn't feel the way you do. It was pretty clear all along that he was pushing boundaries, none of this should surprise you. Yes, only a douch-mover would try to use his kids on you, but... It happens.... that's life.

 

The real problem isn't that this guy started to feel a connection... or that you don't want to. The issue is that you are being a dick about it on this board. IRL you did the right thing. Why are you so pissed about this?

 

Clearly you have intimacy issues... and it's cool if your not willing to date, but for your own long term happiness you should be working on those issues.

[ShannonMI]

Well I figure him dragging his offspring to my door uninvited was pretty damn cold, an aggressive power play of a move

calculated to back me into a corner, I'm seriously pissed off.

Omg you are so mean!! I'm sure it wasn't a "calculated move" as you say. His kid had to pee and he knew your address and was in the neighborhood. It could be as simple as that. FWB relationships never work because someone always develops feelings. This could be the case with this guy. I know, what a conniving dirtbag he is.

 

My advice is don't have no-strings attached sex with people if you can't handle them possibly falling for you and developing feelings. Or things like this will keep happening and you will continue to get annoyed.

[freestyle]

my emotions work congruently with my words each day!

 

it's not hurt when she is honest. you may have the two concepts turned around... if she intended to hurt him - she would continue... knowing his feelings changed and using him for her benefit despite her NOT having feelings for him.

 

dumping him is being honest - she doesn't intend to participate since he has feelings - and that wasn't the way she agreed to go into this scenario.

 

she IS being honest - how can you NOT see that?

 

she's NOT pretending to care when she doesn't care - THAT is honest!

 

i admire honesty.

 

when someone tells me they care - i want to believe them - i love it when people ARE honest!

 

it's rarely seen these days.

 

 

good post, 2Sunny. Frankly, IMO---if more people were HONEST about what they're looking for, instead of stringing others along selfishly, we'd probably see a lot less broken-heart posts here at LS. I've lost count of how many posts I've read here, where someone ended up with a broken heart, either because someone deliberately mislead them---or was confused about what they were really looking for.

 

So a person who is absolutely HONEST about what their boundaries are, & what they want, is refreshing to me.

 

 

Ah, I'm "livid" because of where I met this fellow, a site dedicated to adults who are seeking no strings sexual encounters.

 

Him merely confessing that he'd developed feelings would have caused me to just end it quietly. The fact that he dragged his kids to my door was mind blowing, a total "WTF"

situation & yeah, I can be pretty blunt but dragging kids over to a sex buddy's house is just not okay. Honestly I was so flabbergasted when I opened the door I didn't know what to say.

 

my first reaction, after reading your opening post---is that it was a manipulation on his part---trying to hoover you in, using his kids' cuteness.

no different than the guys who borrow someone's dog, or baby to take to the park, just so they can pick up women. Actually it's worse than those types of guys, because you did have established boundaries, regarding getting involved with each others' personal lives.

 

He completely put you on the spot by showing up at your door, unannounced, with his kids in tow. He knew just what he was doing, and he went out of his way to do it, knowing that he was overstepping. Not cool.

I would have been angry about that, too.

[2sunny]

Look, the guy doesn't feel the way you do. It was pretty clear all along that he was pushing boundaries, none of this should surprise you. Yes, only a douch-mover would try to use his kids on you, but... It happens.... that's life.

 

The real problem isn't that this guy started to feel a connection... or that you don't want to. The issue is that you are being a dick about it on this board. IRL you did the right thing. Why are you so pissed about this?

 

Clearly you have intimacy issues... and it's cool if your not willing to date, but for your own long term happiness you should be working on those issues.

 

according to who?

 

the society norm is full of lies... and someone here is being honest - and YOU are chastising her for THAT? come on man...

 

IF she has intimacy issues and she's OK with that - who are YOU to tell her that she needs to change it - IF she's found a way to be happy without what YOU seem to require of her for HER happiness?

 

she may be just fine without the intimacy while she gets the sex... nothing wrong with that as long as she makes it known before entering the agreement - which she has.

 

you got a problem with recognizing honesty when you see it?

[ShannonMI]

Ah, I'm "livid" because of where I met this fellow, a site dedicated to adults who are seeking no strings sexual encounters.

 

Him merely confessing that he'd developed feelings would have caused me to just end it quietly. The fact that he dragged his kids to my door was mind blowing, a total "WTF"

situation & yeah, I can be pretty blunt but dragging kids over to a sex buddy's house is just not okay. Honestly I was so flabbergasted when I opened the door I didn't know what to say.

What would have been flabbergasting is if he said "hey kids this is the chick I f*ck every week." Now that would have been something to freak out about. Or if he claimed you were his girlfriend. Did he do either of these things? No. He showed you how cute his kids looked in their costumes and then they used your toilet. NOT a big deal.

 

Let this poor guy go. He deserves better then this.

[NXS]

Right?! If a man had come here with the same problem, I think he would have received very different responses, saying the woman was a fool for trying to get serious with a man she met on an adult dating site, and a terrible mother for bringing her children to his house unannounced in a pathetic attempt to curry favor. People have a serious problem with women being truly free and enjoying their freedom. Too bad.

 

Reallly? So the man would be considered just being honest for stating exactly what he wants? Nobody here would be calling him a "player/creep/control freak/misogynyst/bitter/loser/woman-hater"?

[OnyxSnowfall]

I skimmed through the thread and am surprised at the amount of flak the OP is getting.

 

The issue here isn't her quality as a person because she isn't looking for love, it's that this dude overstepped clear boundaries and tried to use his children to railroad her. I'd be angry too.

 

Hey OP, my advice is just to end it abruptly, but without the creative fireworks.

 

I agree with this.

 

As crazy and harsh as I find the situation ... that is besides the point.

[soserious1]

Omg you are so mean!! I'm sure it wasn't a "calculated move" as you say. His kid had to pee and he knew your address and was in the neighborhood. It could be as simple as that. FWB relationships never work because someone always develops feelings. This could be the case with this guy. I know, what a conniving dirtbag he is.

 

My advice is don't have no-strings attached sex with people if you can't handle them possibly falling for you and developing feelings. Or things like this will keep happening and you will continue to get annoyed.

 

Yes, I'm a big old "meanie" I want to avoid committed relationships & confine myself solely to adult friend finder

sites,places where people go when they only want sex in order to avoid these types of situations.

 

In case you haven't finished the thread, the guy lives a 45 min drive from here, he admitted to me on the phone that he did indeed bring his children here deliberately... I ended the relationship on the phone & have blocked his phone number.

[Ruby Slippers]

People are not walking dildo's or sex dolls. They don't exist just for your sexual gratification.

This guy found her on an ADULT SITE. Not eHarmony! He contacted her for SEXUAL GRATIFICATION. Then they discussed the terms of their arrangement up front, and agreed to them.

 

Reallly? So the man would be considered just being honest for stating exactly what he wants? Nobody here would be calling him a "player/creep/control freak/misogynyst/bitter/loser/woman-hater"?

YES. If someone, male or female, is 100% honest about their intentions, it's up to the other person to decide if that is acceptable to them. soserious was honest with this guy all along, and repeatedly reasserted her boundaries of not getting serious.

 

Ruby,

 

In deciding how to satisfy my desire for occasional adult company, I've taken to heart posts here where folks have said that they wished that those people who aren't looking for relationships would stick with their own kind & leave the rest of the dating pool alone. In choosing to find partners on an adult site, I thought I had done just that.

You're doing the right thing, and good for you. You don't deserve any of the attacks in this thread.

[Untouchable_Fire]

[/b]

according to who?

the society norm is full of lies... and someone here is being honest - and YOU are chastising her for THAT? come on man...

IF she has intimacy issues and she's OK with that - who are YOU to tell her that she needs to change it - IF she's found a way to be happy without what YOU seem to require of her for HER happiness?

she may be just fine without the intimacy while she gets the sex... nothing wrong with that as long as she makes it known before entering the agreement - which she has.

you got a problem with recognizing honesty when you see it?

 

Society norm is full of what lies?

 

Oh... your just sticking up for the no strings sex? Who gives a crap? Only an idiot believes there are really no strings. OP is emotionally lobotomized. That isn't a happy place.

 

Actually I went back and read some of the previous threads OP has started. Holy crap does someone have problems with men. If she was really happy this thread wouldn't exist!

[IrishCarBomb]

Reallly? So the man would be considered just being honest for stating exactly what he wants? Nobody here would be calling him a "player/creep/control freak/misogynyst/bitter/loser/woman-hater"?

 

It's not that "nobody" would be calling him those things. It's that those people would be just as wrong.

[dasein]

Like I said, to use your kids in this way reveals terrible parenting.

 

Really? I can't believe you could type and retype this without blushing. Or rather explain how exactly taking your kids trick or treating, regardless of the candy source or what Dad is doing to her, in and of itself is "horrible parenting?" Perhaps he told them they were going to meet their new mommy? ROFL.

 

There is a fictional character that reminds me of the hyperbolic overreactions expressed by OP and others in this thread... just imagine the guy in the video is OP's guy trying to explain himself on the phone today.

 

[soserious1]

I skimmed through the thread and am surprised at the amount of flak the OP is getting.

 

The issue here isn't her quality as a person because she isn't looking for love, it's that this dude overstepped clear boundaries and tried to use his children to railroad her. I'd be angry too.

 

Hey OP, my advice is just to end it abruptly, but without the creative fireworks. That way, he doesn't have a funny story about the "crazy chick" to tell the guys. He lost out and it's all on him.

 

Thank you for understanding.

 

I was initially really angry because I was shocked to open the door & find this guy standing there with his kids. Seriously, I was so floored I think I was stuttering.

 

If it had just been a case of him admitting while we were alone that he'd developed feelings, it wouldn't have been a biggie, I'd have just ended it & moved on, no harm, no foul.

 

I posted to vent, hopefully get a bit of support & importantly to give myself a bit of time before dealing with the guy. I spoke to him this afternoon, confirmed that my take on his motives in bringing his kids here was correct & I ended the relationship.

 

 

Mods, please feel free to lock this thread up now !

[freestyle]

For a moment, let's set aside the fact that this is/was a FWB situation.

 

Let's say they were dating.

 

If one or both parties has kids, there needs to be agreement ON BOTH SIDES about when it's appropriate to introduce children to a new romantic interest in their parent's life.

 

Meeting the kids/parents/family/friends, etc. is normally viewed as bringing the relationship up to the next level.

 

There needs to be MUTUAL agreement about when BOTH parties feel comfortable bringing the relationship up to the next level.

 

For one party to show up, unannounced, essentially ambushing the other party with kids in tow---is like that person trying to force the other person's hand. It's disrespectful.It's no different than someone saying,

 

"oh, I knew you weren't ready to meet my parents yet, but they're in town today, so I invited them to join us for dinner....hope you don't mind........"

 

And in this case,the guy used his own children as unwitting pawns, to press his own agenda.

[ShannonMI]

Yes, I'm a big old "meanie" I want to avoid committed relationships & confine myself solely to adult friend finder

sites,places where people go when they only want sex in order to avoid these types of situations.

 

In case you haven't finished the thread, the guy lives a 45 min drive from here, he admitted to me on the phone that he did indeed bring his children here deliberately... I ended the relationship on the phone & have blocked his phone number.

OK so he did it on purpose. For what? Because he has developed feelings for you and thought the sight of his children would soften your heart?

 

I'm glad you ended it with him. And may I ask why you look for FWB type relationships and not legitimate relationships? I realize some people just want sex, but what about love? You don't want that as well?

[Untouchable_Fire]

Right?! If a man had come here with the same problem, I think he would have received very different responses, saying the woman was a fool for trying to get serious with a man she met on an adult dating site, and a terrible mother for bringing her children to his house unannounced in a pathetic attempt to curry favor. People have a serious problem with women being truly free and enjoying their freedom. Too bad.

 

Is that freedom to you?

 

This guy found her on an ADULT SITE. Not eHarmony! He contacted her for SEXUAL GRATIFICATION. Then they discussed the terms of their arrangement up front, and agreed to them

 

Meh... the guy was a douche, so what? This thread is about OP... not him.

[2sunny]

Society norm is full of what lies?

 

Oh... your just sticking up for the no strings sex? Who gives a crap? Only an idiot believes there are really no strings. OP is emotionally lobotomized. That isn't a happy place.

 

Actually I went back and read some of the previous threads OP has started. Holy crap does someone have problems with men. If she was really happy this thread wouldn't exist!

 

i'm sticking up for truth.

 

IF he wanted to change the agreement - all he had to do was ASK for her permission!

 

but he didn't ask.

 

and that is where he mis stepped.

 

he could have been HONEST about how his feelings had changed... but he didn't.

 

this thread exists because the OP was explaining HER TRUTH = she wasn't diggin' creepy guy showing up at her house when he wasn't expected. then she was honest and told him to lose her number.

 

i don't get why some here are making this an agenda that doesn't exist.

 

she never said she was unhappy with her NSA sex - that is beside the point... trying to MAKE her attach emotions to her sex life isn't required of having sex.

 

she is honest about how SHE INTENDS to participate... there's complete beauty in any honesty.

 

stop trying to make it be something that it's not.

[NXS]

 

YES. If someone, male or female, is 100% honest about their intentions, it's up to the other person to decide if that is acceptable to them. soserious was honest with this guy all along, and repeatedly reasserted her boundaries of not getting serious.

 

That wasn't the point I addressed, you asserted there would have been a double standard here and that the woman would have been blamed for everything.

[Untouchable_Fire]

i'm sticking up for truth.

IF he wanted to change the agreement - all he had to do was ASK for her permission!

but he didn't ask.

and that is where he mis stepped.

he could have been HONEST about how his feelings had changed... but he didn't.

this thread exists because the OP was explaining HER TRUTH = she wasn't diggin' creepy guy showing up at her house when he wasn't expected. then she was honest and told him to lose her number.

i don't get why some here are making this an agenda that doesn't exist.

she never said she was unhappy with her NSA sex - that is beside the point... trying to MAKE her attach emotions to her sex life isn't required of having sex.

she is honest about how SHE INTENDS to participate... there's complete beauty in any honesty.

stop trying to make it be something that it's not.

 

Honesty is that we are only getting 1 side of the story.

 

If it was just about this guy being a douche... it isn't worthy of even a mention on this site. We come here to vent serious frustrations and to gain insight into our problems. If you go back and read previous threads OP has an issue that extends WAY beyond this one incident.

 

Lets cut the crap and actually be honest. OP has an issue with men.

 

I'm saying the same damn thing everyone else says to Woggle and even the more misogynist guys. Admit it, work to fix it... or be stuck there forever. They can claim to be happy all they want... it isn't the truth.

 

From where I stand... there is no honesty here... just a bunch of excuses and bullcrap. Honesty would be coming out and saying... "Men scare the piss out of me, but I still like sex"... or "I hate men, and I get my jollies off by treating them like sex objects".

 

That would be honesty.

[joystickd]

The thing here is when it comes to relationships on a sexual level someone will eventually develop feelings. You did the best thing by being honest from the start. If more men and women were like that dating would not be a struggle. There wouldn't really be a need for this if people were honest.

 

I probably wouldn't be the way I am today if the first person I fell in love with was honest. That guy has no one to blame but himself