LittleTiger Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 This man brought his children here, in direct violation of every very clear rule we had concerning this relationship. IMHO, this was a calculated play,his home is clear across the city, he figured Halloween was a good excuse to bring them here, he knew that obviously I wasn't going to be nasty to his kids nor was I going to light into him in front of them, he basically forced me to meet them & to invite them into my home, gambling that I'd be all "oh how cute" and gushing all over them, it felt really awkward, really wrong & I seriously felt like he'd used his kids to try to back me into a corner here. So you're mad with him cos he broke your rules - just end it and be done!
azsinglegal Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 This man brought his children here, in direct violation of every very clear rule we had concerning this relationship. IMHO, this was a calculated play,his home is clear across the city, he figured Halloween was a good excuse to bring them here, he knew that obviously I wasn't going to be nasty to his kids nor was I going to light into him in front of them, he basically forced me to meet them & to invite them into my home, gambling that I'd be all "oh how cute" and gushing all over them, it felt really awkward, really wrong & I seriously felt like he'd used his kids to try to back me into a corner here. Is this what you're going to tell him? I've had guys try to use their kids into baiting me into a relationship or make me feel guilty for not coming over saying their kid is crying cuz I let him/her down. One of my friends completely flipped his lid cuz I went on a date and didn't go over but said I might stop by later...I texted him and said I wasn't coming early - around 7pm. He lost it. Deleted/Blocked me on facebook, phone, everything after he lit me up with 18 txts telling me what a bad person I was cuz I let his KID down. Don't use your kids to get at me. I hate that crap.
dasein Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 Whatever, it's not going to make you feel better if you go off on him as opposed to just ending it cleanly and politely, in fact you will start to feel childish very quickly. I speak from experience.
Author soserious1 Posted November 1, 2011 Author Posted November 1, 2011 Is this what you're going to tell him? I've had guys try to use their kids into baiting me into a relationship or make me feel guilty for not coming over saying their kid is crying cuz I let him/her down. One of my friends completely flipped his lid cuz I went on a date and didn't go over but said I might stop by later...I texted him and said I wasn't coming early - around 7pm. He lost it. Deleted/Blocked me on facebook, phone, everything after he lit me up with 18 txts telling me what a bad person I was cuz I let his KID down. Don't use your kids to get at me. I hate that crap. Thank you for understanding! The reason I'm so upset over this is I really feel he tried to manipulate me, which is bad enough on it's own but then he used his kids as tools to try to do it!
plassiter Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 F****ing is not boring at the onset, but it goes better with some intimacy. F****ing in a vacuum has a short shelf half life. There is nothing wrong with him stopping by for Halloween. I know your divorce was bitter, but you need to relax. For a moment I thought you were a troll. Your way of depicting your rules is way to stern and rigid. Almost sounded like the men that view women as blobs that simply provide oxygen and nutrients to the vagina and nothing else. With all respect your words left me very depressed about the human condition. Pierre, your a wise man. this post is very true. the original poster is messed in the head, damaged goods. I only hope this guy that brought his kids to her door unanounced finds someone else better as hes too good for her.
Author soserious1 Posted November 1, 2011 Author Posted November 1, 2011 Do you realize it takes two top have boring sex? I'm not interested in developing a committed relationship with anyone, I'd rather just say "next" it's easier and meets my needs.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 He majorly violated your agreement, and he clearly wants more than you are willing to give. End it now!
Author soserious1 Posted November 1, 2011 Author Posted November 1, 2011 Pierre, your a wise man. this post is very true. the original poster is messed in the head, damaged goods. I only hope this guy that brought his kids to her door unanounced finds someone else better as hes too good for her. The guy who brought his kids to my door unannounced is the very same guy who agreed on multiple occasions that he very much wanted a FWB relationship with my "damaged goods " self! He stated that his career & the fact that he is a single father, meant that he had little time to date & that he was also not interested in more than occasional light dating & sex, nothing more.
Author soserious1 Posted November 1, 2011 Author Posted November 1, 2011 He majorly violated your agreement, and he clearly wants more than you are willing to give. End it now! Oh I intend to, just giving myself a chance to calm myself internally so that I can just politely & coolly tell him it's done with minimal emotion, I'll then block his number.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 He stated that his career & the fact that he is a single father, meant that he had little time to date & that he was also not interested in more than occasional light dating & sex, nothing more. It drives them crazy when you don't need them.
PlumPrincess Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 This man brought his children here, in direct violation of every very clear rule we had concerning this relationship. IMHO, this was a calculated play,his home is clear across the city, he figured Halloween was a good excuse to bring them here, he knew that obviously I wasn't going to be nasty to his kids nor was I going to light into him in front of them, he basically forced me to meet them & to invite them into my home, gambling that I'd be all "oh how cute" and gushing all over them, it felt really awkward, really wrong & I seriously felt like he'd used his kids to try to back me into a corner here. You kind of remind me of me and a common situation I find myself. I find that a little bit disturbing. Just reading your posts on this thread totally convinces me that you told that guy very clearly what the rules were (I can also be quite clear!). So it can only be assumed that the guy is either a dolt for breaking them or he is doing it on purpose to defy you (yep, that's also familiar). Now, what's more likely? I tend to believe he is a complete dolt who didn't think much. Be honest, isn't that pretty typical for him? Or do you really think he has that kind of adventurous personality that would like to engage in a powerstruggle with you? One the one hand, I kind of admire that you have this FWB so clear-cut, on the other hand, you're really pretty harsh. I don't think the guy is the right person for you. He is too nice and he seems to be the kind of person who develops feelings for the woman he sleeps with. Let him go, nicely.
Author soserious1 Posted November 1, 2011 Author Posted November 1, 2011 You kind of remind me of me and a common situation I find myself. I find that a little bit disturbing. Just reading your posts on this thread totally convinces me that you told that guy very clearly what the rules were (I can also be quite clear!). So it can only be assumed that the guy is either a dolt for breaking them or he is doing it on purpose to defy you (yep, that's also familiar). Now, what's more likely? I tend to believe he is a complete dolt who didn't think much. Be honest, isn't that pretty typical for him? Or do you really think he has that kind of adventurous personality that would like to engage in a powerstruggle with you? One the one hand, I kind of admire that you have this FWB so clear-cut, on the other hand, you're really pretty harsh. I don't think the guy is the right person for you. He is too nice and he seems to be the kind of person who develops feelings for the woman he sleeps with. Let him go, nicely. so what situation are you in? are you the partner who's boundaries get violated by FWB or are you the "complete dolt" who thinks that a guy who merely wants to screw you might want something more even after he's told you he doesn't? FWB, isn't for everyone, if you're the type who develops "feelings" for people after sleeping with them, do yourself and them a favor and just say "no" to offers of FWB relationships.
Beijing_girl_1980 Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 This man brought his children here, in direct violation of every very clear rule we had concerning this relationship. IMHO, this was a calculated play,his home is clear across the city, he figured Halloween was a good excuse to bring them here, he knew that obviously I wasn't going to be nasty to his kids nor was I going to light into him in front of them, he basically forced me to meet them & to invite them into my home, gambling that I'd be all "oh how cute" and gushing all over them, it felt really awkward, really wrong & I seriously felt like he'd used his kids to try to back me into a corner here. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Don't know what happened to your previous marriage. But this man may have some feelings for you that is more than FWB. So if you really think his action is unacceptable just go straightforward and put an end to th FWB relationship. so he can move on and you can entertain your other 2 or maybe more FWB men. and he won' be hurt too much. It is really nothing so serious that you have to use the word"punish". Really?really? Sounds like a queen. Kinda feel bad for that poor shivering kid:(
OliveOyl Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 Actually, I want to punish him for daring to overstep MY boundaries,this guy was a casual piece of arse & knew this right from the beginning. And to drag his kids over here? what if I'd been entertaining somebody else, that would have been awkward as all hell! Better dump him now and quickly, before the holidays get underway. Heaven forbid he shows up on your doorstep with a plate of Christmas cookies!!!!!!
dasein Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 It drives them crazy when you don't need them. The crazy ones are motivated to pursuit from insecurity and LSE when you don't need them. Chicken/egg.
Author soserious1 Posted November 1, 2011 Author Posted November 1, 2011 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Don't know what happened to your previous marriage. But this man may have some feelings for you that is more than FWB. So if you really think his action is unacceptable just go straightforward and put an end to th FWB relationship. so he can move on and you can entertain your other 2 or maybe more FWB men. and he won' be hurt too much. It is really nothing so serious that you have to use the word"punish". Really?really? Sounds like a queen. Kinda feel bad for that poor shivering kid:( Believe it or not I felt horrible for his kids & if you read my 1st post you will note that yes, I was nice to them, let them in, helped them to the restroom and rustled up treats to give them. We had rules that were mutually agreed upon in this relationship to totally avoid this type of situation, that he used his kids as tools in an attempt to manipulate my feelings really pisses me off! Dragging kids into things like this is flat out wrong.
Nexus One Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 Actually, I want to punish him for daring to overstep MY boundaries,this guy was a casual piece of arse & knew this right from the beginning. And to drag his kids over here? what if I'd been entertaining somebody else, that would have been awkward as all hell! Then you need to better define how you call a relationship. You call it a "friends with benefits" relationship, notice the FRIENDS part in there. In my opinion there has been some miscommunication. You can't drop it all on him. That being said, why then do you go around f*cking single fathers as a casual piece of ass? When it comes to FWB's, it's likely to happen that one side develops feelings and wants to break the agreement, if you read LS, then you'll see that 90% of FWB threads contain that element, because people are human, not robots, it happens. Learn to deal with it or don't get into FWB's, simple as that.
Nexus One Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 We had rules that were mutually agreed upon in this relationship to totally avoid this type of situation, that he used his kids as tools in an attempt to manipulate my feelings really pisses me off! Dragging kids into things like this is flat out wrong. If there were clear rules then I agree with you, but I wonder if he knew you were f*cking other guys, then perhaps he might not have done that. Did he know you were f*cking other guys?
Author soserious1 Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 Then you need to better define how you call a relationship. You call it a "friends with benefits" relationship, notice the FRIENDS part in there. In my opinion there has been some miscommunication. You can't drop it all on him. That being said, why then do you go around f*cking single fathers as a casual piece of ass? When it comes to FWB's, it's likely to happen that one side develops feelings and wants to break the agreement, if you read LS, then you'll see that 90% of FWB threads contain that element, because people are human, not robots, it happens. Learn to deal with it or don't get into FWB's, simple as that. The definition of FWB in this relationship was this-occasional light evenings out, a movie perhaps, a couple drinks at a jazz club or perhaps dinner.. followed by sex. No family dinners, no outings with our respective sets of friends, no calling each other at work, no dropping in unannounced, no calling or texting just to engage in chit chat, if I heard from him or he heard from me it was to set up a date to have sex,no strings, no desire on either side to have anything more. Keep in mind he was also very clear that his work & dedication to his kids left him with little time & zero desire to get into any sort of serious relationship, Perhaps you're right though, it might be better to just go back to ONS type situations, less risk of this sort of thing happening again. of it becoming anything more
Pierre Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 This man brought his children here, in direct violation of every very clear rule we had concerning this relationship. IMHO, this was a calculated play,his home is clear across the city, he figured Halloween was a good excuse to bring them here, he knew that obviously I wasn't going to be nasty to his kids nor was I going to light into him in front of them, he basically forced me to meet them & to invite them into my home, gambling that I'd be all "oh how cute" and gushing all over them, it felt really awkward, really wrong & I seriously felt like he'd used his kids to try to back me into a corner here. I think I know why he brought the kids with him. He wants the kids to tell his ex-wife he has found a babe. Divorced men and women do this stuff. I still don't get the anti-child vibe.
Author soserious1 Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 I think I know why he brought the kids with him. He wants the kids to tell his ex-wife he has found a babe. Divorced men and women do this stuff. I still don't get the anti-child vibe. Pierre, I raised my children & even if I wanted to get into another relationship I really don't want any responsibility whatsoever for another set of kids. Child rearing was great and all but the good ship motherhood has left the dock & won't be coming back
Author soserious1 Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 If there were clear rules then I agree with you, but I wonder if he knew you were f*cking other guys, then perhaps he might not have done that. Did he know you were f*cking other guys? YES! he knew this because I was crystal clear more than once about it, also he met me on an adult site & I was very clear with him that my profile was still active, that I had no intention of taking it down & expected him to keep his profile active as well.
Pierre Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 Before you dump this guy you need to stop and think this all the way through. I know you have two other FWBs and perhaps you need at least one day off a week. Nevertheless, this man may have qualities in bed that are superior to the other men. Do all three FWBs know about each other? I hope you space them out in the week so you don't carry the scent of one man to the next. I really have to give you credit. I couldn't do what you do. You are amazing.
dasein Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 Believe it or not I felt horrible for his kids & if you read my 1st post you will note that yes, I was nice to them, let them in, helped them to the restroom and rustled up treats to give them. Well the intended tone went over my head then, I had a visual of a deranged "razor blade in the apple" mean old lady from youthful trick or treat warnings.
Author soserious1 Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 Before you dump this guy you need to stop and think this all the way through. I know you have two other FWBs and perhaps you need at least one day off a week. Nevertheless, this man may have qualities in bed that are superior to the other men. Do all three FWBs know about each other? I hope you space them out in the week so you don't carry the scent of one man to the next. I really have to give you credit. I couldn't do what you do. You are amazing. LOL,I never have more than one sexual partner in a day, one does need to attend to other things. Yes, all 3 men knew that I was sleeping with others, I would never mislead anyone about my intentions or my sexual history. FWB is a casual thing, I might see one man several times this month or see him only once, having more than one partner gives all involved variety & also helps to ensure that if you'd like to have a sexual evening , that one of your FWB will be free & interested in coming out to play.
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