soserious1 Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 (edited) I've been seeing a divorced father for around 3 months in a strictly FWB situation, we'd see each other once, occasionally twice a week. Our time together is always casual, perhaps a movie, light dinner a couple of drinks, sex, I have never allowed him to spend the night, he has no belongings here. Our conversations center around light,superficial topics. Subjects like my professional life, family, friends etc are strictly off limits. I do not text nor phone him unless it is to confirm a date for sex. I was VERY clear from the start that this is all I have to offer & that I have other FWB's. From time to time, he has tried to discuss his work or mentioned his children etc, I've gently but firmly reminded him of the boundaries of our relationship, he apologized & I thought all was well. He showed up at my front door last night with his 2 children dressed in Halloween garb! "We were in the neighborhood, thought you'd like to see how cute they look" the youngest was shivering & begging to use the restroom, so I let them in rustled up some fruit to give them & after about 15 minutes excused myself saying that I was on call and had to leave. To say that I'm livid would be an understatement, I need some creative ways to let this fellow know as vividly as possible that he needs to lose my phone number & that our arrangement is over. Edited November 1, 2011 by soserious1
Lucky_One Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 Why does this need to be creative? "Hey, I'm sorry, but this isn't working out for me anymore. Please don't contact me anymore. " I'm not exactly sure what the crime was here, but if you really believe that his children trick-or-treating at your house was such a big deal, then I think the above statement should end the FWB situation cleanly and quickly. (Personally, I would guess that he didn't have a closer place for his child to pee where he felt comfortable asking.)
Negative Nancy Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 Why creative? Just tell him straight up that he overstepped the boundaries and that the arrangement is over and if he doesn't accept that, you're gonna get a restraining order. I don't even understand why he knows your address to begin with. Yeah, you had to fffff somewhere, but it could have been at his place or at a hotel, no? That way he wouldn't have showed up at your door unexpectedly...Either way, he is a grown man, he should be able to handle the truth. Just tell him. I just hope he's not a psycho like that guy of one of the other posters...
dasein Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 How bout "FWB wanted more, I didn't, going to have to end things," without the indignant outrage? Is it possible that you are in the process of punishing this man for some other man's sins? "He dared bring his children trick or treating to my door! the horror!" Next thing you know he would be sending flowers (BLASPHEMY!) or... a gift (OUTRAGEOUS! REPREHENSIBLE!) Sorry to mock, but you really come off cold here. You want different things, happens every day.
Author soserious1 Posted November 1, 2011 Author Posted November 1, 2011 Why does this need to be creative? "Hey, I'm sorry, but this isn't working out for me anymore. Please don't contact me anymore. " I'm not exactly sure what the crime was here, but if you really believe that his children trick-or-treating at your house was such a big deal, then I think the above statement should end the FWB situation cleanly and quickly. (Personally, I would guess that he didn't have a closer place for his child to pee where he felt comfortable asking.) The "Big deal" here is that this was not a relationship where he was free to drop in here unannounced, ever, at any time, he shouldn't have felt even remotely comfortable with bringing his kids here, what if I had another guy here?
Author soserious1 Posted November 1, 2011 Author Posted November 1, 2011 How bout "FWB wanted more, I didn't, going to have to end things," without the indignant outrage? Is it possible that you are in the process of punishing this man for some other man's sins? "He dared bring his children trick or treating to my door! the horror!" Next thing you know he would be sending flowers (BLASPHEMY!) or... a gift (OUTRAGEOUS! REPREHENSIBLE!) Sorry to mock, but you really come off cold here. You want different things, happens every day. Well I figure him dragging his offspring to my door uninvited was pretty damn cold, an aggressive power play of a move calculated to back me into a corner, I'm seriously pissed off.
LittleTiger Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 What's wrong with telling him the truth? Just say you weren't happy about him bringing his children to your house unannounced and you've decided you'd like to end your 'arrangement'. Sorted!
azsinglegal Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 What's wrong with telling him the truth? Just say you weren't happy about him bringing his children to your house unannounced and you've decided you'd like to end your 'arrangement'. Sorted! I agree ^^ The guy obviously wants more, why don't you want more with him? Just re-read your first post...how many men are you sleeping with here?
Pierre Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 Just explain the rules in writing. You are two f**** me twice a week. No need to talk or act like a social human. Just f**** me and leave. It sounds like a very boring relationship.
Author soserious1 Posted November 1, 2011 Author Posted November 1, 2011 I agree ^^ The guy obviously wants more, why don't you want more with him? Just re-read your first post...how many men are you sleeping with here? I had a marriage that ended in an emotionally nasty, fiscally costly divorce. I'm not interested in any sort of committed or exclusive relationship with anyone & try to keep boundaries and limits very clear. FWB is strictly that nothing more. I currently have 3 FWB including this man, whom I have various amounts of sexual contact with. Nothing even remotely like this situation has arisen in the past with any of them.
azsinglegal Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 I had a marriage that ended in an emotionally nasty, fiscally costly divorce. I'm not interested in any sort of committed or exclusive relationship with anyone & try to keep boundaries and limits very clear. FWB is strictly that nothing more. I currently have 3 FWB including this man, whom I have various amounts of sexual contact with. Nothing even remotely like this situation has arisen in the past with any of them. I have a few friends like you. I never really got it. I'm a serial monogomist myself. I'd find it odd sleeping with more then one man at a time. Just me tho. No judgement. Sounds like this guy wants more - and I can see how showing up with his kids would bother you. This is why I don't like dating men with kids...they're just not a part of my lifestyle.
GorillaTheater Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 This guy not only wants to bang you like a screendoor in a hurricane, he likes you. There are worse problems to have. Like having a kid in a Halloween get-up that really needs to pee. Agree with some of the above comments: no need to be creative. One sentence over the phone should do it.
Author soserious1 Posted November 1, 2011 Author Posted November 1, 2011 Just explain the rules in writing. You are two f**** me twice a week. No need to talk or act like a social human. Just f**** me and leave. It sounds like a very boring relationship. Not for anything here but I did explain the rules very clearly, in fact we NEVER went to his place because his children live with him and I did not want to meet them or expose them to our relationship in any way,shape or form, it would have been totally inappropriate! And If evenings were I have a nice meal, a couple of drinks & an orgasm or two are "boring" well fill my life with boredom please
EasyHeart Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 I don't get the outrage. There's certainly nothing wrong with a friend bringing his kids by on Halloween. My friends do that all the time.
Imajerk17 Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 Next time have the guy sign a contract, notarized. That will show him!
dasein Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 You can't possibly consider this as a remote possibility, that keeping 3 FWB, one would eventually overstep your boundaries; this one did it rather mildly compared to all possibles IMO. Your typing the behavior as an aggressive powerplay is a longshot leading me to believe you want to get all stormed up about this, moreso than you actually are. Why? Just cut him loose. I still think you are looking to punish this guy for someone else's real transgressions, and you didn't answer that part of my post, so...
Author soserious1 Posted November 1, 2011 Author Posted November 1, 2011 I don't get the outrage. There's certainly nothing wrong with a friend bringing his kids by on Halloween. My friends do that all the time. This was not the sort of friendship where it was okay for either of us to EVER drop in on the other unannounced, let alone bring his kids here & I'd made it clear I wasn't interested in it ever becoming a relationship where such actions would be okay.
Pierre Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 And If evenings were I have a nice meal, a couple of drinks & an orgasm or two are "boring" well fill my life with boredom please F****ing is not boring at the onset, but it goes better with some intimacy. F****ing in a vacuum has a short shelf half life. There is nothing wrong with him stopping by for Halloween. I know your divorce was bitter, but you need to relax. For a moment I thought you were a troll. Your way of depicting your rules is way to stern and rigid. Almost sounded like the men that view women as blobs that simply provide oxygen and nutrients to the vagina and nothing else. With all respect your words left me very depressed about the human condition.
Author soserious1 Posted November 1, 2011 Author Posted November 1, 2011 You can't possibly consider this as a remote possibility, that keeping 3 FWB, one would eventually overstep your boundaries; this one did it rather mildly compared to all possibles IMO. Your typing the behavior as an aggressive powerplay is a longshot leading me to believe you want to get all stormed up about this, moreso than you actually are. Why? Just cut him loose. I still think you are looking to punish this guy for someone else's real transgressions, and you didn't answer that part of my post, so... Actually, I want to punish him for daring to overstep MY boundaries,this guy was a casual piece of arse & knew this right from the beginning. And to drag his kids over here? what if I'd been entertaining somebody else, that would have been awkward as all hell!
Author soserious1 Posted November 1, 2011 Author Posted November 1, 2011 F****ing is not boring at the onset, but it goes better with some intimacy. F****ing in a vacuum has a short shelf half life. There is nothing wrong with him stopping by for Halloween. I know your divorce was bitter, but you need to relax. For a moment I thought you were a troll. Your way of depicting your rules is way to stern and rigid. Almost sounded like the men that view women as blobs that simply provide oxygen and nutrients to the vagina and nothing else. With all respect your words left me very depressed about the human condition. LOL,when the sex gets "boring" I simply move onto the next FB and there was everything "wrong" with him bringing his kids here, not only violating the our mutual agreement about this relationship but disrespecting his children to boot.
Pierre Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 It sounds like reverse Misogyny. Imagine a man saying that about his FWB. Oh the outrage of the females in the forum!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pierre Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 but disrespecting his children to boot. I actually agree with the above. Knowing the situation I would never bring the children. That is a good point!! However, your outrage is still way out there.
Pierre Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 LOL,when the sex gets "boring" I simply move onto the next FB and there was everything "wrong" with him bringing his kids here, not only violating the our mutual agreement about this relationship but disrespecting his children to boot. Do you realize it takes two top have boring sex?
Author soserious1 Posted November 1, 2011 Author Posted November 1, 2011 It sounds like reverse Misogyny. Imagine a man saying that about his FWB. Oh the outrage of the females in the forum!!!!!!!!!!!! Pierre, a FWB is basically just a fun, convenient piece of arse, everyone knows this & if a woman is offended by this reality then maybe she should avoid FWB situations.
Author soserious1 Posted November 1, 2011 Author Posted November 1, 2011 I actually agree with the above. Knowing the situation I would never bring the children. That is a good point!! However, your outrage is still way out there. This man brought his children here, in direct violation of every very clear rule we had concerning this relationship. IMHO, this was a calculated play,his home is clear across the city, he figured Halloween was a good excuse to bring them here, he knew that obviously I wasn't going to be nasty to his kids nor was I going to light into him in front of them, he basically forced me to meet them & to invite them into my home, gambling that I'd be all "oh how cute" and gushing all over them, it felt really awkward, really wrong & I seriously felt like he'd used his kids to try to back me into a corner here.
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