tara6542 Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 Ok, I apologize for the long-winded info here. I really could use some feedback though. I met a guy online. I'm 38, he's 43. We have a lot of interests in common, including both being musicians, and a lot of personal background in common. He seemed interesting so we met up for coffee. Nice coffee date, ended with a hug. He said he'd email me, but I had the gut feeling from a few things he said that he might be the type to need a little encouragement, so I sent a text the next day just saying that I enjoyed meeting him, nothing more. He responded quickly telling me he wasn't sure I enjoyed the date but that he had a great time so it was great to hear from me, and then asked if I wanted to do something later in the week. Date 2- we go out to dinner, drive around, talk, etc. It was pretty fun. Ended with an awkward kiss, and he texted right away to "apologize" for it because he was "rusty" and said he had a great time. I texted back that it was sweet and said I had a great time. Next day he emails asking if I want to do something on Sun. I respond that Sun eve I have some time, but that I was also was wondering if he wants to join me for a concert I had tickets for on Wed. About 24 hrs later he responds that he's really interested in the concert. No word about Sun, so I wasn't sure if that was on. On Sat he texts randomly to ask about my day, and then asks about Sun. So I say yeah we can grab dinner Sun and that I'll call him when I get home that eve at such and such a time. Date 3- Sunday I text instead of called, and no response. So I call a bit later and he apparently was asleep. He apologized for missing my text, but we figure out where to go eat and he comes and picks me up. I was a little bit concerned he wasn't that into it since I had to wake him up at the time we had plans for, but who knows. I told him we didn't need to go out if he needed to rest and he said oh no, we should go to dinner. I was super tired, and also pretty nervous because I'm starting to like the guy. He comes to pick me up and immediately kisses me when I get in the car. We decide to head for dinner, and I think we're having a good time. I was worried I wasn't much fun bc I was so tired and also nervous. After dinner he asks if I want to go to his place "because he's not sure where else we could go." I'm not ready for sex or anything but I trusted the guy, so I go over there. We hang out, listen to some stuff, talk a lot. He does not make a move at all and is totally respectful. I think he wants to take the physical stuff slowly, which I think is wise, because I'm not looking for a hookup (I told him that on our first date.) When he takes me home there are some really sweet deeper kisses. Next day I text him to tell him I really like some of the music he burned for me. He responds a few hours later saying he'll burn some more. That eve, I am listening to another thing he burned so I text saying some stuff about it. He never responded to that text. Is that normal? I am not much of a text jockey, usually respond when I get them but that could be 10 min to several hours. He seems similar about it. But he just never responded at all. So, I guess my question is whether he's even into this for two reasons. 1) He kind of spaced that we had dinner plans (or maybe just being asleep longer than he planned), and then ignored my recent text altogether. 2) There's *some* physical stuff going on - he's kissed me several times. I'm kind of used to guys pushing the envelope on this, so I am slightly worried that's the case here. On the one hand I assume he is being repsectful and taking his time, and maybe is interested in more than just a casual fling (especially since I made it clear I'm not into hookups). But maybe he's just not sure he's into it? So what do you guys think? Did I show too much interest by inviting him to the concert? By texting him? Jeez. I have not by any means been needy or clingy or anything. He's asked me out on every date, except for the concert, which was initiated by me in response to him asking about my schedule for the upcoming week. I just don't know. Many men are heavy pursuers, which I've found to not be all that indicative of actual interest, bc they are just doing it to see if they can get you (ego boost, get sex, whatever.) This guy seems to be more laid back but has initiated all the dates, kisses, etc. I mean, we've only had 3 dates. I'm just kinda worried he didn't have that much fun on our 3rd date. Or maybe I'm just reading WAY too much into this. We are going to the concert tomorrow as planned, but I do kinda wonder whether he'd even be going if I hadn't already invited him before our last date. I'm probably totally overthinking this. It's just been a while since I dated and I'm kind of into this guy now, so it's more intense. Thanks!
Author tara6542 Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 Hmm, nobody have ideas? I'm really just confused about his nonresponse to a text. Granted it was not a question, it was just a statement. But I'm not used to ppl ignoring texts. Also, he often takes a while to get back to get back to me and sometimes changes the mode (from email to text, vice versa). Is his ignoring it a bad sign, though? Or is sometimes ignoring a text (which isn't set up for a response really) just totally normal and not indicative of a lack of interest? someone chime in!
USMCHokie Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 Too many words... But in regard to the text, or lack thereof, did your text ask a question or somehow require a response..? If not, I don't understand why you'd necessarily expect one. What is he supposed to say... "Cool"...?
jobaba Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 I dunno. The physical stuff implies that he is attracted to you, and for most people that is the maker or dealbreaker. So, with that out of the way, why don't you just take it casually. I also think you're reading too much into the whole 'horn-dog' thing. He's already gotten action from you, so if he thought you were ugly or totally uninteresting, it would have been over after the first date.
Author tara6542 Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 Yeah, I'm sure I'm just feeling uneasy given this stage of things. You know, it's clear when someone goes on a 2nd date with you that at least the 1st date didn't suck too bad. But at this pt I wonder if he's interested or not and I'm reading into things. No, my msg didn't really require a response. I'm sure he was just busy when he got it (neither of us are immediate texters) and then when he was not so busy, prob didn't even think it made sense to respond. Anyway, I think we're going out tomorrow, I guess I'll play it by ear. I hate this stage of things. It's when ppl decide if they want to continue or not and it's always a stressful time for me.
Trovador Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 He must be dating other women... that is why he isn't giving you the 100% As for the texts, if he was really interested, he'd respond your texts or mails right away, if not him initiating them... any sane, responsible man would have replied in a short time, or later, but apologizing for the delay, come on, you are dating! Obviously, you two aren't in the same wavelenght... you should try to balance your interest with his and not to give and expect more than what he is doing...
Author tara6542 Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 He must be dating other women... that is why he isn't giving you the 100% As for the texts, if he was really interested, he'd respond your texts or mails right away, if not him initiating them... any sane, responsible man would have replied in a short time, or later, but apologizing for the delay, come on, you are dating! Obviously, you two aren't in the same wavelenght... you should try to balance your interest with his and not to give and expect more than what he is doing... Yeah, maybe. I take hours to respond to texts too sometimes, and I take a day or so to respond to emails, so I dunno. And he does initiate them. In fact, those were the only texts I've ever initiated. Sometimes he responds quickly, sometimes he doesn't. We've only hung out 3x, so I think it might be a bit much to expect instant response, especially since I don't and never will be able to do the same.
Trovador Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 I see... well, to me if the other person takes hours or days to respond one message or call back (or not doing it at all) means just one thing, she isn't interested not matter how she might word it... what else could be? Come on, the most important person in your life just texted you, how could you not to reply within a reasonable frame of time? People do incredible things to get back to the persons they like or love... In any case, I still think that he is seeing other options...
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