secondchances90 Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 Here's my story: Him and I were dating for almost 3 years. We began dating during high school and we are now in our second year of college (we're both 19). Our colleges are about 4 hours apart, so we were in somewhat of a long distance relationship for this past year. The first year took some getting used to but everything turned out fine...had an amazing summer together etc. When we went back to school this year something was different and neither of us could really put our fingers on it. I addressed it...mentioned to him that we were getting too comfortable with each other and needed to spice things up...he agreed and everything seemed normal. In high school and over the summers, we spent every second together. We were so incredibly in love and we would do anything for each other and for our relationship. He always did sweet things for me unexpectedly and I for him as well...we would have fun just going grocery shopping together or making dinner for his parents. He was the absolute best boyfriend a girl could ever ask for or imagine. I could always talk to him and he would listen, provide sound advice etc. I was sure to provide him with the same support as well. It sounds like I'm fabricating the relationship since it sounds so perfect but it truly was! We would visit each other at least once a month for the weekend, etc. I'll be the first to admit that college was a hard transition for me. I had trouble dealing with the fact that he was going to be talking and hanging out with girls that didn't know our history and our relationship...despite the fact that I trusted him 100%. I couldn't explain to him why this bothered me, and he couldn't understand it. This was mainly isolated within the first semester of college and I really worked on it the second semester and this year and the problem was almost nonexistent. So a few weekends ago...I went home to visit family (his college is in our hometown, so naturally I saw him too). I knew he had been distancing himself somewhat within the past week or two and I was going to bring this up to him. But he still spoke on the phone with me every single day, video chatted with me, told me he loved me all the time, etc etc. I figured the issue could be fixed because the relationship meant so much to me and it never even crossed my mind to just give up and move on. So we meet up and he tells me that he's not happy. I tell him that I'm not either because of the distance I feel but I thought we could work on it and that I loved him very much. Now this is when he starts crying. He says he doesn't think we can fix it, says he will miss me so much and still loves me with all his heart but doesn't love the relationship anymore. He thought the relationship "had run it's course". Surprisingly, I was extremely calm...never begged, simply stated that I thought he was being rash and that we could fix it. He was holding my hand, cuddling me and kissing me the whole time...very odd to me. We talked for another three hours, just crying together, holding each other etc. He kept telling me how much he loved me, how beautiful I was, how much he was going to miss me, etc and I found this very confusing. Why was he ending it if he still felt all of these things? I knew there was nothing I could do so I didn't fight it and just explained to him that I hoped he understood what he was doing...that I was no longer his, etc. This really upset him...almost like he didn't understand the consequences of what he was doing. He drove me back to my house and kissed me multiple times very passionately. I told him I thought it was best if we didn't contact each other for a month or longer and that we would try and meet up over Thanksgiving Break (3 weeks from now). He stated that he didn't think it was necessary to not speak, but I insisted. I had a moment of weakness the day after and simply told him that this doesn't feel right, but then let it go. Then, he texted me the following day, just with some small talk...we say goodnight and now we have been NC for a little over 2 weeks. I'm still very much in love with him and it's clear that he still loved me very much at the point of our breakup. The NC is more for my own mental health...I know he won't text me since I asked him to please respect what I had said, etc. so I'm the one that has to make the move here when the time is right. I now know that I don't need him...I just want him. I know it hasn't been long since the breakup but I need some advice! ***How should I approach the situation? ***What do you think his motives were if he was so upset, etc? ***Did I handle this properly?
citrusdrop1688 Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 These break ups are the HARDEST!! They suck, because the love is still there. But, the truth is, sometimes people realize that no matter how much they love someone they dont see the relationship going any further. Maybe he realized he doesnt think he can marry you some day. No point in continuing if you KNOW long term it cant go anywhere. My most recent ex had his first girlfriend over then end of highschool and beginning of college, and also somewhat long distance. As they continued to grow into the adults they now are he realized he could never actually spend his life with her. They broke up 3 or 4 years ago and I think part of him still loves her, or at least still respects the love they once had. Hes never said a single bad word about her. He just knew she wasnt going to be an ideal match, so y continue and make it more difficult for both. I dont know if this is the case for you, but it sounds like it from what you said he said. And since he does love you part of him is going to want to keep talking to you, and reaching out. That doesnt necessarily mean he will change his mind though. In my experience, when a man TRULY loves a woman, and breaks up with her anyway, they have thought about it a lot. They know for sure thats what they want and they wont arbitrarily change their mind.
Author secondchances90 Posted November 3, 2011 Author Posted November 3, 2011 Thanks for the reply. I understand what you're saying and you're probably right...it's just the worst though! I feel better daily and we will be meeting up over break before I know it which will help to provide me with more closure. Thank you again...great advice!
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