Facebook and marriage reality

[jlola]

I am from a culture where affair are very prevalent. In fact most men are expected to have affairs. So I see plenty going on and do see patterns. But whether my culture or American culture there is always a lot of lying,secrets and pain on all sides,

 

I have a M friend who had a long term affair with a MW(5 yrs total). They declared their love and knew they were meant for each other. Both marriages did not have children though they both wanted children. Male friend married 3 years MW 2yrs when they met..

 

2 years into the affair,MM divorced his wife since he could not live with the lie any longer and wanted to be with MW. The wife of MM sent a letter to the MW's husband to tell him what was going on. The MW covered her butt and told her the MM's wife was cray. They worked together and were just friends.

 

MW called my friend and convinced him to carry out the lie,aying she needed more time to figure out how to leave,plus she did not want family and friends to know she was in an affair.

 

My friend went along with this for 3 more years. Each time he asked her to leave,she insisted she would ONLY if she were allowed to move right in with him.(What happened to not wanting family and friends to know about the affair?????)

 

He thought it best if she live by herself or with a friend, and slowly introduce him to her circle a someone she got together with AFTEr her divorce.

 

She finally got pregnant and the affair ended a few months afterwards.

 

Now I have a friend who used to work with my friend and MOW. Recently I was at her house and she mentioned MOW was facebook friend and just had a baby. I don't think she know of the affair. I wanted to see the baby.

 

Well, her facebook held a revelation. I had heard she did not love her husband,her marriage was bad and her husband paid her no attention,. WhaT I saw on her facebook showed a completely different reality.

 

First off, my friend is a very good looking man,BUT so was her husband. He is a year older than she. In fact my friend and MOW's husband are very similar in looks. Her husband seemed very attentive. Many pictures taken holding hands,laughing,skiing with friend,Bahamas or on vacation,entertaining at home,parties etc.

 

To top it off it loked like she wanted for nothing. Her house expansively decorated( I doubt it is her husbands taste).

 

I just wondered what my friend could have offered her over romance and fantasy.

 

 

When I looked at the pictures with her 2 BFF's and their husbands who seemed to form a trio, I wondered how my friend thought they would fit in. Then I realized he was not seeing reality at that time since they lived in a bubble of "You and me against the world". He just imagined all would be well.

 

My friend is American, she is from a different culture and mainly hangs out with people from her culture. The men drink alot. My friend does not. There always seems to be some get together and parties which she seems to enjoy, my friend likes calmness. He says MOW is simple. But I see expensive furniture and decor,entertaining at home,restaurants and and vacations she has become accustomed to may be more her style realistically.

 

Her parents speak very little English. They come to the U.S. every year from 2-3 months and stay with MOW and her husband. How would my friend have dealt with that. Especially since he can only afford a 2 bedroom 2 bath condo since we live in a very expensive state.

 

Again, I was just shocked by how close the MOW and her husband seemed to be. Then I wondered if she was putting on an act as I would imagine most women would move emotionally away from their husbands if they were in love with another man. If what I saw in the facebook pics was all an act. She acted out of 5 YEARS!!!!!!!

 

I urge anyone in an affair first find out if MP and MP's spouse has a facebook and insist on seeing it when you are both together. If they have nothing to hide, they will show it. If they hesitate,perhaps the marriage isn't as dead as they tell you.

 

You do not have to ask for the password. You can let them discretely fill that in. But you should be able to view it.

[Got it]

I am from a culture where affair are very prevalent. In fact most men are expected to have affairs. So I see plenty going on and do see patterns. But whether my culture or American culture there is always a lot of lying,secrets and pain on all sides,

 

I have a M friend who had a long term affair with a MW(5 yrs total). They declared their love and knew they were meant for each other. Both marriages did not have children though they both wanted children. Male friend married 3 years MW 2yrs when they met..

 

2 years into the affair,MM divorced his wife since he could not live with the lie any longer and wanted to be with MW. The wife of MM sent a letter to the MW's husband to tell him what was going on. The MW covered her butt and told her the MM's wife was cray. They worked together and were just friends.

 

MW called my friend and convinced him to carry out the lie,aying she needed more time to figure out how to leave,plus she did not want family and friends to know she was in an affair.

 

My friend went along with this for 3 more years. Each time he asked her to leave,she insisted she would ONLY if she were allowed to move right in with him.(What happened to not wanting family and friends to know about the affair?????)

 

He thought it best if she live by herself or with a friend, and slowly introduce him to her circle a someone she got together with AFTEr her divorce.

 

She finally got pregnant and the affair ended a few months afterwards.

 

Now I have a friend who used to work with my friend and MOW. Recently I was at her house and she mentioned MOW was facebook friend and just had a baby. I don't think she know of the affair. I wanted to see the baby.

 

Well, her facebook held a revelation. I had heard she did not love her husband,her marriage was bad and her husband paid her no attention,. WhaT I saw on her facebook showed a completely different reality.

 

First off, my friend is a very good looking man,BUT so was her husband. He is a year older than she. In fact my friend and MOW's husband are very similar in looks. Her husband seemed very attentive. Many pictures taken holding hands,laughing,skiing with friend,Bahamas or on vacation,entertaining at home,parties etc.

 

To top it off it loked like she wanted for nothing. Her house expansively decorated( I doubt it is her husbands taste).

 

I just wondered what my friend could have offered her over romance and fantasy.

 

 

When I looked at the pictures with her 2 BFF's and their husbands who seemed to form a trio, I wondered how my friend thought they would fit in. Then I realized he was not seeing reality at that time since they lived in a bubble of "You and me against the world". He just imagined all would be well.

 

My friend is American, she is from a different culture and mainly hangs out with people from her culture. The men drink alot. My friend does not. There always seems to be some get together and parties which she seems to enjoy, my friend likes calmness. He says MOW is simple. But I see expensive furniture and decor,entertaining at home,restaurants and and vacations she has become accustomed to may be more her style realistically.

 

Her parents speak very little English. They come to the U.S. every year from 2-3 months and stay with MOW and her husband. How would my friend have dealt with that. Especially since he can only afford a 2 bedroom 2 bath condo since we live in a very expensive state.

 

Again, I was just shocked by how close the MOW and her husband seemed to be. Then I wondered if she was putting on an act as I would imagine most women would move emotionally away from their husbands if they were in love with another man. If what I saw in the facebook pics was all an act. She acted out of 5 YEARS!!!!!!!

 

I urge anyone in an affair first find out if MP and MP's spouse has a facebook and insist on seeing it when you are both together. If they have nothing to hide, they will show it. If they hesitate,perhaps the marriage isn't as dead as they tell you.

 

You do not have to ask for the password. You can let them discretely fill that in. But you should be able to view it.

 

Not sure if I agree that Facebook is a true "reality" of anyone's relationship let alone themselves. I am not saying that what you have concluded isn't the case in the MOW case but I also know that we put what we want onto Facebook and most don't put anything negative on it. It is a conscious and well thought out portrayal that we we give to the world.

 

Her world may be rainbows and butterflies. I would say that it was better than what she said not based on her Facebook page but by her actions over the 5 years. Her actions said that she was where she wanted to be.

 

And in my case, I looked at xW's page and there were never any pictures of him on it. The kids yes but not him.

 

And in my case, I had a few pictures of my ex on it throughout our marriage but it really didn't mean anything in regards to the happiness of our marriage. It was just pictures of my hobbies, my life, etc. But then I am not one who is on Facebook all the time. Just a way to stay in touch with some family and friends.

[jlola]

Not sure if I agree that Facebook is a true "reality" of anyone's relationship let alone themselves. I am not saying that what you have concluded isn't the case in the MOW case but I also know that we put what we want onto Facebook and most don't put anything negative on it. It is a conscious and well thought out portrayal that we we give to the world.

 

Her world may be rainbows and butterflies. I would say that it was better than what she said not based on her Facebook page but by her actions over the 5 years. Her actions said that she was where she wanted to be.

 

And in my case, I looked at xW's page and there were never any pictures of him on it. The kids yes but not him.

 

And in my case, I had a few pictures of my ex on it throughout our marriage but it really didn't mean anything in regards to the happiness of our marriage. It was just pictures of my hobbies, my life, etc. But then I am not one who is on Facebook all the time. Just a way to stay in touch with some family and friends.

 

If a MP ha a facebook and it shows them as a couple occasionally it will be difficult to reflect what the marriage is like. That I agree.

 

But most people having an affair move emotionally away from their spouse in the same way a person who lies and cheats and steals to another cannot pretend to be best friends unless they are really cold hearted and huge backstabbers.

 

I am saying if you see pictures where they are holding hands,at parties,engaging in laughter and eye contact,going on vacations,trips,dinners,entertaining at home and looking happy a can be. They are either excellent actors,which I would find hard to trust. Or just cake eaters who enjoy the best of both worlds.

 

I have been in relationships before where the end dragged on a bit. But I can tell you by the time the relationship ended,noone was surprised. I guess I am not a good actress and find it difficult to be physical or emotionally intimate with someone I am moving away from,even for show.

[Summer Breeze]

Facebook has a lot of uses. The thing I seem to see most is PR. Look at my perfect marriage. Look at my perfect child. Look at my perfect single life. You put on photos and write words that you want people to see. It's a tool to 'show' everyone how wonderful things are. Not everyone is like that but I know a lot who are. I personally put no stock into profiles unless I know someone and am well aware of their situation.

[Got it]

If a MP ha a facebook and it shows them as a couple occasionally it will be difficult to reflect what the marriage is like. That I agree.

 

But most people having an affair move emotionally away from their spouse in the same way a person who lies and cheats and steals to another cannot pretend to be best friends unless they are really cold hearted and huge backstabbers.

 

I am saying if you see pictures where they are holding hands,at parties,engaging in laughter and eye contact,going on vacations,trips,dinners,entertaining at home and looking happy a can be. They are either excellent actors,which I would find hard to trust. Or just cake eaters who enjoy the best of both worlds.

 

I have been in relationships before where the end dragged on a bit. But I can tell you by the time the relationship ended,noone was surprised. I guess I am not a good actress and find it difficult to be physical or emotionally intimate with someone I am moving away from,even for show.

 

And what do the pictures really tell you? Do you know when they were taken? Do you know what each party was thinking?

 

I don't think Facebook is going to show much of anything. It can be reality or it can be a desired portrayal of reality. Advise to an OP is to recommend watching the MP's actions. Do they align with their words? What are you being told? What is the desired outcome?

 

I understand your point but just not sure I agree that Facebook is showing much. I know some very dysfunctional couples with "amazing" facebook pages and so fantastic couples with very bland uncouple like pages.

 

I tend to be suspicious of anyone's facebook pages that show constant attention. I question why so much energy for public consumption? But I am not a dedicated participant of FB.

[jlola]

And what do the pictures really tell you? Do you know when they were taken? Do you know what each party was thinking?

 

I don't think Facebook is going to show much of anything. It can be reality or it can be a desired portrayal of reality. Advise to an OP is to recommend watching the MP's actions. Do they align with their words? What are you being told? What is the desired outcome?

 

I understand your point but just not sure I agree that Facebook is showing much. I know some very dysfunctional couples with "amazing" facebook pages and so fantastic couples with very bland uncouple like pages.

 

I tend to be suspicious of anyone's facebook pages that show constant attention. I question why so much energy for public consumption? But I am not a dedicated participant of FB.

 

facebook did have dates. Christmas,New Year,vacations etc. Over 150 ets of pics in the past few years.While my friend was sitting home pinning,this woman was living a life. I picture says a thousand words. I would never want to be involved with someone who fakes it so well for the public,goes on couples vacations,entertains at home. I don't know,but I know my parents marriage was kaput and since forever and I could tell you there was no lovey dovey behavior ,no holding hands and eye contact. Same with my sister. Her husbands all felt her coldness a soon as affairs began.

 

I would gather most men who's wives were having affairs and left would tell you they felt her emotionally pulling back. Now the wives who were cake eaters are probably another story.

 

Cake eaters are the kind of MW WHO's husbands are blindisided since these women are great actresses and only when they are ready to leave do they begin to behave differently.

 

Honestly, what I saw in her facebook showed two people who seemed to have a connection together and seemed happy. I would never trust anyone who can play the "We are a couple game" for others instead of being true to themselves if they really have emotionally checked out of the relationship. That is scary.

[jlola]

MW also went on a few business trips with husband. I would have thought she would have welcomed those days apart and made excuses to stay home. Company probably paid for her also, but still makes you wonder.That was another confusing piece o the puzzle. I wonder if my friend knew about that.

[Confused4Now]

facebook did have dates. Christmas,New Year,vacations etc. Over 150 ets of pics in the past few years.While my friend was sitting home pinning,this woman was living a life. I picture says a thousand words. I would never want to be involved with someone who fakes it so well for the public,goes on couples vacations,entertains at home. I don't know,but I know my parents marriage was kaput and since forever and I could tell you there was no lovey dovey behavior ,no holding hands and eye contact. Same with my sister. Her husbands all felt her coldness a soon as affairs began.

 

I would gather most men who's wives were having affairs and left would tell you they felt her emotionally pulling back. Now the wives who were cake eaters are probably another story.

 

Cake eaters are the kind of MW WHO's husbands are blindsided since these women are great actresses and only when they are ready to leave do they begin to behave differently.

Honestly, what I saw in her Facebook showed two people who seemed to have a connection together and seemed happy. I would never trust anyone who can play the "We are a couple game" for others instead of being true to themselves if they really have emotionally checked out of the relationship. That is scary.

This was one of the reason several years ago I had deactivated my account. Prior to better security settings for FB I had friends of my xMW. It would drive me nuts seeing how she would portray her marriage as something going good all the mean while she was screwing with me. Yes she was a cake eater...yes you are so right they were having no problems with living their lives. Like it was said....pictures are worth a thousand words not to mention the story they can tell.

[TurningTables]

I have to agree with others here about Crapbook..Im sorry I mean Facebook. lol....Profiles are not all what they seem. My xMM had one picture of him and his child on his profile. That's it. However, its funny you can see sort of a timeline of when I came into his life. His W posted all the time on his page. Then, about 6 months before we became friends again, it stopped.

 

I think people let everyone see what they want them to see and nothing else. Its sad really. Half the people on there are saying..Im happy! Im great! blah blah blah..and then you wonder why all the sudden they are getting divorced,forclosed upon, job loss..etc

 

And that folks...is my two cents!

[jlola]

I don't buy it. Pictures with kids are one thing. But pictures with the couple being intimate,holding hands etc are completely different. My parents did not have a good marriage and I cannot even think I ever ae them hold hands,or be intimate in public. A friend got divorced 3 years ago. even before her husband told me they were splitting up I saw the drift. They stopped laughing together at parties,stopped holding hands. No affair involved. They just had baby #2 and she knew it was time to leave.

 

I know another couple who just separated in October. The coldness was going on for years and I wondered why they stayed together.NOONE was surprised either when the news was announced. Yes,they would be at kids soccer games together. went to parties together. But no intimacy.

 

We are comparing apples to oranges. I still claim if there is a facebook account and it shows couple being intimate,sharing smiles,holding hands,then the marriage cannot be a bad as they say. OR ELSE,there is greed involved and faking it is worth it to them/

 

Why THEN would the cheating spouse want so much to fake it to the public. Says a lot about their honesty. If I had to stay in a marriage for some BS reason, it certainly would not mean I have to pretend affection too, In fact I may feel resentful that I cannot be with the one I truly love. Would certainly not be motivated to be affectionate with the person who is keeping me from my love.

 

Again, not talking about generic family pics where everyone is smiling and portraying happy family. I am talking about portraying happy couple.

[y2k]

I've seen this facebook game. Maybe some of you here have seen this before:

 

My uncle (who is young ~ 29 in the beginning of this story) fell in love with an older married woman he knew. She had one young child already from her husband. The two were just friends at first but he fell for her. According to him, little by little the two got closer and closer but neither of them made a move. She's make a few negative comments here and there about her husband, but they rarely touched the topic.

 

They were friends on facebook, but they never talked online. On her page, she had her status set to "married", and of the 8 pictures on her "profile picture" album, 3 of them where of her and her husband. Also she had 3 other albums with a few pictures of her and her husband in it.

 

The two of them started to be friendlier and friendlier (with obvious attraction on both sides) but neither started anything. Then one day my uncle looked at her facebook page, and he saw that she removed the "married" status (she didn't set it to "single", she just hid her status), AND every picture of her with her husband had been removed, NOT the whole albums, just the pictures of the two of them.

 

My uncle saw this as a sign, as he never stopped mentioning it to his sister (my mother). He was right. He had an affair with this married woman. After over a year of the two of them in an affair, she divorced her husband and today she lives with her mother and her little son while she continues to date my uncle. They'll probably get married soon. My uncle is finishing his masters degree and will probably get a stable economic situation soon.

 

The point is that facebook allowed my uncle to get a clue as to how this woman was feeling. She went out of her way to take out her relationship status (which was set to "married" before) from public view and she erased every photo of her husband without erasing anything else from her albums.

 

I bet you other people here know of stories of how women do this on facebook. Facebook will not ALWAYS tell you everything, but the story above is probably going to get more common in the years to come since facebook is so big.

 

Facebook can reveal a lot.

[Silly_Girl]

I don't buy it. Pictures with kids are one thing. But pictures with the couple being intimate,holding hands etc are completely different. My parents did not have a good marriage and I cannot even think I ever ae them hold hands,or be intimate in public. A friend got divorced 3 years ago. even before her husband told me they were splitting up I saw the drift. They stopped laughing together at parties,stopped holding hands. No affair involved. They just had baby #2 and she knew it was time to leave.

 

I know another couple who just separated in October. The coldness was going on for years and I wondered why they stayed together.NOONE was surprised either when the news was announced. Yes,they would be at kids soccer games together. went to parties together. But no intimacy.

 

We are comparing apples to oranges. I still claim if there is a facebook account and it shows couple being intimate,sharing smiles,holding hands,then the marriage cannot be a bad as they say. OR ELSE,there is greed involved and faking it is worth it to them/

 

Why THEN would the cheating spouse want so much to fake it to the public. Says a lot about their honesty. If I had to stay in a marriage for some BS reason, it certainly would not mean I have to pretend affection too, In fact I may feel resentful that I cannot be with the one I truly love. Would certainly not be motivated to be affectionate with the person who is keeping me from my love.

 

Again, not talking about generic family pics where everyone is smiling and portraying happy family. I am talking about portraying happy couple.

 

I was in an abusive relationship. He would get anxious prior to socialising and I would often suffer a lot leading up to an event, particularly that day. The photos you would then see on FB of us with our friends or family, as a couple, would indicate nothing of the heartbreak I'd just been through or what I was feeling. People can and do wear masks. I've loads of 'nice' photos of my ex and I and only I know what had just happened or what happened after. It's really sad.

 

I think you have a point, if he'd told his OW we led entirely separate lives and she saw the photos that would instantly show he was lying.

[East7]

MW also went on a few business trips with husband. I would have thought she would have welcomed those days apart and made excuses to stay home. Company probably paid for her also, but still makes you wonder.That was another confusing piece o the puzzle. I wonder if my friend knew about that.

 

Why would she need to go to a boring business trip if it wasn't because she wanted to be with him at night ? This is a huge proof among a zillion others that she was just a spoiled cake-eating b1tch !

 

No need for your OM friend to stalk his MW and her H facebook to know she is where she wants to be.

 

5 years waiting for her ?! This is the biggest huge proof she is not moving and she is now a professional cheater and liar.

 

When I was with xMW I was done in about 9 months and we ended the A. I can't imagine pinning 5 years for a woman who is at home with her H f*** and going in vacations with him blahh

[Elizabeth Southerns]

I bet you other people here know of stories of how women do this on facebook. Facebook will not ALWAYS tell you everything, but the story above is probably going to get more common in the years to come since facebook is so big.

 

Facebook can reveal a lot.

 

It works both ways. I know men who I know are M who list themselves on FB as being "in a R" with their OWs. And post pictures - publicly viewable - of themselves and their OWs, very loving and close and happy.

 

Perhaps they're counting on their Ws being too "un-tech savvy" to stray across them, or perhaps they're hoping she'll find them, IDK.

[Got it]

jlola - I don't think anyone is discounting your story but the idea that Facebook is a clear way of seeing inside someone's marriage. That is where I disagree.

 

I come back around that you look at the actions, not just Facebook, to see what the reality is. The reality in your friends case was his MW said one thing but her actions should that she didn't take opportunities to see him, spent time with her spouse, and never put any plans in place to follow through with her words that she was leaving. All of those actions are indicative that she was never going to leave.

 

A OP, well and everyone, need to pay less attention to the words that are being said and instead focus on the actions that are being displayed. Actions rarely lie and that is where the real story appears. Maybe your friend had accepted that for most of the time, maybe your friend was only listening to the her words. I am not sure but it is sad.

 

Facebook can be a tool but one I do take with a grain of salt.

[Elizabeth Southerns]

jlola - I don't think anyone is discounting your story but the idea that Facebook is a clear way of seeing inside someone's marriage. That is where I disagree.

 

I come back around that you look at the actions, not just Facebook, to see what the reality is. The reality in your friends case was his MW said one thing but her actions should that she didn't take opportunities to see him, spent time with her spouse, and never put any plans in place to follow through with her words that she was leaving. All of those actions are indicative that she was never going to leave.

 

A OP, well and everyone, need to pay less attention to the words that are being said and instead focus on the actions that are being displayed. Actions rarely lie and that is where the real story appears. Maybe your friend had accepted that for most of the time, maybe your friend was only listening to the her words. I am not sure but it is sad.

 

Facebook can be a tool but one I do take with a grain of salt.

 

This is true. On FB I post pictures of my holidays, of family get-togethers, of friends, of adventures. I don't post pictures of myself working, or hoovering, or sleeping - which I spend far more time doing than I do travelling or partying. It's at best a partial picture.

[jlola]

Why would she need to go to a boring business trip if it wasn't because she wanted to be with him at night ? This is a huge proof among a zillion others that she was just a spoiled cake-eating b1tch !

 

No need for your OM friend to stalk his MW and her H facebook to know she is where she wants to be.

 

5 years waiting for her ?! This is the biggest huge proof she is not moving and she is now a professional cheater and liar.

 

When I was with xMW I was done in about 9 months and we ended the A. I can't imagine pinning 5 years for a woman who is at home with her H f*** and going in vacations with him blahh

 

Luv ya East7:) As for her bevahaior, very passive aggresive.

 

 

I still think facebook can give answers. I still believe a MP who's facebook shows romantic affection to spouse is a red flag if they are in an affair and telling their affair partner their marriage is dead. So many married people do not fake affection while out in public. Why them? Holding hands on the beach,

holding hands as they sit close to each other in a group of folk. Ironically the ONLY couple holding hands. I would consider that cheating as it is emotional.

 

I think MW loved the attention of two attractive men. One to financially provide. The other to moon and long over her. Her ego was fed BIG TIME. Surprisingly to look at her she seems the sweetest most innocent of women. Very attractive, very put together. The last person I would think would be involved in this sort of mess.

[East7]

Luv ya East7:) As for her bevahaior, very passive aggresive.

 

I still think facebook can give answers. I still believe a MP who's facebook shows romantic affection to spouse is a red flag if they are in an affair and telling their affair partner their marriage is dead. So many married people do not fake affection while out in public. Why them? Holding hands on the beach, holding hands as they sit close to each other in a group of folk. Ironically the ONLY couple holding hands. I would consider that cheating as it is emotional.

 

Luv you too And have always read your posts.

 

The biggest red flag is that his MW is still married. But this apart, she is kidding the OM and walking all over him.

 

IME, xMW removed all pictures of her H, during the A. She may have modified some privacy settings so maybe I didn't have access. I couldn't tell. But on FB, she almost looked like a single mom rather than a MW.

 

I think a MW who has strong feelings for OM would not post things with her H. This is where I agree with you.

 

I think MW loved the attention of two attractive men. One to financially provide. The other to moon and long over her. Her ego was fed BIG TIME. Surprisingly to look at her she seems the sweetest most innocent of women. Very attractive, very put together. The last person I would think would be involved in this sort of mess.

Your friend's MW is really a bloodsucker with an angel face! She knows what she's doing..Hell 5 years ! I can't even imagine. She doesn't love her H or her OM. She is a user. Edited November 2, 2011 by East7

[Yianks]

Facebook is sometimes serving as a 'manipulation' tool.

 

For example, in my case my xMW would post photos (mainly old ones) with her H everytime we had a serious fight.

 

In some cases she went as far as writing love words on his wall the very next day we had an argument and in another instance she put his photo as her profile picture.

 

.....talking about manipulation in its entirety!

[FeelingVindictive]

Would like anyone's input on this situation:

 

If you knew your exH was having an EA with a married woman whom he met on FB, would you let her H know of the affair?

 

This is a man who always told me that he would never forgive infidelity. Now he is involved with a married woman. I guess it's ok to him that she is cheating on her family??

 

Or, because he's my ex, do I just forget what he's doing and leave it alone? I know it's really none of my business what he's doing now that we are separated. But I feel bad for her husband and children.

 

I know this information because a mutual friend of ours told me what he was up to as this shocked them of the man he has become and questioned what he really was up to when we were married. They send texts through FB, they Skype, etc. I also know he had gone to meet this MW in person and spent a night with her.

 

Our marriage ended badly because he was sneaking around online, chatting with other women, looking at porn, creating a profile on adult seekers, etc. He of course always denied this but I had the proof in black and white. He's such a liar!

 

Do I leave this alone and let karma do it's work? The temptation is there though. I guess they deserve one another!

Edited November 8, 2011 by FeelingVindictive

[Got it]

Would like anyone's input on this situation:

 

If you knew your exH was having an EA with a married woman whom he met on FB, would you let her H know of the affair?

 

This is a man who always told me that he would never forgive infidelity. Now he is involved with a married woman. I guess it's ok to him that she is cheating on her family??

 

Or, because he's my ex, do I just forget what he's doing and leave it alone? I know it's really none of my business what he's doing now that we are separated. But I feel bad for her husband and children.

 

I know this information because a mutual friend of ours told me what he was up to as this shocked them of the man he has become and questioned what he really was up to when we were married. They send texts through FB, they Skype, etc. I also know he had gone to meet this MW in person and spent a night with her.

 

Our marriage ended badly because he was sneaking around online, chatting with other women, looking at porn, creating a profile on adult seekers, etc. He of course always denied this but I had the proof in black and white. He's such a liar!

 

Do I leave this alone and let karma do it's work? The temptation is there though. I guess they deserve one another!

 

First off I would worry that your handle is really the reason why you want to tell.

 

Eh, some will say to tell, I don't know. Do you have proof of this? Do you want to get in the middle? What value will it bring to your life. If you think the good will outweigh the bad then do what you need to do. I don't know, I am pretty on the fence with EA. If you don't have proof I really wouldn't get into it, it may really backlash on you. You know him. Do you think this will be good for your kids? What do you think the best case scenario looks like and what do you think the worst case scenario looks like? What are the consequences to you?

 

So weigh everything out and then make your decision.

[spice4life]

Would like anyone's input on this situation:

 

If you knew your exH was having an EA with a married woman whom he met on FB, would you let her H know of the affair?

 

This is a man who always told me that he would never forgive infidelity. Now he is involved with a married woman. I guess it's ok to him that she is cheating on her family??

 

Or, because he's my ex, do I just forget what he's doing and leave it alone? I know it's really none of my business what he's doing now that we are separated. But I feel bad for her husband and children.

 

I know this information because a mutual friend of ours told me what he was up to as this shocked them of the man he has become and questioned what he really was up to when we were married. They send texts through FB, they Skype, etc. I also know he had gone to meet this MW in person and spent a night with her.

 

Our marriage ended badly because he was sneaking around online, chatting with other women, looking at porn, creating a profile on adult seekers, etc. He of course always denied this but I had the proof in black and white. He's such a liar!

 

Do I leave this alone and let karma do it's work? The temptation is there though. I guess they deserve one another!

 

If your divorce is already nasty, why add more nastiness on top of it all? You have enough to deal with already right? Getting involved is going to esculate the nastiness to another level. Wait until you are through the divorce and see how you feel then. Odds are you will be happy it's finally over and will want to simply move on. I went through a nasty divorce and worrying about what my exH was doing was the last thing on my mind. He was someone else's problem then and not mine.

[findingnemo]

Why would she need to go to a boring business trip if it wasn't because she wanted to be with him at night ? This is a huge proof among a zillion others that she was just a spoiled cake-eating b1tch !

 

No need for your OM friend to stalk his MW and her H facebook to know she is where she wants to be.

 

5 years waiting for her ?! This is the biggest huge proof she is not moving and she is now a professional cheater and liar.

 

When I was with xMW I was done in about 9 months and we ended the A. I can't imagine pinning 5 years for a woman who is at home with her H f*** and going in vacations with him blahh

 

She went on the business trips because the destinations were interesting. She wanted to spend the days touring and shopping, not sleeping with her H. She could simply do that at home.

 

When I was M (separated), there were things I would do with my H simply because I enjoyed them. Going to parties and taking family holidays. Needless to say, our R was not great but during these fun times, we definitely were intimate. Did it change the fact that I was unhappy from the abuse or that he had OWs? No it didn't. For me when a camera is pointed at me, I smile. When I'm in public, I enjoy myself and forget about my stress. As for FB, I posted pics of happy times and those pics are still up. The only thing I changed once I left was my status. "It's complicated" was perfect for me. I use FB to contact friends and was addicted to it when I first started. Now I hardly log in and I doubt that I'll ever have the time to erase any evidence of my M.

 

FB can help you understand your partner better. My H still posts as if we are still M and have a happy family. He even attempted from time to time to write on my wall. I put a stop to that by telling him to stop being stupid on his wall. He hasn't done it again. I think that FB only helps you see a glimpse of someone else's life at the moment things were posted. Nothing more really. For everyday people, it is enough. For real sleuthing, it is probably the last thing one can rely on to find the truth.

[findingnemo]

Jlola, I just wanted to add that I too think MW is a cake eater. She's comfortable in her M but may want some variety. Given the differences you have described, the lifestyle, the personality, I don't really see how she would leave all that to be with OM.

Edited November 9, 2011 by findingnemo

[East7]

She went on the business trips because the destinations were interesting. She wanted to spend the days touring and shopping, not sleeping with her H. She could simply do that at home.

 

 

Come on FN...

 

If she really loved her OM, she wouldn't give a sh*t about shopping and destinations; she would have run to him to spend the next 24h and wake up with him in the morning.

 

This proves that OM is just a toy for when she is bored. She doesn't want him when she has other distractions.

Edited November 9, 2011 by East7