majomparade Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 Here's the story: I went on a date-type-thing the other night with a girl I met at a party the previous weekend. There were no formalities (wining, dining, etc.) normally included on a date, but we did spend the night mostly hanging out with jsut each other and, eventually, having sex. It became apparent that we both have pretty much the same personality type - that is, shy and uncomfortable about when/if how to proceed with this kinds of things. (Embarrassing story: after talking for hours, she literally had to write me a note telling me to make a move.) This presents a bit of a problem for me, because I'm not sure - and I'm not sure she's sure - whether or not this was a fly-by thing or could progress further. I'm also not sure how sex on the first date plays into the equation. Do I want to avoid showing too much interest for fear that she'll just think I want more of what I got the first time? Or is it even more crucial that I show interest so she thinks I wasn't just looking for a one-night stand? So of course, the next step is to make a follow-up call - an obligitory move, even if it's not going on farther. I waited about a day and a half and called her around mid-evening. She didn't pick up, so I left a quick message saying I wanted to see hoe it was going and that I'd talk to her later. She called me later that night while I was in the shower and also left a message. She sounded kind of nervous, and mentioned she was returning my call, and that she was going out that night so might not be available later on. She ended by saying she hoped to talk to me "at some point." Obviously, I took the hint and didn't call her back that night. But now I'm uncertain as to what to do from here on out. Is she telling me that I can call if I wish, but she's not all that interested? (I would be ok with this, by the way.) Or is this just her shyness coming out, and she really would like me to call? (I would be very ok with this, as I would like to see her again.) So bottom line: to call or let it slide? Perhaps some of you can offer a little insight. My clock is ticking.
Leegh Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 The phrase "at some point" does not sound like a brush-off to me. The fact that you said she sounded nervous could be a good sign, because when someone likes a person they are usually more nervous calling them. I would definitely call her again.
ShatteredReality Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 A nervous and shy girl who wasn't interested likely wouldn't have called you back. You should call her. At least then you can stop the wondering game.
Imageiko Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 She slept with you and told you she wants to see you again. There's your two big signs right there. If you want to see her stop playing games and call her and set something up.
dasein Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 You have this woman on a pedestal and are making unwarranted assumptions about her which are clouding your judgment. She had sex with you on the first date. She likely does LOTS of that. Odds are she is having sex with other men, maybe several, maybe right this instant. She is no more special than you are, and is a stranger for the most part, you don't know her. If you enjoy her company ask her out again, and don't worry about her attributing any kind of motive or getting offended. She is not some delicate flower, but a person who, as far as you know so far, enjoys socializing and having sex... with you. Keep things binary, yes or no, little contact, call and ask out for specific plans, if she says no twice without an express plan as an alternative to yours, move on. Cultivate more options. Rest assured she has options and is not foreclosing any of them on your behalf. All that said, don't assume every date you have will lead to sex. In fact, if you want to wrap her up good, set your second date for daytime and make it short, 2.5 hours tops, "Thanks for a great time. Later" Do this and you will be able to sex her at will going forward. She will booty call soon after that date. She has already demonstrated that she likes sex when it is her idea, go with that and this will turn out well for you. Pressure or get heavy, not so much.
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