Bobby289 Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 Not as easy the second time around, think last night made it worse. I have NC so I don't talk to her friends, family, or look at any social networks...nothing. She probably went out to a bar, may have stayed home, or may have someone new idk I shouldn't think about it anyways. This is when she last checked on me and struck up a casual conversation so in some ways I hope to hear from her soon but at the same time I don't because I only know it's going to make it harder. It seems to be when I have a bad day it's BAD and when it's "good" it's just not a bad day. I know she really needs time to work out things on her own but god I miss seeing her.
Rorschach64 Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 It will get a bit easier with months to come, I won't paint you a pretty picture and say days, it will have to be months. Thinking about what she is doing will most likely rip you to shreds as I know I would have dreams about my ex and her new bf which she denies she dumped me for. Think how she is out living it up and not skipping a heart beat about what she did, but you know what that is fine. That is their choice man and let them live with it, we are better and caring people that are capable of accomplishing much higher feats than they ever will in their little dream world. Smile, it is a new future for you and me which we will kick some doors in and kick some ass
AlisaMarie Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 Bobby, I know how you feel. My ex always did a checkin that led us back together. It's been so hard because I know this is the last... with or without a checkin... I have to move on. My heart is in pieces but you just have to know it's best to let go. Second chances rarely work out.
Author Bobby289 Posted November 1, 2011 Author Posted November 1, 2011 Yeah I try and avoid thinking the worst in this situation, I don't know she has done anything to hurt me so I can't have that attitude. Would be nice to know how she is though, I do still care for the girl.
Author Bobby289 Posted November 1, 2011 Author Posted November 1, 2011 Bobby, I know how you feel. My ex always did a checkin that led us back together. It's been so hard because I know this is the last... with or without a checkin... I have to move on. My heart is in pieces but you just have to know it's best to let go. Second chances rarely work out. I have accepted the break up and let go as much as I can. We were both at fault for the break up so I guess it makes my situation a little harder to just say no to her completely. I want her to get better/work on herself and then contact me but I don't know how she is using this time. That is the hard part.
ChelseaLS Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 Please click one of the Quick Reply icons in the posts above to activate Quick Reply.
ChelseaLS Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 Bobby, I feel for you and I understand. I am always wondering if my ex is thinking about me. I don't usually think about what he is doing (somehow I taught myself not to care, or think about it all that much). I'm like you, my good days, just aren't bad days... my bad days are HORRIBLE. I hate how my ex puts on a happy confident face and walks around like nothing is wrong. I want to see him struggling too. But hell, I do the same, smile and pretend I am oh so strong, even though I am dying inside. I go home and I sob to my mom on the phone and I feel pathetic. I hate my new appartment, it doesn't feel like home. I hate sleeping in my bed, infact I haven't in weeks, it's not warm. I hate that I love him so much and I am SO angry at the universe or God, or whomever that I am feeling this pain. I hate these feelings and I hate these phases I am going through. I hate not knowing what is going to happen after our "6 month break". I know I shouldn't think about it, but I can't seem to shake the thought. Sometimes I hate ever having met him, because then I wouldn't feel like this. But the world won't stop for me, I can't go back in time, they don't offer lobotomys anymore (jk ), nope I have to keep moving forward. There are days when I have to literally tell myself to get up, and get going. I may have to repeat it 15 times before my limbs move and that sucks. I have picked up many books on relationships, how to have them, hold them, leave them, move forward... you name it I have it. And you know what? they make me feel a bit better. They let me know that this is not my fault. That my ex has his own issues and demons he needs to deal with. I need to learn to let go and work towards a new future. That may or may not include him... but backwards is not an option. So I hear ya Bobby, loud and clear. I know we all feel alone, like we are the only ones going through this. I know we are all looking for answer to WHY... which we may never know. I also know we will all be okay. Chin up. We'll all make it.
Author Bobby289 Posted November 1, 2011 Author Posted November 1, 2011 Thanks ChelseaLS, It is nice to hear people know how I feel right now...especially on such low days. "I am SO angry at the universe or God, or whomever that I am feeling this pain." Perfect right now. I am not a religious person but I grew up with good values instilled in me, I can't be angry with my ex so I don't know who to be angry with except for myself sometimes. Things will get better, just can't wait for an actual good day.
Rorschach64 Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 Let's see...about 4 month NC I thought I was over the hurdle and moved on...then I was sitting around doing Army stuff and I had a bad day. Went to bed that night and woke up middle of the night, 2 am or so, thinking I'd give up anything or anyone for my sweet ex fiancee back and then commenced 3 weeks of suck fest of thinking of my ex. During the weeks of suck, I had a dream that I started texting my ex and I was screaming at myself within the dream "Noooo don't do it, noooo all that hard work doing NC nooo you'll ruin it all!" Heh. I am feeling better now since the 5 month has just come about. It is an emotional roller coaster, you just gotta be strong It is hard.
Author Bobby289 Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 Let's see...about 4 month NC I thought I was over the hurdle and moved on...then I was sitting around doing Army stuff and I had a bad day. Went to bed that night and woke up middle of the night, 2 am or so, thinking I'd give up anything or anyone for my sweet ex fiancee back and then commenced 3 weeks of suck fest of thinking of my ex. During the weeks of suck, I had a dream that I started texting my ex and I was screaming at myself within the dream "Noooo don't do it, noooo all that hard work doing NC nooo you'll ruin it all!" Heh. I am feeling better now since the 5 month has just come about. It is an emotional roller coaster, you just gotta be strong It is hard. That's crappy, I know how you feel about the night terrors and dreams though. They started to come back again for me and I hate waking up and then having reality set in...almost another day down I guess
Rorschach64 Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 Yeah they are the worst, the inital ones were about me chasing my ex fiancee and finally getting her flagged down and we worked things out but as I went to hug her or kiss her then the dream ended. I am beginning to think I won't be okay for probably a year out from this, haha. Oh well, gotta keep on soldiering on.
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