Everything is great with this new guy, even told him how i'm attacked on this forum..

[Emilia]

Yes. That's the one that he (might have) said that I was referencing.

 

Why do I think it's sad to think that a woman would actually have "Become a cougar" as a potential life goal?

 

Are you kidding me? I am 39 and haven't dated one guy over 30 the last 9 years. I'm going to keep going until I get away with it

[Pierre]

I find that for most women, a man's income is a distant second to the important of the way he makes her feel. Loved, desired, connected, and so forth. Giver her that and she'll feel lucky whether she's rich or not.

 

The ones who are more taken with money, and I don't deny there are a great many of them, tend to be the ones that look outside for approval. The ones who want to be the centre of attention, the ones who want everyone to be envious of their big shiny wedding and large house. For those people it's all about how good they think they have it relative to their peers, rather than on an absolute scale.

 

This is fine, everyone is entitled to their desires. But for my part I find such people to be less spiritually enlightened than those who can genuinely find happiness in the simpler things.

 

If you have success and money or a high paying job with prestige it is much easier to date. Don't fool yourself!!!!

 

Even non-gold diggers want a successful man. It is in the genes!!

[Pierre]

Are you kidding me? I am 39 and haven't dated one guy over 30 the last 9 years. I'm going to keep going until I get away with it

 

Congratulations!!!!

 

Men really like you a lot.

[elfling]

Hey people I'm new to this forum and want to contribute my two cents to this thread.

 

People here should try to be a little more open-minded and realize that everyone is unique and the awesomeness of this forum is you can learn of different perspectives and experiences than you might otherwise encounter just talking to a bunch of friends/family who are very similar to yourself.

 

It does seem people are very critical of Ms. Frustrated. Why post unless you are posting to give advice from a position of understandng and compassion? Does it show you are more spiritually enlightened to be posting just to accuse someone else of being spiritually inferior? I think not.

 

Although I would date a man of meager means, that doesn't mean I'm spiritually superior to someone who won't. Maybe Frustrated has ingrained instincts or other good reasons to pursue rich men. We can't assume she is simply a user/goldigger although such people exist.

 

Personally, I currently would feel uncomfortable with a very rich man because I am currently not doing well financially and I don't want such a huge power difference between me and the man, because money is power. I don't want to feel like he can call all the shots because he has the wealth. But after/if I make lots of money in my own business, I will gladly pursue rich men with confidence because I will not be too worried they would have too much power over me. If a rich man pursues me today, I would probably try to stall the relationship until I have more independant wealth to feel on more equal footing with him.

 

But most women don't have my need for power balance, and some feel turned on by men who exude wealth and power, and "take control" in the relationship. For many women that is a relationship issue not a matter of wanting to flaunt a huge diamond. I am the opposite because I don't want a man to take control or "take care of me" as if I'm a child. I have my real father for that, and don't want a date to play daddy to me. I don't like that feeling at all, while some women get turned on by it. Most women seek fatherlike men, while I seek brother-like men. I'd like a man to be at a similar level to me and for us to build wealth together as partners.

 

So you see, everyone is different and people are complex. We can't just be criticizing someone because she wants something different. You can't assume her reasons are spiritually inferior or unjustified. It's her life, she should go for what she wants and never settle for less.

 

I get similar flak from people in real life because I won't date overweight men. I am in excellent physical condition (I'm 40 but I can pass for age 20) and I deserve a man as fit as I am. Also, I am extremely turned off/repulsed by fat. I can't get into a sexual relationship with a fat man. He has to lose it first before he gets one date with me, because most men never change once they have gotten you. But I repeatedly have women and men trying to set me up with some overweight guy and acting as if I'm superficial because I won't date them. I'm not superficial. Fat men look like pregnant women to me and completely turn me off sexually, to the point that I am happier to be alone than with one of them. It is impossible for me to be happy with a fat man, although I am fine with being their friends.

 

No one would expect a man to pursue a relationship with a woman who he is physically repulsed by. It is an unfair double standard that women are criticized as "too superficial" for this. Likewise women are criticised automatically as "too superficial" if they seek a rich man. Well it's not right for others to pre-judge. Women have a right to seek their own happiness. Many women are very happy alone and have no reason to accept a man below their standards just to stop being single. This is another double standrad, that people are more accepting of men who enjoy being single but often pressure women to take any man who walks by rather than be single. But the truth is single life is preferable to being with a man below our own standards of sexual/mating preference. I think some people feel threatened by women like us who hold out for what we want, because we show that women are strong enough to be able to hold out and to choose our men rather than be desperate and easily taken by men out of fear of being alone. In the past women had no choice and were stuck in arranged marriages. They were treated like cattle bought and sold. That is an abomination and desecrates the human dignity of women. Women have a right to choose to be alone and to hold out for the man who suits their own standards.

 

Congrats to Frustrated, I hope it works out with your new guy.

[Woggle]

This guy doesn't know what he is getting into.

[Andy_K]

If you have success and money or a high paying job with prestige it is much easier to date. Don't fool yourself!!!!

 

Even non-gold diggers want a successful man. It is in the genes!!

 

Other things being equal, it's always going to be way easier for rich guys to date. But other things aren't often equal. The same way every guy would like to meet a Megan Fox (or whoever floats your boat) lookalike. But give them someone else they find genuinely attractive who also has everything else they're looking for, and they won't give a damn about Megan Fox any more.

 

The thing about financial success, as with female beauty, is that it's often very obvious externally and therefore becomes one of the primary filters through which your dating options are filtered.

 

If every guy had an untamperable badge on which listed his honesty, integrity, temperament, compassion, and whatever other qualities you could think of on it, we might be able to compare better and see a different story. But sadly we don't and we never will.

[Untouchable_Fire]

This guy doesn't know what he is getting into.

 

My gut feeling is that this is an imaginary guy anyway.

[2sunny]

lol!

 

It doesn't matter. But I want to point out that it's NOT too high of standards. High, yes. But unreasonable? No.

 

I just want people to know that just because someone wants something great, doesn't mean they are (and I quote) "short, fat and ugly" and means they feel "entitled to it" just because they want a man with money.

 

Seriously, I don't get it. Women want a provider, successful man with money. Men want a fertile (even if she doesn't want kids) young beautiful woman.

 

People say that it's "not biological" its something else. That's just stupid. We are animals. We want the dominant strong successful etc males. Men want the healthy beautiful female.

 

You can take the same man, but one is average and one has lots of money. Obviously the one with more money will always be picked over the other.

 

 

you make WAY TOO MANY general assumptions.

 

women want this - men want that...

 

nope. maybe YOU DO - but to say EVERYONE falls into YOUR line of thinking is very narrow minded.

 

you have focused on young, money and societies expectations through sensationalism... which isn't at all realistic.

 

choose what works for you- and speak for YOURSELF. that is a good place to start.

[Lucky_One]

Are you kidding me? I am 39 and haven't dated one guy over 30 the last 9 years. I'm going to keep going until I get away with it

 

Really? When you were in your 20's it was your goal to be a cougar after you were traded in for a younger model?

 

In my 20's, one of my goals was to build a healthy, happy relationship with mutual passion, respect and joy. It never crossed my mind to make sure that I stayed slim and sexy ONLY because it would be easier to find a new caretaker once I was traded. I stayed slim because 1) it seems to be my natural metabolism 2) I don't like replacing clothes every year and 3) I am happy and healthy at my weight; it never crossed my mind that my then H would want to trade me in because I was older or because my body changed (as it always does) because of life experiences.

[AHardDaysNight]

People disagreed with you...it wasn't an attack.

[azsinglegal]

Did you ever post a picture so we can see how hot you are?

 

I'm guessing you're average, maybe a little chubby and your man is about the same. You're trying to date up when you should be dating down. (Studies show women who marry men less attractive then themselves are much happier).

[Emilia]

Really? When you were in your 20's it was your goal to be a cougar after you were traded in for a younger model?

 

In my 20's, one of my goals was to build a healthy, happy relationship with mutual passion, respect and joy. It never crossed my mind to make sure that I stayed slim and sexy ONLY because it would be easier to find a new caretaker once I was traded. I stayed slim because 1) it seems to be my natural metabolism 2) I don't like replacing clothes every year and 3) I am happy and healthy at my weight; it never crossed my mind that my then H would want to trade me in because I was older or because my body changed (as it always does) because of life experiences.

 

Huh? The post I replied to said nothing about being traded in

[USMCHokie]

I haven't read through OP's first thread, but I gather that she is using high "standards" for men to mask her low standards for herself.

[Lucky_One]

Huh? The post I replied to said nothing about being traded in

 

The OP said, "Of course! That's perfectly natural [that a man has the right to trade in a woman for a younger model]. That's why a woman must keep in shape, eat well, and maintain herself properly. Of course she will still age, but that doesn't mean she has to "let go".

 

If he leaves for a younger woman, then the woman can leave for another man (given she is taking care of herself properly). I see tons of "cougars" who are much more beautiful than young women who are already fat and don't take care of themselves." [i added the brackets to show what she was responding to.]

 

I wasn't commenting cougars themselves, but on the OP preparing to segue into the Wild World Of Cougars (presented by Mutual of Omaha) as a direct result of being replaces. I see cougarism as a place that women find themselves in - not a goal for maintaining a lifestyle without working.

[AHardDaysNight]

So what?

 

So what if she wants to be a cougar? I see no problem with that.

 

What I do see a problem with, though, is her sense of entitlement. If men aren't supposed to expect hot blondes with big boobies hanging out, the OP shouldn't expect that every man is going to fall for her...even if she's a hot blond with her boobies hanging out!

[grkBoy]

Did you ever post a picture so we can see how hot you are?

 

I'm guessing you're average, maybe a little chubby and your man is about the same. You're trying to date up when you should be dating down. (Studies show women who marry men less attractive then themselves are much happier).

 

Hate to burst the bubble, but I've seen her photo.

 

I'll honestly say she's a 9 or a 10.

 

 

 

I still think this topic was unnecessary though.

[Nexus One]

Hate to burst the bubble, but I've seen her photo.

 

I'll honestly say she's a 9 or a 10.

 

I don't give a f*ck. I don't necessarily stand head to head against FS in these type of threads from her, but there was another thread where she tried justifying breaking two lovers in a healthy relationship apart in order to "steal" away one of them. She didn't say she does it herself, but she defended a guy who did.

 

When it comes to behavior like that, it's just a major turn off. Just like a great personality can make a woman look physically more attractive, an ugly personality can make a woman look physically less attractive.

 

So in my opinion, I don't give a f*ck what she looks like. The shallow bitchiness oozes out of her. And like I said, I don't even think her standpoint in these threads is necessarily bad, it's the other ones I'm worried about. Those reveal a lot about her ethical framework and personality.

Edited November 1, 2011 by Nexus One

[USMCHokie]

Those reveal a lot about her ethical framework and personality.

 

One doesn't necessarily need these things to succeed if they are exceptionally attractive.

[Nexus One]

One doesn't necessarily need these things to succeed if they are exceptionally attractive.

 

True, some guys don't require that. But I think I might be one of the guys that does.

[USMCHokie]

True, some guys don't require that. But I think I might be one of the guys that does.

 

Yea, it is certainly a gender neutral phenomenon.

[Emilia]

Congratulations!!!!

 

Men really like you a lot.

 

Didn't see this earlier, thanks!

[Mme. Chaucer]

One doesn't necessarily need these things to succeed if they are exceptionally attractive.

 

That's probably a perspective adhered to only by young people.

 

Initial "success" with men is certainly easier for beautiful women. But there is still a lot required to maintain any kind of relationship, no matter what you look like.

[USMCHokie]

That's probably a perspective adhered to only by young people.

 

Initial "success" with men is certainly easier for beautiful women. But there is still a lot required to maintain any kind of relationship, no matter what you look like.

 

I'll buy that. But at younger ages, being attractive is often enough for a girl to keep a guy in a relationship with them...and the same goes for attractive guys...perhaps when life gets "real" and where internal traits and qualities play a much bigger role in success (i.e., career, starting a family), people start to appreciate the nonphysical more...and it's often at this age that the scales tip more in favor of men...

[OneFootOut]

What a pile of nonsensical bullcrap.

 

The only women who would want to be with poorer men are women who dont get to choose in the first place.

 

 

Not all women place such a high value on material things. That doesn't make those women losers or desperate. I would much prefer a man of substance and quality who treated me well and made me feel loved and included and valued as opposed to one who is so wealthy he thinks he can keep me satisfied with possessions and money.

 

I wonder how this guy would feel if he read how the op seems to be "settling" by making comments about how he isn't much to look at, but he's rich?

 

Give me a poor guy with a true heart and values, over a rich player who buys people, any day.

[ChessPieceFace]

I completely agree with your Darwinist view.

 

However, I just wonder if that also means that you accept its the right of a man to trade you in once you can no longer offer youth and beauty?

 

 

And don't forget monogamy. Why have that either? The man should be breeding as many females as possible.

 

Stupid morals, let's just throw them all out and live and justify our actions and attitudes by our biology, life would be so much better. [/sarcasm]