Woggle Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 I must agree with the above. It's true... in every corner of daytime tv land. I think it's true on the Lifetime network as well.
cdm369 Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 No one deserves to get cheated on. Divorces happen for numerous reasons and its not sexually based. The ones that end in cheating are usually do to a lack of respect in the relationship....ie....inappropriate relationships with OS. People male and female put themselves in a position to fail to often.
carhill Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 OP, do you feel the environment you've been living in, as outlined in this thread, is contributory? If not rectified in the interim, that sounds really frustrating and could be affecting the 'tone' of your interactions with potential partners. Reading, it sounds like achieving any modicum of independence is a battle. IMO, that wears on one. You also outline behaviors from your father which border upon abusive and certainly appear to be inappropriate towards a 24yo adult daughter. How has your experience been with older men, like late 20's/early 30's?
wheream_i Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 You've only said that you're attractive and you don't cheat. Maybe guys want something else you don't have.
carhill Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 All these guys can't be horrible men. There are two sides to a story but women are not always innocent victims. These are men who spoke lovingly about their wives and who I knew were not cheating yet their wives coworker smiles at them and all of a sudden they fall out of love. Either that or she feels like she has not achieved enough in her life and it is all his fault. I saw this growing up with my own parents. He pays for her school and is her biggest cheerleader plus does his share but my mother still decided my father was holding her back. Wogs, what do you think about this guy? Will he survive this to find someone better or will he be permanently scarred? I didn't post to the thread because, frankly, I don't know what to offer other than my sympathies. It's possible though, with a few of this type scenario under one's belt, even lesser versions, that a man will feel it's 'normal' to look for someone better, even when in a relationship. After awhile, one gets worn down.
musemaj11 Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 Women want quality. Men want quantity. Let's end all these debates once and for all.
joystickd Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 Sugarkane: I am going to tell you the same thing I would tell a man who is scratching his head as to why none of the women he is interested in want to be with him: If men keep dumping you by text, I'd say the common denominator is you, and you should take a long, hard look at yourself. Unlike many other posters in this thread, I think it's a little facile to just say you keep picking the wrong men. It's one of the possibilities, but no more so than a great "nice guy" keeps getting burned because he isn't dating the "right women". If they are men you find desirable, then there is something about you they don't like. Perhaps you come on too strong -- their line about wanting to be single suggests this. Most people are really scared by clinginess. Hell, even clingy people are scared by it. Next time you meet someone, take it slowly. Also, when you describe yourself, you talk mainly about your looks. You generally need more for a relationship to work. These men you pick -- what do you have in common? I agree with Metis 100%. I know from my experience I was a guy that why women and nothing really changed until I honestly took a long hard look at myself. It ended my bitterness towards women because I realized I had some accountability in what happened. In a sense it sounds like you need to step away from dating and relationships for a while because you sound a little burned out from the experience. I talked to a therapist and they said I was burned out. When I stepped away from dating for a while it was the best thing for me because I spent time focusing on me and not worrying about trying to meet someone. I think thats the problem with a lot of men/women is that they are burned out and they bring that mentality into a situation and it shows.
Author Sugarkane Posted November 3, 2011 Author Posted November 3, 2011 Woggle it's not only men that get screwed over. Hence why I found this site.
Author Sugarkane Posted November 3, 2011 Author Posted November 3, 2011 I would say I'm far from high maintenance. I don't ask for much at all. I have my own car, money and job. And I'm not just a pretty face either. I'd be really insulted if people thought that.
Author Sugarkane Posted November 3, 2011 Author Posted November 3, 2011 I rate intellect highly. I doubt I could be with someone who doesn't read books.
Author Sugarkane Posted November 3, 2011 Author Posted November 3, 2011 OP, do you feel the environment you've been living in, as outlined in this thread, is contributory? If not rectified in the interim, that sounds really frustrating and could be affecting the 'tone' of your interactions with potential partners. Reading, it sounds like achieving any modicum of independence is a battle. IMO, that wears on one. You also outline behaviors from your father which border upon abusive and certainly appear to be inappropriate towards a 24yo adult daughter. How has your experience been with older men, like late 20's/early 30's? My experience with dating older men late 20s, early 30s has been mostly fine. I prefer dating older guys. I haven't had that good a experience dating younger guys. I guess my family does have an influence. I am desperate to leave. I don't understand why they never want me to leave. I envy my cousins who settle down young alot. I try and talk to my parents but no matter what they always turn things on me eg. I'm being selfish. My dad's father was emotionally and physically abusive. He always uses this an excuse. His family aren't close. Yet NO ONE else on his side are like him. So why is he? I have so much resentment against him. He is verbally abusive, autocratic and completely over controlling. He always acts different in front of other people. I don't know why not one person in my extended family has ever had a word with him. There is always one rule for him and one rule for everyone else. I'm not allowed to verbally abuse him, but he's allowed to do it to everyone else. My mum takes his side no matter what.
Author Sugarkane Posted November 3, 2011 Author Posted November 3, 2011 I have also been thinking about why did my cousins settle down young. I want to ask them why don't they continue to play the field? What makes this person so special? Why don't you ever get GIGS?
betterdeal Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 Why not move out into a shared house? Get that grumpy pa off your back, and have company, and is more affordable than getting your own place.
counterman Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 A lot of my girlfriends have boyfriends who they intend to marry. They're all in their early 20s. None of these guys are particularly special. In fact, a lot of them are douchebags. However, these girls have had little to no dating experience, so rather than risk ending up alone, they settle down. I would have settled with my first girlfriend and she said she saw me as husband material... but we were so young and irreconcilable differences meant it was bad for us to date each other. That changed my perspective and I'm not settling for anything less than I feel I deserve. Issue with that is that if I am too picky, I will end up alone but even if that's the case, I would never ever "settle" for anyone. I like the idea of a shared house
betterdeal Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 Seneca recommended shared living. If you don't know him, he's a Roman philosopher with a similarly chilled outlook to other those philosophers Socrates and Buddha. I like it. Not too close, not too lonely.
jobaba Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 I'm attractive and 24 years old. I don't cheat and I'm a good girlfriend. I look like Sophie Ellis Bextor: I'm very pale with dark hair. But I keep getting dumped by text, coz guys "want to be single". I'm 24 and feel like giving up, seriously. Don't guys appreciate a good woman anymore? Why do guys always think tehre's someone better, even when they have a fantastic girlfriend? Go read all the threads with all the guys your age posting about how they can't get a SINGLE woman despite trying everything, and then you'll feel better about your situation.
Author Sugarkane Posted November 13, 2011 Author Posted November 13, 2011 Go read all the threads with all the guys your age posting about how they can't get a SINGLE woman despite trying everything, and then you'll feel better about your situation. I just wish I knew where all these single guys are hiding! As our old tourism ad said "Where the bloody hell are you?" lol. I'm still paranoid about being cheated on/ screwed over in future relationships.
Author Sugarkane Posted November 13, 2011 Author Posted November 13, 2011 Someone also pointed out to me recently that I tend to go for unavailable types. I tend to have a crush on someone unavailable, coz it's safe. I know why as it doesn't mean dating someone and getting dumped by text, after dating them a year. I know I have to change it, but the problem is how? I am getting pretty disillusioned. The dating scene isn't easy.
betterdeal Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Get on a different scene. Seriously. The dating scene is such a deliberate effort. If you get involved with something you enjoy that's pretty active, and you meet someone there, that's going to be much more natural.
nothappyjan Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 No guys don't appreciate good women. I am 25 and in the same boat, except I have dated a whole range of guys and none of them were players at ALL there was always a reason why they wanted to suddenly be single. Also they all dumped me out of the blue and via text/fb/or just did the disappearing act altogether. I felt like I was the best gf to all of them, and all of them agreed that I deserved someone better, someone who really loved me *scoff, scoff* only problem is I cant find that guy who wants to stick around and do the really love me role. So frustrating when everyone else is with the same guy for years and settling down.
ThsAmericanLife Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 There are studies that show that the most stable relationships are the ones where the woman is at least slightly more attractive than the man she is with. If a woman is more attractive than what a man is used to getting, he is more likely to treat her better and appreciate her. character and integrity have zero to do with looks... The OP hasn't learned how to screen for character and integrity.... that's all. She'll get better at it.
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