Sprig Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 (edited) I was hoping I could get some advice, I was dating this girl for 6 months, we met at an outdoors group meeting and sort of hit it off right away. Anyway, In Sept things turned sour and she got moody when we were together. Never knew why (still don't) then all of a sudden I get a facebook message one morning saying that she can't be in a relationship right now, she's sorry, and we can talk later. Very quick message and gave no real reason for the break up, since she was rushing out the door to hang out with friends. She also said that she want so much to be friends and would be devastated if she lost my friendship. Last month is by far my most busiest month for work (worked 20 days in a row and for a week it was 14 hour days) She broke up with me during the stint of the 14 hour days. At that point I couldn't think straight enough to do anything about it, and I assume that she would at some point give me a call, offer a chance to met, or at the very least send me a more well thought out message. but no, nothing for 5 days. Finally I had sometime to recover from working and sent her a message, asking if we are going to talk about this or whatever. She sends a message back saying that she is free Saturday (I was working, she knew that) then it's October and in November she is going over seas for a year. I said my crazy work schedule is over at the end of September and have some time off in October and we could talk then. But the ball is in her court.and that was where it was left. I never contacted her again and it's been a month and a half. I had an car accident in late Sept and posted it to Facebook, she comment that she was glad I wasn't hurt. No further contact from her or me to her. We're still facebook friends, but I stopped all her newsfeeds and only looked at her fb page twice in since the breakup. She still has all our pictures from our relationship on her Facebook page. Even the ones of us cuddling and such. I went to one of these outdoor gatherings a few nights ago and she happened to show up later on in the evening with her best friend. I never said anything to her and she never said anything to me. I talked to everyone including her best friend and just tried to be cool with everything. After coming home, I'm now conflicted. I can't get how the relationship ended off my mind. I would like more than anything for us to sit down and have a talk about what happened before she moves away. Just to give me some closure, and at the very least part as "friends". The one way I thought about doing this was to test the waters by first contacting her friend, who is my friend too. and just ask how the ex is feeling about me. Does she hate me? (Not that I did anything to deserve the hate), does she even want to talk to me? Is she happy just leaving the relationship as it is? Maybe she is feeling the same way I am that she would like some closure or at least for us to be friends. Or maybe she doesn't want anything more to do with me? Should I contact her friend to ask her advice or even contact my ex directly? Or should I just let her move away with out saying anything? Couple other notes, she had a birthday two weeks ago. I never contacted her to wish her a happy birthday. In two weeks we have another outdoor gathering and it looks like she is going as I am. Edited November 1, 2011 by Sprig
Rorschach64 Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 Didn't really read the story since I am tired as crap but I saw you talking to her friend and fb friends. Speaking from experience of trying the friend route of dealing with the ex, I was lied to or was told the truth but my ex out right said her friends were lying. So I wouldn't do it. FB friends, unfriend her immediately. How does it benefit you being her friend on FB? It doesn't seem like she cares to speak to you or have you in her life so why should be bothered in talking to her while you are doing so well? Don't do it is my suggestion.
Author Sprig Posted November 1, 2011 Author Posted November 1, 2011 Anyone else care to weigh in? Would like some other opinions. It confuses me that she still has all of our relationship pictures on FB. As soon as she broke up with me, I deleted all of the pictures I had of her on FB.
ChelseaLS Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 Anyone else care to weigh in? Would like some other opinions. It confuses me that she still has all of our relationship pictures on FB. As soon as she broke up with me, I deleted all of the pictures I had of her on FB. I wouldn't think to much about the FB photos. A friend of mine still has all the ones up of her and her ex-fiance and there is NO chance of them getting back together. She is seeing someone else now. Sorry for your hurt.
RIO5 Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 You said that she wanted the two of you to still be friends and that she would be devastated if she lost your friendship. You have to read in between the lines, my friend. How are the two you at a social setting and not say a single word to each other? If your friendship with her was SO important...she would have spoken to you! Situations such as your own are very simple to dissect once you learn to separate perception from reality. She gave you this perception that your friendship to her was important to her when in reality...its not. People who care about each other do not go to a social setting and NOT talk to each other. If you want to talk to her, then reach out to her. But understand that what you are looking for and what you are trying to achieve may not be a two way street. Another words, she may not care as much as you do.
M2155 Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 Should I contact her friend to ask her advice or even contact my ex directly? Or should I just let her move away with out saying anything? I would do the latter- nothing. As someone who contacted the ex for that last "closure" or whatever after being "dumped" by less of a message that you got, it didn't help (after the fact I learned there was someone else but I never heard that from him). She knows very well how to contact you and you've given her opportunities to talk which she has refused. Chances are she WILL contact you down the road when it get's to her that she didn't give you an reason. Neither of you are being friends right now. I say let it go and do you. Be cordial at the gathering but pay attention to your friends. Don't make it so easy for her to give you some lame excuse. I don't put a lot of stock in Facebook activities anymore.
Author Sprig Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 Thanks everyone, still unsure as to what to do. What everyone is saying is perfectly logical and it makes sense. but, in all of this and all previous relationships I can't understand how you can go from saying "I love you" and you mean the world to me and thinking about living together and marriage to not being able to even talk to the person in just a few short weeks. Oh well, that's the game I guess people play with each other.
b_80_h Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 After coming home, I'm now conflicted. I can't get how the relationship ended off my mind. I would like more than anything for us to sit down and have a talk about what happened before she moves away. Just to give me some closure, and at the very least part as "friends". The one way I thought about doing this was to test the waters by first contacting her friend, who is my friend too. and just ask how the ex is feeling about me. Does she hate me? (Not that I did anything to deserve the hate), does she even want to talk to me? Is she happy just leaving the relationship as it is? Maybe she is feeling the same way I am that she would like some closure or at least for us to be friends. Or maybe she doesn't want anything more to do with me? Should I contact her friend to ask her advice or even contact my ex directly? Or should I just let her move away with out saying anything? I read this, and it kinda breaks my heart man. I'm currently going through something nearly identical. My girlfriend of 9 months broke up with me a couple months ago, and it's been real rough. Directly after the break-up, she told me she didn't want to lose me completely, and she would be there for me if I needed her (my parents were on the verge of splitting, and my life was kind of in the crapper). Over time, I tried to keep in touch with her every once in while through texts, but she gradually started to get colder towards me each time. I stayed in contact with one of our mutual friends (her close friend, who I'd gotten to know a little bit), and she helped me deal with the pain, even after my ex finally put her boot to my throat and told me to stop talking to her. Her friend told me that I needed to move on, saying it was for my own good, but hinting heavily that my ex was no longer interested in seeing me. Trust me, I know what you're going through. You want to keep her in your life in some way, but trust me, you need to move on first. If you feel the need to talk to her and friend and feel the situation out, more power to you. However, don't press her for too many details, or else you'll just feel even more miserable. If you want to get in touch with your ex, it certainly can't hurt IF you're okay with possibly being rejected again.
b_80_h Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 Thanks everyone, still unsure as to what to do. What everyone is saying is perfectly logical and it makes sense. but, in all of this and all previous relationships I can't understand how you can go from saying "I love you" and you mean the world to me and thinking about living together and marriage to not being able to even talk to the person in just a few short weeks. Oh well, that's the game I guess people play with each other. It happens man. When I split with my ex, the breakup was full of tears and it was painful as hell for both of us. However, as time went on, I was the only one showing any pain. She went from crying every time she thought of me, to telling me to stop talking to her. Love's fickle. Once you think you've got it, it'll throw you another loop.
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