kiss_andmakeup Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 To all the posters who suggest that I should stop meeting fellas at club, so where else am I supposed to meet them? At the grocery store! I work with only 2 other people and both happen to be gay and I go to an elite grad school where people around me are either not very social or are married/in relationships. Plus I love electronic music, dancing and drinking. It is my passion, so why not share it with someone who has the same passion! Plus it seems to be the place to meet other foreigners and I definitely click more with them than the locals! Uhh...you consider drinking to be one of your passions? Maybe that's part of your problem. Find a new passion. Volunteer for a local charity. Join a sports/athletic club. You could even just visit some more low-key bars/hangouts where you can actually talk to the people you encounter, and not just drunkenly grind on them. I met my current BF at a bar...there's certainly nothing wrong with it...but you need to lay out some limits and self-control if you don't want to keep getting FWB-zoned. Many guys don't translate "drunk girl who made out with me at the dance club" to "potential girlfriend."
dasein Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 Uhh...you consider drinking to be one of your passions? Cmon, wee bit out of context? If I were in med school and had the free time, I'd sure be blowing off steam in the clubs.
kiss_andmakeup Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 Cmon, wee bit out of context? If I were in med school and had the free time, I'd sure be blowing off steam in the clubs. Sure, and I definitely don't begrudge her that. Just saying it's probably not the best way to find a mate for a serious relationship. And the defense that she doesn't really care about these guys is flimsy...anyone who makes multiple threads on a relationship advice forum (check her posting history) clearly "cares" a bit.
Author annabanana85 Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 I am not saying that I do not care about these guys at all. But I'm just saying that I'm not necessarily looking for an LTR but maybe casual dating or even hanging out that might or might not necessarily develop into something more substantial. It just sucks that they seem to be into instant gratification and nothing more.
henderson14 Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 Uhh...you consider drinking to be one of your passions? Maybe that's part of your problem. Find a new passion. Volunteer for a local charity. Join a sports/athletic club. You could even just visit some more low-key bars/hangouts where you can actually talk to the people you encounter, and not just drunkenly grind on them. I met my current BF at a bar...there's certainly nothing wrong with it...but you need to lay out some limits and self-control if you don't want to keep getting FWB-zoned. Many guys don't translate "drunk girl who made out with me at the dance club" to "potential girlfriend." I can't stand when people say volunteer or joint a sports club to meet dates. It's so stupid because the only types of people that volunteer are older and the more dorky type, mostly suburb moms and dads; not the young, professional, and attractive types. And join what sports clubs exactly? Is there even such thing as a sports club? I've even tried online dating and I think bars are easier and better than that.
kiss_andmakeup Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 I am not saying that I do not care about these guys at all. But I'm just saying that I'm not necessarily looking for an LTR but maybe casual dating or even hanging out that might or might not necessarily develop into something more substantial. It just sucks that they seem to be into instant gratification and nothing more. A good way to filter out guys who are only seeking instant gratification is to stop being a provider of said gratification. I.E. grinding, making out, and (in some instances) hooking up/sex. Right now you are doing the opposite of that...doling out the instant gratification. So of course you are attracting guys who are looking for just that...it's what you're offering.
Shaun-Dro Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 I went clubbing with my friends on Saturday night for Halloween. I was kind of drunk and dancing and ended up meeting this really cute guy. We danced all night and talked. We ended up kissing in the club. Then he drove me to an afterparty at my friends' house where we talked some more. Around 5 AM he drove me home (I live on the other side of the city). We were making out when I was leaving the car and he asked me if I want him to come over. I said "No". He asked for my phone; I gave him my phone and he recorded his number on my phone and asked me to call him. I said I don't like making the first move and he said that he will contact me. That night, an hour later after dropping me home, he texted me saying that he had a great time. I sent a msg saying I also did have a great time. It's been two days and I haven't heard from him. Should I stop waiting? You make it lucidly clear how easy it is for a guy to get a girl: to be inside the in-crowd. You were with friends, correct? I'm sure he was with them too. Throw some alcohol in there and everything pans out sweet. When women see a group of other guys and they politely approach, these women automatically lower their guards, just as you did. If the guy been alone and approached, he would've gotten shot down, correct? Why? Because the comfort level is different between a loner and a guy in a group, whether he be boisterous or quietly confident. It's seeing that he has buddies on the outskirts that increases women's attraction signals and in some cases...trust to an extent. For all of you men on these boards still wondering why you can't get laid, or get some heavy kissing sessions from women, Annabanana answered it for you: get into a group and approach the female groups. It's as simple as that, no questions asked. You'll also have the pick of the lot and there's surely to be some hotties in there somewhere. If you're a loner, like myself, it's going to be that much harder to get this done, so start pairing up boys!
Author annabanana85 Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 You make it lucidly clear how easy it is for a guy to get a girl: to be inside the in-crowd. You were with friends, correct? I'm sure he was with them too. Throw some alcohol in there and everything pans out sweet. When women see a group of other guys and they politely approach, these women automatically lower their guards, just as you did. If the guy been alone and approached, he would've gotten shot down, correct? Why? Because the comfort level is different between a loner and a guy in a group, whether he be boisterous or quietly confident. It's seeing that he has buddies on the outskirts that increases women's attraction signals and in some cases...trust to an extent. For all of you men on these boards still wondering why you can't get laid, or get some heavy kissing sessions from women, Annabanana answered it for you: get into a group and approach the female groups. It's as simple as that, no questions asked. You'll also have the pick of the lot and there's surely to be some hotties in there somewhere. If you're a loner, like myself, it's going to be that much harder to get this done, so start pairing up boys! You are soooo wrong! Because this guy was actually alone in the club and I was with my group of friends. Which actually kind of makes it more shady...So that actually disproves your theory....
Shaun-Dro Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 You are soooo wrong! Because this guy was actually alone in the club and I was with my group of friends. Which actually kind of makes it more shady...So that actually disproves your theory.... LOL so silly you are. Evidently the shadiness of the situation proves my point, Snow White!
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 Shaun-Derp, why do you think you know her situation better than she does herself? She's probably a LOT smarter than you are. She is a med student. OP - I don't begrudge you hanging out in clubs, picking up guys in them, making out and having sex with them. But I will be surprised if any of those liaisons lead to anything further. If you just want to enjoy things in the moment, you're fine. If you would like a boyfriend, you will probably have to try some other approaches to getting together with guys. Aren't there any attractive boys at school? You do seem to have a lot of time and energy for clubbing compared to the average med student, though.
Star Gazer Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 OP - I don't begrudge you hanging out in clubs, picking up guys in them, making out and having sex with them. But I will be surprised if any of those liaisons lead to anything further. If you just want to enjoy things in the moment, you're fine. If you would like a boyfriend, you will probably have to try some other approaches to getting together with guys. You do seem to have a lot of time and energy for clubbing compared to the average med student, though. This, for sure.
Shaun-Dro Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 Shaun-Derp, why do you think you know her situation better than she does herself? She's probably a LOT smarter than you are. She is a med student. OP - I don't begrudge you hanging out in clubs, picking up guys in them, making out and having sex with them. But I will be surprised if any of those liaisons lead to anything further. If you just want to enjoy things in the moment, you're fine. If you would like a boyfriend, you will probably have to try some other approaches to getting together with guys. Aren't there any attractive boys at school? You do seem to have a lot of time and energy for clubbing compared to the average med student, though. A so-called future doctor confused about a guy she fooled around inside a club while drunk seriously disparages the medical industry. I ought to put a stop on her license.
Author annabanana85 Posted November 4, 2011 Author Posted November 4, 2011 Why should my personal or private life have to do with my abilities as a doctor? As long as I do not show up on the job drunk, it shouldn't matter that I go out with my friends over the weekend, drink and have a little bit of fun. I do not see anything morally objectionable. I think people should quit judging others and enjoy life. Sorry for being harsh but I want to have fun and enjoy my youth while I can
Author annabanana85 Posted November 4, 2011 Author Posted November 4, 2011 UPDATE: So I text him yesterday "How are you stranger? How is ur week going )" and he texted me back telling me that he had a very tough week as he got sick and had to go for a convention somewhere. He asked me out for Sunday night dinner!!!!! (I'll be out of town for the weekend.) If he was a true player or married he wouldnt really ask me out on a Sunday night right?
Author annabanana85 Posted November 4, 2011 Author Posted November 4, 2011 I think this post reeks of paranoia and resentment! He asked me out for Sunday because I told him I will be gone Fri and Sat. Why would he ask me out for dinner if he was not into me. He could have just blown me off or he could have txted me late at night to go clubbing next wknd. Or he could have simply chosen not to reply. How are you stranger was just a fun way to start the conversation. I had no idea that it came off as insecure; it was supposed to be fun and flirtatious... "How are you stranger?"- passive aggressive insecurity. " he texted me back telling me that he had a very tough week as he got sick " - appropriate reply to crazy. He is not married or a player...he is just not in to you....sunday...so he can say monday early work..see ya!.....women...silly silly girls...
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