nresteiner Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 So, I just got into the dating game for the first time after my last relationship, and it's going... somewhere. I've never really dated around before, and so far I've been rejected for a second date about four times. I'm trying to recover after a year of feeling suicidal and having low self esteem. So it's been a learning experience. One thing I think is that I'm eager to find a relationship, and women can sense that, so they kind of back off after I come on too strong. When I like someone, friend or romantic interest, I like to spend a lot of time with them. I have my own life, school, friends, a job, and volunteering, so that's not a problem, but I can be intense, which scares people off. The crux of this is to say that when I get rejected by a woman, I feel embarrassed and kind of ashamed, like I did something wrong. I feel like there's something wrong with me, that I'm maybe not a good person because more people don't like me. I suppose this could go into the personal growth forum as well, but I feel it belongs here because dating brought the issue up. Feel free to chime in with anything, I welcome the input.
Freshprince Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 Part of the dating game is skill, part of it is luck, and part of it is circumstance. There are so many factors that go into developing relationship, many of them outside of your control, that there is no reason to always take rejection personally. Maybe it was you, maybe it was not, it depends on the scenario. In any case, the more valuable thing you can get from rejection is some kind of lesson. Some kind of new insight about dating, or about yourself. Lessons are priceless, because while you may not have received the woman you wanted this time, you will have a new insight that you can apply the next time to find an even better woman. So the question is, what did you learn from your previous experience? And how can you apply that lesson for the next time? And here's a little quote I came up that has helped me from time-to-time: "If someone walks away from a million dollar jackpot, it doesn't make the jackpot worth any less." Good luck!
Michael930t Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 So, I just got into the dating game for the first time after my last relationship, and it's going... somewhere. I've never really dated around before, and so far I've been rejected for a second date about four times. I'm trying to recover after a year of feeling suicidal and having low self esteem. So it's been a learning experience. One thing I think is that I'm eager to find a relationship, and women can sense that, so they kind of back off after I come on too strong. When I like someone, friend or romantic interest, I like to spend a lot of time with them. I have my own life, school, friends, a job, and volunteering, so that's not a problem, but I can be intense, which scares people off. The crux of this is to say that when I get rejected by a woman, I feel embarrassed and kind of ashamed, like I did something wrong. I feel like there's something wrong with me, that I'm maybe not a good person because more people don't like me. I suppose this could go into the personal growth forum as well, but I feel it belongs here because dating brought the issue up. Feel free to chime in with anything, I welcome the input. First of all, if you are depressed the women you are dating will sense that. Let me ask you a question--would you date yourself? If not, you may want to address your issues first before you try and start a relationship with someone. Secondly, if you are coming on that strong during your first date you are scaring the women away! First dates should be about getting to know someone and hopefully enjoying some laughs. If you are already trying to push a relationship on someone during the first date you will never find one! Slow down! Do something fun and get to know the person... Again, if you have depression issues though I really would address that first. Being suicidal tells me you have deep rooted issues or a chemical imbalance and are not ready to date anyone.
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