Daaanz Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 I feel so lost and confused. I love him so much. Everything really was so perfect between us untill he did this. He kissed 4 girls on two drunken nights out. 2 in one, 2 in the other night. We are in a LDR, he's at uni. He does seem really sincerely sorry and in the last two weeks has seemed to have changed quite a bit, I don't know, I need some advice, am I right to forgive and give him another chance?
fucpcg Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 I wouldn't let it phase me, unless he had some kind of drinking problem. Drinking does impair judgement, and don't be surprised if some day down the road you do something when drinking that you regret. I know I have. But I don't let it consume me, cause I hardly ever go out drinking.
NordicStripes Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 Don't give him a second chance. It's in his nature. Being drunk is no excuse.
Author Daaanz Posted October 31, 2011 Author Posted October 31, 2011 But surely if it was in his nature he would have done it before this? We've been together for two years. He broke down in tears when he told me what he'd done. I'm pretty sure this is the only time it's happened in our relationship
NordicStripes Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 Once is enough. Believe my. My ex before my ex now kissed with other girls about a year into the relationship. I broke up with him, took him back. Then he just started cheating on a regular basis. Believe me, I know you want to think he'll never do it again, but he will! My ex broke down crying too, promising he wouldn't ever do that again. It's a load of crap.
Dblock10 Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 everyone deserves a second chance. kiss is nothing. get over it and trust him now. if he then goes off and does it, obviously dont hold your breathe, move on.
perfectlyflawed459 Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 I feel so lost and confused. I love him so much. Everything really was so perfect between us untill he did this. He kissed 4 girls on two drunken nights out. 2 in one, 2 in the other night. We are in a LDR, he's at uni. He does seem really sincerely sorry and in the last two weeks has seemed to have changed quite a bit, I don't know, I need some advice, am I right to forgive and give him another chance? I think you guys should take things slow. Don't be in such a rush to open your heart to him, make him prove to you that he really has changed. I believe in forgiving and second chances, but forgivness is something that needs a lot of time. Be honest with yourself, if you took him back right now, would you feel secure in your relationship? Two weeks is not enough time to "change," so I say give him a chance, but take things very very slow and see how things go from there. Hope things work out, I am sorry this all happened.
Eddie Edirol Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 But surely if it was in his nature he would have done it before this? We've been together for two years. He broke down in tears when he told me what he'd done. I'm pretty sure this is the only time it's happened in our relationship You THINK youre pretty sure its the only time, but usually when this happens, theres other times that he didnt tell you about. Plus, he has to put on the water works, or you wouldnt believe he was sorry about it. he can easily do anything he wants since youre not there. The relationship would work alot better if you werent LDR, but Im pretty sure hes done this a few times that he hasnt told you about. Leave him to party at school, you need to find a guy locally who can see you, and has no excuse to be tempted.
Dorian85 Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 take it from me.....kissing is only the beginning. Im sure if it was possible, he would have hooked up with any of them. Cheating is cheating...weather or not its emotional or whatever else. He is obviously not 100% happy in the relationship or else he wouldn't have done these things. The fact that he was "drinking" doesn't excuse anything yes it impairs judgement, but unless you are blacking out, you still have agency over your actions. Your trust in him will never be the same again. So ask yourself, is it worth it to now be constantly worried about where he is, who he is with and what he is doing..ESPECIALLY if he is out drinking? I mean, in your mind you KNOW what his drinking can and has led to. but its just advice. Hope it helps
geegirl Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 (edited) I feel so lost and confused. I love him so much. Everything really was so perfect between us untill he did this. He kissed 4 girls on two drunken nights out. 2 in one, 2 in the other night. We are in a LDR, he's at uni. He does seem really sincerely sorry and in the last two weeks has seemed to have changed quite a bit, I don't know, I need some advice, am I right to forgive and give him another chance? Being drunk is no excuse. A pathetic one to say the least. What do you expect him to do? Act smug and beat his chest and boast about his indiscretion. Of course he has to act remorseful. How would he get you back in his pocket if he didn't cry about it. It's cheating. When you take someone back that has behaved this way, and I can bet my bottom dollar, these were not the only two incidents or 4 women, you are essentially telling him that bad behavior will be tolerated and that in turn creates a pass to do it again. I would never be able to trust someone like this. Kissing one girl is enough. But 4? If he had any conscience, a sense of guilt and loyalty to you, kissing one girl would have sent him flying down remorseful lane and that would have put the brakes on additional indiscretions. Instead, he continued kissing other women. And it won't stop there. Plus, do you think this man could give you the security you need without having to always wonder or look over your shoulder? Love is great but it is not enough. You already have two cracks in your foundation. Trust and loyalty. Edited November 2, 2011 by geegirl
ChelseaLS Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 I don't have an answer or a opinion really... but I do think it says something that he broke down and told you. Afterall you are in a LDR and really he could have just hid it from you, but it clearly bothered him. Now to say he will never do it again? Or that you should take him back? That is a choice all up to you. Whatever you do, just make sure you are strong and confident enough to deal with your decisions. I personally believe in second chances (of course make sure you review the situation and the past history carefully before a second chance), as we are all humans and as much as I dispise cheating, we do all make mistakes. But I repeat, if you do decide to take him back, you need to be strong enough to deal with the hurt again, IF it were to happen. Good Luck!
Rorschach64 Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 I agree with Chelsea, your bf needs to obviously be remorseful and you need to put him in a situation where he needs to regain your trust. Make sure he knows he will now be on a leash for a long time till you are comfortable again with him. If he is really sincere about all this he will do ANYTHING to regain your trust and let him know this is his only screw up allowed, that is if you love him to forgive him for being human and stupid.
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