nikkiej Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 I'm going to paint the picture of my relationship so any advice or guidance isn't misled. This fall me and my ex of over 2 years started our first year of college fully intending to try out a LDR. Unfortunately, I had the absolute worst time adjusting to my new life. I wasn't my usually happy self the first month of school, and would just call my ex and my family bawling my eyes out about how I wasn't finding my way or making any friends. It is scary to look back on how much of a mess I was. I would say things to my ex like, "You don't need me anymore in your new life," because I just wanted to hear the reassurance of being wanted. I clung to my ex like my life depended on it. The first time I visited my ex at his school was about a month after leaving home. We went to a party with the group of friends he had made, and after coming back to his dorm room I bawled my eyes out. I was just so upset to see him making his own new life, and to know that I did not have that at school. The next morning, I cried to him about how much I needed him to be there for me, and how he needs to try harder for me. I basically pulled a breakup out of him that he wasn't intending to do that day. He said that he loved me and still cared about me, but he wasn't in love with me and it was over. Yet, minutes later he would say we just needed a break and he just needed to figure things out. It ended with us being over, but he said he wanted me in his life forever but only as a friend. The first week after the breakup I was an utter mess. I begged for him back twice, but then finally started to pull myself together. The first couple weeks after we broke up, we would have conversations that were exactly like the conversations we would have before we broke up. We even planned to talk only on Sundays to catch up. I would ask if he was opposed to trying again, and he said for right now he was just living in the moment and whatever happened, happened. Then I asked the question of if we could ever hang out again, and he told me "when we were both ready." (Still not sure how we will know that) And that we should stop talking because he needs to know what it's like to not talk to me. I told him to come to me when he was ready, and that was almost 3 weeks ago. In a way, I am glad the breakup happened because I learned to appreciate the things I had more and find my own happiness and life at school. But I still miss him more than anything. In 3 weeks we will both be home for thanksgiving break and I plan to ask him then if we could hangout. I either need to see the change in his feelings to help me move on, or hopefully see that there still is something there. I'm hoping he just needs time to figure himself out. There was no fighting or problems between us, so it's hard to see why it had to end. This sounds so silly, but on my facebook I'm trying to make it seem like my life is pulled together and I am happy without him. I mean I am happy, but I still miss him to death. I'm just hoping this makes it seem like I am "ready." It is easy at college to forget about your past life, but I'm hoping when we are both home he could realize everything he lost and is missing. So my question is, are my hopes unjustified? Am I silly for thinking we could have another shot?
joseph17 Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 I wouldn't say it is completely outta the picture but if I were you I wouldn't get my hopes up. Being in college and in a LDR is hard. School in it's self is hard enough I am sure you know that. He just wants some time to see what his new life without you will be like. I am sure he was scared just like you at first but we all handle situations differently. You didn't want a new life and friends and he on the other hand was totally opposite. I would play it cool when you see him and TRY not to get emotional. If you can show him you are fine without him it might be the final string to make him want to try again.
perfectlyflawed459 Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 I don't think it is wrong at all, it is only natural to want to be with the one you love again after you lose them. I asked myself the same thing because even after all I have been through with my ex I still believe deep down that one day we will find each other and make it work. Right now factors such as timing and stuff are holding us back in my eyes, but only time will truly tell. I don't want to give you false hope, but my ex told me he wasn't in love with me and then after some time we found each other again and he admitted that he never meant that and that he missed me. The break up is fresh so both of ya'lls emotions are all over the place ya know? The best thing you can do is to give him space and allow yourself to start healing. Believe me, no amount of begging is going to make the situation better, although we feel like we need to express our feelings in order to win them back. He may have GIGS and want to see what the grass is like on the other side and unfrotunately you have to allow him to do so because trying to prevent him from doing it will only make him angrier. Allow yourself some space from him, focus on you, smile, and BE positive. I know it is hard, but it gets easier with time
Rorschach64 Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 PF has it about right. Just back off and if he comes strolling back then awesome but make sure YOU set the rules for him to come back, IF he comes back. Though I will chip in my two cents about your crying to him a lot. I think it is a piss poor excuse or reason for him to break up with you over it or initate start the chain reaction for it. That's what your significant other is there for, to shoulder the burden with you, relationships are a partnership not a solo effort.
Author nikkiej Posted November 1, 2011 Author Posted November 1, 2011 Thanks for the positive message! I just wanted to know if I'm dumb for thinking there could still be a chance with us. I'm glad your situation worked out!
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