could i get a second chance?

[radleyshea]

so a month ago, me and my boyfriend had a huge fight and we decided on taking a break. one day in, he told me that he couldn't be on a break anymore and he just wants to be with me. i've been really stressed lately with school and family problems, so i've been fighting with him and taking out my stress on the relationship, which isn't good. i didn't realize it until now. so on friday, he saw earlier that i was stressed and he was nervous we would get into a fight later that night. we were having an amazing time at his place, but when we went to this one party, i was trying to get his attention and i was frustrated, so i yelled at him (i was drunk) and it wasn't good. finally, we went our separate ways, and i was going to go outside to talk about it with my friend. on my way out, i spilled my drink on him, which i regret SO much. he kept saying "we're done", but i didn't believe it. we went back to my friend's place to talk about it together, and he told me to stay at her place for the night, go home in the morning, and call him when i'm home. i put up a fight for a little (i was still drunk), and i eventually agreed. then i remembered my friends were going to come up and they were planning on staying at his place with me, and when my friend talked to him about it, he said he didn't know. i saw him walking later that night and i was going to ignore him, but stupid me brought up my friends again and he was like no, i'm serious about breaking up. i just didn't think it was real. so i went home and called him yesterday and he was like i can't be with you and the only way to get over this is to cut you out of my life. and he said if i called or texted him, he wouldn't answer. this whole week and friday he kept saying that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, so i don't know how it got to this.

 

alot of my friends are saying he was just acting irrationally, and he will eventually miss me and realize what he did was wrong. i'm still nervous because deleting me means forgetting about me. i'm getting help, and finally going to therapy to talk. he's been telling me to go for a while, so i'm doing it. we haven't talked since he broke up with me on saturday morning. did i mess it up to the point of no return? how do i show him that i'm trying to make better and i'm worth another chance?

[citrusdrop1688]

Honestly it would probably need to be a few months of leaving him alone and focusing on yourself, working on the issues you need to work on, before it would have a chance to work out. If you harass or chase after him, your going to just push him away further. Show him your respecting his choice. Make the changes you need to make, and then come back and talk to him when you feel independent, like your changes are permanent, which will also most likely be the time that hes no longer holding a grudge and youll have the best chance of being heard out. And youll have a better understanding of what you want in the relationship. When people break up and the dumpee starts getting a little desperate about the situation they tend to allow their loved one to walk all over them. If you have a few months of separation you wont allow anything like that to happen

[Rorschach64]

Nothing is set in stone, we all have a chance to get back with our ex's. Though the chance of it happening might be very low in most cases but for you, you need to work on yourself and let him come back to you. This was his choice so it has to be his choice to come back and if you feel like you will allow him back in your that is your choice.

 

His choices may not be the right ones or they maybe the right ones, either way you have to respect it by giving him the distance he wants as much as it sucks.

[radleyshea]

Thanks for the feedback! I've been focusing on myself and started going to counseling today and I go back tomorrow too! I'm trying to be as positive as I can. Just hope he could see these changes I'm making :/

[radleyshea]

okay so here's an update & i need advice!!

 

so counseling has been going well, and i'm feeling much better! on friday my grandfather suddenly passed away, so the boy problem kinda took a back seat. i was concentrating on being strong for my family, like my ex wanted me to do and it is my main goal in counseling. i felt amazing and i was staying busy. saturday night after i got home from a party, the ex called totally out of nowhere!!! he told me that he misses me and wants to be with me for the rest of his life. we also talked about meeting up friday and i was excited that he was finally talking to me. he even said that he realized a difference in the way i handled the situation. he was the one crying, and i was calm and collected. the next day, he was texting me commenting on how cute i am and how he can't stay away from me. he also said that he wanted to wait until thanksgiving break to meet up again. he said trust me i want to see you friday, but i think it's too soon. i agreed because thanksgiving break was my original plan. it really was perfect. then we went back to not talking. after talking about it at counseling on tuesday, i realized that i wasn't completely expressing how i feel to him, with the uncertainty of our relationship. it was really bugging me so i needed to talk to him about it, which i kinda regret. he said that he feels two ways.. he wants to ignore me and get over me and then the other side of him overpowers him because he misses me and wants to be with me. he said he didn't want to confuse me and give me hope that we will definitely get back together so he said i wish i didn't say what i said on saturday. which hurt really bad. then he went back to saying i miss you and i want you to come up friday. he said he wanted to take me out to dinner and then i could spend the night. then he concluded that it wasn't a good idea. he said he didn't want to hurt me at all.

 

after hanging up and giving it time, i agreed. i texted him apologizing and said that friday is too soon and that i was sorry for being emotional because counseling and the funeral was just too much for me. i ended it with "i just hope you understand". hours later, he said that it was okay and he does understand. he also appreciated me texting him that. he also gave me advice about getting through my loss, and i told him i know i'll be strong and get through it.

 

not expecting a response, right after that, he calls again. it was a good and fun conversation this time. i was back to being calm and collected, like saturday. we talked about random things, and then he started saying how cute i was again and how he likes flirting with me. we also talked about eventually meeting up. i told him that if it happens or doesn't happen, it will be fine. i'm just taking everything one day at a time, and i told him to do the same.

 

gahh it just sucks cause i know how he feels and i hate the uncertainty of this whole situation :/ my friends are saying that it is good that he's talking to me again. i thanked him for his advice yesterday and he texted back "no prob :)" now i'm just going back to not contacting him until he does. he will be alone in his apartment all weekend, so my friends told me he will definitely be lonely and want to talk. i just need help on where to go from here :/

[othersideofthepillow]

Here's what i would do in your situation. yes your ex is gonna be alone and want to talk, yes he may indeed miss you and "want" to see you and that is great to hear. Now....here's the catch.

 

My ex has said all the exact same things to me, even has showed up at my apartment saying she cant not have me in her life - than to change her mind saying "its still to hard to see me and that shes still hurt from the break up". (I am the dumpee).

 

Now if you read on here you will start to see a pattern of what ex's do - it's called giving the dumpee breadcrumbs. what that does is gives us hope that we are getting back together but in the end it doesnt really mean that. My advice to you is this, dont initiate much contact. he's gonna contact you so dont worry about that. what you need to do is let him figure out what he really wants cause until he does you wont get a definite answer (be it the one you want to here or not).

[radleyshea]

i'm just trying to stay busy and not think about it. today it's kinda hard :/ i know how he feels, i just wish he would make up his mind!! but i also know that giving him space would be best for now. i just have no patience! :/