skyle Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 I had been going out with this girl for 14 months and she decided to end it at the start of September after 'arguments' the cause was. Now at first I thought it was because she started uni in the middle of september but never got a proper reason. She's now been at uni for a month, and although she ended it, we still talk nearly every day but she says we're just friends and thats all she wants. I should consider this NC stage but it's so difficult because I love her. However, the past month, I have seen her quite a few times. I stayed in her bed at uni last week one night and although nothing happened, we still hugged like nothing changed. She came back from uni for the weekend as well only a few days after I stayed there, and on that Thursday night I pleaded with her and listed reasons why we should try and give it a go and i'll give her space and when she wants to talk then she can talk...She said would think about it, and then the next day she randomly messaged me asking to come round Friday night for takeaway and obviously I did because I'd do anything for her. Nothing happened apart from laying on her sofa and cuddling watching tv. But she is adamant that she only wants to be friends and nothing else...there's also a guy who she worked with at the pub before uni (same time we had problems..) and she has gotten really close to him and he's been to see her a couple times at uni. But she says they are just really close and nothing else, but it makes me wonder how close they are. I just want to know what I should do, I know it's my decision but any advice if anyone has been through this, can help! She said she wants me as a mate and cant live without me but I do anything for her, and I think maybe if I just give her space and get on with my life she might start to doubt her choice. Don't want to risk losing her for good though.
Rorschach64 Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 Well how I would handle it is, this is how I handled my ex-fiancee who tried to friend zone me, I would tell her "I deserve more and I will NOT settle for anything less than boyfriend and more, if you won't be more with me then you lose me completely." You should not in any case settle for less! It just seems very weak and she can have her cake and eat it too, screw that noise! You just have to endure the complete loss but you will get over it in time, I promise.
silvermane187 Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 Yea, you have to cut her off completely. It's that simple. You're stabbing yourself in the heart everytime you talk to her.
Author skyle Posted October 31, 2011 Author Posted October 31, 2011 Yeah I know you're right. I need to cut off contact. I have her on BBM though so makes it more difficult...what do I do if she speaks to me first. Like tonight she has done, and I've just been giving replies as if i'm not too interested. From now on, I'm not gonna be speaking to her, if she wants to speak to me then she can but that's it.
Rorschach64 Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 Well some people say NC is the way to go, mostly. I had to choose personally with LC but my ex-fiancee hasn't said jack nothing to me for 5 month. Though for your situation I think NC is probably best.
silvermane187 Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 Well how I would handle it is, this is how I handled my ex-fiancee who tried to friend zone me, I would tell her "I deserve more and I will NOT settle for anything less than boyfriend and more, if you won't be more with me then you lose me completely." This is what you should do.
Author skyle Posted November 1, 2011 Author Posted November 1, 2011 Yeah I should just let her message me and not respond as much. Was talking to her last night giving short replies and she said to me; "night nightttt (hug face) and quickly what u said earlier!! Life isn't ****!! You got good friends still, and you secretly like your job!! Still got me as a mate!! Stop getting yourself down (happy face & hug face) SMILE, Deserve to be happy in lifeeee" And all I responded was 'Thanks night x' With this whole NC thing...do I just tell her that I want more, because she knows I have feelings for her. Or do I just not speak to her and wait for her to speak to me and then hope she misses me..
Gemini.rain Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 Sorry for that but if she said "only friend" then it is only friend. She enjoyed your company but only keep as friends. This sounds familiar. Go to date another woman.
Rorschach64 Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 As I believe communication is key in any relationship friendship or otherwise, I think you should one last time lay it out there as what you desire and the consquences of the refusal of your demands. Go hostage taker on her butt! She will probably won't give in to your demands, obviously, so you just NC/LC her. I think LC is best for getting your ex back but you have to play a dangerous dance with that. You have to sometimes ignore her, be the person she fell in love with, be cocky and a bit of a jerk too but not a complete dick. Never initate contact with her, evvvvverrrr from there on out.
Author skyle Posted November 1, 2011 Author Posted November 1, 2011 Well I haven't spoken to her since last night when she spoke to me. So far so good, just gotta take it day by day. I'll wait it out until she speaks to me, but even then I will be just civil and not play into her hands. She says she misses me but she's never really been apart from me when we were going out or the past 2 months so I've got to make sure I do the LC/NC so that it gets her thinking that I don't actually care.
wilsonx Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 Well I haven't spoken to her since last night when she spoke to me. So far so good, just gotta take it day by day. I'll wait it out until she speaks to me, but even then I will be just civil and not play into her hands. She says she misses me but she's never really been apart from me when we were going out or the past 2 months so I've got to make sure I do the LC/NC so that it gets her thinking that I don't actually care. You need to be careful with this. This is emotional manipulation on your part. You need to do NC for you, not to play games with her so she will contact you more. One of the things you have to learn from this is that its over, stick with NC, you cant be friends with someone you have feelings with and do your best to move on.
Author skyle Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 Yeah I agree with what you're saying. She spoke to me today, as my BBM status was my kitten went missing and she loved her. She said ' Pippin! What happened!?' So all my response was 'She disappeared a couple nights ago' and she replied with 'Awwwww :'( Nooo' and I didn't reply. Is it good that I didn't reply? I haven't initiated speaking to her since Monday night and she spoke to me today in which I gave a short answer and didn't respond after that. I haven't actually said anything to her about how I feel like 'I cant just be a friend, I care for you too much and can't see myself just being your friend.' so that she has time to really think about what she wants, because at the moment she has had me in her back pocket the whole time and I'm starting to feel like I just don't care any more and need to MAN UP!
Author skyle Posted November 5, 2011 Author Posted November 5, 2011 AHHHHHH I'm going mad!! It came up on my facebook her mate's status about fireworks night...and my ex commented saying 'yeah its blah blah blah going and me and (guys name) will tag along' this guy is the guy i had suspicions about..
PositiveNegative Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 Not going to lie, she will probably end up dating this guy. Dumper's next SOs are usually always the most obvious and most available ones. Start NC now. You will only hurt a lot more when you find out she is dating this new guy.
Author skyle Posted November 5, 2011 Author Posted November 5, 2011 I've gone NC already, it popped up on facebook though. Iv'e de-activated my account now so I don't see anything. We've had the discussion about this guy when I was talking to her, she said she got close to him a while after we broke up but will happen. But I can't believe anything she says anymore.
TheJiltedGeneration Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 I had a feeling this would happen mate, the whole keeping the door ajar via allowing her to contact you on the phone when she needs you.... is just a contingency should her apple on the highest branch decide to keep himself from reach.. she just doesn't want to be alone.. so if all else fails she could use your shoulder to cry on then keep you eager you with hugs and personal attachments of the such to keep you optimistic for a possible reconciliation... even though she never intended to rekindle the relationship in the first place.... This is a vile and manipulative thing to do... ( and tbh I don't think she thinks that much of you if she's going to be that underhanded) so above anything else YOU BLOODY WELL SEVERE ALL CONTACT IMMEDIATELY!!!, YOU DONT EVEN HAVE TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF, because if she can't she how her actions will hurt you, then she never truly loved you in the first place.. I could never forgive a ex for this.. and neither should you...
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