Daaanz Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 Basically, my boyfriend of two years cheated on me during freshers with a whole load of girls. He made tonnes of promises and reassured me all the time that he wasn't going to do this. These promises were all broken and basically he had told me a pack of lies... I just couldn't believe how he could lie to my face and make me promises with no consience or bad feelings. I know I wouldn't be able to lie to him. I wouldn't even be able to cheat on him, I'd never dream of it. Obviously when I found out I was really upset and wanted answers as to why, I couldn't believe he'd done it, after everything we've been through and everything we'd planned but I then went through a few days of not caring much where I had him trying to prove to me that he would not do this again, I didn't really want to know. He does seem genuinely sorry though however. Then things turned for the worse. He came home. He came to see me, bought me a tonne of presents (not that they count for anything) and was just the sweetest. To begin with I couldn't stand the sight of him but he slowly won me over. Afterall I do still love him, and if I felt it was the right thing to do, I'd stay with him. Prior to this, he'd brought me a promise ring to show me how 'committed' he was to me, b/s. How could he even think of buying it for me, knowing what he'd done. Anyway now, after seeing him and spending time with him, things seem normal(ish) again and I'm seeming to forget what he's actually done to me. It's almost as if I don't want to believe he's a bad person, although I know he is. I'm not stupid, I know I should leave him, but why is it so hard, why don't I hate him? I don't know what to do. We have so much planned for the next few weeks and I don't want it all to go down the drain, I was really looking forward to doing it all. He doesn't deserve me at all, he deserves none of my time or anything from me, but why can't I find the strength to leave this idiot?
norajane Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 I'm not stupid, I know I should leave him, but why is it so hard, why don't I hate him? You probably have some issues revolving around insecurities, intimacy, or commitment. You might be thinking of him as the person you fell in love with, before he showed you what kind of guy he actually is. You fell in love with your image of him, not the reality of who he is. It's also possible that you don't think you can do better than him. You deserve better than a guy who cheats and lies. Until you yourself believe that you deserve better, you will keep accepting a guy who cheats and lies in your life.
joseph17 Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 I have to agree with norajane on this one. You have some insecurity issues whether you realize them or not. You know everything you are doing is wrong but you fight it anyway because you love him. It is hard to break away from someone you are so attached too and you are used to spending all your time with. When that is gone there is a void that seems to only be filled with your thoughts of what could have been. You have already told him it is OK by taking him back and there being know real punishment for him hurting you. I am not sure what to tell you here because we all go through our stages especially when getting into college which is why most couple break up to avoid this kind of pain. I think he has a lot to prove to you here if you are considering keeping him around
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